Episode 16

Water Falls

Adrian had been working any chance she got in the “back yard,” and Francis had been helping her when she could. Francis found that she really liked being in on the whole creative process and that she was starting to see piles of dirt and rock and debrie the way that Adrian did. Spring was in full bloom, and while there was still sadness from time to time, Francis noticed that the air of doom that had fallen over the house after Jerry and Chad’s split and Marcella’s death had lifted.

            Francis was ready for classes to be over so that she could just have three months of not having to worry about assignments. Three months to decide whether she wanted to go back or not and if she did go back if she was going to change her major. Today she was once again skipping classes on Monday so that she could spend the day with Adrian.

            “All right, I finally get the giant pile of trash in the corner,” Milly was saying. She had brought her puppy Ralph out to run around in the yard.

            Francis knew what she meant. It had been just this big, ugly pile of junk. But last week the cement truck had come and she’d helped Adrian smear cement all over the chicken wire Adrian had stretched over the radiators, pipes, and other junk till nothing was showing but the two tubs and six sinks—which didn’t really look like sinks and tubs any more because after they had the whole thing covered Adrian had carefully sculpted the whole surface making it look like rock. Adrian made a dozen pockets in the “rock” the size of large planters where she planted two plant different colors of crawling sedum. She had let Francis try her hand at making cement look like rock towards the back of the small mountain. The end result? Adrian’s fake rock looked like rock and Francis’ fake rock looked like fake rock.

            Today they were filling up the planters with dirt and planting them and this, Francis decided, was a lot more fun than cement work.

            The puppy ran up and started chewing on the plants that were sitting in little plastic squares waiting to be popped out and planted. “Hey! You fucking mut.” Adrian picked the puppy up and roughed his fur and he barked at her. “Milly, curb your fucking monster.”

            “He’s not a monster; he’s a baby.” Milly took her puppy and kissed him and then hugged him to her. “He’ll grow up, Aunt Adrian, and then he won’t mess with your plants. Will you, Ralphy? Oh no you won’t.” Francis looked at Adrian and made a face and Adrian rolled her eyes and shrugged. Milly saw the exchange and guessed that it was over the baby talk. “Fuck you both.”

            “Hey oh anal one?” Francis called out from where she was perched half way up the “mountain” as Adrian called it. “Tell me again where the tall ones go.”

            “In the middle in the back,” Adrian said. She turned to look at Milly. “Am I anal retentive?”

            “I don’t know about that,” Milly said smiling, “but I do know that you have to have everything just exactly how your twisted little artist head sees it.”

            “She did let me make part of the rock,” Francis said, putting the plant in the dirt.

            “Which part?” Milly asked.

            “That really ugly part over there,” Francis said, pointing with the garden spade she had in her hand.

            Milly walked over and looked at it; she made a face then looked at Adrian. “On the other hand there is something to be said for an artist’s vision.”

            Francis looked over at Adrian and smiled. She didn’t really mind doing what Adrian told her to do; she just liked spending time with her.

            “So you guys are so incredibly domestic now. You cook together, garden together, finish each others’ sentences, what about the sex?”

            “What about it?” Adrian asked, sounding a little put out as Francis thought she should. The week after Marcella had died Adrian hadn’t been up for sex, and it was more than understandable. Then they’d just been getting caught up when Milly had beaten Adrian so badly that they didn’t have sex for another week. They were just now starting to get caught up again.

            “You know, do you still have really hot sex or are you now having the married sex?”

            “Married sex?” Francis asked.

            “You know, not very much and not very good,” Milly said.

            Francis smiled at Adrian. “We are definitely not having married sex.”

            “I don’t think your sex life has to get stagnant just because you’re in a relationship.” Adrian smiled back at Francis. “I think we’re just now starting to really find each others’ triggers. I think it’s getting better all the time.”

            Francis nodded.

            Milly sighed and started back towards the house. “Let’s go baby.” She patted Ralph on the head. “They’ll no doubt be rolling around fucking in the mud in a minute. You’re too young to see that.” She stopped at the door and turned with a sly smile. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

            She went inside.

            “I think so, too,” Francis said, planting another plant.

            “What?” Adrian asked. She was screwing with the pumping system for what was going to be her water feature.

            “That the sex gets better,” Francis said, oddly enough feeling a little shy.

            Adrian pulled up the piece of tubing she was working with. “So you don’t ever miss the hose?”

            Francis laughed and climbed down off “the mountain.” She walked over to Adrian, looked the hose in Adrian’s hands over and then looked Adrian right in the eyes. “The hose is repulsive.”

