I don�t own Lord of the Rings or it�s characters or anything else. Wish I did, but then again, I wish for a lot of things. (Ahem! Orlando Bloom and Elijah Wood!)
Chapter 2: Insanity, Trouble, and a Stew.
Arwen sat down on the sofa as she watched the medics drag her restrained husband and her fellow elf away to the insane asylum. Pippin waved goodbye, as did Merry, and Gimli just laughed, saying that Aragorn �deserved everything he got.� Gimli had stopped sulking about his beard, but he was furious that he had to have it trimmed for it to be even once more.
Legolas struggled as he tried to get free of his straight jacket. I�m not crazy! You�re the crazy ones! I am Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas, son of Thanduil! I command you, leave me be! I�M NOT CRAZY!!! Crazy? I was crazy once; they locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. They drove me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! They locked me in a room. A rubber room�� This insane babbling lasted all the way down to the Houses of Healing, and it managed to grind down the his guard�s last nerves.
Later that day, Faramir walked out and began to stroll around the citadel under the gray clouds that warned of snowfall. There was no telling why the Steward of Gondor was walking about without even a coat in the cold January afternoon (except for the one reason most people came up with� Eowyn kicked him out. Though he wouldn�t admit it, everyone who made such an assumption was correct.) Anyway, aside from that, he walked past the Houses of Healing, and he heard strange shouts and screams from within. He ducked inside the gates of the Houses to hear the sounds better.
�Snippy, snippy! Come on, Elf-boy! I just want to cut it off! All I need to do is grab it!� Faramir nearly wet himself at the sound of his king�s voice shouting something that didn�t sound too appropriate. (Once again, though he doesn�t admit it, Faramir was kicked out because he was being perverted that day, and so he just Thought it sounded inappropriate.)
�You�ll never catch me alive! At least not in the few years you humans have on earth! Perhaps if you had an eternity, you could but you don�t! King of Men, they say, ha! Aragorn, lle naa haran e' nausalle!!�
Faramir wasn�t quite sure what this meant, but since he loved elves, and had studied their language, he thought Legolas had said something along the lines of �You are king of your imagination.� He knew that if his king was anywhere near his right mind, he would not allow such talk. Of course, what Faramir did not know is that Aragorn is way too far out of his mind to give even the shadow of a care about what his friend had said, and Legolas didn�t care that he insulted Aragorn, either.
Terrified, Faramir knew what he had to do. He had to go inform Arwen that her husband had gone completely insane. (He had just noticed the sign that said �Houses of Healing: Mental Disorders.� Above the arched doorway.) he wandered off towards the palace just as Legolas began screaming again.
�My hair! Don�t touch it! If you do, I�ll tell my daddy and then you�ll be in big trouble!.� Legolas squealed as he ran away from Aragorn, who was holding his index and middle fingers like a pair of scissors. Aragorn caught the elf, and used his fingers to �cut� Legolas�s hair. Legolas screamed louder, and ran to a tall pillar in the courtyard of the House. �Daddy! Tell the mean human to quit it! Daddy? Why are you ignoring me?? DADDY!!!� Legolas began to pound on the pillar, which did nothing but leave the prince�s hands bruised and a little bloody.
Faramir proceeded towards the king�s halls, and slowly the shouts and screams of his mentally impaired friends began to fade as the steward neared the heart of the city. The guards bowed the man into the hall of the king, and he went straight to the sitting room, where he knew Arwen would be at this time of day.
�My lady,� Faramir began, bowing down to the queen of Gondor. �I give you my deepest apologies, but I�m afraid your husband and Legolas have gone, well��
�Completely insane? I�m aware of that, Faramir. And Eowyn is looking for you. She said something about being sorry, and wishing that she hadn�t kicked you out. I don�t know what you did, but if Eowyn got mad at you, I must admit that you are more brave than I thought for standing up to her as she said you did.� Arwen smiled at Faramir, and then she began to look upset. �I was the one who put Aragorn and Legolas in the Houses. Apparently, Aragorn tried to cut Legolas�s hair, and then they both went a little crazy in the aftermath. I�m sure they�ll become sane again soon. At least, I hope so.�
�I do, too, my Lady. For your sake, and for that of both Gondor and Mirkwood.�
�Actually, King Thranduil is hoping that his kingdom will not be called Mirkwood for much longer. If all goes well, it should be known as Greenwood once more before Legolas comes to reign.�
�But won�t Thranduil rule forever? Elves are immortal, after all.� Faramir stated.
�Elven immortality is a myth, Faramir. Elves simply live much longer than most other beings. We are considered old once we reach about 7 thousand years of age. So if Legolas remains in Middle-earth, he will get to rule in just a few thousand years.� Arwen and Faramir both had disturbing images of Legolas, as he was at the time, ruling over the Wood-elves. They both shudder ed at the same time, and then looked at each other, as if telling the other to break the awkward silence.
�Fine, I don�t want the stupid pot. But I do want what�s in it!!� Pippin skidded to a stop in front of Arwen, smiled, bowed, and as he did, a small bit of beef stew fell from the large pot he was holding and splattered onto the floor of the hall. �Hehe. Oops.� Pippin looked up at Arwen, smiled innocently, composed himself, and ran off once more, Samwise hot on his heels. �Anyway, Sam, Even if you can catch me, you still need to get it from me without spilling it, and I can hold it higher than you can reach, even while standing as tall as you can on your tip-toes.�
Faramir ran up to Pippin, pulled the steaming pot out of his hands, and handed it to Sam. He then took the stirring spoon from Sam, dipped it in the pot, pulled it out again, and gave it to Pippin. The hobbits both looked satisfied, though Sam was upset about the loss of his spoon, and Pippin smiled happily at Faramir as he slurped the stew off of the spoon.
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Hey there! Don�t you just hate January? The only good things about the 1st month of the year are as follows: Orlando�s Bloom�s birthday (the 13th.) and Elijah Wood�s birthday (the 23rd.) Well, okay, there�s also my little cousin�s birthday, but I doubt many of you care about her. I mean, if you know her, you probably do, since she�s only the cutest 8-year-old in the world, but that�s not important right now. I hope you all liked this chapter, and yes, I know that Tolkien�s elves are immortal, but I needed some sort of conversation piece to make this chapter longer. The whole Pippin and the beef stew was added for that purpose, too, but I think it turned out very well overall. Vanya sulie (Fair Winds.)
