OK, Plane? What plane? All they did was open a door, checked our passport and boarding pass and now we're sitting on a seat instead of a step! What the f**k is that about?! So f**k knows how long before we board, I'm gonna ask him. He says soon. Lucky for him!! Fair dinkum though, this airport reeks. It's so messy, crap everywhere and oh good now the kid is yelling out the closed window! So, check in at the airport took about 45 minutes, then 15 minutes to go through the scanner thing (I got stuck) and into chaos! Found a CD shop, I asked the dude if they had the new Jovi CD in yet by any chance, he said "Yeah but I can't sell it to you, it comes out on Monday" I say "I know, but can I have a look?" He says "Yeah just don't run off with it" so he comes back with it and I got to hold it, Yay!! It looks awesome, I said "I'm going back to Australia man, come on�" I knew it wouldn't work and you know what? It didn't. So I gotta wait til I get home. D'oh, even so, I wouldn't have been able to listen to it until home anyway. I have no idea how long until we board, but I'll be back to fill in what I did today and everything else to come!! And oh, the kid is still crying.
OK, on plane now, as usual I got stopped, but it was only to slow the queue down a bit, phew, so all my drugs, weapons and contraband made it!! Now I'm sitting next to Todd and an old lady who I will name Ethyl. Ethyl and her husband Harold will be a barrel of laughs! There are kids everywhere and I just saw my favourite word duduk again, ha ha! This trip is gonna be Hi-Larious!! I've got a f**kin box right in front of my left foot, oh that will be comfortable!! Oh cool, they're gonna show the safety video again soon!! Todd reckons he just saw Aussie swimmer Sarah Ryan on our plane, cool! A star sighting!! I feel so naughty, I just put my gum in the "ash tray" which really isn't an "ash tray" as no "ash" is allowed on the plane. So it's now a "gum tray." Cool, one of our hostesses' name is Shafaliza, no Shitaliza! That rox!! Sooooooo comfortable! 12.5 hrs on this plane will be a riot!! I mean it only feels like 3 days ago I did 12.5 hrs on a plane, oh yeah, I did! I love it, SHUT UP KID!!
Holy F**k! I just noticed in the reflection of my seat in front of me, the screen, I have the biggest bags under my eyes. Bags so big I reckon you'd have to check them in! I need some sleep!! Now she's singing, Out - Standing, just shoot me now!! YES! A hot towel coming my way!! Magic towel, hot for 10 seconds then instantly cold! Instantly!!
Oh yeah, Selamat Datang! Welcome aboard, here comes my menu, I'm so hungry, I'm gonna eat that!! Yum, can't wait for food. It's 10:02pm and we're 2 mins late, come on! I'm hungry and wanna go home!! Ethyl and Harold are looking at a Duty Free catalogue, fun for the whole family, I now like Ethyl as she is as unimpressed with the kid to our left as I am! Just sit ya little shit!! PS: I actually do like kids! I think our captain's name is Abawahwah, they just pulled the infamous it'll be 10 minutes routine, I love that and I'll explain more on how that works later.
Cool, we're rolling! But little shit is now crying, loudly, everyone is looking. I'm so mad that you can't bring sharp objects on board anymore! Man! Back soon. OK, I love that safety video! Here we go! Time to fly! Tap the tattoo, hand up and we're in the air! Yay! It's 10:25 now! I'll be back later on! Need a nap. Holy shit, it's like 8:15am now, mind you, I did have a 5hr nap and when I awoke it was pitch black, everyone was asleep, I was gonna try and catch up in this but when I turned on my light the f**kin plane lit up like a Christmas tree, so I quickly turned that off and watched Spiderman again instead!! Did you know that Peter Parker is Spiderman?! I only just found out! We got food, it rocked, best food ever! Maybe I was just hungry. So I sat in darkness and pondered, I pondered when my next meal would come, I'm still hungry! Then "The Rookie" came on, what a great movie!! Baseball rules! We got a snack mid movie, a tandoori roll and a penguin bar, mine had a feather in it! So here I am, awake, just finished my pumpkin cannelloni and then it happened.
I dropped my stirring stick on the ground. This gave Ethyl an in, so she started talking to me, her and Harold have been in the UK for 6 months now they're going back to Adelaide! But they're not getting picked up at 6:10am, oh no, she told her daughter to come after because of customs. I put my headphones back on and made the Jon face. OK, now that I'm up to date on the plane, let's talk about today, or yesterday, whenever I haven't written about!!
Todd's phone rang at about 6:45am, his mate Dave thought he was back, oh no Dave, the only back here is back to sleep. Then at 8, it was weird, the do not disturb sign on the door must translate in "English" to "Come the f**k on in whenever you want" again, awoken, Todd says "NO!" Stupid House Keepers! Back to sleep, then MY f**kin phone rings, we get the hint! It's Dad. It's no longer 8am, it's 9am and holy shit, time to get up! Thanx for the wake up call Dad. Operation pack and check out begins. So, packing is fun! Then I got a call from Rachel from Universal in the UK organizing out transfer back to the airport. OK, Rachel is the nicest person ever! I can't thank her enough! So she was so buzzed for us that we had fun and I said Thanx again and that was it. Filmed the room as ya do and missed breakfast. D'oh, my bad! I had to wash my hair! So we left our bags at Michael J Fox's and off to do some stuff.
We get to the Underground thingo and get our ticket and sit on the thing. It's broken. So here we go with the infamous 10 minute routine, "Sorry folx, bit of a delay here, shouldn't be more than 10 minutes" Dude, I f**kin invented the 10 minutes routine, you can't fool me you dirty ol' flea!! So we heard the 10 mins routine 3 times, meanwhile we used this as an excuse to film the Tube station and making sure we got the 2 lovely ladies to the side of us, pervefest 2000 continued! Once 10 minutes was up we got rolling or gliding, whatever the Tube does. We made our was to Abbey F**kin Road!! Man it was a buzz, just to be there gave me a shiver. We read the wall at the studios but they wouldn't let us in cause Travis were recording in there today, cool.
Then we did what you have to do. We took photos crossing the infamous crossing, you feel like an absolute tool and the locals get the shits cause everyone does it but it's the rules!! So a few snaps and video and off to the souvenir shop, spent up big and asked the glam there if she got sick of listening to the Beatles, it was quite funny cause I bet that no one has ever asked her that!! Anyway she answered but she was hot so I wasn't listening! Ha! We got back on the smelly Tube and off to Notting Hill where I found a couple of music shops Yay!! Got the "Everyday" promo single! Kick ass and I had to get a Def Leppard CD in the UK, so I did. Then back into London to get some more shitty souvenirs!! So did that and then got lost, yep, got 5 different directions to Regent St, stubby locals! So walked a bit, found Soho, how was that? So so, ha ha. It stunk, I'll tell ya that! Then BINGO! We found it! A Bingo hall! Not really. Regent Street! Where is it? Right off Picadilly Circus, they coulda f**kin said that instead of up, left, along there and across, geez! So I took a pic of the street sign for my kick ass Monopoly game, can't wait to see how many I got. So ever so slowly back to the hotel, last Tube ride, still smells, I actually saw a Mole person this time we were so far "Under ground", mind the gap, ha ha!
