Lothlorien: The Tree City Version 3.0: Grey Skies

I do not claim ownership to the characters of Lord of the Rings.

Chapter 1: Arguments, Hair, and a Dwarf.

�Hmm.� Thought the Elf prince as he sat in front of the computer. �How shall I begin this?� Legolas rested his chin on his hand and stared at the blank screen. He had had some great inspiration for a story, but his mind had just drawn a blank on the beginning of the story.

�Don�t think too much, you�ll fry your brain.� Aragorn said as he walked into the room. He set down his glass of water and pulled up a chair beside his friend. �Not that you have a brain to fry. You are a blond after all.�

Legolas gave Aragorn a great stare �Auta miqula orqu.� Said the elf in a harsh tone. Aragorn gave a look of mock surprise at this. After all, who would have the nerve to tell the king of Gondor to �go kiss an orc�?

�Lle auta yeste�.� Aragorn smiled. Now it was Legolas�s turn to give the surprised look. The two of them had this conversation often, so he was expecting to be told to go first.

Legolas smiled. �No, you kiss the orc first. I�m sure Ugluk would love to lip lock with you.� This, being a new comment that he had never added to the familiar argument before, meant that the prince had to use his quick reflexes to avoid the slap that came down upon him from Aragorn.

Instead of making contact with the elf�s delicate skin, Aragorn made a last-minute grab at his long hair. He caught several locks of golden elf hair, pulled Legolas�s head back, and made a grab for the rest. When he had all of Legolas�s hair in a large bundle, he began to look about the room in search of something. Legolas wasn�t sure that he wanted to know what that something was.

�Gimli!� Aragorn cried. The dwarf came into the computer room and was shocked to see Aragorn holding Legolas�s hair and the elf yelping in pain every time Aragorn tugged at it. �Gimli, go find a pair of scissors! And get some rope, too, otherwise he�s going to squirm and try to keep me from cutting his hair off!�

Legolas gave a loud cry. �NO!! Let my hair go!! What�d it do to you! If you want to cut it, just get rid of the split ends! And make sure it�s even!�

Aragorn smiled wickedly. �Okay, cut it all off, or if not, make sure it�s as uneven as possible? Whatever you say, you�re the prince of Mirkwood, I�m just the barber.�

Legolas tried to break free of Aragorn�s grip. �Barbarian is the more correct term.�

Gimli returned with a large pair of scissors. Legolas eyed them wearily. Aragorn�s face lit up as he took the scissors from the dwarf. �Gimli, tessa sina ten� amin.� Aragorn said, giving the bundle of hair to Gimli. Gimli did as he was told and held the hair as the king opened the scissors and brought the blades close.

Legolas noticed that Gimli had forgotten to get the rope Aragorn had requested, and pushed the scissors out of the reach of is precious hair. �Ha ha!� Cried the elf. He took hold of Gimli�s arms and pulled the dwarf�s hands off of his hair. �My hair is my� Prrrrecccioussss!� Legolas ran off after frightening himself with the terrible Gollum impersonation. Aragorn and Gimli stared at each other for a moment.

�What was that?� Gimli asked. �The Elf isn�t himself today.�

�I know. And I was looking forward to playing Barber College. But no, you had to forget the rope! Now all my dreams of cutting hair for a living are gone!�

�You don�t need to cut hair for a living. You�re a king! You sit on your butt and give orders for a living! How could any job be better than that?�

�You�ve never been a king, have you, Gimli?� Aragorn asked. �It�s a lot harder than it looks. Try keeping the piece in a city where there�s nothing but warriors, guards, and crazy old men who have seen war and run around saying that the world is coming to an end and that Rohan will come and attack us.�

�Now now, Aragorn, we know you�re not crazy. And Rohan won�t attack you. If anything you and your friends should run around screaming that the wood elves are going to attack you.� Gimli laughed at his own joke, but it turned to a painful wail when he noticed that a bit of his beard had fallen to the floor as it was cut off.

�Aragorn? Gimli? Do you two know why Legolas is hiding in the hall closet whispering about his hair and doing a very poor Sm�agol impression?� Frodo asked as he came into the room and tried to get Gimli to stop crying.

�No idea, Mr. Baggins.� Aragorn said, hiding the scissors behind his back.

�What�s Gimli�s problem?� Frodo asked, staring at the dwarf, who had finished crying, but was now sobbing in a corner.

�Don�t know that one, either.� Aragorn said innocently. Frodo gave the man a strange look, shook his head, and walked out, his furry feet making no sound on the cement floor of the cool basement.

Aragorn walked away, too, slipping the scissors into his pocket. �Legolas has to sleep sometime. Well, he has to meditate sometime. Stupid elves and their whole not-sleeping thing.� The king mumbled his plans all the way to his bedroom. He lay in bed, still mumbling, all that day. Around 4 O�clock that afternoon, Arwen came into the room to get her coat, and heard her husband�s mumblings.

�Elves don�t sleep. Why not? Because they�re stupid fair beings that think they�re better than me. Well I�ll show them, I�ll cut off all the hair on his head, and then we�ll see who�s laughing. He won�t be laughing at me anymore. I�ll get the last laugh, whether he likes it or not. Stupid elf.� All of this seemed to repeat for as long as Arwen was listening. Finally, she left the room, shaking her head. Her long, silky hair fluttered around her as she did so.

�It finally happened, Aragorn cracked under the pressure.� Arwen sighed. �My husband is nothing but a nutcase now. Oh, well. I guess I�d better go call the mental institution.� She walked through the halls of the building to find a phone. As she did, she heard Legolas in the closet. (�My hair, my love, my Prrreccciousssss!�) �I�d better put him in, too. I�m sure Thranduil won�t mind his heir in a padded room.� She found a telephone and called the Houses of Healing, Mental Disorders Division.

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Well that was�interesting. I was really bored the day I wrote this, but it tuned out funny, so I like it. I read it to a couple friends, and they all busted their guts with laughter. I�m not sure what�s in for chapter 2, but I hope it will be good! But until then, Lissenen ar' maska'lalaith tenna' lye omentuva (Sweet water and light laughter till next we meet.)