Where might one get married? Horns and Crescent Magazine did a beautiful article on sacred spaces (Summer Solstice and Lughnasadh issues, 1998), some of which would be perfect as handfasting sites. Although this article was based on sites in the New England area, it might generate ideas for places to hold a ceremony. My first Handfasting took place in a stone circle near the ocean, surrounded by 13 oak trees.; my second was held at our home in the back yard.
Outdoor ceremonies are lovely, but they present a whole new set of challenges (remember, they call them the Laughing Gods for a very good reason). Also, for any guests that have mobility constraints or special needs, some outdoor sites may not be suitable. A backup indoor site is always a good idea - fraternal orders such as Knights of Columbus or the Eagles Club may have function halls and good facilities for weddings and receptions. Restaurant function rooms may also be a good choice. If there is an alternative indoor site chosen, be sure it is listed (with directions) on an invitation or notice in case of inclement weather.
Some possible outdoor sites include public and state parks, university greens, private lots (with permission), by the water or on a public beach.
For those wishing to partake of a somewhat more traditional church wedding but with Pagan themes, check into the use of a local Unitarian Universalist church.
The Ring has ever been a symbol of the earth, the Moon, the Goddess, of life itself, the Circle of birth, death, and rebirth. The all-encompassing circlet of a ring of love around human flesh is a vivid reminder of the union shared by two (or more) people.
I have to laugh at the amusing dichotomy I discovered upon researching gold and silver for this book. When I was handfast the first time, my mate and I chose silver rings at the behest of our priestess. In some symbology, gold has the magical properties of abundance and richness; silver, on the other hand, makes one “appreciate the purity and simplicity in poverty.”1 We were most certainly aware, but not always appreciative, of our poverty.
There are hundreds of designs of wedding bands, from a common gold circlet to rings encrusted with precious stones. If the partners are seeking a special or out-of-the-ordinary ring, have them check with local artisans. Some handfasted couples have found places which will engrave the inside of the band with their Craft names... in Runic! There are also lovely examples of Celtic knotwork rings complete with historical information. The Quaker Tree of Life has been used in several ceremonies I have been part of, as well as rings set with specific stones. Particular stone can have magickal meanings as well - common meanings for accessible gemstones can be found in the stones appendix.
Since the rings are the symbol of union, it is important to remove any outside energies and influence - if this is a store-bought piece of jewelry, most likely many people in many frames of mind have handled it. The blessing and purification of the rings can be done in a variety of ways. The HP/S or partners can bless and purify them for an extended time in a sacred area, it can be done during the ceremony in a brief honouring of the Elements or as part of a larger sacred act. Though a good method of purification is to immerse an object into salt water for an extended period of time, this can corrode or discolour silver rings as can laying the rings in dry salt. This immersion does not appear to adversely affect gold. Another method is to tie a piece of string to the rings and bury them in the earth in a safe place (or in a potted plant) with the string hanging out or tied to a plant for a moon cycle or three full sun cycles (days).
Commonly, wedding rings are worn on the ring finger of the left hand. Many gay and lesbian couples are prefering the right hand. The choice is, of course, the partners.
When rehearsing the ceremony, be sure to include the rings. Some men have larger knuckles and a ring may not slip on easily, so they should practise. Many an amusing moment has occurred during the ceremony when one partner struggles valiantly, after solemn words of promise, to get the doggone thing on the finger of the nervous mate.
This is where the fun begins! If the partners are part of a Circle, or in a creative group of family and friends, the altar and altar items may become wedding gifts, especially if the partners request it. Or the couple can surprise each other by obtaining certain items; the HP/S might do the same. If a new chalice or other item is to be used during the ceremony, especially something purchased from a store or catalogue, it should be cleansed beforehand, preferably with a salt and water wash to remove previous influences and energies.
ALTARA wonderful and lasting gift with definite spiritual ties would be the altar. Someone gifted in the arts of woodcraft might design and build a special altar as a gift for the couple, to be used during the ceremony and/or later. Each wood has a different trait or vibration, and specific wood can be used for specific energy. (For individual properties, see the appendix on wood).
ALTAR CLOTHSA friend of mine once sewed and hand-embroidered a special altar cloth for our Circle; such a thing could be a beautiful gift for a new partners. The cloth could be used specifically for the Handfasting (and subsequent anniversary celebrations), general use, a specific seasonal or holiday motif... or all 8 holidays!
Use cross stitching for decorative enhancement and magickal spice! Embroider a special message or spell in Runic lettering – and what an appropriate time to utilize knot magick as well! Symbols, pictures, or Celtic knotwork can also be appliqued or embroidered onto the cloth. Beautiful patterns for pictures and borders are available at any sewing or craft shop.
CANDLES AND CANDLE HOLDERSIf one is experienced in candle-making, one might create a special candle for the ceremony. Pressed flowers and herbs on the sides are very attractive, or one could create a candle with a special stone or crystal hidden within the wax (but make sure the stone is not heat-sensitive). Be aware that certain wax dyes can somewhat discolour clear quartz crystal and other stones, and that the wax may leave a residue on the stone. Sigils and symbols for prosperity, fertility, love, and passion may be carved into the candle.
