Mistress Katie

Mistress Katie

April 16, 2007; I'm sick of guns.
I've had enough of them. No one absolutely needs a gun anymore. For the people who still actually go hunting - not the ones who just go to the hunting camp for a reason to drink - why don't they submit their guns to a type of holding company. Where they lock up guns when you're not using them. Then whenever the people are going hunting they sign off to take out the gun (photo ID, signed and dated ofcourse) and have a date set on when they'll be back from hunting to sign the gun in again. Simple. That way if there's any people who go postal, the police could see whoever took out a gun and what time and match it to the person who did go postal.
Tadah! But no one really cares, they all think they NEED guns. I think everyone needs a brain too, but it doesn't seem like everyone uses them. Including me sometimes, I admit.

April 3, 2007; Snow in spring.. yuck. :P
So.. I have AWESOME news. :D I'm getting a PUPPY!!! :D I'm so excited. I don't know what kind of puppy I'm going to get, but.. I'm getting one ! :D
The bf said he really wants to buy a dirt and street bike. I told him it was fine with me, you only live once after all. So I said well.. if you get a bike... can I have a puppy? :D He hesitated but then said, when we buy a house (we are shooting for this summer to buy one) I can have a puppy.
Needless to say I'm pretty excited about the whole thing. We'll have a house a puppy and a bike to go cruising on.

March 21, 2007; I don't feel well... blah... I just finally got over a fever which lasted two days. Now I'm so exhausted, my head hurts, I feel like I could puke, dizziness when I move around too much. I was doing so much better yesterday. I was energetic, feeling tons better. But I went to bed pretty late last night, I went to a friends to watch survivor (which totally screwed up my week because it's normally on thursday nights) so I didn't get to sleep until after 12. I was planning on going over there again tonight but I think I'll just stay home and rest.
Oh me and the bf did eventually make up. I actually got this flu/cold from him. :P I think we just needed time to get used to living with someone again. By the end of the week I was wishing he didn't have to go back to school in the valley, instead of wishing he would go back. :)
We were looking at houses too while he was down. We found one house, that's a little out of the budget we want, but it's such a beautiful house. Only problems with it is the price and how far away from town it is. :( It would cost me alot more in gas, so it wouldn't really be worth it. Plus I'd have to get up waaay earlier then I do now. ;/ I really have a hard time now at 7am. lol Time to get back to work - take care everyone, hope you're all not sick too. :(

March 12, 2007; I'm so exhausted it's not funny.. I can barely keep my eyes open. I had a hard weekend... got into a few fights, cried, yelled, tried unsuccessfully to argue back. *sigh* I'm so terrible at relationships. I always do something to fudge things up. I'm really not sure why. I suppose it's because I've been single most of my life. I've never had relationships that lasted longer then 6-12 months. So this stage of a relationship is new to me. For the bf, he's had several long-term relationships.
I suppose telling the bf he can't drive my car until he learned how to drive it properly could have been a bad idea. But he was driving my car from full stop to 4000 rpms. He was driving my car entirely too hard and I said it's not good for the car. He threw at me that he knows way more about vehicles then I'll ever know... That from now on if I have any problems with my car I'll have to deal with it myself.
But I've told him time and time again please don't ram my car. You know what he tells me "You know what you can do," which means "shut up." He thinks my driving is so terrible that he doesn't want to drive with me. He tells me I drive like a senior citizen. I think I drive pretty well. I've only been driving everyday since 2003. I lived in the city for a couple years so I didn't need to drive, plus I wasn't allowed to drive the car when I lived at home-home(we only had one vehicle at that time) for a while. He's been driving full time since he was 16 and he scares me when he drives! I don't care that I drive like an senior, at least I haven't gotten into an accident yet. Only time I've ever came close was because of the weather conditions.
Anyway, so yeah he said some things I agreed to. He asked me what? do you think I'd actually intentionally ruin your car? To which I said no. I don't think he's intentionally trying, *inside voice ending* but your sure as heck ramming my car. He thinks that I'm not working towards a future and not working on our relationship. By telling him he can't drive my car is apparently working against our relationship. Because he had to drive his truck which burns more gas which costs us more money. Etc. Well. quite frankly my dear, you didn't have to buy a truck. Which ofcourse BURNS MORE FUEL THEN A FUEL EFFICIENT CAR. *sigh*... anyways break time is up.. Thanks for hearing my rant.

January 29, 2007; Well it was an interesting weekend. :P I drove in a snow storm. Which was kind of a good thing because at least now I know I can do it if I had to. But I don't think I should try driving in whiteouts/slippery/snowcovered roads all the time. :P January 4, 2007; I'm just feeling this song tonight. Here's some lyrics to a song most of you should know (Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You);

"Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me

I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you"

December 05, 2006; wow, I can't believe it's almost Christmas already.. I'm almost finished Christmas shopping. I've almost depleted my bank account as well. :( ah well, I'll be glad to see everyone's face light up. :) I love that feeling when you know they're absolutely going to like the gift you bought them, and then when they open the gift and love it. That feels good. :)
Honestly, this year I don't want anything for Christmas. I just want to relax, party and spend time with my family.
In other news.. bad news and good news... He wants to go to school for the optional second year in Cape Breton. I think it's a great idea. He'll have much more knowledge, as well as many more opportunities when he's finally finished. However.. our long distance relationship is already strained and I can see him almost every weekend. I don't know how this will work when I can only see him a couple times in a school year... *sigh*

November 20, 2006; Christmas is sure coming along fast... I haven't even really started Christmas shopping. Sometimes Christmas shopping is too hard.. I never know what to get anyone and no one ever tells/hints what they want/need. argh :P
I'm starting to Hate my apartment... not because I'm by myself or because I do all the cleaning. It's because I keep waking up at 4 or 5 am. I didn't know why I was until this morning.. This morning I woke up to the neighbour screaming at their kid at 5am.. probably telling her to go back to bed. The lil' kid (who might be 3/4) was up crying. Now if it was my kid.. I'd find out what was wrong before I started screaming at my kid. I don't know if she did that but it sure doesn't help a crying child to yell at them.. argh. I wanted to go over and hug the lil' one. I think the kid has "Croup" I hear the child coughing often or I was hearing a cough every once in a while - haven't noticed recently. I chucked it up to the parents being smokers. But I'm starting to realize the poor child might have "croup." I used to have "croup" quite often and pretty bad. My Mom often got up with me during the night and turned the shower on hot - for steam to loosen up my air ways.
But anyways. I'm starting to look for a new place. Hopefully not in an apartment.. and something with better water - that doesn't turn everything red.. Well my break is over, I suppose I should go back to work. Hopefully the day won't go by too slowly so I can go home and go to bed...

