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Say Cheese!
THERE WAS THIS THING CALLED THE WORLD…
AND IT WAS GOOD…
AND ALL WAS HAPPY UPON THIS WORLD…
AND THERE WAS THIS BIG, FAT COW WHO WAS IRRELEVANT…
AND IT WAS NOT SO GOOD…
FOR THE COW STUNK TO HIGH HEAVENS…
AND SO IT WAS DEEMED BAD…
BUT THE COW WAS POINTLESS…
AND THE STORY WAS POINTLESS…
AND SO IT ALL WENT TOGETHER…
EXCEPT THAT THE COW REALLY WAS POINTLESS AND REALLY NONEXISTENT…
AND SO THAT WAS IT…
AND SAITOU FROWNED…
:) ~ :) ~ :)
Chapter 9: On Saturday Morning Fanaticism and the Sort of End of the World
Saitou frowned.
He felt it. Strongly.
*Very* strongly.
In fact, he felt it so *very* strongly that he was almost drawn to turn back from their route and run back to Tokyo that very
moment.
He felt it that strongly. That *feeling*… The one we always try to evade… The one that everyone fears.
Yes, our dear Saitou was in the midst of experiencing a Feeling of Impending Doom. *Gasp*
And it made him nervous. (Oh, all right, he was *scared*, but who'd ever think he'd admit it to a soul?)
But, alas, he was oh-so-deceptive in that last remark that he began to contradict it right then and there. "Oi, Battousai…"
he said in his usual way, for Kenshin was the only one in the general vicinity anyway… ^^* Had it been any other way,
Saitou likely would have spoken the words to someone else, *anyone* else… "I've got that feeling…"
Kenshin blinked, disrupted from the thoughts he had been pretending to have. "What feeling?"
"That feeling."
"Which feeling?!"
"That one."
"Which one?"
"That one."
"Ohh… *That* feeling…"
"Nope. The other one…"
"Which other one?"
"That one."
"*That* one?"
"Yes."
"Sessha sees…" he said darkly. After a long, dramatic pause for emphasis and pondering, he asked, "Which feeling was
that again?"
Saitou pulled his bangs in annoyance. "*That* one… You know… The one where…"
"Oh, y--" Kenshin began, but he was suddenly interrupted as he walked into a hippo. He blinked at it confusedly.
"Hello!" the hippo said happily. "And how are you today?"
"Ah… Fine, de gozaru…"
"Oh, that's wonderful, WONDERFUL! That's just wonderful!" And with that, the hippo about-faced and flounced off into
the wilderness. (Well, as well as a hippo can flounce anyway…)
"That was…" Saitou began. He then shrugged. It wasn't as if it was really going to determine the way he lived his life,
anyway… (Or maybe it will…Bua ha ha…)
Kenshin blinked some more, but not for any apparent reason. "Oro? What were we talking about again?"
Saitou pondered the question a moment before answering. "I… Oh, yes. The feeling…"
"Oh, right… *That* feeling…"
"Yes, *that* feeling…"
And, all of a sudden, Kenshin felt the feeling too… Something was about to happen… Something big… Something
important… And something terribly random…
~ :) ~ :) ~
Meanwhile, in Hell, Shishio pranced about gleefully. "I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've
got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got
it! I've got it!" he sang happily. "I've got it!"
"Got what?" Soujiro asked with a smile. "Got what, Shishio-sama?"
Shishio suddenly looked glum. "I don't actually know… It was just fun to pretend that I actually had a good idea…" He
suddenly erupted into sobs. "I'm so stupid. I can't do anything! Whywhywhy? Why can't I ever come up with a good idea?
Maybe I… Maybe I just wasn't cut out to be an evil villain… Villainous Principle says I must laugh evilly at any given
moment and always have a plan to get over an incredible obstacle… But I CAN'T and I DON'T!"
Soujiro grinned sympathetically (^^x*) at him. "Ara? It doesn't really matter, now, does it?"
Shishio sniffled. "No… But… I still want to kill them all…"
"So, go! Run! Fly free! Leave right now and kill them! Kill them ALL and take over Japan!"
And Shishio suddenly smiled. "Yes… That's what I'll do… I really think that's what I'll do…" And he laughed evilly.
"Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee-heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee-heehee…"
Um, or not…
~ :) ~ :) ~
Saitou frowned some more.
It was coming at a rate faster than he could have imagined. He could *feel* the *feeling* increasing and Doom coming
closer and closer and *closer* and--
*Bam!*
Oh.
It was there already?!
Saitou frowned in apprehension and spoke a few words. "You're early…"
Doom shrugged his shoulders. "Feh," he said without much concern. "My meeting ended early."
"Oh."
"… Yeah…" Doom spoke uneasily, as if he were holding the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself.
And, suddenly, out of nowhere, the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself appeared. "*Ploof!*" it ploofed as it fell from the sky.
Now Doom looked on evilly, Saitou looked on frowningly, and Kenshin looked on confusedly. All in all, they looked on
much as they would have had the situation been any different. So, really, that comment was pointless… So, really, I guess
I'd better be getting along with the story again… Yeah… Okay…
…
And so Doom, Saitou and Kenshin looked on in their typical ways. Of course, it could be inferred that nothing atypical
was about to happen. Right?… Riiiiiight…?
All of a sudden, the sky fell with a *thwmp.* Everything was immersed in darkness and Doom began to sing gleefully.
"It's the end of the world as we know it! It's… the… end of the world as we know it! [1] …" He continued to sing incessantly.
And meanwhile, Kenshin and Saitou sat, listening to Doom sing. In fact, it was beginning to get quite annoying.
And Saitou frowned.
And Doom smirked.
And Kenshin looked on in confusion some more.
But, suddenly, Doom spoke again. "It's the end of the world as we know it," he said, as if it could not have been inferred
by his lovely serenade."Therefore, I must leave and go to destroy someone else's life…" He looked at his schedule. "Ah…
Next is my little trip to Death's door…" Realizing the idiom he had said unknowingly, he laughed.
"Hahahahahahahahahaha! That was funny! I made a joke!"
Doom suddenly was surrounded in flame as he began laughing more and more evilly. "Mua ha ha ha… MUA HA HA HA!
I… AM… IMMORTAL!! MUA HA HA HAAAAAAAA HAAAA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA HAAA-HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
And he disappeared in a flurry of daisy and tulip petals.
After a long and overly dramatic pause, Kenshin said, "Anou…"
And Saitou frowned some more.
And sighed.
The feeling hadn't dispersed. It was growing stronger and stronger by the minute…
And he sighed again and frowned.
It was going to be a long day.
~ :) ~ :) ~
[1] Not Mine… ^^
~ :) ~ :) ~
Shishio grinned. "I've got it… *I've* got it… *I've* got *it*… I've *got* it… *I've* *got* *it*!"
Soujiro smiled in a not… exactly… sort of… kinda… partly… um…
And Shishio smiled again. "Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee…" he laughed. And smiled. And laughed. And smiled.
And--Alright…
And Yumi suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Shishio-sama," she proclaimed with added emphasis. "SHISHIO-SAMA,
ROCK ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"
And Shishio grinned some more. "Don't worry, Yumi… Oh, yes… I will…" And he glared with a Bad Guy Glare into the
nearest shiny surface.
Yumi frowned. "It needs work…"
Shishio twisted his face around into agonizingly uncomfortable positions. "Now?"
"No…"
"Now?"
"No…"
"How's this one?"
"Looks like my old dog when he wanted to go out…"
"… Now?"
Yumi gasped. "That's it… That's the one…"
And with that, the camera zoomed out slowly, leaving a startlingly disturbing picture of Shishio, his tongue stuck out and
eyes widened. Oh, yes, that was the perfect evil glare…
Sort of…
~ :) ~ :) ~
"Sessha has got it, de gozaru yo!" Kenshin suddenly cried out as a thought suddenly struck him. "Ii-ta-ta-ta…" he muttered
as he gingerly rubbed the spot where the Thought had struck.
Saitou looked on frowningly. "Got what?"
"Got milk!"
"Got milk?" Saitou questioned, and, upon speaking the fated words, was suddenly squashed by a mountain of chocolate
chip cookies. "@#$%^," he said angrily. "@$%^$%^$#$@#$%@#$%^%$^#$%%$!" He hurriedly unburied himself.
