As he walked Akane home, Ranma didn't really pay attention to the thoughts of his fiancées (a category in which Kodachi now belonged for real, assuming that this group marriage thing worked out as well as Cologne seemed to think it would), even though those thoughts were quite revealing, to say the least. No, the pigtailed martial artist had other things on his mind.
| This is all just… just so wrong. I'm… I'm actually going to marry a woman — three women! — just so I can stay with Ranma. I know Shampoo says I won't have to do anything, but… but that won't change what other people will think about this when it gets out. | It's official: Ranchan's life is totally nuts. I can hardly think of a way that this situation could possibly get more bizarre, but somehow, I know that that's exactly what's going to happen. Sometimes, I think I should have stayed home in Osaka. At least it was relatively normal there. | I wonder if Akane will be okay. I hope so; now that she is to be my wife, I shall soon start loving her, too. And yet… now that I think on it, perhaps that is not the best way to phrase that statement to her, as I am beginning to get the impression that my notion of "love" my differ from that of my husband and wives. | Well, I must admit that the events of this evening do not exactly herald the glorious conquest of Ranma-sama's heart I had originally hoped to achieve, I suppose what I have is better than nothing. Indeed, I have quadrupled the number of potential outlets to release my physical desires, in theory, at least. |
| It is true that Akane is highly unlikely to seek any physical pleasure from me, but the gaijin… did she not say that her society accepts sexual contact between women? This could prove interesting — eh? What's this? | Great… Just when I'm thinkin' my life can't possibly get any more complicated, something like this has ta happen. Now, I'm gettin' married ta four girls, when I ain't even sure I can handle one. Hell, I can barely handle bein' a girl myself. I swear, the kami must spend their entire day thinkin' up new ways ta make my life more complicated. Ah, who am I tryin' ta kid? It's probably my fault anyway. If hadn't been such a freakin' wuss an' just picked one, we wouldn't be in this mess. Then again, considerin' the genie I got, it probably coulda been worse. I mean, she mighta hitched my brain up ta every girl Pops engaged me too. Speakin' of which, Pops is probably gonna pitch a fit when he finds out about this Amazon marriage thing. And Mr. Tendo. And Mr. Kuonji, too, most likely. And… then there's… ugh… Kuno. Man, I really do not like the idea of havin' him as a brother-in-law in any sense of the word. Face it, the only person who might be happy about all this is probably Mom. | What will all my friends think at Furinkan? What if they think I've turned into a pervert? What if I do turn into a pervert? Maybe I'm already a pervert — I actually accepted this, didn't I? | |
| And, of course, Kodachi is certainly going to complicate things. Somehow, I doubt her idea of what "love" is would be considered mainstream in any society. That woman is just too, too perplexing at times. | Not that I'm all that normal to begin with, either. I mean, I am a cross-dresser, after all. And this group marriage thing is not going to help squash any of the rumors that I'm a lesbian, either. | ||
| But Akane… never would I have imagined that she'd be willing to go through with this. Not after learning how conservative she really is. I guess… I guess she really does love him as much as I do. Maybe even more. Who knows? She certainly doesn't. | Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't there have been another way? Why did I have to insist on fighting him off for so long? I could have had him to myself. Heck, he could have had me to himself! | I see…. Ranma-sama does have a point, I suppose. My brother can be quite irritatingly traditional at times. And now that I know that the redheaded girl he lusts for could easily be my husband-to-be, rather than the harridan, that will complicate matters thoroughly. | Hmmm…. Airen seems rather self-absorbed at the moment, though I supposed he's entitled to that. I can ask him about the Japanese concept of love at a later time — I may not be able to give him privacy, but I can at least try to avoid interrupting him. |
As he continued to mull over this subject, it became more apparent that the way that the families learned of this would have to be as carefully managed as possible — especially the Tendos and Saotomes. Fortunately, the person he needed to talk to at the moment was walking right next to him. "Hey, Akane."
Akane was clearly lost in thought at the moment. "Huh?" Has he been listening in to what I was thinking?
"Uh, not really, Akane," Ranma answered aloud. "I mean, yer dealin' with a lotta stuff right now, an' I'd rather leave ya alone as much as I can."
