The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit
9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, he puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?”
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled
and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his
life. He asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette
table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
With his winnings, the man buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."
He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, it deserves a kiss. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help
me God, or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
(Thanx Twasi)
Money in the Bank
The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.
Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a 50 year old executive.
Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars.
Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.
By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car.
She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied,
"If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!"
(Thanx Kally)
The Rules of Life for Australian (Heterosexual) Men
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a buck's night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry only under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
20. If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, baby, push it!23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
25. You cannot harass a colleague who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.
26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5 litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves, and a turbo.
29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.
(Thanx Sedate)
After a long night of making love this guy rolls over, and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all" she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied... "That's me before the surgery."
(Thanx Raven)
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train... cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train... but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing
with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son and
say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope
your trip was pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding
remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant
and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the
child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay,
please see the bitch in the kitchen...."
(Thanx Ecka)
Rules For Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft for firmness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play on the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper wet weather gear along, just in case.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course is temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
*HINT- Players are advised to think twice before considering membership
at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the owner and
the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to
continue to play several different courses.
(Thanx Terrierx)
THE PILL
Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. $10.00 a pill answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill." The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."
(Thanx Terrierx)
THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD...
Right now, as you read this, 427 Million people are having SEX!
And you're on the fucking computer!
(Thanx Terrierx)
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Mick says to Paddy; "Dat's Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick. "Put dem in a pepper bag". The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick's van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place", says Mick. He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'Splat'.
Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock Dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin dangerous for me..."
A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop
and he's carrying the familiar 'pepper bag'. He then pulls a parrot out
of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying
a gun.
"Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of
the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows
the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is another
'Splat' and he joins Mick at the bottom of the cliff.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' that parrotshooting noider..."
After a few minutes, Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag and launches himself off the cliff with the usual result.
Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Mick
wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting - and now you, - fockin'
hen gliding....."
(Thanx Kally)
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are OK. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room
in tears.
"What's wrong?" asks the mother.
"I was taking a pee and this bullet came out" replied the daughter.
The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a pee and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" says the Mom, "I know what happened....you were taking a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog...."
(Thanx Kally)
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little cheesed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half
way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile,
and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
(Thanx Kally)
A man sat at a local bar savouring a double martini when an attractive woman sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of vodka and orange juice. The man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"What a coincidence. I'm celebrating too," she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are you celebrating?" she asked.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"What a coincidence," she said. "For years my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile," she asked.?
"Oh, I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence, " she said.
(Thanx Kally)
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pyjamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"
At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my
test results back???"
(Thanx Dee)
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed.
He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product.
When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes."
Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse."
The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
(Thanx Kally)
Ever Want to Curl Up and Die?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow, and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I then turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word . . . he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
~~~~~~~~~~~
Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I asked my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower, when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable - so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well, that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture and, laughing hysterically, she suggested I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that, in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld (go figure)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. (There's such a thing as women's golf balls?) After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts.." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No,"
he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo . . . I asked one more time, "Danny, did
you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
over, spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!", while
30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
(Thanx Kally)
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly
he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson: Think twice before you say something, particularly what you
always say habitually, because sometimes accidents do happen.
(Thanx Dee)
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
(Thanx Kally)
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally she arrives at the counter, grabbing it for support.
She asks the sales clerk: "Dddodo yyou sssell dddddildosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually, we sell many models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ssssellll aaa llllitttlee pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do".
"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn
ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?!?"
(Thanx Dee)
NEVER P**S A WOMAN OFF
A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and put his penis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's
hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You do whatever
you have to".
DOCTOR BOB
Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all
day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. Every once in a while
he'd hear that soothing voice within himself, trying to reassure him:
"Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go...."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob,
you're a vet."
BOUNCE THE AIR OUT
A six-year-old walks into the kitchen where his Mom is cooking and
says, "Mom, the last few nights I have woke up to this thumping noise coming
out of your bedroom and when I look to see what it is, you're sitting on
top of Dad and bouncing up and down. Why are you doing that?"
The startled mother tries to recover quickly and says, "Your Dad is a little overweight and I'm trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him."
The little kid just shakes his head and says, "You're wasting your time.
When you go to work, the lady next door comes over and blows him right
back up again."
(Thanx Dee)
Two boys are playing with a Rugby ball on the street outside Eden Park, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took a stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Warrior Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Warriors fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in Auckland, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again.
"All Black Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, ..." he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a All Black fan either!", the boy said.
"I assumed everyone in Auckland was either for Warriors or the All Blacks. So what team DO you support?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Roosters and Wallaby fan!", the child beamed. The reporter starts
a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard from Australia
Kills Beloved Family Pet."
(Thanx Dee)
Six presidents on a sinking ship:
Ford : "What do we do?!"
Bush : "Man the lifeboats!"
Reagan : "What lifeboats?"
Carter : "Women first!"
Nixon : "Screw the women!"
Clinton : "You think we have time?"
(Thanx Dee)
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline,
and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
(Thanx Dee)
This page last updated on 25th May 2003