            “We’re covered in dirt and we have plants everywhere,” Adrian said.

            Francis laughed. “And?”

            “I really shouldn’t be thinking what I’m thinking because we’ll either get dirt where dirt shouldn’t be and ruin all our plants or have to go take a shower first which will just blow the whole day,” Adrian said.

            “Calm down, baby, and put your hose away.”

#

            By the time they had finished it was mid afternoon and Francis was exhausted, but it looked good. The planters were all planted and the water feature was running. The waterfall looked cool. One pool—sink—running into the next, then into the two tubs, and then it recirculated back to the top.

            “When the water plants come in and the ground plants spread out it should look a lot more natural,” Adrian explained. They were just standing back looking at what they had done. Adrian had her arms around Francis’ waist, her back to Adrian’s front, and Adrian’s chin was resting on her shoulder. They were both filthy.

            “I think it looks great now,” Francis said.

            Jan walked outside then. “Wow! Milly said you’d finished, that’s cool.” Then she looked around the rest of the yard. “So the rest of this will look like that in what… about twenty years?”

            “Fuck you, Jan,” Adrian said. And only Adrian could make “fuck you” sound like a term of endearment.

            Jan laughed. “Really, guys it looks great.”

            “What did you do today?” Adrian asked Jan.

            “Mostly stayed away so I wouldn’t have to help you play in the mud,” Jan said with a wild grin. Adrian laughed, hugged Francis tighter, and kissed the top of her head.

            “What about Mikey?”

            “What about him?”

            “Is there going to be any place for kids to play?”

“Damn,” Adrian said. “I didn’t think about that. I’ll have to fence the kids away from what I’m doing.”

“Do ya think? I see big pits and rugged mountains and about a zillion places he could get hurt. Right now he’s the only kid here, but I doubt that will always be the case since it looks like about half the dykes on B Street have decided to become breeders,” Jan said.

            “Damn,” Adrian said again. “Now I’ll have to rethink everything to make room for that.”

            Jan grinned wickedly. “And nine will get you ten that whatever you come up with he’d rather be out here climbing on your mountain and playing in your water garden.”

            Adrian was silent, no doubt already recalculating her yard. She mumbled, “He shouldn’t be out here alone anyway.”

            Jan turned away from the glory of the mountain then to look at them. “So, big shot, what are we doing for your birthday this year? It better not be some lame-assed married thing, either.”

            “What’s with all the married shit today?” Adrian mumbled.

            “When’s your birthday?” Francis asked, thinking it was insane that she didn’t know. Apparently Jan thought it was insane, too, because she laughed and said.

            “You two fucking slay me.”

            “It’s June 10^th,” Adrian said.

            “You’re fucking kidding me!” Francis pushed out of her grip and turned to face her. “June 10^th?”

            Adrian smiled, “Is that a problem?”
            “That’s my birthday,” Francis said laughing. “We have the same birthday.” Adrian and Jan laughed, too, then.

            “So… you’ve been bumping uglies for what,” Jan stopped to count, “nearly eight months and you didn’t know you had the same birthday. That’s fucking rich, I can’t wait to tell… Well, Jerry, and then he’ll tell everyone else. So a double birthday, big twenty-one?” she asked Francis hopefully.

            “She’ll be twenty,” Adrian said.

            Jan grinned. “So you do know something about her besides how she tastes. So I guess clubbing is out.”

            “I can get her in anywhere we want to go,” Adrian said and took Francis’ hand. “Come on. Let’s go get a shower.” They started for the building and Jan followed them.

            “So I’m thinking we start at the strip club. Milly has one set and then she can go with us,” Jan said.

            “I don’t know,” Adrian said.

            “Oh come on we always start at the strip club.”

            “I don’t think Franny should be in there.”

            Jan laughed as Adrian opened the door and they walked in the building. “What, you don’t want dirty man eyes all over your woman?”

            “I just don’t want any shit. I just got over being beaten nearly to death by a pole dancer in a strip club.”

            “Dude, we’ll all be together in a group. No one’s going to fuck with your old lady.”

            “Her old lady?” Francis said in disbelief.

            Jan ignored her. “If anyone fucks with you, Milly will save you,” Jan said.

            “Oh I’m never going to live that down,” Adrian mumbled in Francis’ ear.

            “Francis, you want to go to the strip club see different tit and snatch for a change?”

            “Your friend’s a pig,” Francis said to Adrian with a laugh.

