For Immediate Release

Jeremy gets his hand bitten by the Mouth of Truth in Rome.

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah-- "Vacation is over, you stinky, unshaven piece of backpacker trash!" shouted the burly, female truck driver at Jeremy Seeley's imaginary press conference in his second story bedroom. "I comed all this way to help you get your butt back into the workforce and I ain't leavin' lessin' you start pullin' your own trailor."

Although Seeley fervently denied knowing who his chastiser was, he acknowledged the wisdom of the Jerry Springer-esque display.

"That frighteningly large woman with the 'Long-Live-White-Tanktops' tattoo has spoken truly," Seeley said. "I guess it is time to start shaving and bathing on a regular basis, too."

One attractive woman walking by on the sidewalk shrugged. "It will not help him much," she said, but declined further explanation.

The truck driver seemed pleased, however, and removed her girth from Seeley's imagination.

"I need to tighten security in here," commented the part of Seeley's splintered psyche that enjoys order. "The old brain ain't what it used to be."

Finally arriving at the intended subject of the press conference, Seeley delved into a recap of his trip through Europe. "The recap was torturous," said one journalist, but went mostly unheard because the entire press corp was concentrating on ignoring his cheap toupe. "But, the slide show was absolutely riveting; like getting rivets tacked into my face, I mean. A masterpiece of monotonous humdrum!"

Despite the criticism of Seeley's presentation, The Department of Thought Vacancy and Relocation for Jeremy, LLP decided to go forward with merciless sharing.

Click on this link to proceed to the vacation recap.

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