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What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. �
Dave Barry
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
NOW YOU SEE THAT EVIL WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH BECAUSE GOOD IS DUMB! -Dark Helmet in SPACEBALLS
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown
"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem."
C. Durance
"What I've done, of course, is total garbage."
R. Willard
"You have to regard everything I say with suspicion - I may be trying to
bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently."
-J. Wainwright
"I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain."
Unknown
"Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce."
-- Unknown
"To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible."
E. Wilson
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.
Noel Coward
The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.
Alben W. Barkley
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
H. L. Mencken
Life was a funny thing that occurred on the way to the grave.
Quentin Crisp
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you are still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
"Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."
Garry Trudeau
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
Gilda Radner"
Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
---Unknown
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
---Unknown
"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!"
---Unknown
"The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy."
---Unknown
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
---Dean Martin
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
---Fran Lebowitz