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Say Cheese!
THERE WAS SAITOU…
AND HE WAS GOOD… SORTA.
AND THERE WAS TOKIO…
AND SHE WAS *GOOD*…
AND THERE WAS KAMI-SAMA…
AND HE WAS SYMPATHETIC…
AND HE FELT SORRY FOR TOKIO…
BUT TOKIO SAID, NO NEED!
AND SAITOU WAS GLAD…
AND TOKIO WAS GLAD…
AND KAMI-SAMA… DECIDED TO REMAIN NEUTRAL…
AND THAT WAS ALL…
:) ~ :) ~ :)
Chapter 7 AKA the Miracle Chapter: On Saitou’s Family and the Sheer Irony of What I Just Said
Saitou frowned.
He was alone. (But not really)
Again.
He was angry.
Again.
And so he frowned in frowning-ness…
And Kenshin looked up at the depressed man and frowned as well. ‘He’ll never smile… Never, never, never…’ He almost erupted into sobs at that, but was able to control himself. Having a hitokiri’s past could do that to a person…
And Saitou frowned some more and yanked out a cigarette from his Endless Pack of Cigarettes. (AN: Much like my Endless Box of Kenshins… Kenshins for all! *throws them at readers*)
But suddenly…
~ He did hear a sound coming over the snow… ~
~ It started in low… ~
~ Then started to *grow*… ~
And Saitou swore he could hear the sound of mite-sized voices singing in a language he did not care to understand… It sounded nary more than gibberish to him…
But, needless to say, they continued on towards Kyoto without further ado… Some random singing voices weren’t enough to stop them…
And soon, as it may have been predicted by some readers, they came across Saitou’s family…
And Saitou gasped and whispered, “Tokio…”
And Tokio looked up from singing the “Welcome Christmas” song, and whispered, “Saitou…” And slowly, the two began drawing closer and closer together…
“Tokio…”
“Saitou…”
“Tokio…”
“Saitou…”
“Tokio…”
“Saitou…”
“Tokio…”
“Saitou…”
And *finally*, they reached each other, and Saitou provided Tokio with the most seducing of embraces. “Tokio…” he mumbled into her ear. “Tokio…”
“Saitou…”
And Kenshin and Eiji in the background looked on in disgust and Kenshin asked, “They’re quite good at stating the obvious… Ne, de gozaru ka?” And Eiji nodded in agreement.
“Tokio…”
And it was at this point that Kenshin realized they were going to be there awhile, and so he began perusing the rest of the small crowd that had gathered. There was a man who, on first glance, appeared to be normal… But if one looked at him closely enough, one could tell that he had one green eye and one orange one… Kenshin found this very strange, indeed. There was an old, graying man with no legs and an old, graying woman with only half a face. In the middle of the group sat a coffin, on which was perched a young man with blue hair. Kenshin gaped at them all a moment before wandering over (for he was a wanderer after all) and asking who was in the coffin.
“Aah…” the old lady spoke to him. “’Tis Saitou’s onii-san…”
Kenshin almost choked. “Saitou’s… o-onii-san?”
“Hai…”
“Masaka?!”
“Hai…”
“Hai?”
“Quite slow, aren’t you? Ahem, Saitou has a brother. Saitou’s brother has recently died. Therefore, the man in the coffin is Saitou’s brother!”
“You mean there’s more than one from the Saitou bloodline?”
She sighed and muttered sarcastically, “I suppose that’s what we’d be drawing from this… Hai…”
“Eep!” Kenshin cried out and momentarily thought about running away forever.
“Too bad… He was such a good man… Oh, well, there’s still seven of them left, so I suppose it’s not such a loss…”
Kenshin nodded absent-mindedly before doing a double take. “Nani?! *Seven* more!?”
“Hai… Their mother had eight children… All on the same day, too… Quite miraculous, isn’t it? Funny…” she reminisced, “how they all seemed to think alike…”
But by this point, Kenshin was long gone and desperately trying to drag Saitou away from this loony bin. He had had enough!
“Tokio…” Saitou mumbled.
“Saitou…”
“Tokio…”
“Minna!”
“Saitou…”
But Saitou was pulled out of his trance by a yell in his ear. “SAITOU-SAMA!” He looked down at his companion-of-sorts and frowned.
“Saitou-sama, can we leave? Sessha means, right now? Right, right now? Let’s go… Onegai?”
“Iie.”
“Demo… Demodemodemo… What if they show up?”
“Dare?”