November 5, 2006; I've been thinking. I know - I know.. bad thing. :P I've been thinking about a possible career. I've always been into keeping the earth clean and finding different ways to do my part to help out. Getting mad at the loggers down home for cutting too many trees and not planting any back... grrrr....
I'm going to start looking into possible careers for something such as, renewable resources. I think that it would suit me well. I'm very passionate about 'my' trees. I truly believe that for every tree you cut down there should be at least two trees planted. They help us breath by cleaning/filtering the air, yet they don't get any credit and no one really seems to give a flying f(k.
Someday... when I buy/build my own house, I'm planting as many trees as possible on my property. But that might not be for a while...

November 4, 2006; I LOVE Halloween! :) I wish I could dress up once a month. :D This year I was "Commando Katie" lol It was fun, I had a blast with my guns. Pun intended. :P

October 10, 2006; So if your bf/gf got a call from a chick/guy and he/she said "oh shit" when he/she seen who was calling.. what would you think? Would you think it odd, no biggie, or would you freak out?
Blah... I'm having some trust issues. As you can see from what's written above. It's really hard for me to trust people.. and when things like this happen. It just makes me feel worse. I just need some reasurrance I guess. I love him, I mostly trust him..., I want to be with him.. I just have a hard time with relationships... maybe I make them harder then they should be, but I don't think they should be THIS hard.. Otherwise things have been great.. but it just makes me wonder.. ARGH

September 14, 2006; Something new.. and not so good happened just a few minutes ago... I called the bf up to say good night and that I loved him, to kinda fix things up with him.
Earlier I had kinda gotten a lil' I dunno not bitchy but unhappy. See he was saying he was in the cafeteria with his guy friends and they decided to eat in the caf more because of all "the hot girls there." Then he went on to say that he met some girl who graduated HS with his brother and this girl also kinda knew his ex gf. I don't remember if this was the same girl (sometimes he's hard to understand because he jumps from one subject, to something completely different and then back again. Conversations with him are confusing to say the least) but then he said this girl was really upset because she found out her bf cheated on her and she didn't have any money, she moved all the way out there to go to school and he tried to console her and he wanted to hug her but he didn't... meanwhile I'm thinking why would she be telling him this... if she doesn't know him from a hole in the wall? (I felt really bad because her bf cheated on her ofcourse, it just seemed weird that she was telling some stranger about it) He got a lil' cranky that I was getting.. jealous - I guess would be the word. Then I could hear voices there where he was staying-when normally it's very quiet- and I asked who was there. He said it was his boarding lady and her daughter he guessed. He hurriedly got off the phone with me and said he'd talk to me tomorrow because he had to go get going as he was hanging out with some guys from school. I'm driving up to see him tomorrow so I'm not really sure why he'd 'call me tomorrow.' But Anyways, I felt kinda crappy for acting the way I did - it's been a long long week and I'm cranky and I just want to see him already - so I called him to say good night to patch things up.
However when he picked up he said "I'm at Dooly's" so I said well I just wanted to say good night in a happy tone. His response was yup. I said I love you, and he said ok bye. Then immediately hung up. Not sure how I should take that. I don't think he's EVER done that, except around his Dad, not saying I love you back I mean. So I'm finding it awfully strange and hurtful - not that I blame him for the way I acted just because he was talking about chicks. But I'm not sure if he's mad or if he didn't want to say it around his new buddies from school or what...
Basically.. I'm not going to sleep tonight over it.. great. just great. As if I didn't have enough to worry about. *sigh* *head bangs into the computer desk with a noticeable thud*

September 11, 2006; HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL' SIS!!!! :D Hope it RoCkEd!:D

September 8, 2006; So.. I have a few questions to ask.
Out of these ten careers, which is more me? :P
Architectural Technology/Drafting/Surveying
Renewable Resource Technology
Agriculture/Animal Science
Mechanical Technology
Food/Hospitality Services
Performing Arts
Communication arts
Health Care Technology
Applied Art

Please take into account that I'm extremely shy and anti-social. :D I also have panic attacks when in social situations. I'm also terrible at math.

September 4th, 2006; Tonight's the first night... the first night, for many more to come, that I'll be all by myself. I cried the whole way home from the Valley. My eyes hurt, they're all puffy and my face is pale with red blotches. I tried to be a trooper and not show him how sad I am, but ofcourse the waterworks came. I know it's silly. I'm going to see him in a couple weeks... but I'm just gonna miss him so damn much. He's my best friend, even with the flaws I complain about on here (I know I have tons of those too). I'm worried about him too, it's the first time he's been in school for 10 years. Plus he's all by himself, doesn't know anyone, has hardly any family or anyone to talk to. I mean I've got my family and friends for a help network. But he's got no one... well ofcourse he's got me, I just hope I'll be able to help him.
I know everything will be alright in the end, and it'll all be worth it. It's just going to be hard at first, and then the time will fly by. We both just need to keep busy and ofcourse communicate as much as possible. I should get going, and stick to my plan by keeping my mind/body busy. TTFN.
P.S. Rest in Peace Steve, you were/are the best, mate. I know I'll always remember you, Crocodile Hunter, and you're amazing personality. To the big Guy up there, watch over us all..

