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Our family is currently facing a bigger challenge than we had ever, ever dreamed possible -- a life threatening illness in our 5 year old child, Travis. This challenge also comes with an important opportunity and an obligation. It is an opportunity to find positive growth from a potentially life-stealing disease. And the obligation is to share our learnings so that others may benefit from what may be seen only as a painful ordeal. There is much for us all to learn.
The biggest learning that we can share at this point is about Choice. When we were notified that Travis was diagnosed with Leukemia -- a rare and high risk form, at that -- we were immediately faced with a choice -- and we knew it. As parents, we could have chosen to be victims -- to dwell on questions like "Why Travis?" and "Why us?" -- and focus on disbelief like "This can't be happening", as if repeating that mantra would make the disease go away. Somehow, magically, Joe and I were blessed to have learned from each other and from my company, Pecos River/Aon Consulting, that there is another, healthier, more productive choice.
While we cannot choose whether or not Travis has Leukemia, we CAN choose how we are going to respond to it. The fact that he has this disease is out of our control, and we must accept that. Many other variables however, ARE NOT out of our control.
From the beginning, we have chosen not to be victims, helpless and powerless in this situation. We are seeking every opportunity for empowerment, instead -- for Travis, for 4-year old Spencer and for ourselves. We are choosing to put all our energy into learning more about our situation, to make decisions on what will be the best treatment for Travis and the best decisions for our family as a whole; we are choosing to be open with people about our feelings as we make this journey; we are choosing to create joyful moments through laughter and silliness; we are choosing to be honest with the boys and ourselves to ensure ironclad trust at all times; we are choosing to look for the abundant, everyday learnings (from our children, each other, our medical team, strangers and friends); we are choosing to accept support from others (though it is incredibly difficult for us to be in this position -- we know that we must); we are choosing to do whatever it takes to see Travis through this disease so he may live a full and happy life.
Does this make us naive? Are we denying the truth? Are we kidding ourselves? We don't believe so. We know that there are no guarantees of the outcome of our journey, and yes, we are positively frightened at the statistics and possibilities at times. Yet we are determined to spend the majority of our mental and physical energy in a positive manner. The only way we can move through every day is if we look for any shred of good that may come out of this horrifying nightmare, and share those learnings so that we might all reflect and apply them to our lives.
The day our lives changed seven weeks ago, when to our complete surprise, Travis was diagnosed, I happened to be reading "Man's Search for Meaning", by Viktor Frankl -- a holocaust survivor. Frankl writes that the key to enduring the concentration camp horrors was that he and others each made the choice not to be victims -- to remain steadfast and ensure that they always had the final freedom of personal choice -- personal choice of how to respond to the events that life had handed them. They could not choose whether or not the nightmare was happening; but they could choose how they would respond to it. What powerful freedom and control in the face of a situation that would seem to allow none.
Our situation is by no means the same. But the learning is absolutely the same. Joe and I agree that this is the only shred of power we have at times -- and it carries us through many moments of each day with dignity, strength, courage, laughter, freedom and hope. Yes, we are scared witless. We also choosing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and human -- to cry, mope, whine and complain -- when we want or need to do so. We are choosing as well, to do so and to move on... to conserve our mental and physical energy so that we can handle the daily, sometimes hourly, changes that are thrown at our feet. We are far from perfect at this. But we're giving it all we've got.
So how do we instill choice and empowerment in our children? We are looking for every opportunity for them to make appropriate choices. Sometimes they are not great choices (like "which leg should get the shot?" or "when would you like to take the pill -- now or after dinner?" or "would you like to count out the supplies we need?" ), but they do offer some semblance of control when there seems so little present. Thankfully, we can also offer fun choices as well ("chocolate or moose tracks ice cream for dessert?"). We are trying to role model this attitude, and talk about it with the boys, in hopes that they gain strength from choice.
Lastly, we are choosing to pray for Travis, and to accept prayers from all over the world -- from people of all different faiths and languages, believing that this, too, will help Travis and our entire family survive this ordeal. Sharing these thoughts with you was another choice we made -- one of the few ways to give back -- to offer thanks to everyone for their boundless love, prayers, conviction, caring and support for our family. We needed to remind ourselves, and perhaps others, that we can choose not to be victims.
This journey has just begun for us. We know that much lies ahead that is beyond our comprehension at this point. We are choosing to move forward with our eyes, hearts and minds open as best we can, and to look for the learnings each step of the way. Thank you for helping us do so.
Will choice make a difference for us? We believe so. We are choosing to fight this. We will not give up.
Wishing you love, good health and shalom,
Melanie Goldish and Joe Yon, and our sweet boys, Travis and Spencer Yon