Episode 16
Episode 17
Episode 18
Episode 19
Episode 20

Chapter 20

Goodbye Charlie

Adrian and Francis had come home from their honeymoon so charged that looking at them was like looking into the sun: you better not do it long or you might damage your retinas.

            Jan had just been trying to stay out of everyone’s way hoping that they’d eventually get over their mad. It was lonely but gave her time to think. She wasn’t ready to give up on Faye, but she needed to actually figure out what she was going to do. Just constantly pissing her and everyone else off wasn’t getting the job done.

            It was a Monday and she heard Adrian and Francis working in the back yard. When she went out there they were once again digging. Adrian was filling buckets with dirt, handing them to Francis, and Francis was carrying them over and pouring them on a growing pile of dirt. They were killing themselves out here and yet they seemed to enjoy working out here almost as much as they enjoyed fucking. Jan couldn’t say she got it, but if it was how they got their jollies more power to them. The plants on “the mountain” and the plants in the water feature had taken off and it was really looking good, so she was sure that whatever they were doing was just going to be brilliant, but right now it just looked like Adrian was digging huge trenches, Like maybe she was going to cover them with palm leaves and catch a tiger.

            Jan picked up the bucket of dirt before Francis could and carried it over and dumped it.

            She brought the empty bucket back and handed it to Adrian and Francis went and sat down, no doubt seeing an opportunity to take a break. At least she wasn’t quite the workaholic that Adrian was.

            “So, can I ask what the hell you’re doing?”

            “This city has a bad drainage problem because there is too much concrete and we get a lot of rain,” Adrian started, never stopping digging. “The rain off our roof currently goes in to the storm drains, thus adding to the problem. I’m building a sort of river that will run from the end of the mountain at an angle. The river will be covered with a plastic liner then wire and then cement. Then instead of running into the storm drains when it rains the water will run from the roof into perforated flex pipe in the bottom of the river. The flex pipes will be covered in six inches of crushed rock. So, when it rains instead of running into the already taxed storm drains the water off our roof will run into the river filling it. Then if it gets too full then it will run into the storm drains. The river will be filled with fish and snails and aquatic plants and should create its own habitat. I’ll move the filtration plant from the bottom tub into the bottom of the river and then the water fall will run into the river.”

            “We’re going to build a bridge,” Francis said excitedly.

            “You are the only two people I know who have a climax over getting to bust your asses working,” Jan said with a laugh. She took the bucket of dirt Adrian handed her went and dumped it and then brought the empty bucket back. “So what are you going to do with all the dirt?”

            “We’re going to build raised beds and make a vegetable and herb garden,” Adrian said.

            “And we’re going to build a patio and grill right out the back door and a playground for Mikey in that corner,” Francis finished.

            “Right now we’re just digging because it’s all we can afford,” Adrian said, “but business will pick up eventually and I’m supposed to start a new mural at a hospital next month. I’m making seventy thousand bucks so… We aren’t really worried about money.”

            “Didn’t Tammy’s father pay you for the big mural?” Jan asked.

            “He hasn’t said anything, and… Well I had six thousand left over from what he gave me for supplies, so I really feel like I got paid. He also did a lot of networking for me.” Adrian shrugged. “Hell, I just felt he was doing me the world’s largest favor from the get go so I’m kind of glad he didn’t pay me any more money.”

“Let’s see,” Jan started thoughtfully, “you get off on working so I guess it makes sense that you’d think it was doing you a favor for someone to have you to work for free. I suppose there isn’t anything completely fucking wrong with that.” She made a loud beeping noise then yelled out, “Wrong answer!”

“He’s going to pay her; he just hasn’t done it yet,” Francis said.

“Hello, people. I’m getting seventy thousand dollars to do a mural smaller than Faye’s. I’m not worried about money,” Adrian said.

“You fuckers do know it’s hot out here, right?” Jan asked.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed. No doubt because the sweat running into my eyes and between my ass crack is distracting me,” Adrian said with a laugh.

“Is Tammy still mad at me?”

“Probably,” Adrian answered.

“Faye?”

“Dude,” Adrian looked up out of the hole at her, actually stopping the digging, “you know Faye. She can hold a grudge longer than any human on earth; she’s going to be mad at you till the day she dies.”

            Jan nodded and Adrian went back to work.  Francis got up and walked back over. She looked down into the hole at Adrian. “Honey, it’s getting too hot to work out here and the sun’s going to be on us in another half hour. Why don’t we stop for the day?”         Adrian looked up at her. Frances winked at her and smiled seductively and Jan was glad she didn’t have a penis because she was pretty sure that smile would have made a gay man erect. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

            Adrian had thrown down her shovel and was out of that hole so fast it was funny.

            Jan laughed then said, “Did you see James’s little Viagra experiment the other day?”

            “You mean the hard-on that lasted so long he had to come to work with it?” Adrian laughed as she walked over and put her arm around Francis. “He made the tips, though.”

            “It was extremely gross,” Jan said.

            Adrian laughed and looked down at Francis as they started for the house. “Where as Jan running around with a huge strap on under her pants for three weeks wasn’t gross at all.”

            Francis looked at Jan and made a face.

            “Hey, I was just experimenting and I have to tell you Faye wasn’t complaining when I nailed her ass against the wall of your apartment,” Jan said.

