| God Stuff |
| Toys and Gifts |
| G.I. Jesus- pull his string and Jesus says, "God's love is unconditional --to a select few." |
| Unholy Effigies- taunt 'em, stone 'em, then burn 'em. Available in Charles Darwin, Tammy Faye Bakker, and Mr. Rogers. |
| Jesopoly- board game in which you spend your life earning money, only to give it all to us in the end. |
| Books |
| How To Make Your Children Love Jesus: Religion Through Violence- outlines for ritual beatings and Godly abuse. |
| Music |
| "Songs For Worship"- compilation featuring the hit track, "Jesus Loves the Little Children (But Not In That Way)" |
| Handheld Life Like Jesus- NOT A PUPPET. Stick your hand up Jesus' robe! Make Him wiggle! |
| Jeshoes-Be hip, stylish, and just like Jesus. These shoes are just like those found in pictures of Jesus, except made by children in Taiwan. |
| Holy Pleasure: Making Jesus Love You- Hayley's secret tricks of the trade are shared. |
| Food & Drink |
| Jeezits- Ever missed the Eucharist? Well, now you never will if you buy Jeezits. Unlike those wheaty things they give you in church, Jeezits are made of the true flesh of Jesus. |
| JeJuice- Now, this isn't wine. This is the true blood of Christ. Drink up and be holy! |
| Christian Flashcards- Perfect gift for the heretic in your life. Outlines the basic teachings of our God. Preview them here. |
| Heaven's official gift shop. We accept Visa, Mastercard, American Express, and personal checks. Cash is preferable. Also, we now accept slave labor as payment. If a check bounces, we will fine you and send you to Hell. Martha Stewart isn't very fond of bad checks. |
| Exorcism for Dummies: learn how to banish evil spirits from your computer without having to spend your church donation money. |
| Disco Jesus- Comb Jesus' afro! Watch Him dance to the Beegees! With real John Travolta hip action! |
| Biblical Loopholes- how to get around "Thou shalt not kill," "Love thy neighbor as thyself," "Judge not lest ye be judged," and many more. Perfect for abortion clinic bombings, lynchings, and making the lives of the nonbelievers around you just plain miserable in the name of God. |
| Remote Control Pope-Mobile- cooler than the Batmobile, since television is evil and demonic. Bulletproof casing not included. |
| "Beelzebub in Rewind"- Satanic messages found in popular music played backwards. Includes Yanni, Kenny G, Phil Collins, Michael Jackson, Nsync, and many more. |
| "Saint Minky and The Cabana Boys"- These recordings are taken from the tour they did with the Rolling Chiquita Banana Band (formerly known as the Rollins Band). |
| Wash Away Your Sins Towlette. Anti-Bacterial Formula Kills Sins on Contact. Thank You, Blue Q company for your product and the picture that I stole from your site: WASH YOUR SINS AWAY! |
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| GayAway- Sick of those pesky homosexuals always trying to get you to join them and their homosexual agenda? Well, now you can save yourself and your children with this patented spray that will keep away any gay*. *Not guaranteed to be effective against those registering 5 or 6 on the Kinsey Scale. Version 2.0 currently under development. |