DISCLAIMER: *chuckles* Would you believe me if I said 'they're mine!'?
SUMMARY: R. AR after Halloween. Think that Ethan never told Giles how to break the
spell. Think at least that he didn't do it on time. Think of Spike leaning in to bite
Buffy. And then remember that neither Spike nor Buffy are here.
WORDCOUNT: 1901
THANKYOU to Karen. For making of this story a better one (and doing it so fast!).
*hugs*
Written for the fifth round of the Lyric Wheel Challenge. Thanks to Kristin for the lyrics.
Wiggins Award at the Feels Like Heaven, Hurts Like Hell Awards
SPEAK INTO NOTHING
by Leni
Of course it's not fair, dear boy, whenever did you think otherwise?
Did she taint you with the light of hope? Did she smile and you found your future in the
shine of her teeth? Ah. tsk, tsk. Shine only shines, it never is. Haven't you learned that
yet?
Shh. Shhhhh.... Be silent now!
There, now it's better. See? It's always better when there's silence. Nobody to shut up
the songs, nobody to shut up the worms. No, I had better not speak of worms. You'll only
think of her rotten flesh being eaten by them.
Oh, my poor angel, did you at least have a taste of her before it happened? Did you learn
every inch of her skin and lick her sweat off her hands? Don't tell me you didn't beat the
worms to her body. Ah. I see now, why you were so mad.
Shh. Don't cry. It'll only make me mad. But then, you did that already, didn't you? And
then left me behind to try to paste everything into place again. Don't look at me like
that, your pity doesn't matter, your pain doesn't matter or your guilt. Why must you feel
guilty for your own nature? I don't.
It's still strange to have you in my arms, even after all this time. It's even stranger
that you don't care. So frustrating. I want to hear you, to really hear you. Not these
whimpers and not nightmarish cries. You don't care for your Dru even when she's the only
one left. Don't you care for me? Don't you answer? Ah. I see.
Shhh, you know I would never hurt you. Not like my boy does. He doesn't mean it, you know?
But he's so young. And you taught him so well. Remember? No pity. No mercy. Not even for
your own blood. I can still remember your lessons, remember when I was the subject you
chose to prove them upon? Do you want to hear a secret? Come here. Come near. I'll whisper
it in your ear. Yes, like that...
Spike's still peeved about that...
I think that's why he uses these chains. Exactly the ones I wore for weeks until you
ordered otherwise. It's only fitting, isn't it? My boy is all grown now and he's decided
to be my Prince.
Brought me the sweetest present ever, too. He still can't find that white horse but he
dumped you two on the De Soto's back. Ah, doesn't my Spike know how to make a girl happy?
Not your girl, not her. But Slayers are never happy when they are the slayed ones. Shh,
don't make those sounds, it distracts me. You don't want to distract your Dru. You really
shouldn't.
So where was I? Yes, my sweetest present.
Spike's brought me Slayers before. Magical blood only for his princess, he said. I like
their magic. Slayers taste a little like power, a little like vengeance and too much like
sadness. Sad power, sad vengeance, sad blood coming far too eagerly into my mouth. Tsk,
tsk, that can't be healthy. But your Slayer, ah, she was strong. Not power but freedom,
not vengeance but hope and never sadness, never defeat... Such a banquet my boy gave me.
Oh, but you know this all, don't you? Because not even angels can resist such temptation.
You tried to bring her back, that you did. Sucked the last out of your little girl and
then tried to bring her back. Skin against skin, blood and bone. It was fun to watch, but
I still didn't laugh aloud. Maybe I wanted her too. You had taken your own Sire, my only
girlfriend, away. It was only fitting you'd bring a new one into the fold. But she
wouldn't obey... Tsk, tsk, such a naughty girl, not wanting to obey her daddy. I always
did obey you, didn't I?
Ah, no, no my dear boy, don't cry. Shh, tears do not become us.
Yeah, I did obey you. Hung on your every word even as I hung from your whimsical chains.
Yes, these same whimsical chains. Sometimes Spike knows too much. You'd think he'd have
forgotten them in Prague, but no. Carried half of them while he made me carry the other
half. Any other girl would have felt put out. Not me, oh no. Because I know my prince only
wants the best for me and these chains...They look so nice holding you. They look... They
look worth carrying through a mad fire.
My angel, there are so many things I want to tell you. But there will never be enough
time. So ironic. Decades together. Before and after. Before than your guilt and right now.
But still... But still you miss her and you won't even talk to your Dru. Why don't you
speak to me, Angelangelus? Don't like that name, do you? Just as you don't like me to name
Buffy. Yes. Buffy. Your tears stop and your eyes open wide. BUFFY! Wider.
Buffybuffybuffybuffybuffy! I love when you cringe like that. She tasted good, didn't she?
Like lost hopes and lost loves. I bet you tasted the latter better than us. I bet you can
still remember kiss-memories and smile-memories in the last drops.
