Tuesday, October 10th, 2006

It's wierd for me to think that I'll be 21 on Thursday. I never thought I'd live to see it. Honestly when I was a child I was told by both frequent dreams, and a Quija board that I was to die at the age of twelve. Well, obviously I lived to see twelve, and thirteen, and so on; but I'm kind of worried that it was one of those instances where the message came in backwards. I'm not afraid of death. I've spent so many years yearning for it, I've pretty much accustomed myself to the idea of dying. Only, now i'm not ready. I have a family. I'm scared for David. If I was to die, he'd be stuck out here in bumfuck, California, all by himself. It's hard to think of the person you love feeling lonely. The person you've devoted everyday, since you've first met, to make that person smile as much as possible. To make that person cry out of happinees, and to see him positively content. He's done so much for me, I just wish I could follow him til' the end. I wish we could both be old, decrepid, and die holding on to each other. That's not how it'll end. I'm pretty positive I already know how I'm leaving, I just don't know when. I'm sure it'll be sooner than I'd like...anyways, I'm getting way fucking off course. I was talking about my Birthday.. lol. Yeah, so I'm truely excited to be 21. That means I can warm up my singing voice via Karaoke with my Dad. It's corny, but the only way I can sing. I don't sing around David. He's not really to much into the idea. We got into this big dramatic scene the other day, because I told him that my dream of becoming a rock artist has died, and he has done nothing about it; just sat back and unenthusiastically waved pom-poms in the air while chanting the same cheer. I needed more support than that. So yeah, I'd love to be able to go to the bars with Dad, and finally go to the Clubs in Bakersfield, which you have to be 21...well, at least the gay clubs, with David, so maybe he can finally teach my white boi ass how to dance. lol. So yeah, I'm excited for my 21st, but a little nervous. I just hope that it brings me plenty of adventures, and plenty of knowledge.