            “And you see, Jan?  That’s one of the reasons she just stays mad at you because every time she starts to think about maybe forgiving you, you just have to say something like that,” Adrian said.

            “Ah come on,” Jan said as they walked in the back door. “She isn’t even here.”

            “Yes but you would have said the same damn thing if she had been,” Adrian said.

            Jan thought about it and shrugged, then grinned wildly. “But it was fun.”

            “Fine but you don’t have to talk about it,” Adrian said.

            “Oh come on, Adrian! I ain’t doing it I at least have to talk about it,” Jan said. “Besides your old lady tells every one on B Street everything you two do.”

            Francis glared at Jan.

            “You don’t?” Adrian said and Jan thought it was funnier than shit that Adrian actually sounded embarrassed.

            “I don’t tell everyone,” Francis said defensively.

            “All right not everyone, but she does tell all your closest friends. Milly said she was telling her about you guys honey moon and she almost fainted. Milly that is, not Francis,” Jan said with a laugh.

            “You kiss and tell,” Adrian said, putting a hand to her mouth in mock horror.

            “Hey!” Francis had her arm around Adrian but she moved her hand and grabbed Adrian’s ass and held it. “I took everyone’s favorite toy. I have to keep them updated.”

            Jan watched as they disappeared into their apartment closing the door on her. There were a lot of doors in her face lately.

            She started up the stairs just as Milly came in carrying two bags of groceries. She ran up to her and grabbed one. “What are you cooking again?”

            “Not cooking,” Milly said, “All grab it and eat stuff.”

            Jan looked in the bag she was holding Milly wasn’t lying, it was protein shakes, a bag of baby carrots and a bag of celery sticks and some granola bars—all stuff you could eat while you were walking around.

            “What are you doing?”

            “I’m writing. Tammy comes and gets me and we run four days a week. I dance three days and… Well I guess I just haven’t been eating enough and Doug complained I was getting too skinny. I don’t want to have to stop long enough to go down to the refrigerator in the rec room and I sure don’t want to have to stop long enough to cook so… I just got stuff I could grab and take back to the computer with me.”

            “And this crap is going to put some meat back on your bones?” Jan asked making a face.

            “Well I can’t afford to get fat either,” Milly said.

            Jan nodded. She guessed when you took your clothes off for a living you couldn’t really afford to be either too thin or too fat. You had to be just right. Milly was walking up the stairs in front of her and Jan was just watching her ass, it looked pretty damn perfect to her. Maybe that’s what I ought to do. I mean Marcella’s dead and Milly’s single and she does have a really hot body and… This is why Faye won’t forgive me because my head is always in my pants. Of course my head’s in my pants I haven’t had sex in… damn I lost count. That’s a long time when you lose count.

            Marcella wouldn’t want her to be with Milly, Milly needed someone stable like Marcella was and that was never going to be Jan. Besides Jan loved Faye, and Faye still loved her she was sure of it. But maybe it is just time to move on, not with Milly but someone else. I certainly don’t seem to be getting any closer to Faye, if anything everything I do seems to push her further away and maybe what that means is that she’s decided to stay with Tammy and if she has then I am just in her way. She’d been living on hope a long time and she was just flat running out of it

            They had reached Milly’s door. Milly opened it and Ralph came up excited to see her and they had to work at not stepping on him as they walked to the kitchen. They put the bags down on the counter at the same time.

            “Thanks Jan.” Milly said.

            Milly put the groceries away and Jan watched her finally just asking, “So, do you think I have any chance at all with Faye?”

            “Dammit, Jan.”

            Jan smiled at her. “It’s a yes or no question, Milly.”

            “You’re like a dog with a bone.”

            “No I’m like a dog without a bone,” Jan said grinning wildly. “Come on Milly. You’re her best friend. What do you think?”

            “I think as her best friend the last thing I want is to see her with a head case like you Jan Shears.”

            “But?”
            “I’m getting damn tired of everyone putting me in the middle of this shit,” Milly said, and pretended like putting her groceries away was the most important thing on earth.

            “Yes or no?” Jan asked

            “I don’t know, all right?” Milly said. “But for my money I hope she stays with Tammy. I love you Jan, but Tammy’s good for Faye, you never were.”

            “That’s not true. Faye and I were very good together,” Jan said defensively.

            Milly laughed. “You were not. You had great sex, but you fought constantly, you fed each other's neuroses, and you were cheating on her almost from day one.”

            “I was not.”

            “Day two then.” Milly sighed, “Jan, you can love each other with passion, that doesn’t mean you’re good for each other. I think what you and Faye have is toxic love.”

            Jan was mad then. She was tired of hearing this sort of crap. “Did you read that in a book?”

            “Yes I did. You know Jan don’t ask my fucking opinion if you don’t want to hear it.”

            Jan frowned and had to admit that Milly had a point besides the one on the top of her head.

            “You ready?” Tammy’s voice called from the living room.

            “I will be. Give me a second to change I just got back from the store.” She turned to look at Jan. “Don’t you start any shit with her in my apartment.”

            “I won’t,” Jan said innocently.

            “Don’t. I mean it fuck head,” Milly said.

            “I won’t,” Jan said again.

            Milly walked into the living room and Jan followed her.

            “Just be a minute,” Milly said to Tammy then walked down the hall.

