You will need:

100 grams of fresh twiglets
10 litres of high quality Dulux pink matt emulsion paint
½ tonne of ice cold ice
1 bottle of fine Smirnoff's Vodka
1 Shrimp
1 tube of corse mustard
2 bottles of fine Smirnoff's Vodka
5 unique Dutch Tulips
184 dead mice
3 bottles of fine Smirnoff's Vodka
1 Herring
26.45 litres of freshly made Hydrochloric Acid
1 Pine Tree

Paint each twiglet and freeze for 100 hours, add to the ice, 1 bottle of fine Smirnoff's Vodka, 2 bottles of fine Smirnoff's Vodka and 3 bottles of fine Smirnoff's Vodka.

Give your pet cat the 184 dead mice and the herring.
Take the twiglets and place them gently into the iced Vodka for 243 years.
While you wait for these 243 years to pass, cook the shrimp marinated in the Hydrochloric Acid at gas mark 10, add mustard and eat. If you are still waiting, plant the Pine Tree and Tulips and read the Bible.
After 243 years, pick up the ice and throw it away. Start a pine tree and tulip shop, and with the money you make buy a decent prawn cocktail.