...[dream number three]...



standing in the straw i look at you through the grille. it's strange that you don't come to me; you seem to look right through me. if you won't come to me I'll come to you. not that way, i already know that door won't open. so the long way round. outside. i start walking. i look a mess, my hair loosely plaited either side and shoved under a cap. it doesn't matter, you'll love me anyway. you'll be happy to hold me.

i continue along the path; it isn't the way i intended to be walking but it seems right nonetheless. i turn the corner, finding myself at the dock. the sun hasn't set yet but it will soon; already the sky is a greying shade of yellow. the stable is a distant, long forgotten memory; i know now that i'm supposed to find you here. everything looks familiar and properly placed, just the way i knew it would be; your black and red houseboat bobbing in the centre of the murky water. you're not on the boat though. you're down there, waiting for me. i don't know how i know. who cares? that isn't important right now.

i'm supposed to find a boat, a little one with oars, but i need one that'll go down. under the water. that one there. the drunkards on the edge of the dock and the sailors in surround boats ignore me, all oblivious to me as i clamber into the boat. they see right through me as it starts to sink. i would have expected to feel the chill of the water, but nothing. no senses. i would have expected to arouse the attention of the people around me but they're blind to me. it occurs that i'm going to get my dress wet. i don't want that; it's beautiful scarlet chinese silk. nothing i can do about it.

-----

i stand on the edge of the dock. i know you're here. i know you are. you disappeared from me, faded slowly. i didn't know you'd gone until i realised you weren't there.

no-one's seen you. i ask a couple of sailors. nothing. they haven't seen anyone. but i know you're here.
"there was no girl here, mate."
they're wrong. i know you're here.

i hit the water before they can stop me, the cold hitting me like a slap. reeling, my senses shut down. i come to at the bottom. it's silent and still. i can't tell if it's still light up there or not; it's midnight down here. i can't feel myself breathing. my heart isn't beating. oh well.

the hem of a red dress wavers above my face. i brace myself for the pain that will accompany getting to my feet, but it doesn't come. ah... there you are. standing before me. i do the first thing that comes to mind, the only thing that comes to mind - i reach out and wrap my arms around you, crushing you close to me, as you return the embrace.

there. i knew you were here. i knew you were.

-----

i dream about you in strange and tantalising guises.



gawd knows.

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