            “Jan,” Tammy said, nodding her head at her and that was when Jan got a little glimmer of hope for the first time in weeks because Tammy’s reaction to finding her in Milly’s apartment was just all wrong. She ought to be excited, thinking something like, if Jan’s with Milly then Faye will have to be with me, but instead she’s… Well I think she’s just as jealous of Milly as she is of Faye if not more so.

            Milly walked out dressed in a pair of ragged blue gym shorts and a blue tank top. She sat down in a chair and started putting on her running shoes and Tammy was just watching her the way… Well everyone watched Milly. Damn I’m reading her all wrong. She’s just got the same lust for Milly that anyone breathing has and she’s acting jealous because she’s just jealous of me period.

            “I don’t think I’m taking Ralph. I think it’s too hot. What do you think?” Milly asked.

            “Probably so, he did get awful hot yesterday, and I think it’s hotter today,” Tammy said.

            “Let me get this straight,” Jan said with a laugh. “It’s too hot for the dog but you two knuckle heads are still going to go run in it?”

            “He’s just a puppy,” Milly said. She looked at Jan expectantly and Jan nodded and stepped out of the apartment. Milly and Tammy stepped out behind her, Tammy closing the door, and then Jan saw it—a gleam in Milly’s eyes when she looked at Tammy. Jan smiled inwardly. I’m right. Milly does have a little crush on Tammy, and if that grows… Well who Milly wants Milly’s gonna get.

Tammy walked down the stairs ahead of her. “What did Jan want?”

            “She helped me with my groceries,” Milly said, taking the steps a little faster than she normally would just to catch up.

            “You know I’d help you. All you have to do is ask.”

            “Jan just saw me and helped me. I could have done it myself; I didn’t really need help. She’s not the enemy, Tammy,” Milly said.

            “I know. It’s just…” She stopped and turned, and Milly—trying not to run into her—missed a step. The next thing she knew her face was pressed against Tammy’s chest and Tammy’s arms were around her. “God, Milly, I’m sorry! Are you all right?”

            “I’m…” Her heart was pounding in her chest but she’d had a fall so that was normal, and she was pressed against Tammy’s hard body so the tingling sensation running from her pussy up her back that was normal, too. “I’m fine.”

            And then Tammy was just standing her up on the step like she weighed nothing. “You sure?”

            Tammy still had her hands wrapped around Milly’s upper arms. Her fingers were so long they were almost touching. Damn, she’s got great hands. Faye’s a fucking idiot. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

            Tammy let her go, turned around and started walking again. “So are we walking to the park today or driving?”

            “What do you want to do?” Milly asked.

            “You know me. I like to drive to jog,” Tammy said with laugh. “Absurd maybe. But after my run I just like to get in the car and crank the AC.”

            “Fine with me,” Milly said. She got in the car when Tammy opened the door for her and then Tammy closed it. Tammy walked around, got in and started the car. “I still say it is absurd to drive a block so we can run three miles, but I’m with you.”

            “Is Jan… Well is she coming on to you now?”

            “You should be so lucky, honey. No just pumping me for information about Faye. And I thought we decided we wouldn’t talk about this crap while we were running.”

            “We aren’t running yet,” Tammy said with a smile. “One more question and then no more the rest of the afternoon.”

            “Promise?”

            “Promise. I’m supposed to leave with my parents to go on that cruise down to the Bahamas. I’ll be gone over two weeks. I’m thinking I should cancel.”

            “Why?”

“Because if I go that will leave Faye alone with Jan running around her in heat for the whole time I’m gone.”

“And you know what, hon? If Faye winds up with Jan because you’re gone for a couple of weeks then I think you have your answer. Maybe that’s exactly the wrench you need to throw into this mess. If she’s waiting for you when you get back then you know she’s yours, and if she’s with Jan then you move on and find someone else. Either way all this awful up in the air shit can end.”

“But that’s not fair because Jan already has the home court advantage and…”

“It’s not a ball game, Tammy.” Milly laughed.

“I don’t think I’m going.”

Milly just looked at her. “Why did you even ask if you’d already made up your mind?”

Tammy shrugged, parked the car, walked around and opened the door for Milly. She even put in a hand and helped Milly out of the car. Their eyes met, and from the expression on Tammy’s face she must have realized she was doing it again. Milly laughed at her and patted her on the shoulder. “It’s all right; maybe there is just something about me that makes butch women think they have to carry my groceries and open doors for me. Come on, let’s run so that we can get back in the air conditioned car… I talked to Stella the other day.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, she said she’s getting really home sick. She asked a bunch of questions about Adrian and Francis. Want to hear something weird? I think she’s jealous.”

“It’s fucked up isn’t it?” Tammy asked, running a little faster and making Milly pick up her pace. “How people ignore someone who’s right in front of them until that person moves on and then they just have to have them.”

“Stella would never make a play for Adrian now even if she got rid of Toni. In fact, I’m not sure that even if Toni hadn’t been in the picture that Stella would have screwed Adrian, but I think she liked the idea that she thought she would. You know a naughty little fantasy to keep her going in her passionless relationship.”

“You think Toni and Stella have a passionless relationship?”

“I know they do; they have virtually no sex life. Just because people scream at each other all the time doesn’t mean they have passion—at least not the right kind. I think someone spends more time gone than they do at home and spends three years screaming at you every time they are home till they’re gone again…” Milly shrugged. “Well, I don’t see how there could be any passion left over for anything but the mad.”