"Oh."
"Unless… unless ya want me ta listen, or whatever…."
"Uh, no, that… that'll be fine for now. What was it you wanted to talk about?"
"Well, basically, I just realized that if we ain't careful how we break this whole Amazon marriage thing to our folks, things could get pretty hairy, ya know?"
"I guess… so, what do we do?"
"Well, I think I got an idea that'll make my Pops an' yers more… receptive, I guess, at least until it's too late for them ta change anythin'. I'm pretty sure it could work."
"What is it?"
"Well, it's like this…"
The conversation upon the pair's return to the Tendo home went more or less as Ranma had expected. "Where have you two been?" Soun asked sternly. "You didn't come home with Nabiki."
"We were… we were taking care of a few things," Akane replied, uncertainly.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Genma here interjected himself into the conversation. "Isn't it obvious? They were having a romantic rendezvous! At last, schools can finally joi—" the stocky martial artist was cut off as his son sucker-punched him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him.
"How 'bout you quit assumin' stuff an' actually listen for once? We didn't do nuthin' 'romantic' at all. We were way too busy with the Amazons for anything like that."
Soun sighed. "Really, Ranma, you can't let that old woman push you around like that. You need to stand up for what's right and marry Akane."
"He's not letting anyone push him around, Daddy," Akane said. "In fact, he was making sure that wouldn't be a problem."
"You'd better start explaining, boy," Genma commanded as he managed to catch his breath again.
"Well, we figured it was high time ta take care of the Amazons, and we figured out a way ta handle them."
"What do you mean, Ranma?" Soun asked.
"Basically, we think we might have found a way ta get around those Amazon laws in a way that nobody'll get hurt," Ranma explained. Technically, this was true; the only things that were at risk of being hurt were their reputations.
Akane confirmed this with a nod. "We were at the Nekohanten hammering out the details this afternoon." Also technically true.
"This is wonderful news!" Genma beamed. At last, the boy was beginning to take some initiative!
"Indeed, my friend, it is, and we should do our part to reward these actions," Soun added.
"How so?"
"Why, by going to the clerk's office so they can have the marriage they so obviously desire."
Ranma, however, had expected this, and he already had a response ready: "Whoa, whoa, hold up — I said we're tryin' ta deal with the Amazons. I didn't say it was a done deal."
"And why should that delay your wedding, boy?"
"Hey, you know those Amazons, they got all kinds of loopy laws. If we went down ta the clerk's office now, Cologne might call off the deal, and then come the death squads." Technically, Ranma had not yet said anything that was really untrue; for all he knew, marrying Akane the monogamous way would result in the cancellation of the group marriage plan, which would have eventually meant Shampoo spilling those vital Amazon secrets to outsiders, after which things would get very messy, very quickly.
Fortunately, The fathers seemed to accept this after mulling it over for a few seconds. Finally, Genma exclaimed, "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter. This is still a glorious day! The schools are all but united!"
Soun nodded. "Indeed; if anything, this signifies that the union of our children is but a matter at time."
"This calls for a celebration."
"To the bars?"
"To the bars!"
As the fathers jaunted out of the Tendo home to the establishment of their favorite purveyor of alcoholic beverages, Akane was almost stunned at how well things had worked out. Wow, Ranma. I think that actually worked.
Well, I ain't a total dolt.
Actually, Ranchan, that sounds like a pretty good idea. Mind if I try it on my father?
Ranma was mildly surprised to learn that his best friend had been listening in. What? Uh, sure, Ucchan. Knock yerself out.
What was that about?
I think Ukyo was listenin' in, an' since our plan worked on our fathers, she's gonna try it out with hers.
Well, I hope it works out well for her… though Daddy and Genma aren't going to be happy when they find out what's really going on.
Well, I'm sorta hopin' that my Mom will take this as proof of my "manliness," and she'll keep 'em from makin' too much of a stink.
That might work… but there's something else we need to deal with first.
Huh? What?
My sisters.
Whaddya mean by— Ranma looked up and saw Kasumi and Nabiki staring at the two of them, the former with a look on her face that was equal parts perplexity and concern, the latter with a skeptically raised eyebrow. Ah, crap.