            “Do you think?” Adrian laughed back.

            “Come on, Francis, it’s tradition.”

            “It’s all right with me.” Francis shrugged. She didn’t really care one way or the other. She smiled and sqeezed Adrian hand. “I can’t believe we have the same birthday.”

            “Which reminds me, I must go tell Jerry right away.” Jan took off, beating them out the front door as they opened the door to their apartment. Francis couldn’t remember when it had stopped being Adrian’s apartment in her mind and started being theirs. Like everything else in their relationship it had just sort of happened by accident. Adrian closed the door behind them.

            “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jan in such a good mood,” Francis said.

            “She really likes birthdays,” Adrian said with a shrug.

She didn’t dare tell Francis the real reason Jan was so high. Jan was sure she was going to get Faye back. She wouldn’t say why just that she was sure it was going to happen and she was being very patient. Adrian knew why Jan had so much energy, though. She was staying celibate. Adrian didn’t know what she hoped to gain by this, but she had told Adrian that she’d been celibate since Marcella died and that she was going to stay that way till she was with Faye again.

            Adrian hadn’t gotten up the nerve to really question Jan or to talk to Faye. Her loyalties were definitely split between Jan and Tammy, and part of her just wanted to stay clear of the whole stupid mess and hope it would solve itself without her having to get involved.

            “What’s wrong?” Francis asked. Adrian smiled at her.

“Nothing. Let’s get a shower.”

            They got a little more than a shower. Adrian lay on the sheets they’d gotten all wet because they hadn’t bothered to dry off, just ran in to change from having sex in the shower to having it on the bed. Adrian didn’t care; it would dry.

            Francis crawled up on top of her and sat up stradding Adrian’s hips. Francis was beautiful, and amazing, and perfect, and right then Adrian felt like the luckiest person on earth.

            Francis smiled, at least for the time being sated, and then asked, “If we could get married would you marry me?”

            “Yes.” Adrian didn’t even have to think about it. “Would you marry me?”

            “You know I would.”

            “Get up.” Adrian ordered.

            “Why?” Francis asked, not understanding Adrian’s urgancy.

            “Come on, get up and get dressed.”

            Francis got up and started to dress. Adrian jumped up and was actually dressed before Francis, which was more or less standard.

            “What the hell are you doing, Adrian?” Francis asked with a laugh.

            “We’re going to go get something that shows our love and fidelity. We’re going to be married because it’s what we want and because we say so. Fuck the government; commitment doesn’t have to be government sanctioned to be real.” She thought about it a minute and then said, “But first let’s get some dinner. I’m starved.”

            “And yet you ate and ate and ate.”

            “No wonder I’m so fit. I eat a low calorie diet,” Adrian said, grinning wickedly back at her.

Faye was in the middle of her shift and taking her first break. The ER had been crazy all day and she just wanted to get done so she could go home. She sighed. Home. Oh yes home where there are no real problems. God what a fucking mess. I can’t believe what I did. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Ever since Marcella died it’s just like there is this voice in my head telling me that life’s too short and I need to be with the person I really love not someone who’s nice and safe and oh God, I love Tammy I care about her, but she’s never going to have that place in my heart that Jan does and that’s not fair to her. But Jan… I can’t trust Jan, she says she loves me but she’s a fucking nut job and she only really wants me because I’m out of her grasp and if I let her come back it’s only a matter of time till she gets tired of me and starts playing the field again. What I have with Tammy is nice, the sex is great and she treats me the way I want to be treated. Of course I don’t think she’s any more in love with me than I am with her. We’re exactly what I said I didn’t want to do with Jan, we’re friends who fuck. But I could make Tammy love me, the only reason she hasn’t fallen in love with me is because I don’t let her and because she’s not the stupid kid that everyone thinks she is and she knows I’m still in love with that fucking moron Jan.

            She had enough problems of her own to deal with. She and Jan together was just like taking all the nerosis in the world, wadding it into a giant ball, and sticking it in a jar somewhere to grow. They fought like cats and dogs, took turns going into depressive funks, and fucked like it was the last day of their lives. And that was all before Jan started fucking around with sluts like that fucking Rita bitch. Faye knew now that it had been going on for a long time. When she’d found out about the extent of the infidelity she’d cornered Adrian in her shop.

            “Did you know?”

            “No, I swear I didn’t.” Adrian said.

            “And if you had, would you have told me Adrian?”

            Adrian took a deep breath then let it out and told the truth, which was perhaps Adrian’s greatest fault she just didn’t seem to be able to lie. “No, but I would have made her stop.”