August 11th, 2006; Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight movie!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D SO EXCITED!!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0825245/

August 5th, 2006; I will NEVER understand guys.. NEVER! I don't understand how they can say terrible things and think nothing of it.

August 1st-5th, 2006; Man time flies.. the summer is pretty much over now. :( Ah well might as well enjoy it while I can. :P Here's a few pics I've taken recently. There's a bunch of pictures of this really HUGE spider outside the apartment which I'm extremely scared of. Their up-close pics, but trust me, I know how to use ZOOM. heh

The Bf tubing down river;
I'm a clammer! Yeah right, only found 2 clams :P
I'll add more pics later :)

Here's the light house from the skiff; Last but certainly not least, here's me and my bestest friend Gatzby. He's the awesomest dog in the whole world and I love him alot:D - he's not even my dog! :P He's my friend's puppy. :)

July 25, 2006; I finally lost the weight. :) I fell tons better about myself. Not as much as I'd like, but I'm getting there. I went from 145 lbs to 131 lbs. Go ME! :D
I have also been peer pressured into playing WOW (World of Warcraft). :P But as per the bf's agreement, I'm not allowed to play it unless I've gone for a walk or done some sort of exercise. (not just his recommendation, it was mine as well.:P) but uh.. I haven't been recently. :P So I've been feeling kinda blah the past couple days.. so it's best if I stick to the daily exercise. I think I might go rollarblading tonight! :) I've come to the conclusion that I must some how find a way to convince everyone that I should get a puppy. (This includes a landlord who said I can't have pets in the apartment :P Although I've taken to letting their kitty in the apt so I've got some company heh). It'd probably be easier to convince them to let me have a kitty but they're not as fun as puppies! :D Well.. for different reasons. :P I want the company for when the bf leaves for school this fall. I'll only be able to see him maybe one weekend out of the month. Which will be a big lonely change for me. :( Especially since I'll have the apt all to myself.. I dunno what I'm going to do.. play lots of WOW! heh:D Well I suppose I should get going, take care everyone!

June 19, 2006; Well Edmonton lost... no big surprise there. I couldn't watch the game I just kept yelling at the tv. :p It sucks, but there's always next year! :)
I get to meet "The Ex" tomorrow... She's gonna be in town so I guess we're all going to Tim's or something. I'm kinda nervous. I don't want to be my normal self - shy and quiet. I want to get to know her, they were together for 5 years, so I want to know that part of his life. - I think I explained that kinda ok. :P
I don't want to be jealous either. Which I can easily be.. I'm not really sure what to talk about with her,but she'll probably do most of the talking. Apparently she might even watch Hockey.. which'll mean I'd be alone with her.:S
Wish me luck! heh Have a good night everyone. Better Luck Next Time Edmonton.

May 28, 2006; I'm a lil' Crispy. :P Serves me right for not putting sun screen on. Least I put on a hat though! :) I had a pretty good weekend, did some fun things, went for walks/hikes, went to a Ballet Recital which to me... those girls were/are amazing! They looked so graceful, elegant, beautiful, and.. just amazing! Made me feel like I had missed out on so much fun. I had a chance to go to Ballet when I was young. But because I thought my parents were just going to leave me alone there, I told them I wanted to go home, and they didn't force me to do it anyways, or tell me they'd be right there... *sigh* ah well, maybe someday they'll have an adult class and I'll possibly force my lil' girl into Ballet (assuming I have kids and have a girl - or boy if he wants to) if she's into it and I'll make sure she/he knows I'll be right there. :)

I also went to an art gallery, it was really interesting. Seen some nice art work, paintings, carvings etc. I may have to go back sometime, probably not though, I don't really know much about art and I think the people there knew because they kept looking at me funny.. but I did stick out, I was wearing a camo skirt in an art Gallery.. ;p

Also went to an Avon party, it was actually quite fun, I had never been to one before, but I'm glad I did - I'll probably go to more. There was some really yummy/nice stuff there. I ordered tooo much stuff and my next pay will pay for that. But I got some cool stuff and I hope it will be worth it. :)

The one crappy thing about this weekend... is that I saw a picture of myself at a wedding I had gone to last month and I almost cried. Literally almost started bawling. I know it's stupid, I just lost TEN frickin' pounds... and I still see myself as overweight and like I'm not getting anywhere with all the diet and exercise that I'm doing.

I love food and I don't EVER want to give it up.. I know I eat alot more then I should. I can't help it, it's like I'm addicted to food.

I'm going to have to step up on my exercising... I don't want to feel disgusting, I want to feel beautiful in my own skin.. and not feel like the chubbiest person in the room all the time. A little girl poked my stomach the other day and said "Baby in there(?)" I was a little surprised at the comment. Made me realize that it's not just me who thinks I'm overweight.. I've been asked (or people thought I was and asked around and then it got back to me... *sigh*) that I was pregnant - a few times..

For the record, don't ask someone if they're pregnant just because they might LOOK like it. Only ask if you KNOW for sure... makes someone feel extremely miserable..

I also broke my glasses this weekend. I don't know if they'll be able to fix them with the way they're broken. But we'll see tomorrow - hopefully - if they're still open after I get off work (I'm hoping they are). I hope they can fix them, I really can't afford new glasses. But I get to wear contacts for the next lil' while. They're going to drive me NUTS at work with the air 'exchanger' on.

Anyways I should get some sleep, I'm exhausted. So all in all this weekend had bad points, and good points. Night all (two of you heh :P), sweet dreams!

May 23, 2006; That rcom hockey game was awesome! :D It was alot of fun and I was only watching the game heh. Everyone did really well and alot of people have improved immensely. Anyways just a quick hello before I attempted to sleep again..:P Night all - all one of you :P heh night!

