When designing a wedding ceremony which will contain more than one spirituality, it is important to give honour to each one. Many lovely readings and blessings may be found in every religion, and the mixing of prayers or vows from each will create a more harmonious celebration.
The Partners Ask: How Do I Share This Important Day with Non-Pagan Family and Friends?
I came out as a Pagan to my entire family after a discussion with my parents about my wedding plans. I at first agreed to a church wedding for the family and a private Pagan ceremony at a different time; later, I realized that I was not honouring the very spirituality I loved by keeping it hidden. With careful preparation of facts, I told my family about my spiritual choice. For the most part it was well received, with only a few members truly adamant about wanting nothing to do with it. We also included a written program at the ceremony so that the non-Pagan guests would have further information. After the Handfasting, we received many compliments, in person and by post, about the ceremony and the beauty of our spirituality.
Be prepared with facts and similarities between your family's religious choice and your own; there are many books and pamphlets available which can help to educate the non-Pagan and dispel myths and misinformation. Be calm and understanding; remind them that you are the same person you have always been, and you would do nothing which would harm yourself or others, especially within your spirituality. And remember, above all, that they love you and are genuinely concerned for your safety and well-being.
Many handfastings will include some non-Pagan guests who might be wondering why some person in weird clothing is running about the Circle with a knife, and what is this Circle thing anyway? As succinctly as you can, either as an announcement before the ceremony or in the form of a program, give a general description of your spiritual beliefs, the basic run of the ceremony, and traditional or historical facts.
If you cannot come out, or are not willing, you can quietly incorporate Pagan nuances into your ceremony. Have your wedding outside so that you join with the celebration of the Earth. Your vows can contain phrases which are closer to, yet not bluntly, Pagan. Your Pagan officiate can discreetly raise and close Circle, in silence and without motion, or could call for a moment of silence or meditation. Your rings could have your Craft names inscribed upon the underside. Great Spirit or Holy Being or similar phrases can be used in place of the word God. Use a beautiful reading in lieu of a prayer, or even find a meaningful reading from the Bible or other religious source. Some of the seasonal symbolism later in this book might help you incorporate Pagan themes into your ceremony.
FLOWERS
If you are trying to match specific themes and symbols in any area of the ceremony, consider the flowers. Flowers are rich in lore and symbolism, and have been used throughout history in many different celebrations. Flowers can be used on the altar, in a bride�s bouquet, worn by the partners on clothing or as head-wreaths, strewn about the Circle, in vases or plant pots at the Quarters (perhaps colour-coordinated to each element/direction), or edging the walkway or Circle.
Creating a temporary flower-cast Circle, indoors or out, can easily be done in spring and summer with potted plants. A visit to the local greengrower or plant shop can provide one with the flowery edging for the Circle, and the flowers can make a lovely gift for the guests. Cooking herbs are also lovely, and useful later. Perhaps, as gifts, the guests might bring a potted herb or plant to line the Circle or walkway.
I have listed some common flowers and the properties attributed to them in the appendix at the end of this book.
INCENSE
Incense can be created or purchased to scent the air with a variety of aromatic nuances. Flowery scents, spicy, fiery, mellow, sweet... whatever the desired fragrance, incense is a mood-setter. If indoors, however, take care not to scent too heavily -- guests may be sensitive to scents or have allergies. Check a reputable incense book such as Scott Cunningham's Oils, Incenses, and Brews and Magical Aromatherapy for recipes and combinations for specific moods and symbolism. I have also inclucded an appendix for commonly-used herbs and their properties.
SPECIAL DECORATIONS AND SEASONAL MOTIFS
In an outdoor setting, tie small bells to tree branches with ribbons or lace, or use small windchimes; when the wind blows, the bells will sing like a forests' worth of faeries.
At a friend�s evening wedding, the couple had made jelly-jar candles with long wire handles. The guests were invited to take a jar and light the candles from the Handfast candle and then hang them from the trees, thus sharing and spreading the light of love.
Seashells are symbols of the Goddess, especially cowry shells which are the Yoni symbol. An outdoor Circle may be outlined with stones, driftwood, seashells, and other oceanic gifts. Do remember that seaweed can smell pretty foul when damp, and make sure the shells are free of occupants.
To make a lovely centerpiece or quarter marker, arrange small baskets with birch bark, bittersweet berries, wildflowers, herbs, acorns, twigs, nuts, or pinecones. Nuts denote fertility, but even if fertility is not the goal, it still makes a lovely addition to the decorating.
For fall celebrations, colours abound! Edge the Circle in corn of varying colours, corn stalks, pumpkins, grain sheaves, chestnuts, gourds, apples, and colourful fall leaves. Add grain stalks to a bouquet or head-wreath (available at markets and craft stores).
In winter, make the Circle beautiful by surrounding it with fir boughs, with red or white tapers interspersed at even intervals. In an indoor setting where candles are not safe or allowed, twining clear holiday lights within the boughs creates a sweet effect. And if fresh pine boughs are unavailable, modern faux boughs and garlands are nearly indistinguishable from live foliage (and there are far less needles to vacuum). Pine cones are versatile, and holly can be used for crowns and altar trimming. If you're using live mistletoe, be cautious as the berries are toxic.
Spring is a time of renewal, of births and beginnings. Being handfast in the springtime is both pleasure and pain if outdoors -- be mindful to have an alternate inside space in case of inclement weather. Apple trees' white buds and sweetly-scented petals are a lovely addition to the ceremony spot. Apples and apple tree wood are a traditional part of love magick.
A Midsummer wedding in a garden setting hardly needs other decorations. If you are fortunate enough to own or find a garden spot with a proper ceremony space, a strewing of extra flowers can make it festive indeed! Float flowers in bowls of water at the quarters, or use them strewn or potted to line a pathway.
CLOTHING
Traditional wedding white or jeans and tee-shirts? There are more options than ever before in acceptable wedding attire. If you're seeking raiments other than black and white, you may wish to refer to the colour guide in the appendix at the end of this book.
Many are drawn to the styles of dress within the medieval frame, which especially suits the Arthurian crew. Costumes and patterns can be easily found through recreationist societies such as the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronisms) and catalogues catering to this mode of millinary.
Ritual robes or Circle garb is certainly appropriate to wear for a wedding, but if the partners worship skyclad... I suppose that choice of attire would depend on whom they are inviting as guests!
There have also been theme weddings -- piratical themes, luau parties, and complete costume galas. Remember that it is the signing of the marriage license that makes the joining legal -- the celebration and ceremony are entirely up to you!
Music is a wonderful and traditional part of weddings. The key is to plan when music should occur, what music and/or instruments to use, and for how long. Traditional wedding music such as The Wedding Song, The Rose (Bette Middler), and popular songs from radio and movies have been used. Vocalists can be solo or accompanied, or instrumental music can be performed on flute, piano, organ, harp, bagpipes, guitar, and violin.
If a musician is hired, be specific as to the ceremony's needs. I attended a wedding where a bagpiper played for the reception - we soon found that during the 3-hour reception, he knew exactly 40 minutes worth of music. One can bear "Amazing Grace" only so many times in one afternoon.
Space is also a consideration. A string quartet might not fit in a smaller area, and the sounds of a single guitar might be lost in an outdoor setting.
There are some song suggestions and music listed in an appendix at the end of this book.