            Faye had just been settling in with her relationship with Tammy, trying to figure out where they were really going and how to procede when Marcella died and everything got thrown on its ear. It forced her to look at things that she didn’t want to look at, put her life under a microscope and dissect it, and then the thing had happened during the memorial at the house.

            Milly had gotten cold and Faye had gone up to Milly’s apartment to get her a jacket. She got the jacket and when she started to leave the apartment there was Jan standing against the door.

            “Faye, I need to talk to you,” Jan said.

            “No,” Faye said flatly and tried to go around Jan. Jan grabbed her arm and then put up her other hand to block whatever blow Faye was going to throw at her.

            “Please, Faye, hear me out,” Jan said. “I love you, Faye. Marcella’s dead, and I’ve done nothing but think about how fucked up it is that she’s dead and I’m alive. There was nobody better than Marcella and she had everything to live for. I’m a total fuck up and a cheat and I’ve lost the only thing in my life that was ever really good. Life is too fucking short to just play games, Faye. If I could take back what I did I would but I can’t. What’s Stella always say? In life there are no do overs, you just have to go on and not repeat the mistakes of your past. I promise you on Adrian’s life that I’d never cheat on you again if you took me back.”

            And then Faye did try to smack Jan and Jan caught her hand and held it. “How dare you swear anything on Adrian’s life! You’re a fucking head case, Jan. I have a girl friend. I’m happy. Now let me go, I have to bring Milly her jacket.”

            “Oh come on, Faye, who are you kidding? Tammy’s a nice kid, but that’s all she is—a kid. You aren’t really happy with her, you just aren’t miserable. Is that how you want to spend your life? In medicocrity, never having the passion we have for each other. I swore on Adrian because you know the only person on this planet that I love more than Adrian is you. I love her a lot more than I love myself.” Jan let go of Faye’s hand and took a finger and pushed the hair out of Faye’s face. “I know you, Faye. I know how you look when your heart’s on fire. Who is it really serving for you not to forgive me?” And then she kissed her gently on the lips and Faye threw Milly’s jacket on the floor, grabbed Jan and threw her against the door, and then they were really kissing and her skin was on fire and she remembered why she’d never been able to get over Jan.

            Jan’s hands on her waist drug her tightly against her and then Jan flipped her, forcing her back against the door. She started grinding her hips against her. When Jan’s hands worked their way up her skirt and she started to pull down her panties all she wanted in the world was Jan’s fingers inside her and then she saw it… Jan’s head between that slut’s legs, in her bed. She shoved Jan away hard and pulled her dress down.

            “No! I’m not a cheat, Jan.”

            Jan looked immediately frustrated. “Then don’t be. Get rid of Tammy and we can be together.”

            “You fucking dick head. Only you would use the death of our friend to try to get into my pants. I don’t know what I ever saw in you!” She picked Milly’s jacket up off the floor and her hand closed on the door handle.

            “Dammit, Faye… this is so fucked up. You could get over this if you just would.”

            “It’s a fucking game for you,” Faye said. “You just want to have me so you can cheat on me. It gives you some sort of rush to get away with something. I can’t be with you. I won’t be. You can’t keep your fly shut or your hands or face out of some whore’s pussy.”

            “What if I could prove to you that I could keep my fly shut and my hands and face out of other women’s pussys?”

            “Just how would you do that Jan?”

            “I’m going to be celibate,” Jan said. “I’m going to give up pussy until I’m with you.”

            Faye had laughed at her. “Oh I believe that, Jan.”

            “I swear, Faye, I’m not going to have sex again till I can have it with you.”

            “Then you’re never going to have sex again, Jan!” Faye screamed, and she’d opened the door and stomped out of Milly’s apartment, Jan right behind her.

            “Then I won’t,” Jan said behind her.

            “You are fucking twisted!” Faye screamed over her shoulder, and in that moment she didn’t care if anyone heard.

            “Tell me something I don’t fucking know!” Jan hollered back.

            “Leave me alone!”

            “I will right after I tell you to pull your skirt out of your underwear,” she said.

            Faye looked down and her skirt was caught in her underwear. She quickly straightened herself out then screamed, “I hate you!” and she stomped off.

            Now every time she saw Jan she told Faye how many days it had been since she’d had sex. As if she could prove it. Jan was insane, and the last person she needed to be with. Faye knew she could reel Tammy all the way in any time she wanted to, so why wasn’t she? I am so completely fucked up. Maybe I don’t deserve someone nice like Tammy, maybe all I deserve is a lying, deceitful, crazy-ass cunt like Jan Shears.

