I remember the time she was diagnoised with cancer.We were at the doctor's office waiting with her. We already knew it was cancer but didnt know where it was just yet. When all of us were crying she sat up straight with her head held high and had the attitude of "I am gonna beat this thing" After her treatments in May of 2004, she went into a so called remission. I dont think the cancer left like the doctor's said. The cancer was in her esphogus and base of her stomach and spots in her spine and back and also a couple on her lungs. I had never seen my grandmother in such pain before. I was leaving that summer for a week to visit my cousin Vickie Jo and i remember going over there the day before and seeing her in pain and crying. I had to go outside and cry b/c it hurt me so bad to see her like that. I remember being in Mississippi and I was going to stay longer but they honestly knew that the cancer never left. My cousin Martha,who is a nurse told us it didn't go away. I remember sitting on the couch and my cousin Vickie and I crying about it. In late August she went in the hospital for dehydration..Then sometime in the middle of September, she went back into the hospital. She said she wanted to die at home.She had pnemonia and her body just wasn't fighting it. I remember the last day I really saw her concious and that was my birthday, 4 days before she died. I remember my aunt calling my house early Tuesday morning saying they had been up all night with her b/c she was sick.We got to the hospital and she was resting. But she had bouts of pain and would wake up moaning...I remember the doctor taking us out of the room and saying she only has 24-48 hrs and the tumor is all wrapped around her liver.I called a friend and asked her to come up to the hospital and be with me in case she died that night.Holli came up there and stayed with me. They had brought Mia up there and a few other cousins were outside the door. I went in with Mia and Holli into the room and just couldnt make myself say anything to her. I looked at her and said, Big Mama, Mia and I love you then i just ran out of the room crying. I went outside and just sat there shaking and crying, Holli was hugging me and Mia asked me what was wrong, she really didnt know that Big Mama was actually dying. Holli ended up explaining to her what was going on.Then Mia,Holli(whom had met my grandmother before and they liked each other) and I were outside crying together.That next night, My granddad talked me into going home and sleeping that Wednesday night. I went to church and prayed for her and about 4am Thursday my dad and I got up and got breakfast and took it to the hospital.I remember I went in and saw her and she was raising her hands in the air and saying Mama..like an angel,her mother was flying over her getting ready to take her to heaven. I remember I was in the waiting room dozing with my grandad and my aunt. My grandad got up to go to the restroom and my aunt and I were talking and then it was kinda hazy when Bobby (her boyfriend) came in the room and said come here now Johnette.I sat there thinking well maybe she woke up and was wanting to talk. It really didnt hit me. Then my dad (who was in the room with my mom and grandmother) came in the waiting room, his face all red and he looked at me and he said, you need to go back there with your mom, then he hesitated and said just go in there. I left and it seemed like in my mind that it took me hours to get to the room which only took seconds.I just couldnt get in there fast enough. I remember walking in and hearing the words, she's gone. I fell apart. I went in sitting on the other bed just looking at her and couldn't believe it was true. I remember them going and finding my granddad and bringing him to the room and my aunt said, It was her time. He just said yeah. He got up to the bed and said, She's not breathing, my aunt looked at him and said daddy she's gone. he asked what..she said she is gone...and he broke down. At that time her friend Faye McKenzie saw us crying as she entered the room and knew it had happened.She came over and sat with me. I remember making all the phone calls to everyone, trying to help out anyway I could. I remember at the visitation, they had gone to pick up my cousin Blair and she promised herself she wasn't going in there and that she wouldn't cry. I remember telling her how pretty she looked and finally talked her into going into the room with her.We both broke down and ended up walking to my grandad's house to just get some fresh air.
I remember at the funeral watching my aunt Jenny go up to the casket with Vickie and me and I stopped in mid stride and saw that she was leaning down to kiss her. We all broke down. I also will be forever greatful for the people that came to the funeral and hugged us and said it would be ok. I know I will also be forever greatful for Vickie and Aunt Jenny's preacher, Bro.Mike and his wife coming all the way up from MS for the funeral and for my preacher, Dr.Smart and his wife Mrs Bonnie coming, regardless of them knowing my grandmother they still came for the family. After that everything kinda went in a big haze.
