I wish I could travel back in time and live it all over again. I didn't cherish anything back then. I had no concepts on life, everything went by too fast. I never knew that I was coming to Canada until the very end.    This girl in my class, I got so many things to say to her; so many things that i had not done correctly during the time with her.    The night before I left, she gave me a jade with her name caved on it, and a heart splitted in half. I got the left half. If you watch Simpsons, you would probably remember one episode where they talk about how Marge and Homer met in summer camp, and they had a heart-shaped rock split into two. It's kinda like that between us, but without a happy ending. But it is comforting that we still can be friends, and feel very positive on that. It's better to have her as a friend, than not having her at all. The letters she wrote to me are incredibly beautiful and touching.    That night, was the first time, I ever kissed a girl, on the cheek.


This is gift to me, from my class.

It says "��ˬ: ף��һ·˳�硣�������и�ȫ�µĿ�ʼ�����õ���� - ����1��ȫ��ͬѧ��2000.04.24 ". Written by her, representing the whole class.

and then I knew, it was time to bid farewell to all my friends...including her...
It wasn't easy to say good-bye. I remember it was on a 27 of April. The leaves were just starting to turn green. The morning after the night she gave me the jade and heart, I was waiting for her beside the school bus, and my taxi was ready to leave. She got onto the bus and looked down at me from the window. She didn't say anything. I looked into her eyes, and said:" I will love you forever! ����������. " There, I saw a single drop of tear, running down from her cheek ... ... I wish I were an artist so I can transform the whole scene into a flash movie. Words cannot descript how I feel.

I never cry, but I can't hold back my tears when the joyful, yet painful memories flash inside of my head. It hurts in my chest, breaks my heart. It was a very desparate time: thinking, dreaming, planning of going back, which never came true... There were countless times in my dream about meeting her, and subconsciously, during the dream, I knew that, this is not true, it's just a fucking dream again...
She is right, if you were meant to lose someone, then it's best to perserve this special person in your memeory, a fragile corner of the memory box.      Too young, too little time, too many memories, too sad ... ...
That's all we can do. Let the person go, but let the memories stay.


The above was written in 2003 and updated early 2005 or late 2004.

Critical UPDATE: Fall, 2005

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