            “Faye, you ever coming back to work?” her supervisor asked with a smile. Faye looked at the clock and jumped up.

            “I’m sorry, Ray,” she started back towards the ER and he followed her.

            “It’s all right I fully understand. It was a hell of an afternoon.”

            “Yeah, that’s it.”

When Faye dragged herself home at eight she decided she would do anything in her power to avoid the 11:00 AM to 7:00 PM shift. It was absolutely the worst one, and the time just fucked any way of having a life completely up. Of course the ER had fucked shifts anyway, and part of the price of being compidant was that they wound up sticking you on all the busy shifts.

            When she opened the front door she immediately noticed the back door was open and from the noise it was obvious that everyone was back there.

            When she walked out she could see why. The lights were on, over the mountain and waterfall Adrian and Francis had been working on for weeks. They had brought the chairs and tables from the rec room and just set them around in the dirt, and there were coolers full of beer and wine coolers everywhere. She smiled feeling rejuvenated, walked right over to where Adrian was sitting with Francis in her lap and said, “The water fall is beautiful.”

            “Yes,” Adrian said. “But that’s not why we’re celebrating.”

            “We got married,” Francis said, holding up a bandaged finger, and she was obviously more than a little drunk. Adrian held up her also-bandaged finger.

            “Let me guess. Matching tattoos?” Faye laughed.

            “Ring tattoos,” Adrian corrected.

            “Well congratulations,” Faye said. Tammy stumbled over then and hugged Faye. She was at least as drunk as Francis was. Faye hugged her back and took the beer Tammy handed her. Faye looked at Adrian and Francis and felt real joy for the first time since Marcella died.

            Almost like clockwork Jan walked over and said to Faye, “Fifty-four days, six hours.” Faye almost smacked her.

            “Why does she keep saying that?” Tammy asked Faye.

            “Because she’s a fucking moron.” Faye grabbed Tammy’s hand and pulled her towards a table where Milly was sitting with Mary and Judy. Mikey was sitting in Milly’s lap holding Ralph. Faye sat down and pulled Tammy into the seat beside her.

            “Your baby’s drunk,” Milly told Faye, which made Tammy laugh hystericaly.

            Faye smiled. “I had noticed,” Faye said, recaptureing some of the warm feeling Jan had fucked up. “So this is big, big news. Tell the truth, a year ago did any of you ever dream we’d see Adrian Bar… Well for all intents and purposes, married?”

            “Not in a million years, but it doesn’t surprise me at all now,” Milly said with a shrug. “A lot has happened in the last year.” Milly smiled suddenly as if pushing the bad thoughts right out of her head. “What do you think of our waterfall?”

            “I think it’s amazing.”

            “We’ve had to pull Mikey off it twice,” Mary said.

            “And Tammy once,” Milly said with a smile.

            “I just wanted to see what things looked like from up there,” Tammy told Faye in a slurred voice, throwing her arms around when she talked and being a menace to anyone near her.

            “It’s only a matter of time till one of these drunks falls into one of these holes,” Mary said, clicking her tounge.

            “Is it a contest,” Tammy laughed out.

            “No, you just stay right here, baby,” Faye said, patting her leg.

            “You know what we should do?” Judy asked. “We should call Stella and tell her.”

            “Who’s got a phone?” Milly asked, shifting child and dog to the chair beside her. “They’re cutting off the circulation to my feet.” Mikey just seemed to be happy to get to hold the puppy all on his own, and the puppy seemed more than happy to let the toddler pet and kiss him. The questers had done a good job picking out the dog. He had a really sweet disposition.

            Tammy got up.

“Come on, baby. Seriously, you’re going to get hurt.”

“I won’t,” Tammy said and stumbled away, no doubt on a quest for more beer. She was obviously toasted.

Faye sighed, “I hope I’m not going to be holding her hair for her while she throws up.” She dug in her pocket, pulled out her phone, and handed it to Milly. “Stella’s on my list.” I wish she was here so I could talk to her about this thing with Jan. Her eyes fell on Tammy then, and this thing with Tammy.

Stella had just returned to the hotel room after doing a book signing where three people had shown up in two hours. The economy was bad, people were broke, and they weren’t buying books. Stella had bowed out of dinner with the bookstore owner saying she was feeling sick, and Toni had left her off at the hotel and gone to have dinner in her place. Stella felt fine; she just didn’t feel like being on display right now.