Kenshin laughed maniacally for a few moments. "Sessha just *knew* that would happen, de gozaru!"
Saitou frowned.
And so, being as Saitou was showing no signs of conversation, Kenshin continued on with his aforementioned statement.
"Sessha has got it, de gozaru yo!"
And Saitou hesitated for a moment. Sensing no impending danger, he spoke cautiously nonetheless. "… Got what?"
"The answer!"
"The answer to what?"
Without answering, Kenshin disappeared under the blanket of sky. After a few long moments, he returned, carrying the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself.
Saitou raised an eyebrow curiously. "Let me guess… Now, we have to go looking for the….
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself, ne?" He snorted.
Kenshin blinked. "Sessha never thought of that, de gozaru…"
And, nearby, a Director gave a thumbs-up…
And suddenly, as if on cue… *~.^*
The…
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself popped up out of nowhere.
Saitou blinked curiously. "You know…" he started lamely. "I didn't really expect that to happen… Yare, yare…" He
quickly snatched up the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself, and unlocked the…
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself.
Note to Self: Lay back on the dramatic mentionings next time… It's getting tedious…
Note to Self: Add the word "mentionings" to my Laptop's dictionary.
Note to Self: Next time, exclude the "Note to Self"s… What makes you think people are even interested in what you say to
yourself?!
…
o.O
Anyhoo…
The… *sigh*
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself opened with a screech.
"Well…" Saitou said. With an un-Saitou-ish reaction, he leapt up and shouted. "Onwards! To the New World! To the New
Life! To wherever the Door takes us! To--"
"Saitou-san…" Kenshin intervened. "Sessha thinks we get it by now, de gozaru na…"
And Saitou frowned and said, "Saa, this is a perfect time for a scene change, don't you think? Right at the moment before
All is Revealed and the World is Saved?"
And, yes, it was indeed the perfect time…
The perfect time indeed!
~ :) ~ :) ~
Shishio grinned mischievously. "I'VE GOT-GOT-GOT-GOT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"
Soujiro smiled fake-esque-ly… (And vaguely lost a few brain cells upon hearing the description of this smile…) "Just
what have you got now, Shishio-sama?"
The mummy-imitation laughed evilly for the umpteenth time. "The Plan…" he said, his voice scarcely above a whisper.
"The Plan… My Plan… The Ultimate Plan… The High and Mighty Plan… The--"
Yumi planted a kiss on him gently. "Hai, hai…" She spoke a few overly clicheed words. "Win, Shishio-sama," before
suddenly yanking herself away and crying out, "Eii! Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot!!!"
Shishio looked on in befuddlement. "Eh?" he asked in befuddlement. He turned away slowly and made his way up towards
the Real World, as it be. "Bua ha ha…" he laughed, before disappeared into the flames…
~ :) ~ :) ~
Saitou almost smiled.
Almost.
The World had been saved. Again. Thankfully, beyond the…
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself, had been, shocker, Existence Itself! The sky was rightfully in its place,
and birds chirped, and the wind blew slightly, and the sun shone, and the sakura blossoms flowered, and…
Oh, scratch that.
It was your average day on the way to Kyoto. The sun shone, but it was blocked off by a familiar cloud of smoke…
A very familiar cloud of smoke indeed…
Saitou puffed.
And puffed.
And, heck, he just maybe even puffed some more!
And he was happy… (Well, he was as happy as he'd allow himself to look in public anyway… ^^)
And all was right with the World.
But *suddenly*…
Shishio appeared out of a whole in the ground. He laughed mischievously and evilly and crazily, all in one! "I. Will. Kill.
You," he spoke monotonously. He charged forward with extensive speed…
And suddenly fell into a dark pit of nothing.
And, hurriedly, Kenshin locked the…
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself.
*coughcough*
And, so, the World was saved from fallen skies, and from crazed assassins hell-bent on dominating Japan…
And it was saved from vicious government sanctums and raging fighters and intense bloodlust and hellish demons.
And it was saved from heartless tyranny and blunt rebellion and horrific bloodshed and harsh nostalgia.
And Kenshin smiled.
It had been a good day.
~ Owari, Chapter 9 ~
Chapter Eight ::: Chapter Ten