“Your brothers…”
Saitou blinked. “I haven’t got any brothers…”
Kenshin blinked. “Nani?”
“I’m an only child.”
“Nani?”
“Just me…”
“Nani? But then… then…”
“Thennnn…?”
“Who’s in the coffin?”
“My great-great-grandfather twice removed’s uncle’s daughter’s son’s nephew’s neighbor’s distant relative’s friend’s dog.”
Kenshin blinked twice. “Oh. Demo, your mother said—”
“She’s not my mother.”
“Oh,” he mumbled, beginning to piece together the random pieces in his mind.
And Saitou and Tokio resumed their previous engagement without further ado. “Saitou…” Tokio whispered in his ear.
“Tokio…” Saitou suddenly pulled away and led his behind a large fence Kenshin was sure hadn’t been there a few minutes ago. From behind the fence, the random “Saitou” or “Tokio” could still be heard. And Kenshin sat down on the grass and began to ponder.
But he was suddenly lonely.
And he looked over to Saitou’s family conversing amongst themselves, and over to the fence, which spoke for itself, and he was lonely.
And he sighed in his loneliness.
But *suddenly*…
Megumi materialized out of nowhere and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Oro?” he muttered confusedly, watching as the vision left as quickly as it had come. He watched to see if anyone else would come and delight him with their company, but nobody came.
And so he was alone again.
And he sighed in complete boredom and sat there doing absolutely nothing.
Meanwhile, behind the fence…
“Saitou…” Tokio muttered, pulling on a few stray pieces of her lover’s hair.
“Tokio…”
“Saitou…”
“Tokio…”
“Saitou…”
And it went on…
And over near the coffin, Eiji stood. More people had arrived, making him feel like something of a 10th wheel… He meandered around aimlessly before taking a bored seat beside our momentarily forgotten ex-hitokiri. “Is it real?” he asked on impulse, as he was an impulsive child and it was quite his nature to ask a brash question such as the previous one.
“Nani?” Kenshin turned to look at him confusedly.
“Your hair… Is it real?”
“Oh… Hai, de gozaru…”
“No way. People just don’t have hair that color…”
Kenshin looked down at the small party below him, pointing to the blue-haired man. “His hair is pretty unnatural, too…”
“He dyed it.”
“Oh.”
“Hmph.” Eiji spoke with pride. “So there. I’m right, you *did* dye your hair.”
“Iie… Sessha didn’t…”
“You must have.”
“Nope.”
“You can’t have been born with it…”
“Demo, sessha *was*…”
“No way…”
And suddenly, Kenshin found himself yanked out of Japan and plopped into New York City. “Oro?”
And meanwhile, on millions of televisions across the country, a commercial played, showing a man with red hair wandering around aimlessly, followed by a close-up of this aforementioned hair and a women’s voice speaking. “Maybe he’s born with it… Maybe it’s Maybelline…” The commercial ended, and began playing one advertising chocolate-flavored Band-Aids. Kenshin was thrown back into Japan where he landed with a *thud* back beside Eiji.
“What was that?” the young boy asked.
“No clue…”
“Oh.”
Saitou and Tokio looked up from their affairs at the sunset… They marveled at its beauty a moment before Tokio mumbled, “Saitou…”
Saitou turned to look at her and frowned. “You have something stuck in your teeth.”
And Tokio suddenly screeched and ran off to a bathroom, leaving Saitou in a state of shock. “Kidding!” he said loudly, but it was in vain, as she was already too far away to hear him.
And Saitou frowned.
He was lonely.
Again.
And he *hated* it…
Meanwhile, Kenshin and Eiji looked on in mutual confusion. After quite a few moment of watching night fall, (“Itai,” it said. Gomen, couldn’t help but put that down…), Eiji asked, “So is it real?”
“Hai!”
“I don’t believe you…”
“Oh—” Kenshin started to say, but was suddenly surrounded by adoring women. “Nani?” The song “Beauty School Drop-Out” started playing in the background.
Kenshin’s eyes widened as the form of Kaoru materialized before him. Kaoru stared daggers and yelled, “How *could* you? After all we’ve done…” She ran off behind the fence, but reappeared after a nanosecond with a look of pure horror on her face. She then continued running in the general opposite direction.
“Kaoru-koishii, onegai, let me explain!” Kenshin cried out and tore after her.
But suddenly, the picture completely froze, leaving him in a state of utter rigid-ness…
Because the chapter was over.
~ Owari, Chapter 7 ~