We learn other languages best when they become part of our everyday speech. Think how many Maori words we know now because they crop up all the time, words like iwi and whakapapa and whanau. We've absorbed the meaning because we learn them in the right context.

It's the way we learn our own language, as children.

So, on that basis, I'm offering my own course in new Maori words.   It's a short course, so don't be put off!  All you have to do is read the Maori word in the context of these sentences and take a shot at the meaning. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

(1) I once played the piano for Kiri Te Kanawa, who, although she sings popular songs and jazz, is best known for her work as a whakaari puoru singer. In whakaari puoru, we often see large middle-aged singers pretending to be young lovers. Madame Butterfly is an Italian whakaari puoru.

(2)  I had no idea that Edmund Hillary, the climber of mountains, was also a kairaupi. A kairaupi should wear gloves, a helmet and protective clothing, or else he is likely to get stung by his little buzzing friends. He is not a bikie or a fireman.

(3) It's a sad indictment on our society that many women have to flee with their children to a whare punanga when their husbands abuse and attack them. Usually the address of a whare punanga is not known to the general public.

(4) When you go on a picnic in the midsummer sun, you'd be advised to put your salads, milk and beverages (including the tinnies) in a tokanga matao - this will keep them cool. Don't leave the tokanga matao out in the sun, (with or without the sunscreen on top). Put it under a tree.

(5) I believe basketball players use the expression, kura horahora, but I'm not familiar with it. It has something to do with a fool who's caught in a press, apparently.

(6) On the other hand I do know something about the next two Maori words. When I can afford one, I'll buy a rorohiko ponaho and sit it on my lap, where I can type out my column and watch my words appear on the LCD screen. If I connect the rorohiko ponaho to a modem, I'll be able to communicate with my rellies on the ipurangi. The ipurangi is a world-wide interconnection of computers used by private and public citizens alike.

(7) Some people have been fooled into believing that kihi paraoa is grown, but of course kihi paraoa is made out of flour and water, like any other pasta. Kihi paraoa bolognaise is a very tasty dish.

(8) I believe that anyone learning the pungawi should practise this instrument away from civilised society. People who play the pungawi wear kilts and sporrens - and knives in their sox.

(9) Football players and athletes of the male gender are advised to wear a tatua raho, if they want to live a full and fruitful life. The tatua raho is an essential protective device. It will not prevent AIDS.

(10) And talking of protection in sport, a kaipatu now wears a helmet with a cage across his face, and padding in practically every area possible. This is to avoid being injured by balls bowled at the speed of light. Nevertheless, all the protection in the world won't stop the ball sailing past his bat and into the hands of the tautopenga.

And I can't resist adding that someone on a nohopuku - or worse, on a whakapuango - won't help themselves by eating poikere. (A person on a diet - or a crash diet - shouldn't eat play dough!)