Nabiki didn't mince her words: "All right, you two. What's going on?"
"Uh, whaddya mean by that, Nabiki?"
"I mean that I want to know why you to have suddenly decided to get proactive and do something about the fiancée situation. More to the point, I'd like to know why you two have but agreed to actually marry each other, when only a few days ago you couldn't even hold a conversation without a stream of casual insults."
"We, uh, we didn't say we'd agreed ta get married," Ranma countered. "We just wanna do somethin' about the Amazons, that's all."
Nabiki once again raised a skeptical eyebrow. "How about you, Akane? Don't you have anything to say? I know you hate it when other people try to speak for you."
"I know… but…" But that was back when I was the only one who knew what I was thinking, she couldn't add. "I was just lost in thought, that's all." It was true enough. "Besides, it really is complicated. I wouldn't want to bother you."
Unfortunately, at that moment Akane's sisters very much wanted her to bother them. "Why don't you tell us?" Kasumi asked in a reasonable tone. "Perhaps we can help."
Ranma somehow managed to hold back a derisive snort. Yeah, right. With my luck, if they got involved they'd just get dragged inta this mess with everybody else. The pigtailed martial artist felt a new wave of revulsion from Akane, and realized he'd just inadvertently posited a situation where she could theoretically end up married to her sisters. At that moment, he didn't care how unlikely that possibility was; he wasn't going to let it happen. "Well, uh, I can't… I mean I… that is, we'd like ta tell ya, but we can't get specific, because of the uh, crazy Amazon Laws an' all that."
"Give me some credit, Saotome. I wasn't born yesterday."
"Uh, does that mean ya ain't buyin' this?"
"Nope," confirmed Nabiki.
"I must admit that you seem to be floundering around," Kasumi concurred. "What's really going on? Even if you don't feel comfortable telling our fathers, surely you can tell us."
"Well, that's just the thing, we ain't sure yer ready ta know what's goin' on."
"By which you mean you're not ready to tell anyone the whole story," Nabiki replied.
"Uh…"
"We might as well tell them," Akane said in a resigned voice. "Nabiki would find out anyway, and Kasumi probably deserves to know, too."
"Fine," Ranma said. "But just remember, you were the one who actually said we should tell 'em."
"Oh, come on, Saotome, it can't be that bad," Nabiki replied, her voice dripping with skepticism.
Five minutes later, Nabiki found herself musing upon her extreme dislike for irony, especially when it was working against her.
"So… yeah. That's about everything." Ranma and Akane had just finished explaining the situation to the latter's elder siblings. They'd decided rather quickly to give them the whole truth, partially because Nabiki and Kasumi were a little more likely to accept the arrangement than Genma and Soun, and partially because Nabiki was the kind of person who could spot a deception from a mile away. If they tried to mislead her, she'd find out, and they just didn't want to deal with what she might do next.
Kasumi reacted to the end of the conversation rather predictably: "Oh, my." She'd been repeating the phrase since Ranma's description of the oil lamp he'd found, and the only variations seemed to be the intense blush that came when the pair arrived at the more scandalous parts of the story.
Nabiki, on the other hand, remained silent during the whole thing, her face an expressionless mask veiling her emotions, which was causing Ranma to get somewhat worried. "Uh, Nabiki? You okay?"
"I guess you've managed to work things out pretty well for yourself," Nabiki replied in a somewhat ominous tone. "You've got your very own personal harem now."
"They ain't no harem," Ranma said firmly. "I was never tryin' get all the girls who were after me. I just… I just couldn't make a decision, that's all."
"And as a result, Akane is now in a rather scandalous position."
"Yeah… I guess that's my fault, sorta. But believe me, I never wanted nuthin' like this."
Akane nodded in agreement. "If anyone's to blame, it's that stupid genie."
"And you're certain that there's no other solution?"
"Well, no… we can't be totally sure. But we'd be taking a huge risk if we decided to spend the next two weeks searching for a solution that might not exist."
"Trust me, if we had the time, we'd be lookin'," Ranma said. "I don't want Akane, or Ukyo, or even Kodachi ta hafta worry about what people think, ya know?"