            Her phone rang. She dug it out of her purse as she flopped on the only chair in the room. When she saw the call was from Faye she answered immediately. “Hello Faye,” she said excitedly. She was really missing her friends.

            “No, it’s Milly. I’m just using Faye’s phone. Listen.” The next thing Stella heard was crowd noise and then Milly was back on the phone. “Guess where we are?”

            “Rhonda’s,” she said, but that didn’t really make sense because Rhonda’s was closed on Monday.

            “No that would make too much sense. We’re sitting in the back yard. Adrian finished the waterfall. It’s gorgeous. But that’s not why we’re having a party. Guess why we’re having a party?”

            And Milly was obviously so excited that Stella was caught up in the moment. “I don’t know. Day of the week that ends in Y?”

            “What is the last thing you’d ever expect to happen in the world?”

            Stella thought about it. Let’s see Toni got on hormone replacement theropy and and became bearable again. Adrian got a serious girlfriend. She cried. Faye knew someone for more than ten minutes before she slept with them and Milly finished a book and sent it in. I’m all out. “I can’t think of anything.”

            “Adrian and Francis got married.”

            “What!” Stella said in shock.

            “They got married. Well, at least they got matching tattoos and they’re having a reception and saying that they’re married. Under the current laws that’s about as good as we can get.”

            Stella was stunned silent for a minute.

            “Stella, you still there?”

            “Yeah, just… Well, yes you could have knocked me right over with a feather.” She took a deep breath, let it out slowly and wrestled with her own feelings about it, and then said what was expected of her, “That’s wonderful news.”

            “Here, Faye wants to talk to you.”

            “Stella, how are you?” Faye asked.

            “Fine. Big news, huh?”

            “Huge, and you should see Adrian. She’s just glowing she’s so happy.”

            “That’s great,” Stella said.

            “Who’s on the phone?” She heard Jan’s voice screaming in the background.
            “Stella. Now go the fuck away,” Faye said.

            Stella sighed. “Are you and Jan fighting again?”

            “She’s driving me nuts,” Faye said in defensive response to the tone in Stella’s voice.

            “Give me the fucking phone,” she heard Jan say, and the next thing she heard was Jan’s voice.

            “Hey Stella! Fifty-four days, six hours, and fifteen minutes.”

            “Why does she keep saying that?” Milly laughed out in the background.

            “Give me back my phone ass hole,” Faye said, also in the background and all Stella could think was how much she wished she was there with them right then.

            “Bye,” Jan said.

            “Bye, baby,” Stella said with a laugh.

            “Crazy bitch,” Faye said.

            “What was with the fifty-four days thing? Please tell me she’s not counting days of sobriety. Please tell me she didn’t fall off the wagon.”

            “She didn’t, but she is a fucking nut job and I’ve just had it right up to my ass with her. I wish… Well I wish you were here so I could talk to you about it.”

            “I wish I was, too. Listen could I talk to Adrian?”

            “Sure hang on.” Stella could hear the crowd noise as Faye apparently walked over to where Adrian was. She occasionaly heard a familiar voice and it just made her that much more home sick.

            “Who is it?” she heard Adrian ask, and her heart beat a little faster.

            “Stella,” Faye said.

            “Hey, Stella, how are you?” Adrian asked, and she sounded happy, really happy, a couple of beers too many happy.

            Stella smiled. “I’m fine. What about your own self?”

            “Franny and I are married.” Then she laughed and Adrian and Francis said together, “Because we say so.” She could hear everyone laugh, so apparently it was a running joke, and she just felt even more left out of everything.

            “That’s what I heard. I’m so happy for you, Adrian. So glad you found each other. She’s who you were born to be with.” And Stella believed that with every fiber of her being, but it didn’t make her feel a damn bit better.

            “Thanks, Stella.”

            “Can I talk to your bride?”

            “Here,” Adrian said.

            “Hello, Stella,” Francis said, and it was obvious that she’d had even more to drink than Adrian had.

            “So, you managed to hog tie Adrian Bar. You know that’s quite a feat, don’t you?”

            “I certainly do.”

            “You’ve been really good for her Francis, she really loves you. You treat her right.”

            “I will, I promise.”

            “You know of course that you’ve spoiled my best fantasy?”

            “Huh?”

            Stella laughed. “Never mind. We’ll talk about it some other time. Could you give the phone back to Faye?”

            “Sure, bye Stella.”