Tammy nodded and ran a little faster and then there was no talking because it was taking everything they had just to keep up the pace. They stopped at one of the stations to do some stretching exorcises and drink some water.

“Could you maybe slow down a little?” Milly asked, trying to catch her breath. “I see why Francis bitches when she runs with you. I take three steps for every one of yours.”

Tammy laughed. “That’s exactly what she says. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right. I just don’t think you have any idea what an advantage you have with the fifteen-foot legs going on.” She looked at Tammy’s face covered in sweat concentrating on the exercise that she was doing and Milly was pretending to do because she already felt beat. She’s trying to beat the demons out of herself. Just wear herself completely down so that she can’t think about it.  “Go on the cruise, Tammy. Get the hell away from it for awhile. If nothing else maybe you’ll come home with a new perspective.”

Tammy smiled at her not at all an unpleasant sight and said, “We’re officially running now so… no talking about it. You ready?”

Milly sighed nodded and then they were running again.

Tammy started the car as soon as they got in it and turned the air on high. Which had it belching warm air for about a minute and then it was cool. Tammy wiped the sweat off her face with the back of her hand then drank some water. She looked over at Milly who was downing the rest of her water, watched her throat as she swallowed, her breast heaving from the work out. She looked quickly away.

            Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should just get away. I’m not sleeping worth a shit whether I’m in my room or at Faye’s. My head’s a fucking mess I’m afraid I’m just going to grab Jan and… when I saw her in Milly’s apartment I just wanted to beat her completely down, and she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

            “You all right?” Milly asked.

            “Yeah, just hot.”

Jan got done with her last set, came home and didn’t even shower. She just shucked her clothes and fell into bed. She’d worked most of the day at the restaurant and then gone to Excel and did two kick-assed sets. She had nothing left. She was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, which was quite a treat, so she was in no mood when her phone rang. She picked it up looking at the clock.  Four in the morning, which meant she’d been asleep a whole two hours. The ID said the caller was unknown so she almost just turned the phone off, but then she flipped the phone open.
            “Hello,” Jan said sleepily.

            “Jan… this is Charlie. Listen I need help, man, I’m all fucked up.”

            “Where are you?” Jan asked, getting up and pulling on her pants with one hand.

            “I’m in an alley behind Changes, I was trying to make it to your place and I can’t. Please hurry, Jan. I’m fucked up.”

            Jan threw on her shirt, slung on some shoes, then grabbed her wallet and keys and took off. She drove over because she didn’t know how bad he might be fucked up. It was a good thing she did. She had expected Charlie to just be tweaked out of his mind, after all that’s where she knew him from. In the days when they both stayed zoned 24/7. He’d tried to get off it several times and he just couldn’t and now… Well, he was tweaked out of his gourd but his pants were also covered in blood and his face was swollen from where he’d taken several punches.

            She opened the back door of her car. “Get in; let’s go.”

            He stumbled into the car and she closed the door, got in, and took off. “Oh, man, I’m bleeding bad, Jan. I’m sorry.”

            “What the hell happened?” Jan asked as she sped off towards the hospital.

            “These two guys. They gave me some stuff, some bad stuff man. Then they fucking raped me. I told them, they thought I was lying, no lube man and they just… I don’t know they might have fucked me with something besides their dicks.” He was crying. “I shouldn’t have followed them. Shouldn’t have taken the shit they gave me. I was just hard up, Jan, hard up you know and… God…” He lay down on the seat. “Fuck man, I am losing way too much blood.”

            Then he was convulsing on the back seat and Jan pulled up to the doors of the emergency room. She got out and ran in and the first person she saw was Faye. But she talked to the black nurse that approached her. “My friend’s in the car. He’s tweaked out, convulsing, and he’s been raped. I think impaled with something. There is blood everywhere, and he’s HIV positive.” Everyone started putting on rubber gloves and visors and then they started for the car. The whole thing took seconds but seemed like hours.

            “Go wash you hands and face,” Faye said, walking up to her.

            “I didn’t touch him,” Jan cried. “I didn’t, I suck I…”

            “You did the right thing, Jan. Go to the bathroom and clean up just to be on the safe side.” Then they brought Charlie in on a gurney, still thrashing about, and Faye followed the rest of them into a trauma room. Jan went to the bathroom and washed her face and hands then washed her face again because she’d started crying. She dried her face off and sucked her tears down and then she walked back into the ER. A nurse met her with paperwork to fill out.

            “You don’t understand. I haven’t seen Charlie in over a year except to wave to him on the street,” she said.

            “Fill out what you can.”

            The police came. They asked her questions. She told them what she knew.

            “Are you under the influence, Ms. Shears?”

            “No,” she said, then added because she knew they’d find her record if they looked. “I’ve been clean for over two years. That’s why I don’t really know what’s been going on with Charlie. We used to be tight but I got clean and he couldn’t so… You can call my boss if you want.”

            “That’s all right, Ms. Shears, that won’t be necessary. We’re going to have to check out your car, move it.” She gave them the keys

            She hated cops, but when they were gone all she had to do was sit there and think and she didn’t want to.

