Forgive me for loving and needing you. I have. I do. For so long I have loved and needed you that there is no way I can stop this. Not me. You can. You just have to tell me you don';t wnat me in word or deed and I will disappear. But the love will never die, and I will never lose what I disappear into the shadows with.
I can certainly undrstand why you don;t much like yourself
The fever approaches ..I can feel its imminent capture of my body yet again..I wait for it, ride it as a surfer lauches off racing a wave.
This time is so important. You may find you manage just fine without me...that i is a relief, easier... well at elast one segment of the guilt that weighs you down is gone then. In you I have sought something for myself, for once. And all this time I have stayed faithful to WHAT? Somehting? A dream? Soemthing that exists only in my own dream...a wish. How can you say you love me and actively seek and prusue someone (s) else?? I cannot. Perhaps the simple truth I do not wnat to face is that you do not love me.
I would know your voice
Anywhere
Anyways
Always
THAT voice:
That leaves me feeling
Shivering
through my being
How do I free my soul
After I have found you?
My loveer, my best friend
I fell too far
I feel too much...-->
The Doctor came and prodded and poked, stuck me with eneedlesand will return. Mike was here and gone or was it gone and here
I miss you terribly
so strange.
So empty.
...resisting the urge to reach out to you.
Every man that has approached me online I have told out loud, up front that I am in love with you...and waxed lyrical. Wrapping in loving you believeing you loved me has lit me from within like a torch. It has glowed through me. In any area of my life people see this. I believed you felt the same. Unfailingly each man I have met anywhere in my life has sought to have and capture for himself what I have so totally given you. Some have asked if you realise what you have in me. I believed you did. I now think I have spent well over a year deluding myself.
You value my love and my gift so little you seek otehrs.."something" elsewhere. Do you even know what I have given and at what great costs? Am I so trivial?
They all envy you. And instead of valuing what you have and treasuring it you play me false.
I have deluded myself. I am taking down my delusions hewre and facing cold hard reality.
You love me...do you??
Now you have to love me enough to face the pain you have caused and somehow make this right. You have to show to me that your love does exist, and that you can hang on despite your guilt. You need to win back what I so freely gave you. Do you love me enough to do that? To hang on despite how badly you feel about yourself?
I suppose I too need time to find myself again and find my way back to the simplicity of loving..it is your turn to hang on and pay the price for loving as I have this nearly two years.
I suppose you will find out, I suppose I will as well. Part of me dreads what I will find. I fear what I find as the night stretches before me...the night of my soul. My body darkens ans shrivels, lips parched, empty, dark. Without you.
I reach into the gathering blackness and grab the edges and engulf myself and sink within.....
Darkness, the night, the battle I fight wiht my own body, the emptiness of time stretching ahead days and nights without you....
