Chapter One: The Reckoning.

It was a crisp New Zealand day. Just like any other day. But was it?

Chapter Two: Another Reckoning...Again.

Arezoo awoke to the sound of children's laughter outside of her cottage window.

"Ah, what a glorious day for a bi-cycle ride!"

She rushed out her door and hopped on her unicycle. Rushing down Cuba Street, she passed by the local town crier, Rachel.

"HEAR YEE, HEAR YEE. Come one, come all. Attention, Attention. Listen real close, see."

"Oh silly man." thought Arezoo as she rode straight into a large tree.

"AARRGGGAAAOOO" mumbled the tree as it got to it's feet.

"You're not a tree at all!" replied Arezoo.

"Of course not, I'm a human...being" rehtorted the very, very large and in charge, man.

Arezoo could not believe her eyes. It was Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords and that beer commercial. Her heart fluttered. Fluttered like a butterfly. A pretty one.

Chapter Three: Painting the Town Red. (with Blood...)

"Oh my fucking gosh diddily darness, why didn't you tell me you met Jemaine, and that you went to a cafe where he told you the secret of eternal life and that you are going on a date with him right now." said Jess.

"I dont know, i was just so super excited." screamed Arezoo.

"Mmm me too." added Jemaine,

"Why am I here?" hollered Bret.

Chapter Four: Painting the Town Red (with Blood...)
Part two, section three, paragraph five...

The evening was going good. Real good. Except after they finally got Bret to leave, he wouldn't stop calling to check in on his Jem Jems.

"Sorry he gets a bite worried when i'm out past six." cackled Jemaine.

And right as Arezoo was leaning in for kiss with eyes closed, she heard a most girlish of shrieks. It was Jemaine.

Chapter Fiver: The Most Deadliest of Sin,

Bret couldn't understand the feelings rising up inside him. Why did he cry on Takia's shoulder like a lam lost without it's herd of other lams? Arezoo knew how important Bret was to Jemaine, so she carried him in her arms to see if Bret was okay. Bret was fine, but Rachel wasn't.

"I couldn't help it!," hee-hawed Bret,"I was just so upset that Jemaine hadn't been home for days. It felt as if our love and friendship were slipping away, like soap in the shower of life...."

Rachel was dead. Bert had killed her in a jealous rage. She would town-cry no more. So takia cohen took her place. Bret went to hotty mcHOT prison, but for like a day because no one remembered what actually happened. Jemaine and Arezoo were married and Elijah Wood was at the wedding. Elijah and Jess talked, he groped, she smacked. They all lived happily ever after.... except for Rachel because she died.

Chapter Seven: Life's a Bitch...and then you DIE!!!

End of story.

OR IS IT???????