I don�t own LotR. I wish I didn�t have to say that. I wish I could say that I did own it, but I don�t want a lawsuit. After all, I have finals at the end of the month!!
Chapter 6: The Evil of a Happy Dance.
Banners flew, trumpets blasted a great fanfare, and the surface of the Great City gleamed in the mid-morning sunlight. The armies of both Minas Tirith and Lothlorien escorted the royal party to the palace. Celeborn, his face now cleaned of horse�um�stuff, rode out in front, his precious bottle of hair dye resting in front of him in his saddle.
�We wish a great welcome to our Elven friends and allies. Welcome to Gondor, Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. Welcome all the peoples of the Tree City! Please, follow me to the palace, the Queen wishes to see her grandparents.� Said a servant in a booming voice. Just as the party of elves reached the topmost section of the city, the trumpeting stopped.
�What are you doing, you idiots?? Keep playing!� The servant hissed at the trumpeters.
�But Sir, we don�t know any more of the song! And it�s too hard!� One of the players remarked.
�I was wondering why the National Anthem of Lothlorien was sounding a bit like �The Star-Spangled Banner�.� Haldir said quietly.
�Then play something else! Just keep playing!� Hissed the servant.
�OK.� Said the trumpeters. They brought their horns to their lips and began to play a fast, festive tune.
�OOOOHHHH!!!� Celeborn shouted, jumped off of Horsey. �I love this song!!� He began to dance a very disturbing dance that was surprisingly catchy among the younger Gondorians. Soon, after most young children were dancing, Celeborn began to sing what little he knew of the lyrics.
�Blahblahblahblahblahblah Macarana! Blahblahblahblahblahblahblah Maracana!� He shouted, completely off-key
�Let�s go. Haldir, do us all a favor and put my husband out of his misery!� Galadriel shouted over Celeborn�s �singing.� She walked away, following the servant. �And if you don�t, I will!�
�Yes, Milady Galadriel.� Haldir said, bowing. He reached behind him to his horse�s saddle. He whipped his bow from its place next to his traveling pack, and pulled an arrow from the quiver on his back. He fitted the arrow onto the longbow and pulled back the string�
�Haldir! What are you doing? Attempting to assassinate my Grandfather??� Arwen demanded, seeing Haldir�s attempt to follow Galadriel�s orders.
�No, of course not, Lady Arwen! Lady Galadriel requested I do this! She told me to put him out of his misery!� Haldir said quickly, trying desperately to save his hide.
�You lie! Grandmother would never say something like that! Right Grandma?� Arwen stated, giving Galadriel a cute little-girlish pout face.
�But� Milady!� Haldir shouted, spinning around to face her. His drawn bowstring was now holding the arrow level with the Elf Queen�s heart. Noticing this, Haldir quickly ripped the arrow away from the bow, replacing it back into his quiver.
�Oh, so it wasn�t my husband you were after! It was me all along!� Galadriel shouted above all the gasps from the eagerly watching crowd. �How dare you???�
�Lock him up!� Arwen yelled to a few servants. �Let him spend a day or two with my husband!�
�What is going on out here??� Legolas demanded, coming out of his room in the palace. �Can�t an elf prince style his hair in peace?� He looked around at everyone who had gathered for the arrival of Celeborn and Galadriel. They all looked at his Mohawk with the same amount of surprise. �What? Is there something in my hair?� He asked, reaching to the top of his half-bald head.
�No.� Said Haldir. �And �hair� isn�t the word I�d have used. More like lack thereof.�
�Leave me alone! If you don�t like it, just say so! I�m a big boy! I can handle the criticism!� Legolas shouted.
�Okay. I hate it. You�re an elf prince, not some stupid punk teenage human!�
Legolas, however, was near tears at the comment. �You don�t like it? Why not? It�s unique! I�m tied of the stereotype of all elves having long, straight, silky, beautiful blond hair!� He remembered how much women, human and elf alike, had drooled over him when his hair was like that. He wiped away the drool that had dribbled onto his shoulders because of the narrator, who was drooling over her cardboard cutout of him, and began to cry. �I�Miss�My� HAIR!!!!� He yelled between sobs.
�Is it raining?� Haldir asked as he brushed away a few drops of drool from the narrator as well. �This is gross.�
�Yep.� Celeborn said, still dancing. �And is it me, or does that thunder sound like laughing? And the bolt of lightning looked like a finger pointing at me, and then that laughing thunder came again, and then I heard someone shouting �Celeborn�s such an idiot, isn�t he?� I don�t like this rain shower! Hey, Macarana!� He shouted, wiping off drool and continuing with his dancing.
�What�An�IDIOT!!!!!!!!� Galadriel muttered, hitting herself on the head with the sheath of her sword. He�s SO not my husband!�
�Only if he�s not my grandpa.� Arwen said, smacking her head against the wall of the palace.
�Who gave him a Mini Tootsie Pop?� Eldarion asked, coming back outside after figuring out he had nothing else to do but watch his great-grandfather dance stupidly. Gandalf and Saruman gave each other guilty looks
�Hey, Macarana!� Celeborn sang, rotating a quarter-turn and going on with his off-key, off-beat, music-less dance.
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Hehe. That was fun. I was originally going to have Celeborn dancing to the Hokey Pokey, but I figured the Macarana was more annoying. Also, the Mini Tootsie Pop has made its entrance here. Well, read/review, and let me know what you think. And yes, Celeborn is supposed to be an idiot in this. I think it�s funnier that way. <^_^>. Arwen out! P.S.: I�m sorry this chapter was so short! The next one will be longer! (I hope!! <^_^>)