            What’s it say that I haven’t seen him in years but I’m the one he called? The last time she’d really talked to him he’d told her he was HIV positive. He’d gone from snorting crank to shooting it back when they’d still been hanging out together but he’d also been selling his ass for money for years to support his habit so who knew how he’d gotten it. He’d told her he wasn’t hooking anymore but he’d also said he was going to get clean and she’d almost bet that what had happened to him tonight was a trick gone wrong. Crank screwed your body up quick, fucked up your teeth, your bones, messed up your cell walls. Just a rough fucking might have started him bleeding. Of course he’d also been punched in his face but even that might have been part of a bad trick.

            That was the problem with crank junkies. You could never believe a fucking thing they said. Lying became a part of life, because the only thing that was really important was scoring your shit and using your shit. She hated sitting there and thinking that Charlie had probably done this to himself, but they’d done it to themselves, too, because Charlie was HIV positive and with all the blood they probably were too now.

Jan was lucky. She’d snorted it and smoked it but she’d never shot it. She was also lucky because Stella had decided she was worth saving and Marcella and Adrian had helped her do it.

What she remembered most was the shaking and the hollow feeling, like the end of the world would be easier to take. The need stronger than anything she’d ever felt. It was the reason why the shit was so addictive because when you were on it you felt like you could do anything. You didn’t need to eat, you didn’t have to sleep, you could just go and go and go. You thought you were acting completely normal, you felt like you were the only person on earth who really got it, and then when it started to wear off it was the worst feeling. Everything you thought you were getting away from when you did it just came back ten fold and before you could get to the point where death seemed better you ran out and scored again.

She’d never prostituted but she’d done things just as bad. She’d dealt the poison to other people; she’d jacked stereos from cars and robbed houses. She’d been locked up for theft, but got off on a technicality and she’d been locked up for possession but they let her go with community service because she only had weed at the time, and less than two joints worth. When she’d seen them coming she’d tossed the meth and they hadn’t seen her do it. She’d been beaten up by some other junkies for her stash and she’d ODd once.

None of those things had been the wake up call. But then a girl she’d sold shit to overdosed and died and the next thing she knew she was twenty four hours dry at Rhonda’s.

She never would have been able to do it without them. Stella made her teas and gave her food she said would help get the stuff out of her system. Most of those two weeks were a blur but she remembered the massages and the baths. The water had smelled like a ginger snap cookies and it was so hot she could barely stand it. Adrian and Marcella would basically hold her in it because she’d be spacing out and then they’d pour the water over her till her face was sweating hard and she swore she could smell the toxins leaving her skin. Then Stella would call Faye in and Faye would give her a message with some sort of oil that was supposed to purify her body. She didn’t know how much purifying it actually did; she just knew she liked the way it felt to have Faye’s talented hands caress her flesh.

Stella would talk to her, pull things out of her; the real poison in her system Stella called it. The things that had driven her to drugs in the first place. But mostly it was Adrian who sat up with her all night when she couldn’t sleep, and held her when her body was quaking so hard her teeth were rattling.

They all loved me and that’s what saved me. Maybe if I had loved Charlie he wouldn’t be here now.

She remembered that last time she saw Charlie. She’d heard someone banging around in the rec room and walked in to see Charlie going through the refrigerator looking for food, because the minute the shit started to leave your system you were just ravenous. He’d told her what was going on and she’d offered to help him get clean and he’d declined saying he was half way there.

You couldn’t actually be half way there, she knew that now. At that time, though, she was just barely getting used to being clean herself.

I should have insisted he let me help him, that he talk to Stella. But somewhere in me I knew he wasn’t ready. You can’t help a junkie till they hit rock bottom, you can’t help them unless they ask for your help. Maybe it was just her rationalizing to get rid of her own guilt but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Besides I’d broken free from all that and I didn’t want him around reminding me of where I had been.

Faye walked out of the trauma room no longer wearing any gear just her scrubs. Jan stood up. She knew he was dead; Faye didn’t have to say it. Faye walked over and hugged her and Jan hugged her back, holding her tight. “I’m sorry, Jan.”

“It’s all right, Faye. I’m going to be all right. This isn’t like Marcella dying. I mean it’s just Charlie and he mostly did it to himself.” But Jan didn’t let go of Faye. Jan was crying now so she knew her words didn’t match her actions. “That could have been me, Faye. If it wasn’t for Stella, and Adrian and Marcella and you.”

“You want me to call Adrian? I can’t get off work.”

“No, don’t wake Adrian and Francis up for this. I can handle it, Faye.” She wasn’t letting go of Faye though.

“Are you sure?” Faye asked gently.

“Yes.” But Jan still wasn’t letting go of Faye.

“Jan… I have to go back to work,” Faye said.

“Yeah sure.”

“Jan you’re going to have to let go of me so that I can go back to work.”

“Oh yeah.” Jan let her go and wiped the snot off her nose on her sleeve.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call Adrian?”

“Yeah I’m fine… I love you Faye. I love you for what you did for me and everything you gave me. I’ll always love you.”

Faye didn’t say anything just nodded her head and walked away.

Jan wondered what she was supposed to do with her car full of bio waste. She just got in and drove away. When she got home she looked at the clock. It was 5:15 and she wondered how so much could happen in so little time. She took a shower and crawled into bed naked. She stared at the yin and yang above her bed. She was unbalanced. She needed to find balance again. She needed Faye to make up her mind.

Jan woke up about 10:00 and couldn’t go back to sleep for all of the obvious reasons and because she just had to think of some way to get all that blood out of her car.

