Weekly Update (8/8/2001)

Here's the angle: Black Earl, a black guy who wears black all the fucking time, a long time employee of WNEW was a contestant on Remote Control 13 years and lost by five points. He claims it was due to a faulty buzzer. Ron and Fez say it's because he sucks at the game. To prove their point, they invite listeners to play against Earl and try to reopen those old wounds of his. The show's producer booked three listeners for the show: myself, a woman who had flirted with Ron over the phone and another guy named Joe. We sat in the lobby for about an hour after signing our releases, talking about how great Ron and Fez were and the state of the station. Howard Stern's fear of Opie and Anthony was another hot topic. Show regular Big Dan The Assman showed up and scared the shit of me just by being his gargantuan self.

When noon rolled around, we were seated outside the studio and met Ron. Actually. I should replace "meet" with "play foosball poorly against". The atmosphere at WNEW is light for a place that has had 3 three lineup changes and numerous firings in the past year. We sat outside the studio for next two hours, shooting the breeze with the interns and playing against Ron during commercial breaks. Penthouse Pet Alex Arden also came and went.

A little before two, the producer tells us that one of the Joes wouldn't get on the air. Being the responsible producer he is, Al Dukes booked one extra guest in case someone dropped out at the last minute. We ended up playing foosball for the spot. Before yesterday, I hadn't played since I went to Flatbush Boys & Girls Club 12 years ago. Back then, I was more worried about guys pulling the metal rods out of the table and bludgeoning me than getting good at the game. Luckily, Joe #2 sucked worse than I did. He ended up putting two goals in his own net. If this were Colombia and we were playing soccer, he'd have been shot in the head for that shit. His punishment was less severe: sitting outside the studio drinking Sam Adams Summer Ale while I played Remote Control.
 
In what has to be the highlight of my life, I had to sing "Material Girl" on New York radio for FIVE points . On the "Dead Or Canadian" channel, I knew that Gilda Radner was both dead and Canadian for 10 points. The questions were about as old as the MTV show. Example: "In the RECENT movie release "Heartbreak Ridge", Clint Eastwood leads the invasion of what country?". Good thing I paid attention when I was nine. I tried my best, but in the end Earl defeated me 130-100 and redeemed himself somewhat.

    After the show, I got to really talk to the guys. If they're unhappy about being moved to nights (their second switch in seven months), they didn't show it. When I asked about the show losing viewers, Ron said half-jokingly, "Even if you don't listen to the show, say you do anyway. That's how Arbitron works." For the record. Ron and Fez have the highest pitched voices I've ever heard on middle aged men. After a few minutes, the guys headed home and I did the same. But not before I was handed some cool stuff for being there. I got WNEW t-shirt number two, a Santana DVD for my mom and MTV: The First 1000 Years Rock and New Wave albums for myself. Since they're on from 7-11 p.m. now, it'll be easy for me to come across town from school (ha!) if they ever need me. I'd be happy to hang with my heroes and loot the prize closet again sometime. 



Previous "Weekly" Updates:
Update #5: Why Fiona Apple should be more like Buh Buh Ray Dudley.
Update #6: Why I write recaps of that radio show.
Update #7: Joseph tries his hand at sports writing/Keep visiting Swanbomb.com or die.
Update #8: A Real Clusterf*ck.
Update #10 : What's Going On?
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