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| NAME: Shannen NICKNAME: N/A HOOKED-UP: 1993 NOTEWORTHY: Whenever looking back upon the time I spent with this girl, the same conclusion always comes to mind: it was a mistake. Nothing more, nothing less. By early 1993, I had established myself as a Riff Raff with Tonight's Menu: The South Bay Rocky Horror cast down in Redondo Beach. Romantically, I was in something of a dry spell. My interest in Krys had given me tunnel vision, which discouraged all consideration of other possibilities; after that pursuit failed, subsequent "leads" led nowhere. So it's not difficult to imagine how a young girl that arrived on the scene and showed a serious interest in me got my attention. It did not happen right away. She first saw me as I arrived for the show one night: already in full make-up and intent on retrieving my tattered denim tux (used as my Riff costume jacket in those early days o'my "career") from the cast seamstress who was kind enough to repair it for me. The weight of Shannen's stare was hard to ignore. It reminded me of a Cindy reaction in how she saw a slender 6' tall guy with long hair, wearing tight pants & an open shirt, and was instantly enamored with the "rock star" style of image she felt it projected. I can't even remember how we met; but do seem to recall attempts that she made to show her interest in me. And for a while, I tried not to acknowledge her efforts; but it wasn't long before temptation finally got the better of me. I'm ashamed to say, in all honesty, that the choice to date her was based on a sense of desperation derived from not having had any recent luck with female pursuits. It would be selfish & inaccurate to place blame on anyone other than myself. Ultimately, there were certain expectations I held out for that didn't materialize fast enough. In the end, I felt an urge to be with someone--anyone...and Shannen was the only option readily available. To be brutally honest, somewhere deep down inside, there was a feeling that I could do better; but in the meantime, this person would suffice. I know that sounds rotten. But it is where my head was at during that point in time. It gets worse. Knowing my feelings for her were not strong at all, after we got together, I tried to set boundaries on our relationship. Instead of it being something romantic and loving, I was only interested in the physical benefits; and therefore, requested that she agree to being "fuck buddies." Had I possessed better sense, it might have been clear to me how agreeable she would be to anything at that time. The triumph was in "winning me over," to whatever extent; and she intended to hold onto what was considered a "prize" to her...regardless of how shallow it truly was. Much as this comes off reading like me as The Complete Jerk on top of being young, dumb & full o'cum, I was also entering a new stage of my life. I'd only been playing the part of Riff Raff for a few months, and was starting to see the potential rewards being offered up alongside new & profound recognition. Although there was an earnest effort on my part to remain humble, I had become aware of new opportunities that could be taken full advantage of. Still hurting somewhat from my first love lost, there was a small part of me who wanted to lash out; not in a violent way, but in a manner that pushed all feminine-preferred things like emotion & romance aside while allowing pure physical lust to take over...letting it dictate the terms of my very first selfish, shallow, meaningless trial run of going through groupies like Kleenex. I saw Shannen as an ideal place to start: young, impressionable and ready to worship. Beyond that, there was little we had in common; and even if I had grown to know her better, there was no possibility of us clicking or falling in love. But while I could at least see this for what it was, she could not. As a high schooler who had been raised on romantic idealism, she saw me as (potentially) the first great love of her life. Had I known early on there was a possibility of this happening... Aw, who'm I kidding? I was in it for the sex. Just another idiot thinkin' with his dick. Truth is, there was guilt building up within me that I hadn't predicted. Additionally, after a few weeks, one of those above-mentioned "certain expectations" materialized when Carrie came back into town--which further complicated things. But it was definitely because of Carrie that I finally broke it off with Shannen. Although we had only been together a month, it seemed like a lot longer to me. The tension, stress & guilt had taken a toll. Little did I know there would be plenty more to deal with. Shannen knew I dumped her for Carrie; but that was all she knew. I never confessed anything else to her; didn't feel a need to. I had my own demons to deal with; and she was, quite literally, still too young to help me or even understand. Plus, there were her ulterior motives; she wanted me back no matter what. Even though I had been a serious shithead, discarding her like rubbish, soon as she caught wind of problems in my relationship with Carrie, Shannen was calling me on the phone to find out if we could get back together. She was expectedly disappointed when I turned her down. My moral compass had been out of whack, but it wasn't totally disabled. I didn't have feelings for her, so it was best to leave her be. It was bad enough I hooked-up with Shannen and foolishly expected that someone young as she could accept/value a "fuck buddy" arrangement for what it is, then enjoy it without expecting or demanding anything more. It was a harsh lesson we both had to learn; and while a reader of this page may think she got the short end o'the stick, I'll ask for all conclusions to be held in check until after you've read my story about her becoming half of The Shit Sisters(TM). Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Nor as much baggage & bullshit. With the passage of time, things did calm down. Going our separate ways significantly helped--both in regards to relationships and within The Rocky Realm. As Tonight's Menu was nearing its January '94 end, Shannen was on the scene less; but when RHPS came back to The South Bay GCC a couple years later, she returned to performing during its brief run. In between those two Redondo Beach engagements, she tried unsuccessfully to join Midnight Insanity. In early 1999, she stopped by to visit briefly in Long Beach, and later attended one or two shows by Wild & Untamed Things. When speaking to her back then, I learned she had at least one child, and was settling down with the guy in her life. Hopefully it has amounted to all she wanted in her life and more. __________________________ |