Somewhere in the 90's, close to the middle, I decided that even though I didn;t want to fling myself into a relationship I wasn't giving up sex. I discussed this with some friends and one of them suggested she knew someone halfways decent who would fit within the template I described... he lived nearby, was great in bed ( she had tried him so she knew!!) and he wouldn't try to own me, you know he was the kind of guy I could phone at a strange hour with my own equivalent of a nudge and a wink and a how about IT?? Oh superficial venal Maggie.!!! The short form - she introduced us, we went out once or twice and went to bed, as was expected...and then one night he came home with me, left at 6.30 the next morning and the same pattern happened. AND the sex was mind numbingly GOOD (obviously). Either that or I drank so much red wine I couldn;t see straight for six months - also a possibility. We met April 1st...what does that portend?????? and over the next few months his flatmates stuck a picture up above their bar because he was absent more than present...and I ended up pregnant... Now with all the sex and red wine and partying... Dopey and I never talked much... or rather we talked very superficially.
When he asked me to marry him, I rationalised... how can one make these decisions with ones mind??? I was tired of being alone, and being the only adult around in my own life... the responsibility I had carried alone for so long was wearying... and I was bone weary... I figured although he came nowhere near the inner template of a soulmate, I believed I could live with his flaws..and I was driven by a desire to do the right thing by the little one I was carrying... and the others had been at me for years to provide a father ...so I thought it was win win for most...Little did I realise what those sort of choices can do, in everyone's lives. Out of great turmoil and pain come some of our biggest lessons. From our deepest darkest experiences come some of our greatest jewels.... mining life for beauty. Out of that hell eventually, came me. At great cost.
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