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| NAME: Tamara NICKNAME: N/A HOOKED-UP: 1993 NOTEWORTHY: I can best describe her with three simple words... One. Big. Mistake. In the aftermath of my failed relationship with Carrie, she targeted me in a way similar to Shannen--but with a noticable amount of aggression. She was 19 at the time, and a bit more forward with how she made her interest in me known: seating herself at the Tonight's Menu shows near where my costuming was kept, and then trapping me between her legs as I attempted to pass by in that row, was merely one of her tactics. At first I was flattered, but not really interested. Her appearance had not attracted my attention, so I didn't take any of it seriously. But she persisted; and the very same temptation that coerced me into hooking up with Shannen reared its ugly head once again. Compounding things was the fact that my relationship with Carrie had been sexless; so now the drive of an unsatisfied libido was clouding my judgement. Top this all off with some words of encouragement to "go for it" by those lecherous guys around us, and ya might say the odds were stacked against me holding out for long. I never liked the idea of a "rebound relationship." In the world of dating & romance, it seemed like an unnecessary step to me, and a waste of time for anyone wanting to make progress in their lives. Using someone else to "heal" yourself while getting over a tragic breakup is more like a dependency issue than a relationship problem. Most of all, in the wake of my first love lost, while others advised seeking out a girl to rebound with, I feared it would cheapen the previous relationship...essentially glossing over what had been the first love of my life. This is why I refuse to view Rebecca in such a way. She had been my next relationship and the first step in finally moving on. This time, however, I could not deny there was a need for one. After the fling with Shannen and failed relationship with Carrie both proving to be regrettable mistakes in different ways, I wanted to forget about 'em and just enjoy myself. Tamera appeared to be a fun girl in search of a good time; so after the show one night, we finally met when everyone was over at Denny's. It was there that we exchanged phone numbers; then after calling me the next day, she came over to my place...and, once again, I had sex on a first date. If thought of as "notorious" for anything, I can at least be proud of that. What I failed to immediately recognize were Tamera's true intentions. Wanting sex just like I did masked her ulterior motives for this physical activity to hopefully initiate a deep, longterm relationship that, she probably figured, would lead to engagement, marriage, children, etc. With no initial idea of what-the-fuck I just stepped in, cause to worry didn't grip me until a week later, when we met at the show in Montclair and she couldn't keep her hands off of me. I didn't know what to make of all the hugging, holding & close-proximity placement of herself near me at first; but soon recognized this smothering behavior for what it was as it began to literally restrict my movements. Then there were the phone calls that came in every day--often more than once. Add to this the one or two occasions when she unexpectedly showed up at my door to surprise me, and I was starting to feel chafed. And while it was very clear to me that I'd brought all this down upon myself, the ultimate decision to break it off with her came when realizing just how uncomfortable, smothered and outright trapped she was making me feel. Motives going into any kind of romantic relationship are often broken down in male & female definitions: guys use love to get sex, while girls use sex to get love. I had never promised love--or even suggested it--to Tamera. But she offered up sex to me without ever indicating there might be strings attached. She'd come onto me like a groupie in heat, then resented that I treated her like one. The story doesn't end there. Sincerely attempting to be abstinate in the wake of three problematic relationships, I'd had my fill of crazy bitches by then...while elsewhere, an alliance was forming. Shannen hated the idea of being dumped for Carrie; so you can imagine her distaste for my choice to subsequently hook-up with someone else over a possible reconciliation with her. However, when Tamera joined the population of "Dumpsville," they suddenly had something in common; so it didn't take 'em long to join forces. And from that point on, they were known as The Shit Sisters(TM). As such, they tried to stir up all sorts of crap in my life. Though they could not reach me beyond Rocky, stickin' it to me in Montclair & Redondo Beach every weekend was enough. Shannen was already performing in South Bay--getting Tamera to join cast as well--and was also a part-timer in Montclair...where these two attended shows and concocted plans to get at me. Although the details surrounding their mischief are not worth remembering, I'll never forget a futile attempt they made one time to bait me by dangling the proposal of a threesome under my nose. By then, even such a coveted opportunity seemed unattractive when offered up by these two females. Overall, they went to great lengths in turning my life into a slice of Hell, and it really started to affect me. Rumors began swirling through Redondo Beach of me being a male whore (my own damn fault for acting like one) all while these two--as a Magenta & Columbia--tried to make life difficult for me as a performing Riff Raff. Thankfully, I was not without allies & friends through all this. Their shenanigans on stage and within the show did not go unnoticed by our cast leaders; some already disliked Shannen for reasons of their own, and were similarly distrusting of Tamera. During their run as The Shit Sisters(TM), even as they focused on me the entire time, their flawed methods of attack caught resentful bystanders in the line o'fire. Ever the loyal best friend, TOBY at one point wisely pondered the grounds for all their bullshit by asking a simple question: "They got the dick--what more do they want?!?" ...which induced laughter on my part during a time when I found it hard to even smile. A noticable rift formed in Cast, which was most apparent at our post-show Denny's. The crowd that typically went for food afterwards gathered together as a rambunctious, fun-loving bunch seated within a certain group of tables. Since Shannen & Tamera always attempted to be a part of said group, I chose to seat myself elsewhere--usually on the far side o'the restaurant--out of sight (and hopefully out of mind) of those two. Naturally, TOBY would join me; and before long, others began to sit with us as well--most of them folks who tired of the same Shit Sisters(TM) antics that we were enduring. Pretty soon, the faction surrounding TOBY & I was substantial (and included my eventual second love lost) while many people in Cast generally started to distance themselves from the drama duo...some even ostracizing them outright. By the end of that year, Shannen was unable to continue performing at either show (got into trouble at home, I think); and Tamera just gradually lost interest in Rocky Horror. I cannot really refer to how things ended up as a "victory" of any sort. On one hand, it was some durability that got me through all of it; on the other hand, it was having the support of some good people around me. Trying to stay above all the childish tactics and not feeding the drama was the best--and only realistic--choice of action available to me. But in reality, this had all been brought about by my own libido dictating terms--a sobering truth I was well aware of that haunted me for some time. If only I'd been thinking more, and chasing less, it's possible this whole regrettable episode could have been avoided. Taking some time to look before I leap--and better resisting temptation--are lessons that would prove hard for me to learn, which is why similar mistakes would be repeated at least a few more times in the following years. I'm only human, after all. And sometimes, an idiot. I honestly don't know what happened to Tamera. As 1993 wound down, she had started dating other guys--which I sincerely hoped was a good, strong sign that she was finally moving on. But it is unknown to me whether or not she met the right guy for her, got married, had those kids or found that ideal life she seemed to be in search of. I can only hope her life wasn't negatively, permanently altered by having met me, or that it prevented her from moving on to better things. And it is also my hope that I never hear from her again. __________________________ |