Oh, that made you react, I see. I love it when you look at me like that. Like I'm really
here and you're here too. You make me work too much to see that look. You make me spend
candle after candle and then begin again. But candles never work. Holy water won't make
you cry out anymore. Only her name makes you hurt this much. Spike doesn't even have to
touch you now, he'll just tell you how she felt in his arms, how her skin tasted before
her blood poured out. Spike only has to say one magic word, one Buffy word and you'll---
yes, exactly like that. Scream all you want, my angel, no one can hear you tonight.
Nobody has so far, have they? Fifty years you've hung from those chains. From Hellmouth to
Hellmouth, California to Cleveland to London and Ramsen and back again. Nobody worries
about the vampire with a soul anymore. Not since he disappeared in the black of the night.
But then, after fifty years, who would still remember you? Only your Dru, only your
faithful daughter cares about you. Spike lets me have you because you amuse me and
because, once every blue moon, you amuse him too.
Oh, but you didn't just disappear, did you? You went like a good knight on a suicide
mission to rescue the Slayer, your dear girlfriend. Because you know your kin too well.
You knew Spike would never have a Slayer and not use her to heal me. Not on the Hellmouth.
So you thought you still had a chance. How foolish could you be, Sire? A mission? A
rescue?
A girlfriend?
And I still loved you. Just as when you punished me and made me kneel on beans all night.
Just like when you left me and I had to rebuild my future without my Daddy. Just like when
you ignored me in favour of a tiny Slayer who didn't prove to be stronger than your Dru.
Oh, I loved you so much when you were kneeling on the floor, her body in your arms and
your teeth clinging to her neck. You held your bleeding wrist over her mouth and she
didn't obey. You shook her and screamed and pleaded to gods and fates... Then you pleaded
to us. Begged me to try to turn her, maybe the one who took the most blood would
master her will. I had never denied you anything before. And I wanted a girlfriend to play
with in the night. But... but Spike held me and whispered "No, princess. No."
How to deny anything to my sweet prince? Especially just after he'd brought me such a
sweet treat.
Then you begged Spike to kill you. He was tempted, I know he was. But, you see, he was
still peeved about all those years of absence and all those others before. So he kept you,
and we played, and we had fun. Decades until he tired of you, only fifty years later he
won't come into your room more than once every blue moon. Maybe if you asked him he'd kill
you this time. Plant a stake right through your heart and forget about you in the next
second. But you can't, can you?
I'm so sorry about that. You had the sweetest tongue, you always tasted like wildflowers
when you kissed me. But... but you threatened me. Told me you'd ask my prince for death.
How could I allow it? You're mine, my Daddy. How could I let you go so fast? My wishes and
pleas were never heard back before, why would I abide by her last wish? Why must I allow
you to reunite with... Oh, there you are, staring into nothing again. Is it that nothing
is more interesting than me? Or maybe you don't want to hear her name again? Here. Buffy.
Yeah, that's a little more like it. I want more, let me see... Boo! Bu-ffy. Yes. Buffy. I
love your hate. Buffy. Buffy. Why do you still whimper at the name?
No, no, not looking at your Dru like that. Sometimes I think that you understand, that you
actually remember more than Buuu-fffffy. Yes, let me close your eyes. I know how you're
feeling. Driven by hate, consumed by fear. Don't you get tired of this? There, that's
better. You know you have nothing to fear from me. I love you, remember? Fifty years in my
hands and I still love you. Yes. Fifty. Count my fingers. Come, touch them one by one.
One. Two. Thr-- hey! Good angels don't try to break their daughters' fingers. There,
that's better. Four and five. Yes. Five by five by two.
Hear that, can't you? Children chanting on the streets. Exactly fifty years since the last
time you heard that song, isn't it? Trick-or-treat. Trick-or-treat. He's only a clown and
she'll be a witch. Trick-or-treat!
They are dead now, I'm sure. Fifty years is a lifetime for their kind. Though only a
moment for us. Do you think the clown is alive? Maybe he's still mourning the Slayer,
maybe he even remembers you from time to time. And the witch? Maybe she never was one. But
she was Chosen, you know? I read her fate in my cards. Little Red came marching into my
session and stood there as the queen of diamonds standing defiant above everyone else.
But... but you were never meant to be in my arms tonight. And yet you are. My angel should
have never heard another Halloween sing-song, not from a basement chained in whimsical
chains. But you do. So maybe what she was meant to be is not anymore. Or maybe, maybe the
Tarot was wrong that full moon night. Maybe this world isn't ours but just a dream your
Dru once had.
Shhh, don't cry. Don't cry. I swear sometimes you really understand. Shh, close your eyes,
my dear boy. You're all by yourself but you're not alone. Dru will be here to guard your
dreams. Shhh. The Slayer can wait in vain. I will never let you go again.
The End.
20/10/03
Artist: Drowning Pool
Album: Sinner
Title: Bodies
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Beaten why for
Can't take much more
One - Nothing wrong with me
Two - Nothing wrong with me
Three - Nothing wrong with me
Four - Nothing wrong with me
One - Something's got to give
Two - Something's got to give
Three - Something's got to give
Now
Let the bodies hit the floor
Push me again
This is the end
Skin against skin blood and bone
You're all by yourself but you're not alone
You wanted in now you're here
Driven by hate consumed by fear
Let the bodies hit the floor
