I am a hotdog. Previously I have explained the origins of my hotdog-edness but I've decided that somethings are best left unexplained. For those who were with me when I became a hotdog, well it will be in our memories. Being that I am such a delicious hotdog (and yes, if I were starving I would eat myself), this page is dedicated to the glory of that which is known as, The HotDog.

-----

:: Facts ::

• National HotDog Month: July
• National HotDog Day: July 21
• Each person in the US eats Approx.60 HotDogs a year.
• The Sarah Lee Corp. made the longest HotDog (1,996 feet), it was made in honor of the 1996 Olympics.
• Mustard is America's favorite HotDog Topping, although people under the age of 18 seem to prefer ketchup.
• HotDogs got their name from The Polo Grounds (ballpark) in New York City.
• Babe Ruth ate 12 hotdogs and 8 bottles of soda between games of a double header. After the game he went to the hospital with severe indigestion.
• President Franklin Roosevelt served King George VI hotdogs and beer during a White House Visit in 1939.
• Mad Martha's on Martha's Vineyard has served hot dog ice cream.
• Baseball fans will enjoy "in the ballpark" of 26 million hot dogs at baseball stadiums this season. That's enough to circle the bases 36,000 times!
• Bruce Willis proposed to Demi Moore in front of a hotdog stand.

-----

:: Top 10 HotDog Eating Cities ::

1. Los Angeles, CA � 36,591,904 lbs
2. New York, NY � 33,276,920 lbs
3. Chicago, IL � 20,480,084 lbs
4. San Antonia/Corpus Christie, TX � 20,238,994 lbs
5. Philadelphia, PA � 17,146,968 lbs
6. Dallas/Fort Worth, TX � 16, 700,872 lbs
7. Baltimore/Washington, DC � 15,200,602 lbs
8. Birmingham/Montgomery, AL � 15,081,678 lbs
9. Miami/Ft. Lauderdale, FL � 13,258,720 lbs
10. Houston, TX � 11,511,176 lbs

-----

:: Top 10 HotDog Brands ::

1. Ball Park � $251 million
2. Oscar Mayer � $198 million
3. Private Label (store brand) � $110 million
4. Bar-S - $89 million
5. Oscar Mayer Bun Length � $57 million
6. Hebrew National � $49.6 million
7. Bryan � $49 million
8. Eckrich � $44.6 million
9. Armour � $36 million
10. Nathan � $35 million

-----

:: How To Say HotDog In... ::

• Spanish - Perrito Caliente
• Italian - Caldo Cane
• French - Chien Chaud
• German - Heisser Hund or Wurst
• Portugese - Cachorro Quento
• Swedish - Korv or Varmkorv
• Norwegian/Danish - Grillpolser
• Czech - Park v Rohliku
• Dutch - Worstjes
• Finnish - Makkarat

-----

:: People and their HotDogs ::

• Buddhist monk to hotdog vendor: "Make me one with everything."
• Catholic: "I don't deserve a hot dog."
• Catholic priest: "That's true unless I reconcile you first."
• Fundamentalist preacher: "You'll be damned to eternal hellfire if you eat one!"
• Televangelist: "I'll personally pray over every hot dog you give me."
• Bob Dole: Orders two hotdogs, throws one away, claims 50% reduction in wasteful hotdog spending (he could've thrown both away, you know).
• Hilary Clinton: Gets involved in big hotdog investment scandal. The records about it mysteriously disappear and then reappear a year later in another vendor's cart.
• Bill Clinton: Pays $200 for the hotdog. Holds up all of downtown Manhattan traffic while he eats it.
• Jack Kemp: Used to be able to throw a hotdog 70 yards. Now he blocks for Dole's 10 foot tosses.
• Mrs. Brady: Works hard to ban very spicy hotdogs because they're dangerous. Criminals' supplies are unaffected.
• NRA: Claims that the ability to own a very spicy hotdog is a right that was intended by the original writers of the constitution.
• Anita Hill: Claims that Clarence Thomas wanted to show her a good hotdog.
• Clarence Thomas: Swears that he was talking about food.
• Senator: Talks to the vendor endlessly about how he loves hotdogs. As the others in line become impatient, he blames the holdup on the Representative.
• Representative: Forces the vendor to join committees on committees to discuss the hotdog. He blames the holdup on the Senator.
• Volvo Hotdog: Encourages you to eat safely.
• Chevy Hotdog: Tastes like a rock.
• Ford Hotdog: Bun is tough, but the hotdog itself requires repair or replacement every week.
• Dodge Hotdog: Most powerful hotdog available.
• Toyota Hotdog: More expensive per ounce, but you'll love what it does for you.
• Microsoft: Claims to have better hotdogs, but they're all full of bugs.
• Windows 95: looks about the same as an upside-down Macintosh hotdog, but it comes with a recycling bin, and it's not quite as good. These hotdogs occasionally rot instantly, but this is considered normal somehow.
• Macintosh: The hotdog isn't all that great, but the bun and condiments are the best in the world. It also comes with its own trash can. Bubbles pop up all over the place explaining this hotdog and it's nutrient contents. These hotdogs rot less, but when they do, the stench is absolutely horrible.

-----

:: Hotdog Conspiracy ::

Why do hotdogs come in packages of 10 and hotdog buns in packages of 6 or 8?

After several years of research both within the Science and Philosopy and the Marketing Research (espionage) Departments, this secret has finally been unravelled. It is here published for the first time.

Divide those numbers by two -- reduce them by their lowest common factor -- and you end up with 5, 3, 4. This series corresponds with the "Perfect Right-Angled Triangle" of Pythagoras, where with these whole numbers "the sum of the squares of units measuring the legs equals the square of the hypotenuse" -- that is, 3� + 4� = 5�. This ratio is a Universal Truth that has an influence on human behavior whether one is conscious of it or not (like the tides).

How does this relate to the posited question? Here is the application of the theory:

With the buns representing the hypotenuse, 5 units (packages) will supply either 30 or 40 rolls, translating in a dog-to-bun relationship, as respectively 3 or 4 hot-dog packets. This is the lowest ratio at which the two components share out equally with no remainders. It is also statistically the optimal number of franks that would be provided at a middle-American outdoor barbecue of market-researched typical size, depending on how many children are present as opposed to adults (of course the children's barbecue would utilize the 8-bun pack). Those quantities also optimize profits as to content vs. packaging costs.

This was carefully worked out by marketing scientists and soothsayers at a conference held in Peekskill NY in June 1956. [Participating sausage and bread manufacturors will not be named on this page to protect our sources.] Apart from the metaphysical implications, which foreshow an overwhelmingly compulsive effect on human behavioral patterns at a subliminal level, the marketing habits of the shopping housewife were taken into account at the more practical level. A side-effect, which was predicted but dismissed as irrelevant, was that there would be some wastage either on the bun side or the wienie side, especially when it came to bachelors or couples. They were rendered insignificant as a group to be catered for, as they were not likely to care. (A similar situation occurred around the same time in the tobacco industry regarding unfiltered cigarettes when it was determined consumption could be increased by emphasising the health aspects of filters -- even though there were none -- to the detriment of die-hards who preferred your plain natural cigarette.)

We respectfully submit that this revelation will put the question to rest. It is an instance of the mystical alignment of abstract Universal principles with the more self-serving side of human nature.

-----

:: Hotdog Links ::

All American Hot Dog Co.

American Museum of Natural History: Hot Dogs As America