deadlysins

1. Swinging the ceremonial rattlesnake counterclockwise overhead is a clear violation of Frank 11:23. Always swing 'em clockwise (See Jesus FAQ).

2. Contacting Miss Cleo or any of her minions is an abomination. Miss Cleo is a consort of Satan, and she sends you annoying emails. You are not to spend your money on devil psychics. You are to send it to us.

3. Dying your hair pink is unholy unless sanctioned by the Lord Jesus Christ, as in the case of Tammy Fae Baker.

4. Shrieking whilst grabbing your crotch and/or naming any of your pets "Bubbles" is blasphemy of the first degree.

5. Dancing like Jennifer is a sure ticket to a spacious waterfront apartment on the Lake of Fire (demonstrative picture of Jennifer dancing soon to come).

6. Disrobing a G.I. Jesus is a perversion. His manly clothing must remain on his body at all times. Also, G.I. does not stand for gastrointestinal, so it is a sin to digest a G.I. Jesus.

7. Taking part in the hedonistic pleasures known to liberals and Satanists as "thinking" impairs your ability to hear God's calling. We here at Jesus Loves Everyone (Except You) will keep you informed of any updates in God's Word, so long as you abstain from "thinking" and sign up for the mailing list.

7 1/4. FAILING TO SIGN THE JESUS LOVES EVERYONE (EXCEPT YOU) GUESTBOOK, MESSAGE BOARD, OR NEGLECTING TO PURCHASE AN ITEM FROM THE JESUS GIFT SHOP WILL EARN YOU AN ETERNITY OF HORRIBLE PAIN WITH MARTHA STEWART IN THE BOWELS OF HELL.