Kasumi was only now starting to regain some of her composure. "Well, that's good to know… but… perhaps it won't be that bad. After all, it isn't as though polygamy is totally unprecedented, even if it isn't practiced widely any more. I'm sure I could—I mean, that other people could get used to the idea."
Akane suddenly found it difficult to look her oldest sister in the face, which Nabiki picked up immediately. "It gets worse, doesn't it?"
"Um, yeah. Ya see, Amazon group marriages ain't just one huband gettin' more than one wife. It's actually, a group marriage which sorta means that everyone's married ta everyone else."
Kasumi didn't know what to make of this. "What? What does that mean?"
The answer came in the form of a halting reply from Akane. "It means… it means that I'm… if it works out, I'll be married to Ranma, but… but I'm also going to m-marry…." Try as she might, Akane couldn't finish the sentence, her words trailing off as tears started welling up in her eyes again.
Fortunately, Nabiki was both insightful and unflappable enough to finish for her little sister. "You're going to have to marry Ukyo, Shampoo and Kodachi."
Kasumi still didn't seem to understand, though it might have been more accurate to say that she desperately didn't want to understand; her views on sexuality were nearly as conservative as Akane's, after all. "Wait… what?"
"It means that in addition to her heterosexual union with Ranma, Akane's going to be in three same-sex unions with the other women in this group of telepaths."
"But… but that's… Akane, you're not—"
"No, I'm not a lesbian, or bisexual. I'm not even curious. But… but I had to do this. It was the only way."
"Surely there was something else—"
"I love him," Akane abruptly interrupted, tears beginning to escape from her lids. "I… I love Ranma. I can't imagine a life without him, and I… I don't care what I have to do to stay with him." She grabbed her fiancé and buried her face in his shoulder, sobs coming freely now.
Kasumi was still speechless. "But…"
"She don't hafta have sex with the other girls," Ranma said in an effort to assuage Kasumi's clear reluctance. "At least, that's what Shampoo says." He quickly sent out a quick request for confirmation: Akane ain't gonna have ta do nuthin' she don't wanna, right?
That is correct, Airen. Nor would I want to force her to do so unless she desired.
She may not have to, but I say some experimentation can only do her good.
I wasn't talkin' ta you, Kodachi.
Ranma's answer seemed effective enough to calm Kasumi down somewhat. "I… I suppose that's good to know. But still, it's so… strange. Aren't you concerned about what other people might think?"
"Of course I am," Akane replied as she attempted to wipe some of her tears away. "But… but Ranma's more important to me than that. I… I only wish it hadn't taken this to make me realize it."
Nabiki decided to enter into the conversation again. "I don't think it will be that bad, Kasumi. The Amazons might consider your group marriage to be polyamorous, but whatever arrangement the Japanese government has will probably be polygynous," she explained. "After all, no form of same-sex union is recognized in this country.
"But even if that were the case, I'd still support you. Of course, I'm also the most libertarian member of this family, so I can't speak for everyone…." Nabiki looked over at her older sister.
Kasumi sighed. "I suppose I shall have to support you. You are my sister, and even if you had entered this situation willingly, I would never stop loving you. As it stands, I take you at your word when you claim that this was your only viable solution, and trust that you are not jumping into this without thinking about the consequences."
"Believe me, Kasumi, I can hardly think about anything but the consequences."
"When are you two planning on telling our parents about this?" Nabiki asked.
"After it's all said an' done, an' it's too late for them ta do anythin' about it. Cologne's gonna get the forms related ta that loophole in Japanese law I told ya about tomorrow morning, and the five of us'll do it then, I guess."
Kasumi was trying her best to regain her composure. "I… I hope you know what you're doing."
"I hope we know, too," Ranma replied.
"Look, enough about this sordid group marriage business, alright?" Nabiki said. "Let's talk about something else — like this telepathy thing. Just how much access do you have to each other, anyway?"
"I dunno… I've never really pushed it, but I suppose I could listen ta everything Akane's thinkin', or Ucchan, or Shampoo, or Kodachi. An' they can listen ta everything I'm thinkin'."
"So, what, those three are eavesdropping on this conversation?"