            “Hey, Stella, listen it’s been great talking to you, but Tammy’s drunk off her ass and I’d better go get her before she goes up the mountain again.”

            “It was great talking to you.”

            “You know, Stella, the phone line goes both ways you might call sometimes… Tammy you’re going to fall in… Well fuck!” And then the line went dead.

            Stella sighed and wondered if she could somehow get out of all these book signings and lectures and just go home. She wondered if she was going to be able to get Toni to go home and stay home, and if she really wanted Toni to stay, and Stella wondered how she really felt about Adrian being married.

Adrian helped Faye pull Tammy out of the trench. Tammy was covered from head to tow in mud and just laughing her ass off. While getting her out she and Adrian got covered, too.

            “Come on, laughing girl.” Faye took Tammy’s arm. “Let’s go get you cleaned up.”

            “Wipe your feet!” Adrian screamed after them, as if that was going to make any difference whatsoever. Faye turned just in time to see Adrian hug Francis, getting mud all over her in the process.

            Jan opened the door for them, smiling. “Have a good night, Faye.”

            “Fuck you, Jan Shears!” Faye hissed, pulling her rather large girlfriend through the door after her.

            They were in Faye’s apartment when Tammy apprarently heard what she’d said. “You shouldn’t be so mean to Jan.”

            “You know what, Tammy? You wouldn’t say that if you… oh never mind… No, no don’t sit in the chair.”

            She didn’t know how she managed to get them both in the tub without trashing out her entire apartment. She was sitting on one end of the tub and Tammy was on the other. Tammy splashed her, getting water all over the bathroom in the process, and then laughed wildly.

            “Stop it ass hole!” Faye said, but she laughed. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with you?”

            “Oh I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Tammy said, grinning wildly.

           Faye laughed and shook her head, deciding to just live in the moment. “I don’t know. You’re pretty drunk.”

            “But I still found the hole, didn’t I?” Tammy said with a self-satisfied air. Then she just cracked up and so did Faye.

            “That you did, and you fell right in. I think we’ll call that hole Rita,” Faye said wickedly.

            Tammy laughed even though there was no way she could have gotten the reference. There was a knock on the bathroom door.

            “Faye, it’s Milly. Can you handle her on your own?”

            Faye looked at Tammy and asked, “Are you going to fall down again?”

            “No.”

            “Are you going to puke?”

            “No.”

            “Are you going to do stupid shit like climb on the furniture?”

            “No, I’m going to climb all over you,” Tammy said.

            “I can handle her.” Outside the door Milly laughed.

            “If you need help holler. I’ll either be in the back yard or my apartment.”

            “Thanks, Milly,” Faye said. She heard Milly walk away. “Marcella was a big girl, not as tall as you are, but lots bigger. When she got drunk she’d pass out and it would take the whole damn crew and the service elevator to get her in bed.” She smiled at the memory. Tammy didn’t laugh; she looked at Faye and smiled.

            “I love you.”

            Faye took a deep breath and let it out then said with a laugh, “No you don’t you’re just drunk.”

            Tammy let her head lay back against the back of the tub, looking rejected. Faye moved to straddle Tammy. She leaned forward, resting her weight on her hands against the sides of the tub and kissed Tammy on the lips. Tammy kissed her back. She tasted like beer, a nostalgic taste that made Faye’s whole body hum. “Come on, let’s get out of the tub and go to bed.”

            Tammy nodded.

            Faye dried herself off and then she helped Tammy dry off, took her hand, and led her to her bed.

            Tammy lay down in the big middle of the bed and looked up at Faye as Faye crawled on top of her. “I could you know.”

            “Could what, baby?” Faye asked.

            “I could fall in love with you. I wouldn’t even have to really try to. All I’d have to do is quit trying not to love you,” Tammy said.

            “Oh, baby.” Faye didn’t have to ask why Tammy worked at not falling in love with her. Faye lay down on top of Tammy and Tammy held her. “Honey… I don’t know what I really want, but I know I like this thing we have.”

            “I know what you really want, Faye,” Tammy said.

            Faye moved and kissed her on the lips. “Right now I just want you, baby, just you.”

            Tammy didn’t disappoint her. How could she? Faye had trained Tammy to be her lover. Afterwards Tammy just passed out. There was still noise coming from the back yard so she knew the party was still raging. Adrian and Francis had figured out who they were spending the rest of their lives with and Faye still had no clue.

Adrian had carried Francis over the threshhold mostly because Francis was too drunk to walk. Still when she’d gotten her into the shower and gotten the water going Francis had sobered up just enough to rock her world.

