Believe it or not, someone actually spent time or money creating these signs.

At a Santa Fe gas station:
 "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:
 "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the
 manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
 "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
                                          --Sisters of Mercy"

In the window of a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
 "38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
 "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:
 "No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:
 "We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:
 "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:
 "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:
 "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:
 "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
 workmanship."

At a number of military bases:
 "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
 "Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
 "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor:
 "Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store:
 "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
 "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:
 "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:
 "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:
 "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a New England restaurant:
 "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage:
 "Best place to take a leak."

On the vestry of a New England church:
 "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light
 is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
 "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
 graves."

On a roller coaster:
 "Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:
 "No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:
 "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
 "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
 untouched by human presence, there is a sign that reads,
 "Do not throw stones at this sign."

On the side of a firewood delivery truck: "Fulfilling all your burning
desires!"

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on
fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."

On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the
dog.

At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."

On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."

At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you
coming."

Outside a Hotel: "Help Wanted. We need inn-experienced people."

At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"

In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin, Bach in a minuet."

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your
bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what
you've got."

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can
eat any place they want."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is
optional."

On a Deli Store window in Leavenworth, WA.: "We make Sandwiches of the
wurst kind."

Ha HA