Special candle holders are a beautiful and practical gift for most any Pagan, from a simple crystal candlestick to a cast-clay Celtic knotwork-adorned work of art and everything inbetween. If one is skilled in woodcraft or pottery, a set of holders would make a fine gift, and the design choice is nearly limitless.
ColoursCandle colours play an important role in all aspects of Pagan ritual, and certainly in a marriage. Red and pink are the colours of love and passion, and are very appropriate, but as colours have individual meanings, another shade (or more than one) could be found to be more desirable. The candle appendix has a listing of basic colours and the most common associations.
ShapesPsychologically, shapes mean different things. A triangular or pyramid shaped candle symbolizes intelligence, mystery, and power; a spherical candle stands for passion and the Earth, Sun, and Moon; a Sun or Moon shaped candle may be used to symbolize the Lord and Lady. God and Goddess candles are available from Pagan shops and catalogues, as well as male and female figures and phallus-shaped candles.
The number of sides the candle has can also play magickal importance. See the appendix on numerology, bearing in mind that One stands for a spherical candle, and Two is for a taper or cone.
LIBATIONS AND DRINKING VESSELSThere is a huge variety of unique chalices in Pagan shops, pottery stores, and catalogues. A lovely chalice set was given to friends of mine on the 10th anniversary renewal of their handfasting vows -- cast in silver, the chalice was actually in two pieces which fit together to form the Yin-Yang symbol. There are cups with stags, moons, human figures, and since the medieval style is so popular it is easy to find a goblet with dragons or faeries wound about the stem, or something in an Arthurian theme. Plain silver or crystal chalices are also lovely in their simplicity, and can be easily engraved. Wooden, stone, or clay vessels can also be purchased or created, and have a more earthy tone.
To go with the chalice, why not a special beverage for toasting or Cakes and Ale? In Trish Telesco’s book, A Witch’s Brew, there are many wonderful recipes for celebratory drinks both alcoholic and non, easy to make and very tasty! Telesco also references the symbolism of herbs and spices used in the drinks, as well as different celebrations and the beverages associated with them.
HOUSE STONESI have found house stones to be an integral part of household harmony, and a good gift. I suggest that the partners find a stone from an area of water (ocean, river, lake). The stone should be at least baseball-sized, but not much larger than a melon for reasons of placement within the household, and moving it sans hernia. The stone need not be precious or semi-precious (if you are able to afford such a thing, adopt me!) but perhaps meaningful in some way by design, shape, composition, or history. If the partners are choosing the stone, they should fully agree on the selection.
BROOMA broom is a wonderful gift. It can be used in the ceremony to sweep the sacred space free of negativity, the couple can jump over it at the ceremony’s end, and it may be used in ritual again or hung in the home (oftentimes over the front door). A variety of brooms are available from Pagan shops and craft shops, or one could be hand-created. Caution is advised when using real Broom, as the straws are toxic to children and pets if ingested.
The broom can be decorated with flowers or beads, or runes and symbols can be carved or burned into the handle. Knot magick is effective when binding the straws to the handle.
PERSONAL GIFTS AND OTHER IDEASThe creation of a piece of music or poetry is a most personal and loving gift. My first CD was the result of having been asked to sing at two dear friends’ handfasting. I created a song for them, and planned on recording it as their gift. But this simple exercise became a gift to me in return, as the one song I had planned on recording blossomed into an entire CD with more to follow. Their song “Man to Man” is the most popular single thus far. And while one's forte might not be music or poetry, it is honestly amazing what can flow forth from the depths of love in one's heart.
A “bridal bedroom basket” makes a great gift. Find an appealing basket and fill it with candles, massage oils, lotions, incense, chocolates, and perhaps sexual toys and condoms.
Decorating the “escape vehicle” has been a tradition since vehicles were available, but that’s not all that can be decorated. On two occasions, friends of mine were married at a Pagan gathering, so we took it upon ourselves to decorate their rooms. One room was decorated in ribbons and pretty baubles, with a gift basket left on the bedside table. But the second room... we put crumbled newspaper in the pillowcases, blew up condoms and rubber gloves to leave in strategic places, re-made their bed backwards (with the opening at the foot), and all kinds of similar michief. They loved it.
Oils and incense come in a wide variety, and are both useful and sensual. Create a honeymoon blend or love oil for wearing or using in an aromatherapy vessel. The same can be done with herbs and spices for a loose incense to be burned on a charcoal disk or as potpourri (which then opens a wide avenue for choice of holding bowl or basket). Massage and scented oils are wonderful presents, and can be custom-created at many shops specializing in bath and body items..
Plants, bushes, and trees are multi-functional gifts. Not only are they lovely and useful, some plants have magickal qualities. For example, give the gift of a cactus, ash tree, or rosemary for protection; aloe, peppermint, and violets for healing; a pine tree, sage plant, or basil for prosperity. (See more uses in the Herbs and Wood appendix).
For the frustrating “people who have everything,” gift certificates are always an option, but think of other useful gifts... how about donating collected funds to a local charity in the newlyweds’ names, or use the funds to purchase a needed item for an impoverished family? Collect up blankets or non-perishable food items from each guest and donate them to a shelter. Gifts are not just physical “things” that are purchased, wrapped, and delivered.
