| Christian Terminology |
| Pentacle: It is evil because it is not a cross. Any religious symbol that is not a cross is Satan's work & should be spat upon & burned. Jesus wants all of his sheep to do this in His name. Holy Grail: Jesus drank from it during the Last Supper. Contrary to popular belief, King Arthur did not find the Grail. Some people think the Grail is worth a lot of money, but it is not. If you ever find the grail, ship it to Katie. Overnight it and tell no one you have/had it. Jesus wants her to have it. Remember, it is not worth money. None whatsoever. Cross: The structure upon which God's only Son was put to death. The more vinyl and plastic crosses you have on your vehicle, the better a Christian you are. Bible: The Word of God. Memorize random verses so that you may recite them in conversation. This may anger some people, but remember, you're helping them save their souls. Holy Spirit: Just like the flames in Hell. But different. Completely different. Don't ask how, Jesus says so. 666: The Number of the Beast, an allusion to Satan's imperfection. God's perfection is symbolized by the number 777. No, this does not condone the playing of slot machines. The Burning Bush: Moses was spoken to by a flaming shubbery. The voice belonged to God. If your shrubberies speak to you, you may be schizophrenic. Moses, however, was a prophet. Heaven: "What if you died, & you woke up, & you were in heaven? Just like they always told you? Everyone had wings on, & pearly gates....wouldn't you feel stupid?"--Steve Martin. Steve Martin is Satan. Eucharist: The Body and Blood, the very Flesh of Christ. Once you consume the Eucharist, Jesus is inside you. INSIDE YOU. Church: God's house. Here we ply you with wine and special wafers and urge you to do God's bidding. Or anything else we come up with. The Ten Commandments: God's commandments as given to Moses. The church feels you are not capable of constructing your own morality, so do whatever we say & Jesus will love you. Don't worship golden steers. WWJD?: This is now a common saying. It is meant to replace your conscience with Bible verses. Remember, you have Jesus in you, so do whatever He tells you to do. Usually your priest will tell you what Jesus wants. If there's any confusion, just write to Hayley and she'll tell you what Jesus wants. Holy Trinity: The trinity consists of God, Jesus, & the Holy Spirit. This way, someone is always there to watch you. Watch every move you make. They're everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Satan: Steve Martin. |