"Well, my half of the conversation, at least — an' that's assumin' that they pick up somethin' they find interestin'. Like I said, we've been too busy ta try an' figure out its limits just yet."
"So, you don't have any privacy."
"Well, no. I guess we don't. Not among the five of us. I mean, that's kinda what got us inta this situation, after all. It's 'cuz Shampoo ain't gonna be able ta keep her secrets forever, even with that memory shampoo stuff. I mean, if we had some sorta privacy, we could almost keep goin' like it was normal."
Nabiki scoffed at this remark. "Normal? You turn into a girl when you get splashed with water and you actually have the gall to talk about being normal?"
Ranma glared in response. "Ya know what I mean."
"I'm going to bed," Akane said abruptly.
"But you haven't had dinner…"
"Thanks, Kasumi, but I'm not really that hungry."
"Oh — of course. I'm sorry."
"You didn't do anything, Kasumi. There's nothing for you to be sorry about."
"I'm still sorry for you…" the eldest Tendo spoke under her breath as her little sister climbed the stairs to her room.
Try as she might, Akane couldn't sleep; with the current plan for an Amazon group marriage among the telepaths looking extremely likely, her current situation had gone from bizarre to downright twisted — and that was more than enough to keep her attention fixated on this specific issue, rather than dissipating into a slumber. Not that sleep would help me that much, she thought to herself somewhat bitterly. I don't even get to keep my dreams to myself anymore.
At least everything was "quiet" now. Ranma had already gone to sleep, though how he managed to do so with all the extra "noise" in his head from his suitors still eluded Akane's understanding. But that subject was little more than a diversion from the thoughts that kept repeating in her head: I can't believe this is happening. Why did this have to happen? My reputation's shot. They'll think I'm a pervert. What am I— What's that? Akane's musings were abruptly interrupted by a tapping noise from her window.
She rose from her bed to see Shampoo standing on the clothes-drying balcony connected to her room. Akane quickly let the girl in. "Shampoo? What are you doing here?"
"Came to see if Akane was alright. Not in best state of mind when leave Nekohanten."
"That's putting it lightly. But still, to come to my room in the middle of the night? What if somebody saw you?"
"What would it matter? Akane going to be married to Shampoo tomorrow — others think that anyway."
"I don't see how you can be so calm about this."
"It not that hard for Shampoo. Amazon not have problem with closeness between women, as long as they still willing to contribute to tribe by having children. Besides, Shampoo can enjoy affection no matter where it from, man or woman."
"Hold on. You're basically admitting that you're attracted to women?"
"Well, not woman in general. Only specific ones."
"Right… so, when you say 'specific,' does that include…?"
"You ask if Shampoo has had fantasies about Akane?" Receiving a nod in reply, the Amazon answered, "In honesty, yes. Many times, in fact. Akane is very beautiful woman. Shampoo may have said different before, but that just attempt to convince Airen to choose Shampoo. That not matter any more, so Shampoo can be honest."
Akane, it seemed, had been expecting an answer like this, given that her reaction consisted of little more than a resigned sigh. "I'm not sure whether to feel complimented or offended."
"Akane no worry. Shampoo not going to push Akane."
"Why not?"
"Shampoo have too much respect for Akane as warrior."
"What?! Since when do you have any respect for my martial arts skills?"
"Shampoo always respect; just point out Shampoo better to get Airen to pick Shampoo. Akane easily as good as most Amazons, but Shampoo champion of village. Long time, much training before Akane near as good."
"Is that so?" Akane was clearly not pleased with this proclamation.
"Is so. Shampoo know it may sound conceited, is also true. But that not really matter. Akane could be great warrior herself with more training. Very respected Amazon. And with respect, private life becomes irrelevant."
"So that's why it doesn't matter what gender you want to sleep with?"
"Well, not exactly. It actually much more complex than that. But that do for now."
Akane seemed to accept this explanation, inadequate though it might have been, but she soon thought of a related point that had been bothering her. "Wait… if your society doesn't have a problem with lesbians or bisexuals, why did you call me a pervert when we first met?"
"Akane make it seem like she want Ranma to keep curse. Only reason Shampoo could think of for that was Akane want Ranma to be in some kind of halfway form."