May 22, 2006; Well I've lost 10 pounds, GO ME! :D I feel alot better about myself, but I don't think I'm where I want to be yet. I figure I need to loose at least another 5 pounds to feel good about my body again. (To be seen in a bikini this summer. :P)
I'm trying to stop eating out all the time, but sometimes.. Lotus and McD's just call to me and I can't help it... :P I've been pretty good about it, only maaaybe once a week/month, and I try to make it healthy. Save's me a bit of money too! :)
I hadn't been walking as much as I was (too exhausted after work to even think about walking), so I'm not really loosing the weight I could be. Hopefully I'll try and get into it again soon. I went for almost a 2 hour walk the other day! When I got back my mind was clear, and I felt so great! But exhausted heh
I found that Rollarblading helped me the most to loose weight. But I don't really have anywhere to rollarblade with no traffic. We were going to a tennis court at a school down home way but we'd have to drive out there. I want to just throw on the blades and start rollin' *enter Limp Bizkit song here heh - Keep rollin' rollin'* Would save so much on gas money. I don't even want to go there.. I can't believe how much gasoline is now! $1.11/Litre!!! I refuse to put more then $20 in my car anymore. It's rediculous! There is absolutely no reason for it, I don't care what BS they say, there is NO reason it that we should pay such high prices. I'm about to start turning my car into a hydrogen fueled vehicle, and my car already is fuel efficient! (I don't know how everyone else can pay to fill up their not so fuel efficient vehicles..) Might be f'ing cheaper in the long run for F%@# sakes! Anyways... enough of that... I said didn't want to go there...;p
Maybe sometime I'll put some before and after pictures of me on here, maybe... if I loose enough weight and tone up enough. Which will have to be alot of weight with my extremely self conscious mind..
Anyways, have a good night... to anyone who even still visits this website...? :P I"m gonna attempt to get some sleep again. I haven't really slept since thursday.. slept a few hours during the day on the weekend, but that's it. Stupid scary movie... why did I have to watch it before bed?!? Or at all! for goodness sake.. I know better. I'm such a wimp, but.. I have my reasons.. I hate 3am... worst time of the night... *shudder*

April 5, 2006; Man, what an asshole he can be! I don't understand why he's acting like this but recently he's just been a jerk. "you need to be more domestic... promise me you won't get fat.." etc
Maybe his job is stressing him out. I really don't know, but he's certainly stressing me out... *sigh* yet another reason why i don't think i should be with anyone. I can't get along with people and yet... I can't be without them.. or him...

March 7, 2006; The Bf sent me this. Try this out, it's kinda neat! :)

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer?

February 21, 2006; Me and the bf have been doing really well recently. We do still have the occasional 'fights' but nothing major - everyone has them. We've been talking about possibly moving ahead in the relationship and having a future together. Now with my luck there won't be one.. but I'm crossin' my fingers. :P heh Have a good one, take care!

February 4, 2006; Today is officially the longest I've ever been in a relationship. 1 whole year. I've made it to 364 days, 9 months, lots of 6 months...(had a six month curse for a while. That was right fun..;p) Gonna celebrate tonight, not sure what we're gonna do. Probably play some pool and watch HOCKEY! :D

February 1, 2006; So I found a house I really want to buy. It's pretty much next door to my parents. So it kinda sucks but.. it's not like it's riight next door. :P
The house is entirely too expensive for the area it's in. I've been told that I could build a house 10 feet smaller then the one I want for about $50 grand(which is half the price of the house near my parents). But the house to build will be plain everything. (Only gyprock for the walls, no kitchen cabinets, etc.) I think that's a pretty good price for a house. Only thing is the job I have is temporary(no contract) and there is no other jobs around this darn town where I could make more then minimum wage...
Guess I'll have to set up the house with webcams everywhere and only let people see my house if they've got a credit card. heh :P I highly doubt that would pay for my house though. :P
I'm still tryin' to win the lottery, tryin' to find a crack in the system.. or someway to win.. It'll probably be my only option. I'll never be able to afford my own place if I'm stuck at a minimum wage job. Stupid lil' town..... :P *sigh*

January 26, 2006; Ya know.. maybe I was right.
I'm pretty damn sure I'm meant to be alone...

January 1st, 2006; So I started off the new year extremely terrible. I'm really not feeling well and I've screwed things up yet again. Surprise surprise eh?
I'm going to end up a really lonely old woman with lots of animals if I don't smarten the hell up. But I just can't change and I don't know why... I can't trust people and I'm entirely too possessive. I've tried to change, but I can't. I get jealous over nothing, and I always talk about the bad things that happen instead of enjoying the good. I can't just be happy for once and say this is great. Nope, I have to be stupid and fuck everything up. *sigh*....

December 24; Christmas Eve! :) Merry Christmas Eve! :) My family and I are currently on what we call "Christmas Crack." - We get a case of the giggles for absolutely no reason. :P I hope they let me sleep in a bit this year. I like to sleep in, on Christmas or on a regular day. Although I've been trying to get up early everyday so that I don't totally ruin my sleep schedule for the work week. So far.. it's not working the best. :P Last year I think it wasn't even light out when they woke me up proclaiming it was Christmas. heh
But anyways! :) Time for the well wishes :)
I hope everyone out there has the Merriest Christmas EVER! :)
Happy Holidays, etc, Peace on Earth :) *HuGs*

