An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician were holidaying in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field. "How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all Scottish sheep are black!" To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!" The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."

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A guy walks into a doctor's office.
The guy says, "Doc, everywhere I look I see spots."
The doctor says, "Have you seen a doctor?"
The guy says, "No, just spots."

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A duck walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and put it on my bill."

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A duck walks into a bar, goes to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any grapes."
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "I told you yesterday we don't have any grapes. If you come in here one more time asking for grapes, I'm going to nail your beak to that bar!"
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any nails." Then the duck says, "Do you have any grapes?"

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A man walks into a pet shop and saw three parrots. He asked the shop assistant how much the first parrot was.
"One thousand," answered the shop assistant.
"Why is it so expensive," asked the man surprisedly.
"It can program in BASIC on Windows platform," replied the shop assistant.
The man asked how much the second parrot was.
"Two thousand." The man was even more surprised and asked why it was that expensive.
"It knows how to program in C on Unix," replied the shop assistant.
The man asked how much the third parrot was.
"Five thousand," replied the shop assistant.
"What can this one do?" asked the man expectantly.
"I've never seen it do anything," answered the shop assistant. "But the other two call it 'The Boss'".

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Free advice costs nothing until you act on it.

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Want to know what it feels in an earthquake, click here.

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