(not to be confused with David Letterman's)
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My Tips & Tricks
10. You have a giant spider for a pet.
9. You introduce your friends like this: Fred, son of Thomas.
8. You refer to your magic 8-ball as your palantir, and make all major
life decisions with it.
7. When saying people's names, you do it in a long, drawn out whisper.
6. You absolutely will not throw rocks into water.
5. You start carrying a sword and find yourself always cleaning it.
4. You become overly protective of small, curly-haired kids.
3. You don't go to work on September 22 or March 25 and tell your boss that they are national holidays.
2. You precede your friends' names with Master or Mister, regardless of gender.
1. You drink by the pint.
10. Not for all the tobacco in the Shire.
9. Only if you refer to me as 'my precious'.
8. Not until I consult my palantir.
7. Sorry, I only date elves and you, my friend, are no elf.
6. I giant, fiery eye would have more of a personality than you.
5. Not even if a group of angry Ents came knocking down my house.
4. Sorry, I don't date Dwarves.
3. I would rather go over the pass of Caradhras blindfolded with nine Nazgul chasing me.
2. I refuse to cross-breed with an Uruk-Hai; can you imagine what the children would look like?
1. Are you willing to give me the One Ring? (that should scare most men off)
10. Calling everything 'my precious' or you find yourself saying 'gollum, gollum'.
9. Saying it's not missing it's just 'Fallen into the Shadow'.
8. 'Go to Mordor' becomes your substitute for Go to Hell.
7. When somebody tries to help you, you find yourself saying "Nobody tosses a dwarf!"
6. You have asked anyone that had something extraordinarily beautiful "Is that elven-made?"
5. You base your decisions on which direction to take by saying "The air is not so foul down here."
4. You justify taking things from others that you want by saying "You cannot wield it!"
3. To convince someone to do something for you, you whine "You owe me your allegiance!"
2. You say "Fool of a Took!" to stupid people.
1. You enjoy walking along a lake or beach and scaring small children by grabbing them and intensely declaring "Do Not Disturb the Water!"