I have been committed to you and to us, but it seems I was alone in that. You have NOT been.I believed. I assumed and now I feel a real fool.What was I believing in? Did it ever exist? ( except in my own mind and in my need?? Was I yet anotehr exercise in your experiment to see how far you could go??
Yet I love you still
Know you
Despite THAT
love you
What do you hope for?
Me?? I hope that somewhere within this two weeks you find within yourself your want and need of me. I suppose I wait here paying yet anotehr price for us BOTH to earn what I most desire. I know what I give. I love you as you are, for who you are and for who you aren't.
I need you like water
like breath,
like rain
I need you like mercy to escape
My freedom lies in you
it carries me through
I need you.
One look into your soul and it suddenly came upon me that YOU were the one ( the only one!) Looking into your eyes drove that sure knowledge deeper, closer patterned within me stippling every part of me. You walked out of my deepest desires and yearnings, out of my every dream and hope and into life.n
It suddenly came to me that as I began this page to us, as a gift, you began a deep relationship with someone else, Noone wonder you did not feel like the man I wrote of...the man I paid tribute to. have I been lying to myself all along? Now I question literally everything and the pain you have driven into me you have no idea of. It is patently clear that I am the only one who loves. Damn you!!!I now also know that when I walk away and it seems inevitable now that this will happen, sooner or later, there will only be one hurting, damaged and that will be me.
You will go on, maybe missing the spoiling a little bit, but you will soon replace me. I suppose what we wnat and need is different. I did not expect to love you , yet I do. I have. wholeheartedly. Holding nothing back. I thought you loved me the same way, at least at first, wholly, passionately, to distraction. You let that die. I was just, am just soemthing you play with that feeds your ego. A toy! Damn you.
