I have two mounds upon my bodice

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee

I can justify any shopping spree

Not to a barber, but a beauty salon

Can talk to my friends about the size of my *ss

Can admit to others when I am wrong

So I don't have to admit when I am lost

Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon

Everytime I go to the john

Only to find you're two hours late

I don't watch movies with lots of gore

Don't need instant replay to remember the score

I don't get jock itch

And just cause I'm assertive

Don't call me a b*tch

The food in my fridge has no sign of decay

I don't go to Sears

To look at the tools

I don't cheat at poker

I follow the rules

Don't pay for drinks at bars

I don't punch my friends just to say Hi

And it's O.K. for me to cry

Think that you're IT

But compared to a woman

You just ain't S*IT!