D.K. - The question on everyone's mind, why did you decide to introduce a running mate, and in doing so, choosing Token?
Cartman - It's quite simple, really. You see, people like to vote for their own kind. If you're Christian, you'll vote for a Christian. If you're a minority, you'll vote for any other minority. I chose Token to take the minority vote away from Kyle, thus making sure I win this race, but more importantly, that I beat Stan and Kyle!
D.K. - Some say you are running only out of spite for Stan and Kyle, is that true?
Cartman - Some say a lot of things, sir, but it doesn't make it true. Sure, I want to squash Stan and Kyle, but it's so much more than that. Stan is inept and unqualified, as where Kyle is deceitful, rich, and would put more taxes on our lunches to feed his own greed, as where I plan to cut taxes altogether by decreasing teacher's salaries. Those hippies get paid too much anyways.
D.K. - I agree. What do you think of the competition so far?
Cartman - Well let's see. We have a touchy-feely homo, a Jew, and a poor, white trash kid who lives in a club house his dad built over 20 years ago. I think I'll win by a landslide, David.
D.K. - Interesting...How do you feel about Kyle's claim to be a great leader?
Cartman - I take offense to that, sir. What has Kyle done to ever lead anyone? Nothing. Whenever we were together in a group, it was always me who took the initiative to lead the group to success. Kyle, Stan, and even Kenny, they all rode my coat tails to success, but they never caught what I had: Morals, Leadership skills, and a personality that anyone can enjoy.
D.K. - Some say your negative campaign against Kyle has bordered anti-semitism. What say you?
Cartman - That is a lie, sir. If I was anti-semitic, would I have started a fanclub to promote The Passion, starring Jesus Christ, who was, in fact, a Jew?
D.K. - I suppose not. Well Eric, it's been a pleasure, and we wish you the best of luck on the campaign trail.
Cartman - And I appreciate it. Just remember, say Adieu to the Jew.
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