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Say Cheese!
THERE WAS “ORO”…
AND IT WAS A WORD… OR MAYBE IT WASN’T…
AND THERE WAS REAL LIFE…
AND IT EXISTED… OR MAYBE IT DIDN’T…
AND KAMI-SAMA STOOD BACK AND PONDERED THEM BOTH…
AND KAMI-SAMA BECAME CONFUSED ON WHETHER OR NOT IT “WASN’T” OR IT “DIDN’T”…
AND SO KAMI-SAMA CREATED KENSHIN…
AND KENSHIN WAS CONFUSED *FOR* KAMI, INDEED…
AND SO KAMI SMILED…
AND SAITOU SMIRKED…
AND KENSHIN ORO-ED SOME MORE… ^^*
:) ~ :) ~ :)
Chapter 8: On a Definition of Oro and the Reason for Our Very Existence
Saitou oro-ed.
Oh, wait, that’s not right. Kenshin oro-ed.
But now we’re forgetting tradition! Oh, my God, oh, my God, let’s just start over…
Saitou frowned.
He wasn’t alone anymore.
It made him mad.
It made him angry, furious, enraged, irate, incensed, petulant, raging, wrathful and provoked. .
It made him irked.
It made him redundant.
But he wasn’t alone. And so he frowned. Really, in the past little while, he hadn’t been able to find anything to soothe his strange “thing.” When he was alone, he wanted company, but when he had company, he wanted to be alone! All in all, it was quite strange.
And so he frowned about it.
And frowned some more – Just for the heck of it.
And nearby, Kenshin *glared* up at his, um, companion and *willed* him to smile. (i.e. ‘Smile, smile, smile!’ he willed. ^^*)
But, either Saitou was very weak in ki sense or very good at disguising this aforementioned sense, because he simply stood there, without moving or blinking or even frowning! After a short while, Kenshin began to wonder “what was up.”
And meanwhile…
Saitou tore across the field “happily”, i.e. emotionlessly, pleased to be alone again.
And he suddenly frowned (again).
For he had suddenly some to the conclusion that he needed company again. He had come to expect this feeling for some time now, and so he knew precisely what to do. He about facedabout-faced and returned to wherever it was he had come from. (Who actually knows where they are? In fact, after the previous chapter, they ran off all by their lonesome. I had to search for *hours*! So, I’ll just say they’re somewhere on the way to Kyoto…)
When Saitou finally reached wherever it was he was going, he wasn’t surprised to find our dear Kenshin poring over the wooden decoy confusedly. Saitou could have laughed at his ingenuity, or even smiled… but he didn’t. Instead, he cleared his throat and said, “Oi.”
And at this, Kenshin looked up with an (if possible) even more confused look and let out a resounding “oro.” Or, at least I think it was an “oro.” It may have been an “ororo.” Oh, well…
And at the sound of this, Saitou covered his ears and complained for the first time *ever* (in this story, anyways). “Have I ever told you how incredibly *stupid* that word is?”
“Oro? What word?”
“That word.”
“Oro?”
“Hai, that word.”
“Oh. Hai, actually… Everyone tells sessha it’s stupid, de gozaru.”
“So why *must* you use it?”
“Sessha wa shitte imasen, de gozaru…”
Saitou sighed. He ha—Well, hate was a strong word. He strongly disliked the word with a passion. Heck, he didn’t even know what it meant, but he *hated*, oops, he intensely loathed it nonetheless. So, as a spur-of-the-moment question, he asked, “So, what does it mean?” On second thought, it wasn’t really imperative that he know, but oh well, it would waste time.
And at this, Kenshin immediately yanked out his ‘Official Book of Kenshin Words,’ where he flipped the pages to the ‘O’ section. “Oro:” he read, “An expression of confusion, shock, horror, excitement, sadness, happiness, etc. normally used by K—oh, er… me. May be used without warning and at any given time, even when it is pertained to be irrelevant to context.. See also: ‘Ororo’ and ‘Ororororororo…’” Kenshin looked up from the book. “Does that clarify it?”
Saitou frowned. He still didn’t know what would make a person want to use a word like that. It was so… Saitou couldn’t quite figure out what the word was that he wanted to put in that spot.
But *suddenly*, as if on cue, Shishio leapt up from nowhere. “BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!” he laughed maniacally. “BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!” he laughed some more.
And Kenshin and Saitou stood there in confuzzlement. (I know that’s not a word) for a moment, pondering what might be in store for them this time. While they did that, Shishio laughed some more incessantly. He continued on his laughing rampage until he was rudely interrupted by himself. Shishio coughed from lack of air, and, once he had regained his breath… continued laughing some more. “BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!” he laughed. “BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!”
And Kenshin and Saitou stood there for awhile, but soon left as they realized Shishio was showing no signs of even taking note of their presence. They took this to their advantage as they sneaked away to God only knows where.