December 20, 2005; I can't believe Christmas is only Days away now... it seems like it was just summertime. It doesn't really feel like Christmas yet. My parents don't have a tree yet.. usually they have it the weekend before Christmas, but this year they didn't.
I was going to go to the bf's parent's for Christmas but my parents 'freaked out' and the bf decided I'm not going and that he's not going either.
Oh yeah, and things with him have been the same rollarcoaster. Recently he thinks that just because I've been quiet recently - not talkative(which doesn't make sense because I'm never talkative :P) - that I don't want to be with him or something.. Ah hello, it's called being tired and he's sleeping most of the night anyways. :P (he's bandin', so he's working hard, long hours and he falls asleep easy when he gets home)
December 7, 2005; Snow is Ebil! I wish I had an old clunker car to drive around this winter. :( I'm so afraid for my baby! :( But on the plus side my car seems to be ok so far in the snow. :) However I drive like an 'old granny', as they say, and I suppose that helps. :P
So I'm still trying to get in shape.. I have an ab starting. haha :P I'm all proud of my ab :D I'll get there eventually. SOMEDAY... I'll feel comfortable in my own skin. Anyways it's way past my bed time, have a good night everyone. :)

November 28 2005; "Dumping Day"
Today is what's called Dumping Day. At 6AM this morning the Lobster Fishermen/women sailed out to 'dump' their lobster pots into the sea for the first time this season. I know alot of fishermen/women didn't sleep well last night. I know I didn't and I won't sleep well until a few months have passed when I get used to my family/friend's fishing again. It's pretty scary to know their out there on the ocean in their boats and we don't know what's going on until they contact us/come home. Plus I can't do anything being on land and their at sea... guess it's that control issue I have too. :P
Be safe out there everyone...

November 8, 2005; Ok so I'm pissed... :P I've been trying to find another pair of boots (nice dress boots). The boots I did have were too big (I had to wear approx 3 pairs of socks) and I can't wear them anymore (they stretched even more). :( Since I stopped wearing them, I've been searching for a new pair. However I have come to realize that they don't make boots for short people with stubby legs. ;p I've decided to take action and write to a company about one, their $pricing$ and two how none of their shoes/boots fit me. I have what's considered 'wide' feet. Meaning I don't have pixy feet. :P But I do have smaller feet. I'm typically between a size 5 to 6 1/2. Depending on the style and who makes them. I was so frustrated the other day i just about cried. I've gone to every store tried on every boot I could find and NOT ONE fit... NOT ONE!! The zipper sometimes wouldn't even zip up past my ankle. Now having short stubby legs(I'm 5 foot nothing), I've got fairly thick ankles. I know my legs aren't fat, most of my calfs(sp?) are muscle and there's no way to 'shrink' them. I have even been trying to loose weight too. Well not really loose weight just tone up. I have two abs starting to show! I'm so excited about it! heh anyways.. that's my rant of the day. Have a good one!

October 31, 2005; HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! :D I'm so excited and I don't wanna work(I'm on my break btw :P) I'm dressed today as "Aphrodite." :) I love Halloween:D
Updated November 1st, 2005 - Here's me on Halloween!

October 28, 2005; I'm getting my hair cut today. :) I was extremely excited the past couple days but today.. now that it's THE day of the hair cut. I'm extremely nervous. :( See.. everytime I've ever gotten a hair cut (by someone other then myself, yes I cut my own hair, which is why it looks really terrible ;p) But the other times I've gotten someone else to cut it, it's always been cut short. So this time I think I'm going to take babysteps. I'm going to hopefully JUST get my hair trimmed. Then maybe put a couple shorter layers or something. I've got magazine's to bring to show them how I want my hair. But I've done that before and they just ended up messing it all up and cutting it entirely too short. They must not know how much an inch means..... stupid bastards. So Wish me luck my appointment is at 2:00pm I'll have before and after pics maybe for a couple days. :P(before I tear them off of here heh
Have a great weekend everyone and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!(oh yeah! I might have those pics too :P)

October 24, 2005; Well.. we're trying to work things out. It's going to take ALOT of constant working on the relationship. There's 'things' going on, on both sides. I mean I don't rant about bad things I do... or good things he does.. :P Anyways breaks over, ttyl, have a good day everyone!

October 11, 2005; So.. I think I have a decision to make myself..
I'm thinking that maybe I should leave him.. There is no future for us. He told me he'd one never marry me(which doesn't really bother me, marriage is just a piece of paper that says hey I'm committed to this person. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that), never have kids...(I want kids! Not anytime soon.. hell no, not soon, I'm not ready just yet. :P) and that he'd Never love me..(which really hurt when he told me that..) So if we have neither of those things.. then where is this going, what are we, what are we doing? Why am I letting this go this far?
I do care about him alot, but what's the point of being together if there is no future? There's pretty much no us.. grr I hate relationships, I wish I just KNEW who it is I'm supposed to be with... Maybe it's that I'm supposed to be alone? Maybe I'm not supposed to be with anyone? Maybe I'll just get a few puppies, they love unconditionally. :)

October 4, 2005; holy flipping OW! That was one painful experience. It was interesting though, I found about 12 good size clams. He said I did a pretty good job. I was in the boat for about an hour I figure, my joints really hurt(and my back) I kept getting stuck in the flats and I was trying to yank my foot out of the flats but it didn't work. I almost fell in a couple times, but thank goodness I didn't. ;p He said he wished he had a camera to take pictures of me stuck in the flats. I think I only got him to help me once no probably twice.
The weekend was great until JUST before I left, and I mean JUST before I walked out the door. Long story short.. I don't think we'll be together much longer. I told him to make up his fucking mind and decided once and for all if he wants to be with me. I'm tired of feeling like a Yo-Yo and I shouldn't have to feel that way.

