For Immediate Release

This is Jeremy and the Seine river.

MONTPELLIER, France-- Bon Jour from France! I have now been to Paris and the French Rivera and I have still not been arrested. G�nial! Unfortunately, I was not able to learn French in 15 minutes as I had hoped, so I have stumbled about like a half-crazed American with flat feet for the past few days.

I was pleasantly surprised by the kindness of the French people. They have been most helpful and patient. And I have not even once heard someone laugh through his\her nose. Also, there are many beautiful women with well-proportioned noses and clean-shaven armpits.

Paris was fantastic. We hit the streets hard and saw all the classic sights, toured the Louvre and D'Orsay museums and avoided going to EuroDisney all in one-and-one-half-days.

We rode the train down here to southern France and tried to sneak a peek at the Monaco Grand Prix in Monte Carlo. (Apparently, Monaco is, like, a whole other country.) The Grand Prix is huge, like the superbowl, but with race cars and less girth. We peeked through a hole in a fence and saw a tiny stretch of the road. Then the police stared yelling at some other guy doing the same thing, so we split.

So we went to the Museum of Oceanographie and looked at the fish in the aquarium. It turns out there was a terrific, but far off view of the raceway from the roof of the museum, so we were able to catch a glimpse of the cars: Science always pays off.

Later that day we went to the beach in Nice. Mom, I promise I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Actually, there was very little bare-chested-ness and what little there was belonged to very old women, so I did in fact keep my eyes closed. Also, the Mediteranean looks really nice until you step in it and wonder what that brown stuff is.

We went to Cannes for the film festival and showed up just in time for the red carpet event for the awards show. Many celebrities were there including Morgan Freeman, Tommie Lee Jones and that girl from all the Kung Fu movies. There were ten bazillion people there, so I could not see much. I did, however, get a good look at Hillary Swank's backside.

I am on my way to Barcelona, now, and am waiting for a train connection in the dismal, dirty city of Montpellier.

Overall, I am having a great time. France is great.

Please choose another country

Germany

Spain

Italy

Austria

Switzerland

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