            As she was walking out of the stairwell on the bottom floor, Faye was walking in the front doors. She looked completely done in.

            “Thanks Faye,” Jan whispered walking up to her.

            “Why are you thanking me? Your friend died.” Faye looked disgusted. “Whole night was like that. Three deaths. Another guy probably won’t see tomorrow. I’m just worn out and so low I just want to cry, and… When you hurt I still feel your pain. I still want to hold you. I look at you right now and all I want is for you to hold me and what am I going to do with you, Jan? And don’t you dare spit out some flip-assed, half-baked answer.”

            “I don’t know what you want, Faye. I used to think I did, but I don’t. You know what I want, though.” Faye took a step closer to her, wrapped her arms around Jan’s neck and kissed her. Jan kissed her back hungrily.

            “Jesus fucking Christ what is wrong with you two ass holes?” Milly all but screamed as she walked out of the stairwell. Faye quickly pulled out of Jan’s grip and for a second Jan was sure she was going to slap her even though it wasn’t Jan’s fault this time. Or at least she was pretty sure it wasn’t.

            “What are you doing, Faye?” Milly asked in a harsh whisper. “Tammy’s right in that apartment, not twenty feet away. This is the fucking main hall. Everyone in the building walks through here.”

            “Do you think you could maybe mind your own damn business, Milly?” Jan whispered back. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you. If you think Tammy’s so much fucking better than I am then why don’t you fuck her?”

            “Maybe I will,” Milly hissed at Faye.

            “Maybe a good fuck would calm you down,” Jan said.

            “Maybe you’d like to try,” Faye spat at Milly, ignoring Jan for the moment.

            “Oh, honey, we both know I wouldn’t have to try. If I wanted her I’d have her,” Milly said, doing a great ghetto head bob.

            “You stay the hell away from my woman,” Faye ordered Milly.

            “Which one? I just caught you with your tongue half way to Jan’s liver.”

            “She does have a point,” Jan said.

            “Oh shut up, Jan,” they both said, glaring at her.

            “You both need serious therapy,” Milly said.

            “And you need… Would you please just get laid, Milly?” Jan said through gritted teeth. “Seriously. Come out of the land inside your head and visit the real world. We aren’t the things of your creation and I’m sorry if we don’t do exactly what you want us to do. This isn’t any of your business. Get your own life and maybe you won’t be so worried about what we do with ours.”

            “Maybe if you want to keep your screwing around a secret you shouldn’t do it in the hall and … Fuck this shit. Tammy’s my friend, too. I’m just going to tell her so that…”

            “I think you should,” Jan said.

            “Please don’t,” Faye pleaded. “Nothing’s happening. What you saw that was it a momentary lapse…”

            “It was a premeditated ‘momentary lapse,” Milly said.

            Faye looked at her appealingly. “Please Milly I just need time to sort things out.”

            “Fine.” Milly turned on her heel and stomped out the front door. Then came back in and went to the rec room—no doubt where she’d been heading in the first place.

            “Why won’t you just end it with Tammy so we can be together?” Jan asked in an angry whisper.

            “Because I don’t want to, Jan. I do, but I don’t”

            “Fuck it. I have to clean my dead friend’s HIV-infected blood out of my car. Tell you what, Faye, if you ever figure out what you do want… Well you know what? It may be too damn late by then because we just might both be gone. Did you ever think of that, Faye? That you could keep playing us off each other till you don’t have either of us any more. I could get it any time I want it, and don’t tell me you don’t know that Milly was only about half kidding about fucking Tammy.” Jan stomped outside then she paced back and forth outside the front door thinking about going back in and talking to Faye again maybe leave her on a nicer note something not so fucking bitchy.

            She finally just walked to Rhonda’s because she couldn’t think of a single way to get the blood out of her car that didn’t have her touching it. Even though she knew HIV died when exposed to air she didn’t want to take any chances.

            It was her day off so Ryan was in the kitchen. Francis was waiting tables.

            “Franny where’s Adrian?”

            “Office working on the books and she doesn’t look happy so… Well just warning you,” Francis said.

            Jan nodded and went back to the office. Francis was right, Adrian didn’t look happy but she managed a smile for her anyway.

            “What’s up?”

            Jan told her—up to and including what had just happened to her in the hallway—and then she just cried on Adrian’s shoulder for a good ten minutes. Finally she asked, “How do I get the blood out of my car without touching it?”

            Leave it to Adrian. Jan sprayed the foaming bathroom cleaner on the seats and the floor—anywhere there was blood. There was bleach in the spray and bleach killed HIV. Then she used the car wash vacuum to suck it all up. She did this three or four times—glad she had vinyl seats—and then she took it home and washed it with bleach water. The seat and carpet were ruined, but at least they weren’t bloody. It was an old car so she could live with it. Except every time I see it I’ll remember Charlie and what happened last night. Just like Adrian says looking at the patch on the basement floor reminds her that Marcella’s dead and how awful she felt when she first heard it.

            It’s time I quit running in place. She pulled out her wallet and looked for the agent’s card.

Francis came in and sat down across the desk from Adrian. “Is it that bad?”

            Adrian took a breath and let it out. “I’m going to have to take money from the savings account to make the payment.”

            “Business isn’t that bad anymore,” Francis said, not understanding.

