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"Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."
---Michelle Pfeiffer
"How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it."
---Sara Swank
"I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"
---Leo Duracher
"A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house."
---Unknown
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
---Robin Williams
"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
---Steven Wright
"Teenager with nose ring, baggy clothing and spiked hair to friend: I don't really like dressing like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere they go."
---Unknown
"Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
---Unknown
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
---Unknown
"He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke."
---Unknown
"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."
---Joseph Conrad
"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."
---Kin Hubbard
"Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?"
---Courtney Huston
"English is a funny language--that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway."
---Mark Grasso
"School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone."
---Ashley Salvati
"A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely."
---Lubna Azmi
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."
Leonardo Di Vinci.
"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
Woody Allen.
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky.
A woman already knows.
Frederick Ryder
Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women?
So that we may love you instead of laugh at you.
Mrs. Patrick Campbell (English actress)