            When the alarm went off Adrian had just enough of a hangover that she wanted to sling it into a wall. Francis just held her hands over her ears until Adrian could get the alarm off.

            “Oh, baby, I feel like crap,” Francis said.

            “I’ll go make some coffee,” Adrian kissed her.

            “Honey, don’t kiss me. I have bad breath.”

            “We’re married now. I have to kiss you when you have bad breath,” Adrian said, and she got up.

            She went in the bathroom and started brushing her teeth. Francis stumbled in. and grabbed her toothbrush and missed with the paste the first time. Adrian laughed, “You still a little drunk, baby?”

            “I think so, yeah. Oh, why did you let me drink so much?” She groaned.

            “Sorry,” Adrian said. She brushed her teeth and spit. “Want to hear something stupid?”
            “I live for it,” Francis said with a chuckle.

            “I actually feel different today.”

            “I think it’s called a hangover,” Francis said.

            “You’re so romantic. You know what I mean you little shit,” Adrian said. She finished brushing her teeth.

            “Yeah, I know,” Francis smiled at her, showing a mouth full of foam.

            Adrian slapped her on the ass and then headed for the kitchen. She started the coffeemaker going but she didn’t even want to think about food so she didn’t. Francis walked in the kitchen wearing a robe and that’s when Adrian realized she was running around buck naked. Francis smiled at her. “So I think maybe you’re still a little drunk, too.” She opened her robe, walked over and gave Adrian a hug, wrapping her robe around her. “I’ll warm you up.”

            “You certainly will.” Adrian wrapped her arms around her and kissed her. The next thing she knew she had Francis up on the kitchen counter and was licking her clit till Francis was screaming and hanging onto the edge of the counter top in a death grip. Then they were on the couch, and then they were on the floor, and then they were back in their bedroom again.

            By the time they actually got dressed and sat down at the kitchen table the coffee had made and gotten cold. They nuked it and drank it anyway.

            Tammy stumbled in wearing one of Faye’s robes that barely covered her grumbling. “Sooo hung over. Must dress and get to class.” She dragged back to her room and a few minutes later came out dressed carrying with her back pack. “You coming?” she asked Francis.

            “Not right now,” Francis said with a wild grin. “But seriously I don’t have a class till 11:00. I’ll just walk later.”

            Tammy nodded and headed for the door. She turned, “Am I in the way here?”

            “Not at all,” Adrian said. She looked at Francis who nodded her agreement.

            Tammy smiled. “By the way, if I didn’t say it before, congratulations.”

            “Thanks,” Adrian and Francis said at once.

            Tammy started to go then turned around again walked over and sat down at the table. “I have to have coffee.”

            “I’ll get it.” Francis got up and went in the kitchen.

            “So what happened yesterday?” Tammy asked.

            “What?”

            “I mean what made you decide to do it?”

            Adrian shrugged. “I’m so in love with her I’m stupid. I need her and we have the same birthday.”

            “Get out of here, seriously?”
            “Seriously,” Adrian said. Then she smacked herself in the head—which hurt, so she wished she hadn’t done it.

            “What?” Francis asked, walking back in the room.

            “We should have gotten married on our birthdays and then we’d only have to remember just the one day,” Adrian said.

            “So what day was it yesterday?” Francis asked.

            “See? We’re never going to remember.”

            “Dudes,” Tammy said “May twenty-fifth. You got married on May twenty-fifth, three days before finals. It should be easy to remember, Franny, because it happened right before you flunked college.”

            “Dude, harsh,” Adrian said.

            “What can I say? I’m not a mean drunk, but I am mean when I’m hung over.”

Francis looked at the mud in the hall. “Seriously, I could miss another day of classes.”

            “I can clean up this mess. It’s not that bad. You need to actually go to some classes before finals.”

            Adrian bungied Francis’ back pack on the back of the bike then kick started it and they got on and took off.

            When she got off the bike she kissed Adrian good bye then watched as she drove away.

            “Who was that?” a girl named Julie she had a class with asked, walking up beside her.

            Francis just grinned. “That was my...” What was she going to call Adrian? Then she knew, with all the conservative and religious right bullshit stopping them from a legal marriage there was only one thing to call her. “My wife.”

            “Nice bike.”

“Yeah.”

“And your woman’s smoking hot. Where did you find her?”

            “On B Street.” Francis grinned stupidly. She knew she was and didn’t care.

            “I’ve got to get out of the fucking dorm and off this damn campas next year.”

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