            “But the heat is. The cooling bill for the house and the caf� are as much as our mortgage payment this month,” Adrian must have seen that she was worried because she said. “It’s not bad—like we are going to lose our business and our homel bad—Francis. I’m just not going to be able to pay it off as soon as I wanted to, and… Well until I pay it off I’m always going to be worried that there will be a month when we can’t make the payment but… I’m doing a sixty-thousand dollar mural next month so… There isn’t much chance of that. It’s just that the price of utilities has gone way up and the economy sucks so we’re making less money. Come on I have to go to the bank and make the payment and I want to put all my accounts both our names.”

            “That’s not necessary, Adrian,” Francis said.

            “Yes it is.”

            “I’m still on shift.”

            “Francis.” Adrian laughed and stood up. “It’s our place. We can leave if we want.”

Francis signed onto all Adrian’s accounts and then Adrian went to make the mortgage payment.

            “I’m sorry I’m not finding it,” the teller said.

            “It’s a huge loan, it’s in my name, and my payments are all current.”

            “It’s not in the computer. Let me go get my manager.”

            Adrian went into a whispered tirade. “Why do I always get the teller who’s on crack? I go through this every fucking month. They’ve lost this or lost that or… I’m giving these fuckers thousands of dollars and they can’t bother to just once process without a moment where I’m afraid they’ve decided I’ve never made a single payment and am in default.”

            “Ms. Bar?” the manager said as he walked over.

            “Yes,” Adrian said with a fake air of excitement that made Francis laugh.

            “Your mortgage has been paid and I’m authorized to give you your deed.” He pushed it across the counter at her.

            “No, no you don’t understand. I’ve had the property less than a year. It’s a twenty-five year mortgage.” Adrian pushed it back at him.

            “No it’s been paid.” He pushed it back towards her and she laughed nervously.

            “No it hasn’t.” Adrian pushed it back.

            “Honey just take it. It’s their mistake, right?” Francis whispered in her ear.

            “They’re trying to scam me so they can take my place,” Adrian whispered back.

            “Your mortgage has been paid.” The manager insisted pushing the deed back towards her.

            “Dude, you don’t understand. There is no way I paid it off. I still owe nearly four hundred and fifty thousand…” She grabbed the deed opened it and read it. “God damn him!” she exclaimed. “Ah, thank you,” she said to the manager, then took Francis by the hand and dragged her out of the bank and down the street.

            “Adrian what the hells going on?” Francis asked.

            “Tammy’s fucking father paid off my loan, that’s what’s going on. Get in the truck. Let’s go.”

            “Adrian why are you so upset? That’s wonderful,” Francis said.

            “I don’t need a handout, Franny. I can’t accept that sort of money from him.”

            “Adrian that painting…”

            “I did for me.” Adrian was driving like a mad woman, not at all the way she normally drove.

            “Honey, we’re going to get a ticket,” Francis said. “I really don’t understand why you’re so upset. He didn’t do it to piss you off.”

            Adrian slowed down and seemed to calm some. “I just can’t accept it, Franny, I can’t.”

Rose opened the door and smiled at them. “Willard said you’d be coming by.”

            Francis looked at her. “How did he…”

            “Cause I could see the smoke coming out your woman’s ears,” Willard said walking into the room. “Come on, Adrian, let’s talk. Francis, Katie’s in the drawing room. Rose, could you bring Adrian and I a beer? We’ll be on the back deck.”

            Willard started leading her through the house. Before they even got to the back door Adrian said, “Willard thank you very much but, I can’t let you pay off my loan.”

            “Already did.” He opened the door and waited for her to walk through before he shut it behind him.

            “Now dammit, Willard. Four hundred and fifty thousand dollars…”

            “Now before you give yourself a stroke, Adrian, what did we tell ole Billy I paid for that mural?”

            “Four hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That’s how I knew you’d paid off my loan.”

            “And remember what he said? He said I stole it.”

            Rose walked out then with two beers in the bottles. “Thanks Rose,” he said. He took them both and handed one to Adrian.

            “Come walk, on down to the lake with me, Adrian.”

            She opened the beer put the cap in her pocket and started following him as he walked down to the lake. “Willard, I’m doing a sixty-thousand dollar mural next month and other people are asking me to paint for them. Our business is doing all right. Francis and I are in good shape.”

            “Does it hurt to be in better shape?”

            “No but…”

            “Adrian you see all this land?”

            “Yes.”

            “You know why I bought all this land right in the middle of Piedmont?”

            “No.”

“Because I hate urban sprawl. This was an old farm, lots of pasture land, a little wet weather creek, and a small marsh. The city started spreading; this was supposed to be four hundred homes. Four hundred homes built out here so that people could drive for an hour to go to work. Four hundred homes with postage-stamp-sized yards, while apartment buildings in the middle of the city are lying dormant. So I bought the whole damn thing and kept them from tearing it apart. Kept as many trees as I could and I built this lake because I love frogs and I read someplace that we’re losing frog species in record numbers. Instead of tearing up the marsh land I expanded it because we’re losing all our marsh land, too.

“Because even if it’s more than they need, even if they can’t afford it, even if it makes no sense, every yuppie in this country thinks they have to have their own huge  house sitting on a piece of land. We’re spreading out when we should be building up. People are having more kids when they should be having less and we’re rapidly destroying our planet because we’re just so sure that we all have to have the same stuff.

