I cry as I write this. So now I am fever and a river of tears. Am I terrified of facing my self imposed exile from contact with you?? Is it the fever that burns me and rises in waves? Or is it my fear that yu will find you need me not, that your days are easier,, lighter with out me...
My body burns me here...from the inside... fever did not break, just drew back a little. I do not sleep merely drift, under the fever line like a tide...soemtimes here, sometimes not....
Mike came home and tried to feed me; it sits here discarded.
The fever rises again a wave from within
I fall into dreams of you
I dream of the colour
you touch my life with.
From the moment we met we have rarely been out of contact. Even we we had no time, every day in many ways we both found time to touch. MADE time. Look...look here! Look at this. I have cut off contact and here I am yet again doing this, reaching out to you doing the same, and this journey stretches before me.
Here I shall spend my days and my nights, cloistered with a part of you. In my mind, in my heart. You consume the larger aprt of me... I sem to ache to stay close. I have this need for you.. the only place I feel close is beside you... near you, within you. This time is more in truth for you, than it is for me. You see, for me there trully IS just you. There will always be, just you. I knwo this now. I have known this for what seems like forever. Yet it seems to me the same is not true in you.
The fever lives and lights me. The long darkness of hours of unending night..the darkness within of days and nights without you..marrow chilling, skin burning from within....
Can I sleep and never waken??