"Halfway… you mean… a hermaphrodite?" Not for the first time that day, Akane felt a wave of revulsion, but this time, she was a little surprised to see that same emotion on Shampoo's face.
"Yes… Shampoo not remember where, but heard that Japanese into that sort of thing."
Akane looked shocked. "What on earth could give you that idea?"
"Well, recently, Shampoo find Mousse's porno stash. Why he not keep it in clothes with everything else beyond me. In any case, Shampoo curious, flipped through first book on stack, dirty Japanese comic. Lots of halfway forms. Shampoo spend thirty minutes washing hands afterwards."
Akane allowed herself a smile at the Amazon's reaction. So it seemed that Shampoo did in fact have limits of her own; that was somewhat comforting. "I can't help but agree with you there. But then, I am basically a prude."
Shampoo looked confused. "Akane is dried plum?"
"That's a prune. What I meant was that I'm just so damned old-fashioned that I can't seem to be open to anything."
"That not true. Akane agree to group marriage — sound pretty open to me."
"I guess you have a point." Akane stopped for a moment, as she suddenly realized that something seemed… unusual about the Amazon's reply. "Hey, since when did you start using first-person pronouns?"
"Since link with Airen show just how stupid Shampoo sound when speaking Japanese — damn, forget to use pronoun again."
"It's alright… I can still understand you."
"Shampoo not want to just be understood. Want to be respected. Martial arts only get one so far. That earn respect for body. Language earn respect for mind."
"I… I suppose you have a point." After all, before their first lucid dream, Akane had thought the Amazon to be nothing more than a large-breasted bimbo with a talent for beating her opponents senseless. Now, she knew that Shampoo was easily one of the smartest people she knew. I mean, her Japanese is already improving. Sort of. Rather than dwell on the Shampoo's intelligence, Akane shifted the subject of conversation once again. "You still haven't told me what you're doing here."
"Shampoo just wanted to make sure Akane okay."
"But why?"
"Shampoo love Akane."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous! You can't be in love with me."
"Shampoo never say that."
"Yes, you did."
"No."
"Yes."
"No—"
"Yes."
"No, Shampoo not say she in love with Akane. Shampoo say she love Akane."
"It's the same thing!"
"Does Akane love her father?"
The question was abrupt, and it took Akane off guard as a result. "What? Of course I do?"
"Is Akane in love with her father?"
"No! That's disgusting!"
"So there is difference between loving someone and being in love, yes?"
"I… I guess so." Akane had never really given it much thought. "So, what are you saying?"
"Shampoo never really understand concept of being 'in love.' As Shampoo see it, 'love' something you give to someone else, not something that happen to you. A person can love as many as they choose, as much as they choose."
"But… but I don't remember choosing to fall in love with Ranma."
"You confusing love with romance. Romance is emotion. Love is verb. Shampoo never have any romantic feelings for anyone other than Ranma, and even that take time."
"So, when you say that you love me, what you're really saying is that you're promising to love me?"
"Exactly."
"I'll be honest; that doesn't make much sense — I mean, if that kind of love is a choice, it seems… less special, somehow?"
"But romance never last long. That why love needed in addition to romance to keep relationship going."
"You really think that?"
"Shampoo think it main reason for high divorce rate in West. Divorce not necessary among Amazons; we smart enough not to think relationship only need romance."
"But you act like it doesn't need romance at all."
"It doesn't."
Akane shook her head. "I just don't get it."
"Akane not need to get it. Have entire life to figure things out."
"I suppose. Look, it's really late, and I can't think straight. I'd like to get some sleep."
"Shampoo know pressure point that can help."
"Thanks, but I'll take my chances the old-fashioned way."
"Suit yourself." The Amazon walked back out to the balcony and prepared to leave.
"Shampoo," Akane suddenly spoke up.
"Yes?"
"Thanks for stopping by. I… I just needed to talk to someone, I guess. Even if I don't understand what's going on."
"No problem. Tomorrow, Akane will be Shampoo's wife. Is least I could do."
"Good night, Shampoo."
"Good night, Airen." Before Akane could reply, the Amazon slipped back into the night.