“That huge house I don’t need is passive solar uses less electric then a house half it’s size. That huge house is part of my bullshit, Adrian, part of what lets me do what I do.”

“Willard I don’t see what any of this has to do with…”

“But you will. Most people get rich by screwing everyone else over, by fucking the world. I’ve gotten rich by doing just the opposite. I bought up buildings in the down town areas and either reinvented them or if they were past repair tore them down and put up new ones. I don’t like to toot my own horn but I’m at least in part responsible for revitalizing Shea City’s downtown district, stopping business from leaving and going to the burbs. I’m worth millions but that money is in buildings and land. Land like this that I’m keeping them from building on. Land that will still be land when they’ve built on every other square inch and realize there’s no place for wild life and no place to farm.

“Adrian that painting is worth four hindered and fifty thousand dollars just for what it is. But it also helped me rent the spaces. Do you know that hundreds of people a week are still showing up just to see it? That’s good for the businesses that are there. You just have no idea what art costs. Down at the local high school they paid eighty thousand dollars to commission a statue. They got a cement ball about the size of a VW with three wooden telephones coming through it—damn thing isn’t even solid concrete; it’s hollow.

“I’ve seen you. You take care of everyone around you. I’ve seen what you’ve done with that building. You’re like me kid, if you have money you’ll make the world a better place, and like me you can get that money from the people who least need it, the rich. I consider myself to be something of a modern-day Robin Hood stealing from the rich and giving to the projects that the rich won’t support.

“You have a talent, a gift. All through the ages wealthy men have been patrons of certain artists. Your art brings joy to everyone who sees it. I don’t want you to have to worry about your bills, or your debts. I want you to be able to focus on your art, and on Francis. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s pretty special to me and my wife. I paid you for a painting you did for me, accept it and quit being so damn proud.”

“Willard if I don’t have the debt… What am I going to do with all the money I’m making?”

“Enjoy it; pick out projects you care about. I have no doubt you’ll use it a hell of a lot better than most people. And if you thank me again I’m going to smack you. We did business it’s that simple. I’m going to put you in touch with my accountant because you’re going to need him.”

They had reached the water’s edge. “Willard, I don’t know what to say.”

“Well I didn’t expect you would.” He laughed and patted her on the back. “Don’t you worry about it, kid. You talk more without saying a word than most people can… Well just rambling on and on like I do. Come on.” He took off walking again. “I want you to see my water garden.” She followed him, thinking that she really just didn’t know how to feel.

“Well did she just think he wasn’t going to pay her?” Katie asked Francis as Rose brought them a couple of wine coolers and then sat down to join them.

            “I don’t think she ever thought he intended to pay her that much. She was happy with the ten thousand he gave her for supplies because she didn’t spend half of it,” Francis said, taking a drink. It was good, tasted like raspberries. “She was really mad, but calmed down before we got here. I think… Well Adrian likes to help other people, but I don’t think she’s comfortable at all with them helping her.”

            Katie nodded. “Willard ought to understand that. He’s the same way. So how’s Tammy? She’s saying she may not go with us and we were so looking forward to her going on the cruise with us.”

            “I keep trying to get her to go,” Francis said. “She changes her mind every day.”

            “How are you and Adrian doing?”

            “Great,” Francis held up her hand. “She got me a real ring.”

            “That’s nice,” Rose said. Katie nodded.

            “It’s just a plain gold band, but I love it. We went to the coast for a couple of days and had an absolute blast.”

            Katie excused herself to go to the bathroom and Rose said to Francis, “You have to get Tammy to go with them. They want to have THE talk with her.”

            “I’m trying.”

            “Well try harder.” Rose smiled then said changing the subject quickly. “That woman of yours has quite a talent.”

            “More than one,” Francis said with a smile. Rose laughed. “You should come to the house and see some of the other paintings she’s done. See the mountain we built. I could cook dinner.”

            “You cook now?” Rose asked in disbelief no doubt because of the infamous pancake episode where she and Tammy had trashed the entire kitchen to make something unfit for human consumption.

            “A little. I’m learning. I can make a couple of things that are almost edible now.”

            Katie walked back in and Rose told her, “Francis can cook now.”

            “They own a caf�. Of course she can cook.”

            “Caf� duh,” Francis said. “Why don’t you guys come by the Caf� some day and have lunch on the house and then Rose can see Adrian’s work?”

            “Tammy tells me there is another nude of you,” Katie said with raised eyebrows.

            “Two more actually. All in the same pose and Adrian doesn’t like any of them. She says they’re all three wrong, I tell her I never looked that good a day in my life.”

            “I hope Tammy finds someone who sees her that way,” Katie said.

            “I’m sure she will.”   

           They talked about mostly bullshit things like fashion and feeling fresh and then Adrian and Willard walked back into the house and they were talking about raising fish so one way or the other they had settled it. Willard winked at her and Francis knew Adrian had decided to accept that he’d paid her mortgage. Francis inwardly sighed with relief. She’d really been afraid Adrian wasn’t going to accept the money.

            Adrian started telling Willard about her river idea, and before you knew it they were leaned over the desk in the room with rulers and paper just going to town.

            They had eaten dinner and it was half past nine before they finally got in the car and headed home.

            “So now we own Rhonda’s and the house,” Adrian said. It was obvious that she was still in shock.

            “You know.” Francis laughed. “I married very well.”

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