September 30, 2005; I'm going claming tomorrow! :D Maybe.
That is only if the weather is good and I think it's supposed to be A1. :) heh I made tomorrow bring your gf to work day. :P I wanna see how you actually dig for clams, I already know it's hard work. But I want to see how it's done. Anyways, have a good weekend everyone! :)

September 26, 2005; I caught a Pikerel(sp?) fish yesturday! It was 11 inches, and it was pretty scary looking. Had some nice green colours on it though. I didn't keep it. I got the bf to take the hook out and put the fish back in the water. I didn't have a camera so I couldn't take pictures. ;/
I caught the fish at my friend's camp(which is almost my dream home!). We had a bbq, went fishing, went fishing in the boat/canoe down the stream. It was really fun! I'm really glad no one else came - I'm still mad, and will be for a looooong time - it wouldn't have been as fun with everyone else there.
See my friend had invited a few(6+) people up to her camp for a bbq, to get everyone together once this summer. Everyone's known about it for TWO WEEKS. They all told my friend they weren't sure if they were coming. So my friend goes and buys like 8 pounds of hamburger, a dozen corn and a few other things. But when she called everyone to confirm they were all at one of our other 'friend's' house (plus a few more people) and were planning to have a bbq there. Now... ofcourse she called me upset. Because OBVIOUSLY 15 people DON'T just show up and decide to have a bbq at the other place. And she was upset that they'd think she would believe that. I ended up calling our so called 'friend' to yell at him and he was like well it'd be an inconvenience to find everyone rides to go there and that they all didn't really want to go to her bbq to begin with, blah blah blah *enter more bullshit here.* So basically they were all just too much CHICKEN SHITS/PUSSIES to tell her they didn't want to go. Instead they let her think well we might go... and let her buy all that food, then have their own bbq. The fucking assholes!
But like I said, the three of us that did go, were really glad no one else came. So screw you fuckers!

September 22, 2005; So I gave in to mass hysteria and bought fuel on my lunch break. It ended up that the gas station was out of regular fuel and was selling SUPREME for regular pricing. I was like Sweet deal! I don't care if it's a hoax! heh :P

September 16, 2005; Well supposedly we're supposed to get some big ol' storm. :P We could use the rain, but why does it have to rain on a weekend when I actually go outside and enjoy the fresh air/sunshine? :P Ah well, I'll go dance in the rain! :D heh
I'm a little worried about my car in this storm. There's trees all around my car so if there's any amount of wind my car will get even more scratches and dents...:(
Well that's it for now, gotta get back to work-breaks over. Have a great weekend everybody!

September 14, 2005; I've lost 5 pounds! :) Go me! I've been exercisin' and eating better and for the past 2 weeks I've kept off 5 pounds. :D

September 8, 2005; So all the kids should be starting school now. Now I gotta watch out for kids running around in the road... great. :P So I found 9 scratches on my car.... and paw prints... those damn cats better stay the fuck away from my baby! The cats at my bf's place climb on everything. And apparently scratch alot too.. I also found a dent on the back door. Great... and people wonder why I park in two spots. I wish I could have a fence and protective sheild around my car. My poor car is only a few months old. ;/
It's the bf's bday this weekend. We're all goin' out to the bar I think. Apparently he wants me to drink I really don't want to. I'll feel extremely bleh the next couple days. :P But if it'll make him happy for his bday I'll drink. I just hope I can help in some way to make his bday the best bday ever. Like he did for my bday. I hope he likes my present. I got him another present but I think I'm going to save it for one of his presents for Christmas. The present I ordered him, plus a 24 of blue, and an Ice Cream cake from DQ should be enough for his bday, plus I'll be paying for his drinks at the bar.

August 26, 2005; The very last weekend in August... man this sucks. Summer just flew by. It's going to be Winter before too long.. I don't want snow! :( Snow is evil.. eViL! EvIl!
I'm thinking about going to a gym to help me get rid of my flab. :) I've started running/jogging every once in a while at night when no one can see my huffing and puffing. :P heh Well anyways breaks over.. Have a great weekend! :)

August 23, 2005; So today I think I'm going to begin my quest to win the lottery. :P I need a permanent paid vacation. I'm getting too stressed out, even my hair is falling out.. more then usual. Lots of panic attacks, haven't had those for a while. But they've started up again. I don't know if my heart can take the stress. I already feel like I'm havin' a heart attack sometimes. Definately not a good thing. ;p Anyways I gotta go to work, lunch is over now. ttyl. Wish me luck on those tickets! heh

August 19, 2005; Well this week has been a crazy one for sure. My grandparents are visiting from NJ this week, which is awesome! :) I've been trying to see as much of them as I can, since I only see them once a year. :(
Wednesday me and the bf got into a big fight. He was really cranky and he was saying I wouldn't even let him go to his friends bday party. Which was complete bullshit. I told him if he wanted to go to her bday party I'd go with him. But he said he didn't want to go. That all started because he's been going over to her place alot and I told him I don't mind him hanging out with her. I just don't like him going to her place to visit.. so he was like you don't trust me and all this crap. I'm there thinking if I went to one of my guy friends' house he'd freak! So anyways after he said I wouldn't let him go I got so angry and went for a walk. When I came back I got my stuff together and got ready to leave. We talked/yelled it out, so we're ok now but it's(the relationship) more then likely a time bomb waiting to go off. Oh well.. I guess we'll see what happens.
Sunday we're going to Upper Clements Park, for "Family Day." It's supposed to rain. :( I'm hoping it'll be a fun time with or without the rain though. :)
We've been playing with the kittens more, now that they can walk and open their lil' eyes. They look like their on drugs because they never blink and they're all wide eyed and freaking out over the slightest thing.(noises, shadows) They're both really cute. :) I wanna keep them both but I don't think they will. Anyways break's over, time to get back to work.

August 15, 2005; So as you might have guessed from my last entry.. I'm taking calls again (after training).. yay... I extremely don't agree. But there's nothing I can do. However, I'm seriously looking into new job options.

August 11, 2005; noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..................... :( I don't wanna take calls......

