Lips dry and cracked, struggle to breathe, proped upright.. Each breath hurts. I will do anything to avoid coughing, spasms of tangible ribboning binding pain... I counter by pulling back all my conscious self.....all the way back in.....
Skin burns, dry as old paper. I feel te heat, and I wait for the afternoon when the escalating heat drags my spirit down. I welcome for once my walk into this unknowing. And I cry. Eyes puffy. I cannot seem to sto their steady rolling progress down my face. I cannot stop thinking of you... of what I believed you were and wanted and what I have found out about you. It is like I have opened my eyes and an unshakeable faith and belief I had in you had been damaged.
My body rebels. I let it. Without you I do not care. You didn;t know that did you? This time I can't be bothered fighting. I care not. You are central to me. With you, without you, there is just you. For me. I have had to face the fact that you have not and do not feel the same and I do not understand why you have kept me held here; why you have not let me go.
Everyone of us has a question we were born with. Long ago it opened to me wat my question was, what I have sought...that one piece that completes me...balances all I am and showed me areas I did not even know existed, and I have sought you all my life - consciously, subconsciously. You are my one part lacking, that one element of existence which changes and transforms absolutely everything.
I lie here quietly, tears falling, one by one. The thought of time without you breaks me... how do I do this? Why does it hurt so much?
