Posted by J on March 25, 1999 at 09:55:43 {MWrEF4/YdaJ9k}:
This weekend I am going to visit an older gentleman who pretty much saved my life when i was in my early teens.
After my parents divorced (I was 11) my mom got pretty much screwed up and the three kids ended up living on our own (ages 11, 14 and 17). I ended up being a street kid for about 18 months. Yes I was raised in the Truth. I continued going to meetings (occasionally) tucking my ponytail into my dress shirt so no-one ever saw it.
An elder took me under his wing. Taking me to his construction sites on a Saturday, teaching me how to work and paying me for it. He invited me to his home for a swim and barbeque and gave great little tidbits of advice as needed. He became an adopted grandfather to me.
I have just heard that he has been diagnosed with cancer. They give him about a month. (he's 83) Now he (like most in the area) has no idea that I am not the zealous brother that he trained me to be.
Throughout my life I have confided in him everything about my life (except for the last 3 years or so). Do I confide in him about my drifting away and reasons?
I think any motive I have for wanting to tell him is purely selfish. It will do him no good to know this on his death bed. sigh I already know I won't tell him but feel so low for deceiving him. He knows things aren't right with me and the Org but has no idea why. He told his son once that it hurts him that I cannot tell him what is wrong.
He is one of the reasons I have kept so quiet about leaving the Org. I never wanted to hurt him.
Thanks for letting me ramble on. I guess I just needed to put my thoughts in writing. SOmetimes it helps the thought process. I doubt if I will say anything except to thank him for the help and friendship throughout the years.
J