I don�t own Lord of the Rings. All I own is my strange, disturbed mind that allows me to come up with all this crazy stuff.
This one is for you, Elijah Girl AKA Tinuviel, Galadriel, Candi, Meg, Ben, and Stephanie. Come to think of it, I dedicate this whole fic to you guys so I don�t have to type this every chapter.
Chapter 4: Death and Despair
A scream echoed throughout all of Middle-earth. It was so loud, that it even woke Gandalf and his friend Earl, who were sleeping in their �private field.� Eldarion fell out of the tree he was reading in, and Pippin almost fell off the guardtower on the north end of Minas Tirith. Pippin didn�t seem to notice Merry�s giggles and he watched his friend act as if nothing had happened.
After about 3 minutes, people were starting to figure out where the scream was coming from�the Houses of Healing. They also soon discovered that the person was screaming one word: �DAAAAAAAADDYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!� Several guards ran into the Mental Disorders House to calm a frantic Legolas, who was bawling next to a pillar in the middle of the courtyard.
�He killed my daddy!! The mean human killed my daddy! In the name of�that forest that I was born in, I will avenge my daddy�s death! I will have my REVENGE!!!!� Legolas cried. �Now,� he said, calming down a bit �why was I mad again?� The guards decided it was best not to tell him. They also thought it wise to hide Aragorn, who was sitting in a corner of the courtyard holding a stick like a drawn sword, from the elf prince�s view.
�What do we do?� Asked one of Legolas�s guards. �We can�t leave him here, he�ll kill the king! But if we let him go, who knows what will happen?�
�Don�t ask me!� Said another. �I�m not in charge here! I thought that Peregirn was in charge of these two! And last time I checked, he was falling off the guardtower on the north side!�
�He always did like that game.� Stated the first as he shook his head. �Isn�t the Steward second-in-command in charge of the king and the elf prince?�
�Yeah, but he�s�with his wife, if you know what I mean.� Said the second guard.
�Ah. Oh, yeah, that�s right, it�s their anniversary, isn�t it?� The first guard smiled. �So we can�t bug him, he�ll be�busy all night long.�
�Yeah. Hey, wait, weren�t we supposed to do something?� Asked the second guard.
�Huh?�
�Didn�t Queen Arwen order us to do something in the last chapter?�
�Oh, yeah! Wait, we�re not supposed to know that this is a story! But anyway, I think she said that we should try to snap the King back to his senses.�
�Nah, that can�t be it. He�s not even insane! She just put him here because she got mad at him.�
�No, dude, he�s nuts. Just look at him!�
The guards looked over at Aragorn, who was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, singing softly in gibberish..
�You always have to prove me wrong, don�t you, man?�
�It�s my secondary job. My first is hitting on the hot queen.�
�No, your first job is guarding Gondor. It�s Kalensthar�s job to hit on the queen.�
�oh, yeah. Hey, I�ve been meaning to ask� what�s your name anyway? I mean, we�ve been friends for a year now, and I still have no clue what your name is.�
�I don�t have a name. Neither do you. I think I�m just Guard #1 and you�re Guard #2. The stupid Elf writer won�t give us names!�
�Yeah, hey, tell her that Guard #2 quits!�
�You can�t quit, Guard #2! We�re in the middle of a scene! Besides, as soon as we�re done with this conversation, we won�t ever be mentioned again.�
�That�s true. Now, weren�t we supposed to be doing something?�
�Yeah, let�s go smack some sense into our so-called King.�
� �So-called�? What do you mean? Of course he�s our king! Look, he�s still wearing the Winged Crown of Gondor!�
�Yeah, but He only CLAIMED to be Isildur�s heir. Maybe he�s not! Maybe he�s just someone who�s working for Sauron, who wants Gondor to himself!�
�For that to work, you�d have to forget the whole ordeal of him risking his life to make sure the Ring was destroyed!!�
�Shut up, I�m thinking up a conspiracy! Leave me alone, Guard #1! Go return your �king� to his senses. You�ll see what happens when you find that I�m right, and everyone else in this stupid land is wrong!!�
An hour later, Guard #1 and a few others were trying to return Aragorn to normal. �Perhaps, my Lord, your fingers would remember their old strength better is they grasped your sword.� Said Guard #5. He handed Aragorn his sword, and Aragorn�s eyes lit up.
�You IDIOT!!!!!� Yelled Guard #1. �We�re not trying to get his fingers back! We�re trying to get his head back! And now he�s armed!!!�
Aragorn stood, raising the sword high. The first thing he did was run to his friend Legolas, an in one swift swipe, cut off a foot of golden hair.
�My PRRRRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!� Legolas wailed. �It�s lost! Lost! My Precious is lost!!� Legolas shook his head, and suddenly, intelligence seemed to reappear behind his gorgeous eyes. �Oooooookkkaaaaayyyyy. Why do I feel like making a gurgling sound in the back of my throat? Hey, my head feels lighter than normal.� He saw all of his hair lying on the ground. After a few seconds of horrified whimpering, he merely shrugged and walked away from the golden pile of follicle. �All that hair was weighing down on my brain. I think that�s why I went kinda nuts. Where am I, anyways?�
�Umm� You are in the Houses of Healing, Prince Legolas.� Said Guard #3. �You went insane for a few days, and so the Queen Arwen thought it best to send you and King Elessar here.�
�Huh? Aragorn�s here, too?� Legolas wondered, looking about for his friend. �Oh, ok. There he is. Now, um� why is he swinging his sword around? If he�s insane, isn�t that the last thing you want him to have? Especially the way he�s running around with it? I mean, they always give kids warnings about not running with scissors, but I think not running with a sword is a no-brainer.�
�That�s ok, I forgive you.� Legolas smiled, playing with his now shoulder-length hair. �But I don�t think I like it this length. Maybe I�ll cut it shorter.� The prince walked out of the Houses of Healing and proceeded to the barber.
Gimli nearly wet himself when the elf walked into the palace 3 hours later with a dark Mohawk.
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Hehe. That was fun. Okay, cross three things of of my to-do list for Last Laugh. I had The Legolas�s Daddy dying, Legolas�s hair getting cut, and Legolas going through Orlando Bloom�s Mohawk Phase, as it has become known to my friends and I, on the list. But there�s still plenty to come, so wait for that! And yes, Guard # 1 and Guard #2 knew that this is a fanfic, but no one else does. I just thought it would be funny. Either that, or everyone knows, but they let it slip, since we�re not supposed to know that they know. Okay, I�m done with my crazy rambling, and now I�m just doing this to fill up the rest of the page. <^_^> Tenna' telwan, (Until later) see ya!