And suddenly God Himself showed up and pointed them in the right direction. He walked with them a little ways, making small talk, before disappearing off into Heaven and leaving them with their own devices once again. Kenshin and Saitou continued on as if nothing peculiar in the least had happened, making their way to Kyoto at quite a slow pace, surprisingly. Saitou lit up quite a few times along the way, and Kenshin almost grew bored, as he had nothing to take up time. He almost started singing, before he remembered he wasn’t alone and thought better of it.
Then, a thought came. ‘Make. Him. SMILE!’ Kenshin drew back slightly and pondered Saitou’s retreating form, wondering how he could make the man smile. As we have mentioned before, in many of the previous chapters, he really had no clue on how to do it. Every idea he had though up just seemed highly un-Saitou.
But, on second thought, Kenshin thought that Saitou having a wife was very un-Saitou, so… Maybe there was more to the man than he had initially thought…
And so, Saitou walked and smoked, and Kenshin walked and pondered, and all in all, it was a fairly silent journey.
But, alas, after many, many moments on pondering about Saitou, Kenshin grew bored once again and began pondering what every ponderer has once pondered: The Meaning of Life.
And, strangely enough, Saitou started pondering the meaning of life at almost the exact same moment. Now, that was coincidental! A little too coincidental… (And that was cliché… A little too cliché…)
And so Saitou and Kenshin pondered their separate ponders.
Saitou thought, “Life is like a big, fat box of cigarettes. The more you take, the closer you get to death.”
And Kenshin thought, “Life is like a Sakabatou. If you don’t use the blunt side, someone’s bound to die. But, waaaait a second…. In life, someone’s bound to die anyway… Chikuso, that doesn’t work…”
And Saitou and Kenshin both thought about the meaning of life for a long, long time. Saitou was running out of ideas, and Kenshin had really had none to begin with. ‘Life is like… a pillowcase… It’s soft and fluffy and… No… Life is like a tree stump… Pink bunny slippers… Feather dusters… Sake… Ah! Life is like sake… The more you use up, the less you have…’
And Saitou and Kenshin thought for a long, long, long, long, long time more. Just to give you the impression on how long they thought, consider the length of time Kenshin & Co. spent fighting Shishio. Double that and add 2 episodes, and that’s how long they thought for.
And Saitou frowned some more. He was out of ideas.
And Kenshin almost frowned, but decided to set an example and smiled instead.
And Saitou looked over at him and simply frowned some more. After quickly making sure the man wasn’t looking in his general direction, he yanked out a weathered, dog-eared book labeled ‘The Meaning of Life for Dummies.’
Saitou perused the book for a moment and frowned. ‘What?’ he thought. ‘There’s no reference to smoke or cigs in here? Life is a box of chocolates? Life is a bowl of cherries? Oh. My. *GOD.*’
Saitou nearly exploded in agony and threw the book at the nearest available solid object: a nearby tree. He pondered the picture a few moments before saying aloud, “Life is like a book about life. If you throw it against a tree, you’ll never find out how it’s supposed to end.”
Kenshin blinked.
Saitou blinked.
They both blinked.
Shishio appeared out of nowhere again and laughed insanely. “BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!”
And Kenshin suddenly thought of another phrase that was incredibly stupid and not even remotely funny, even if it was meant to be. “Life is like a Raisin… If you don’t shut it up, it’ll just keep laughing.”
And Shishio suddenly stopped.
And Shishio suddenly glared.
And Kenshin was suddenly very, very scared of what the man could do to him. He quickly hid behind the tree stump he had examined some time back.
And Shishio glared and glared and glared some more, and glared and glared and glared and glared… and ran away forever.
And Saitou looked at his retreating form strangely.
And Kenshin did the same, except that he smiled ever so slightly. He inwardly laughed at Shishio’s baby-ish nature in a very un-Kenshin-esque way and smiled wider.
And Saitou frowned.
And frowned some more.
And did exactly what you all expected him to do. He sm—frowned again.
(AN: Yes, that was the anticlimax… Bua ha ha… Expect a climax any time soon now… It’s coming… It’s comin—Oh, wait… It’s all gone now… ^^* Gomen!) SO CLOSE! ^^*)
And Kenshin Do Ryu Sen-ed into the nearest available piece of land in his anger. ‘Grrrr…’ he thought, and began reciting a single mantraoath in his head over and over. ‘Make him smile make him smile make him smile…’
And, over by the tree, a very mutilated book sat in loneliness. Kenshin quickly noticed it and scooped it up, flipping through the pages. Not only was Saitou victimizing humans, but he was taking out his anger on the harmless little books!
And Kenshin spoke a few words to end the exceedingly short chapter. “Life is like a bowl of Saitous. Chances are you’ll never pick a happy one.”
~ Owari, Chapter 8 ~