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| Dealing with DOPEY |
| Facets: |
| Leonnie is the only one of my children I consciously chose to have. The rest happened ( likely as a natural course of certain pleasurable activities...but well...LOL) WHY did I go ahead and have her? 1. I was not ready to face the horror I had married - I loathe failure 2. Because Genevieve ran the risk of being totally ruined; she was so loved. I already knew what a child after a long break could lead to... Amy was almost like an only child with a battalion of Mothers...Tess, Pandy, Myself, Mum and my well meaning Sister. I wanted there to be TWO so they could grow together and fight together, and learn together and pace themselves. As I was pregnant with Leonnie, I made the point to Dopey we HAD to move in affordable accomodation. I was unwilling to live at huge expense to project an "image" of how well he was doing while paying off someone else's mortgage. I was still working two jobs, keeping house for a brood of troubled teens all their ancillary friends, caring for a baby/toddler and playing hostess for any and all of his mates he "invited" to stay with us...And some of his "mates" made my flesh crawl... sleazy low life types I felt "unsafe" around my teenage daughters... SHUDDER...One of his cousins bought a place and were looking for tenants... it was run down but they agreed we could stay there for three years until we could pay off his debts ( which he came to the relationship with) and we could save a deposit. We paid market rent... I made the place habitable we moved in I stayed awake for 48 hours and pregnant, by myself unpacked and organised the entire house while he went drinking with his cousins and his brothers then boasted of how well he had done to unpack. Even my family kept telling him how wonderful he was to take on me and mine. Even they did not see whose back this lay on. Leonnie was born and 6 weeks later they told us we had to move out. I was stunned. I lost all respect for him when finding a "new" place to live was left to me with babies in tow. I did not have a partner and friend. I was being used, and I discovered how I hate being used. |
| Tracking and defining ME |