For all the things I've said, I'm sorry. For all the things I've done, I'm sorry. How I long for you to come back. I'm holding onto something yet holding onto nothing. To grasp this concept is hard enough. To believe in you is a fight I fight everyday. Yet when the day is over, do I run back to you? Will you be there waiting? These questions run through my head everyday. How can I be yours when I have hurt you so much? You hold me together when I am broken, yet when you were broken I spat in your face. Can I ever be like you? Can I ever keep myself from falling...deeper and deeper in my own depression? I need you, Lord, your light, my life is yours to change
I'm not Worthy
Falling, I'm constantly falling. My pain should not be on you. Undeserved and uncalled for, I fall. To see your face is impossible. I look at my feet shamefaced. When I am around with you, I am different. I know you can see through this facade. I am guilty of many things, including the death of you. I'm tumbling down through darkness, moving from the world I desire to be in, falling into patterns
I do not wish to commit. Grasping onto things that will be meaningless later. I let go of all I held on to, and grasp what is new. I stop falling for I am standing on my Rock. I have not fallen, but I have stumbled. I am held up by an invisible hand. I will not fall, I will never turn away. For I am held up by the one who died for me.
Narrow Path
I stand alone. Around me the stench of death weighs heavily around me. It is overpowering. I look down, and there is my old body, battered and bruised, out of his lips come the words..."you can't live without it." I don't understand what he meant. I don't know why I am here. I don't belong, yet I feel an attachment to this place. I feel like I was living here before, and I enjoyed it. I look around me...there are people walking, yet they don't seem to know where they are going. I tried leading one, but he didn't want to be led. I didn't know what to do... he seemed to know where he was going, yet he didn't. Where was he going? I do not know...He is heading down the crooked and broad road, dear one" a voice came...I looked around, and I saw him. A man clothed in white...the only one that wasn't dirty. "Yes, you know where you belong, your old body is lying before your feet, look at the body you have now." I looked down, he was telling the truth, my new body was clean, like him. "You belong to me now, come follow me." I was hesitant, for the road he walked seem small and dangerous. Yet, I felt like I should, for some reason, I thought I belonged to him.Yet should I follow him? Am I good enough? I don't think so, I never was good enough...he has held me up, like he promised he would, but he never promised that it would be a good life.I have followed him, and everyday, I see new people beside me, walking and walking along this narrow path.
Limited Love
My love, limited only by my hate. To be boundless in love, is a concept I cannot grasp. When I love I want something in return. Is it my human nature plaguing me? Or am I just selfish? How can one person love so much, and yet not expect anything but life in return. I lie on the floor, trying to escape, escape this depression, escape this life, this hate. The hate for my enemy grows, I cannot stop it. It grows and grows until I see nothing but hate. I cannot control this feeling, my love cannot overtake it. Jesus, yours can though, help me...serve others. Help me love those that hate me. Help me serve in utmost humility, the ones that despise me. I am yours for the picking. Take me in your arms. I am falling ever more in love with you.
Goodbye Media
The media, a foul part of the worldly bunch. It grabs hold, and reels me in. With no escape in sight, I struggle with the images flashed before me. The promotions for selfindulgence, and selfishness flash before me. 14 years I have been in their grasp. Unable to move. I have freedom now, I do not know how. I do know why, to a point. I don't know why I got it in the first place...I don't deserve it. I am no longer in the medias grip, I am no longer watching the world images flash before my eyes. I am free.
My Tribute to Sunny
You walk this narrow path, but you are not alone. Thousands are beside you. I know it is hard. Don't give up. We all are overcoming our own problems. We focus on what is truly important, and what is ahead. Don't give up. Although I have not talked to you in a while. You are still a close friend. An unbelievable one. Don't give up. Don't worry. It will soon be over.
My Tribute to my Christian Friends
I walk down this path...not alone. People are beside me. Thousands and thousands. People I don't recognize, and people I do. The ones I do are my friends. Although some I have grown closer to, others have drifted away. Things change, I can't stop it. Although I will miss them, I am thankful I have got to know them, for they have changed and affected my life in their own way. Keep standing tall, and keep walking strong, We shall not be conquered for we are on the winning side. Although it might seem like a pointless journey at times, don't give up. Let go of all that is not ours. Our hope shines brightly at the other side.