August 5, 2005; HAPPY FRIDAY! :D heh So I'm almost out of the begining part of Guild Wars. :) I've pretty much done all the quests. :) It's really fun, specially when you're playing on a team. Oh by the way, my name on GW is Wolverines Mistress. Surprise surprise huh? heh :P
I should be going to the Exhibition on saturday. That should be alot of fun. I'm going mostly to watch the truck pulls! :) Someday, I'll be in the truck pulls! :D heh My friend says it's so country, but meh it's fun! :) (loud though and I'm almost deaf as is ;/) I want to see the 'mud runs' that should be coming up soon. Not really sure what they're going to do but I know it's going to have to do with mud. That could be... dirty.. heh Anyways I gotta get going, have a great weekend everyone!:)

August 1, 2005; Feels weird to write August.. the summer is already half over! :( Guess I'll just have to make the rest of the summer extra fun! or something..
This weekend was really good, I was going to go visit my Goddaughter and her Mom. but me and her Mom decided another day would be best and I can't wait! :)
I went to see the Argyle fireworks on friday, they were pretty darn good! They saved up last years fireworks and purchased some for this year. There were tons of misquitoes eating us alive so we stayed in the car until they started shooting off the fireworks. It would have been really cool to be in a boat underneath the fireworks, but we could see them really great sitting on top of some rocks by a wharf. :)
Saturday I ended up going shopping...(I gotta stop that) :p And I found a pair of awesome shoes for 6 bucks!! I can't walk in them yet, but I'm practicing heh. They don't have a large/thick heel like I'm used to. They have more like a stilletto(sp?) heel. Then we had a BBQ, and everyone got all drunk(except me I was DD-Designated Driver-plus I didn't want to drink. :P) then we went to the bar and danced all night! :) It was fun, even though I was sober. I was surprised it was fun, because it's usually not fun unless you're drunk. :P heh
Then on sunday we ended up going for that boat ride. :) It was alot of fun! :) We drove the skiff(lil' boat with a motor on it) from Pinkney's Point to Yarmouth. Lemme tell you I was scared out of my mind for a while! :P I've only been on a Lobster boat (which is bigger then a skiff) before. So being in a little clamin' boat was kinda scary. With all the bumps and we're going through swells, and waves, then the fact that you're in this tiny lil' boat in the big ocean... :P I think what scared me the most was when the boat sprung a leak. :( It's not a big leak and we didn't sink. I'm still worried about him going to work in that boat without being able to patch it yet.. but hopefully it'll be alright until he can fix it...
But it was still a fun time! :) I got to see the area down home from a completely different angle. I even got to drive the boat for a while, I was really scared so I drove really slow. :P I was having a hard time steering it properly. :P We should have some pictures developed soon. Maybe I'll put the picture of me looking all scared driving the boat on here. :) heh well time to get back to work, breaks over. :) Have a good day!

July 27, 2005; You know what realllly feels good? :)
Not having to pay back a damn student loan anymore! :D YAY! Now I just gotta worry about paying for my car, and all my other bills... bills suck. ;p Get rid of one bill and you get another one.. figures.. ah well! Least I don't owe one person now. :) Have a good day everyone! :)

July 25, 2005; This weekend was pretty darn good. Ended up going to the Valley for the weekend.
Went sight seeing, stayed with his Dad. Went shopping. Ate a BK! :D Twice even! But I've vowed to not go to a fast food restaurant this week(hopefully:P) to make up for eating too much fast food. I bought two shirts and a belt on friday (here in yarmouth, on my day/night away from the bf:P). The strings on one of the shirts (the shirt was a halter top) broke when I tried to make it a lil' tighter. My bf was laughing saying we might end up with a Janet mishap(the wardrobe malfunction thing that happened way back) It didn't happen, thank goodness, but I did buy a shirt when we went yard saling on sunday just in case. :P (See the shirt has two strings per side, and one string broke so I figured the other string would break just as easy). But all in all it was a pretty good weekend. I was really glad he surprised me with it. He said he had a surprise for the weekend, and saturday morning he asked me if I wanted to go to the Valley.
The only bad thing that happened this weekend was we missed a bbq with my family. :( I really wanted to go but by the time we got back it was too late. Ah well hopefully next time! Have a good day!

July 21, 2005; So tonight's the first friday night(that I can remember) since January that I'm not going to stay over to my bf's for the night. We decided I'd stay home. He's only going to be home late anyways. I almost broke up with him again the other day.. and I'm still debating honestly.

July 20, 2005; We found out that the RAM wasn't bad, and that it was just overclocked. I started playing GW on tuesday and man is it ever cool. :) Last night I vowed to go to bed early because I was tired(stayed up late playing GW on tuesday) but I didn't, because I got hooked playing GW. :P heh Ah well. I went for a walk yesturday, which felt awesome. I'm hoping I'll go for a walk again tonight. :) Definately need to start loosing some weight, I can't fit into most of my clothes again and I'm not buying new bigger clothes when I can get in shape for free. heh
The fireworks on friday were pretty cool, I loved the sparkly ones (I'm such a girlie girl. :P bleh heh). We ended up on one of the wharfs(that didn't have alot of people on it. :P I don't like crowds.) It was really nice. :)
I might be going away for the weekend, this weekend. *crosses fingers* I really hope so, I'd like to get away from this town and everyone one for a little while. Would be nice, stay in a cottage by a lake or something.

July 15, 2005; So I finally downloaded/installed GW, BUT there's something wrong with my RAM so I can't play it. :P Great eh? ah well. The FiReWoRkS are tonight! :) I can't wait! I know there not the best fireworks in the world, but it's good enough. :)
Have a great weekend everyone!

