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So many days have gone by.
So many tears alone I have cried.
Looking in the mirror to try see and all.
I saw a bitter weathered man staring back.
I was sure who I saw, had died.
I cried unto my Dad and said; "I really tried".
I hang my head in shame. It was only a foolish
dream I once believed.
The pain I hold, I want it to go away.
But don't you see it is part of me and it's all I have.
The pain I hold its all anyone sees in me, that's
why I'll never be free.
I keep looking back in the mirror just to see if only
a glimmer of hope.
No, not even a spark. Inside of me is so dark.
It's all I see.
It was just never meant to be.
Yes, perhaps more than myself are hurt.
But they have to see it's only me.
My life no longer has any meaning
I have said it all and here it is.
There's nothing more to pick a part it's only me.
Others invested their life yes,
I invested my all and tried to do right.
The hardest part was accepting I would never fit in.
Because I confided myself to many was
my biggest mistake.
I am only seen as a mad man, someone sick,
and someone in need of help.
Who gives of themselves to only find these are the
true statements.
It was at my expense of my life, I gave it all.
The changes in me were real, but soon faded
along with all I had sewn.
What I made was a blanket trying to hide any
more pain. Just an ugly stain it had made.
I have gotten down on my knees and even prayed
for it all to go away.
It just seems I have no say, not even in the way I pray.
I wanted to believe grace was for me.
Inside that blanket I look.
In it is that mirror and looking back at me
is that same old, bitter,and weathered man.
For him that is I and I am he who looks back.
I finally see. I see me.
JDManny January 20th, 2004