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| NAME: Carrie NICKNAME: N/A HOOKED-UP: 1993 NOTEWORTHY: From the first time she caught my eye, I was immediately attracted to her. It was Spring 1989 as I paid a visit to TOBY and other friends on Canoga Park High School's campus: this little spitfire came along, did some mouthing-off, and for some reason, my eyes were glued to her the entire time. Behind the glasses she wore, this spirited young girl had a nice physique, lovely long hair and striking facial features that really drew me in. Within seconds after she had walked away, I was asking "Who is that?!?" She was, quite simply, a conundrum. Young, dumb & full o'cum as I was while approaching Age 20, her allure was simply too irresistable for me. I was anxious to meet her, and thankful she & TOBY were friends, for it didn't take long to be introduced. She already had a boyfriend (big surprise), but quickly accepted me as a close friend & confidant. I would later come to realize she was attracted to me also. Spent a good deal of time getting to know her that first year as we'd run into each other at our high school's football games, or I occasionally stopped to visit her at home. In fact, her place was among TOBY's last stops while making his rounds before shipping off with The U.S. Navy; it was where he bid farewell to both of us, and when I first felt the fear that he might never come home. He was, after all, joining the military at the end o'Summer 1989--soon to be going overseas on a ship that would eventually spend time in The Persian Gulf during the 1990-'91 war in Iraq. Many of us were/are grateful he returned home safely. Amidst departures, TOBY's was only the first. Not long afterwards, Carrie's boyfriend o'the time returned to his home state for an operation he needed to have. This separation period helped to strengthen my friendship with Carrie while probably causing his relationship with her to erode, which was worsened when she left California for Ohio in early 1990. I forget her exact reasons for leaving, but do recall she had family in both states as a byproduct of her parents' divorce. When things became too difficult for her after living with mother, sister & brothers here, she relocated to Ohio--going back & forth between her father's home and grandmother's house while out there. And it was in Ohio that she met a guy, got pregnant and became a mother at Age 18. She adapted to motherhood pretty well, but was very unhappy as a housewife. Being a poor match to the guy she was with, there was nothing positive about their union. Keeping in touch through letters and the occasional phone call is how I knew she was miserable. But I could do nothing to help her...at least, not until she returned to California in the Spring of 1993. That's when she had arranged for the three of 'em to drive all the way out here on a trip to stay with her mom. Hardly in town a couple hours, she conveniently slipped away and made a beeline for my place. And it was on that night TOBY & I reconnected not only with her, but with her mom, sister & brothers while also meeting the guy in her life. Days later, after concluding their relationship could not recover, her guy decided to take their child back with him to Ohio without informing anyone, which sent Carrie into a crisis mode unlike any she'd ever known. As divorce & custody procedings were scheduled, she became an emotional wreck; and during said time turned to me for moral support. We essentially picked up where we'd left off three years before; the closeness had never waned, and now with no man in her life as an obstacle, she sought to begin a relationship with me...although she had trouble admitting to it. This is one of the flaws in her personality: be it from a fear of speaking out, or an inability to articulate meaninful sentences, she simply had trouble communicating. Innuendos were prefferable to her rather than being straightforward & honest. Maybe it was due to her age, or perhaps a result of her upbringing; but she was prude in a sense that prevented her from being direct. What was very clear to me is that she had trouble asserting herself when it came to openly admitting her desires and telling me, face to face, of how interested she was in us getting together. One problem, though: I was dating Shannen at the time. When learning of this, Carrie was understandably jealous; but would not cop to it. Similiar to Rebecca in how she was very prone to jealousy, instead of acting snotty and attempting to be manipulative about it, Carrie was outright bitchy. As a temperamental, sometimes irrational creature, she was known for having emotional fits and stirring up drama. However, regardless of my own familiarity with this side of her nature, I made allowances for it because of our friendship; and more importantly, my attraction to her. Ultimately, when she showed real interest (without wholly confessing as much), I saw this as a second chance to date her--making up for the missed opportunity from years before. It also meant having to break it off with Shannen, which was a good thing when considering her age and our lack of compatability; but it posed a problem in how she would continue to be on the scene at Rocky Horror--both in Montclair and Redondo Beach. Therein lay additional trouble since I'd introduced Carrie to RHPS and was bringing her to both shows with me. After three long years, Carrie was finally my girlfriend...for all of three weeks. The first week was pretty good for us, but things went downhill from there. What had been so easy to do as friends suddenly became difficult once we were a couple in how she now had trouble opening up to me. As friends, she could tell me anything; but as her boyfriend, I was shut out. Thoughts were not shared, words were left unspoken and communication was almost nonexistent as the distance widened between us. Quite frankly, once she had me, she didn't know what to do with me. I was very, deeply hurt by this. Carrie was a friend I'd known for years who seemed to hold great potential as an ideal girlfriend for me if we could ever get together. Before ever meeting my first love lost, she was who I wanted; the person most likely for me to fall in love with and set things right in my torrid romantic life. And when finally happening, the relationship initially felt right; but the "happily ever after" failed to materialize. The harsh reality I came to face during our less-than-adequate coupling drew tears from my eyes on more than one occasion, as futile attempts at coming to grips with it all only led to indecision and further frustration. Unsure of where I stood and what she was feeling, efforts were still made to clear the air and bring us better understanding; but it was all for naught. In the absence of knowing what else to do, I chose to end our relationship before it turned negative. In some ways, it already had. Things went to Hell after that. Carrie didn't like the idea of us breaking up, but wasn't sure what to do about it. Before she & I could do anything--possibly even reconcile, I was told by a deceptive so-called friend of hers that Carrie had cheated on me. Already emotional about our failed relationship, this put me over the edge; and I cut off all contact with Carrie outright. My actions threw her into a tizzy, and it suddenly became her mission in life just to get through to me. But I would not allow it. Being so hurt, having become very vulnerable to someone who had almost earned my trust, I did not want to hear anything she had to say. At that point, all explanations spoken from her mouth would have sounded like lies to me, regardless of any truth they might have held. That failed relationship scarred our friendship forever. Although we did reconnect five years later, at the time of her sister's death in August 1998, things had noticably changed. During our years apart, she had given birth to her second child while dealing with another difficult longterm relationship on top of struggling through drug addiction. The loss of her sister drove a wedge between her mom & herself which may never heal; and she ultimately gave up on California living in favor of moving back to Ohio--doing as much in 1999 to be close with both her children. In the passing years since, TOBY & I both lost touch with Carrie. Last we heard was that she had settled down with a good man, and has been living a sound, quiet life. For her sake, I sincerely hope that continues to be the case. __________________________ |