July 13, 2005; I got Guild Wars yesturday, still trying to install and download everything. Holy moly do I ever hate dialup... I tried just watching the cinematics to see if the game will play ok.. but they crashed/stopped playing in the middle of the film/video thing. So I'm probably going to have to wait to play the game until after I get my new graphics card. I want to put the sound card in too, so I can actually have some sound. :( We figured it'd work with just the on board sound but it doesn't. Lucky me. :P but I'm hoping by next week I'll be able to play the game. That'd rock! Specially because I'll probably be home all next week. Or most of it.
I'll probably be home because I need some time to think. Right now me and him are just 'having fun' and just being with each other. We know the relationship isn't going to go anywhere - right now. But we're hoping for the best.. He's been thinking of moving to BC, because there are no jobs here. He didn't even mention anything about me. I confronted him about it last night and he said it's because he didn't want to drag me all the way out there away from my family and we've only been together for 5 months. I doubt I'd move out there, and I told him so, when he asked if I even would move out to BC. The fact is that it just felt like he dismissed me like I was just something he could toss away.. I cried last night because I was ready to just end the whole thing. And he called me a cry baby. I sure can pick them.. Although I didn't tell him I was pretty much ready to end it. Anyways, wish me luck..

updated; 2:16pm, I'm so confused.... urgh! July 12, 2005; So... I'm having this feeling. I don't think I should be in the relationship I'm in right now. I don't think me and him are compatible. We're too different. And I won't change for someone else. I am who I am, and that's that.
I don't think I'm meant to be in a relationship. I'm 'weird,' immature, nieve(sp?), etc. Maybe I should just become a hermit like I was saying.
I mean the relationship I'm in right now isn't going to go anywhere. He doesn't want to have kids, he doesn't believe in marriage. Okay the marriage thing I can understand, it's just a piece of paper. But the kids... I want kids. Probably not for another oh... 10 yrs or so, but I do want kids. Someday.

July 11, 2005; Well my computer died for the first time.. already. :P I should just formatt the whole computer instead of just C:. The old Hard Drive I'm using has alot of stuff we lost(when the computer was in it died) so we didn't want to formatt the HD. I need to buy a better gfx card too, it won't play a couple games and I want to be sure I'll be able to play GW. :) I think they've got a gfx card on sale so I might charge it. Wel i gtg ttyl! Have a great day everyone! :)
July 8, 2005; !I BOUGHT A NEW COMPUTER! :D Well sorta.. It's some new parts, and some old parts. :) Kind of like a zombie computer. :P We had trouble hooking it up to the network but my Dad said it's working now. So hopefully tonight I'll be able to take 'er for a 'spin.' My older sister got me GW (Guild Wars) for my bday, I should be getting it within the next week or two. :D I hope. :P I can't wait to play the game! It's really awesome. :)
My bf wasn't too happy about the computer... but he'll have to deal. :P I really want to be able to play cool games and watch videos on my pc. My other computer can't. :( I'm still going to use my other computer though. :) I figure I'll use that one for talking to my friends when I'm playing games and using my new'er' computer for playing games! :) I can't wait to go home, I'm so excited! :)

July 5, 2005; What an awesome Birthday I had! :D The whole weekend was cool too. I got to go shopping on saturday, played Paintball on sunday, and kinda washed my car a little. Then yesturday on my birthday I slept in til about 10. Then I got to open my present from my bf(it's sitting on my desk at work right now), it's a motorcycle clock, it's really cool! :) Then went swimming, went home had my favorite supper. My lil' sister drew me a picture for my birthday(I'll have it on here in a few days), it's a picture of Batman, it's really cool as well! :) And I got a Batman pillow and Batman bandaids from my Mom heh. :) Then after supper, we went for a drive down to the shore, and watched the sun set, and listened to the tide go out. And I got my last present, fireworks! :D They were awesome, a couple roman candles and cherry bomb things. I love fireworks, when I was little my Grandma used to call me her lil' firecracker. :) Anyways it's time to get back to work I guess. I hope you guys all had an awesome weekend! :D

July 1, 2005; !!HAPPY CANADA DAY!! :D I wish my birthday was today instead of on July 4th, that'd be awesome! :) Ah well, it's all good! :) Today I'm wearing my Canada Day T-Shirt, got my Canadian flag on my desk and I've got my Canadian flag pin(which flashes different colours very brightly heh). I lost my Candian flag bandana :( but I'll find it probably tomorrow no doubt(after the fact heh) Well I gotta get back to work, just wanted to tell everyone to have a Happy Canada Day and to have a GREAT weekend! :D

June 28, 2005; Grr, that pisses me off so bad!!! Well I should tell you what's pissing me off... shouldn't I? Last night, all of a sudden he says to me something along the lines of "...you've got it made. You're here enough that it's like you're living here, but you don't pay any rent and you don't pay rent at home." FUCK YOU. I don't pay rent my ass. I wash your dishes, I clean up your place, I cook you supper/lunch whatever when you come home from work. We use my car for the running around, never your vehicle. I don't pay rent my ass. All the wear and tear is going on my vehicle and I do things that need to be done around your place!
I just want to scream! grrrrrrr.... He's always telling me I live in what he calls "Candy Land." Basically it's because he doesn't have any help paying for things and he's had to work hard with no one's help at all.. and I live at home, I don't pay rent and he says I don't have any bills. Which is complete BS.
I may not give him money for rent money but we're even when it comes to stuff like that. I'll pay for supper one day and then another time he'll pay. Different things like that. Like we always use my car, and not his vehicle. So it's my gas money he's using. I'm just so pissed off right now. I want to go to the bank(I never keep money on me) get some cash and throw it in his face and say "Here! If this is what you fucking want from me then take it!" and the proceed out the door. But, I'd never do it.. I'm too much of a 'goodie-goodie' for that I guess.....

June 27, 2005; One word.. "WOW!" The weather has been amazing! It actually feels like summer! I went swimming yesturday at Ellenwood. The water was a lil' chilly at first but then once you got in it was nice. :) I think it was warmer then the last time I went late summer last year. I love to swim! :) Even though I can't really swim heh. The weekend was pretty good. Went to Lotus Garden on saturday night, got so stuffed(all you can eat buffet, they don't know me very well. I may look small, but I can definately eat! heh) we went for a walk. Plus he wanted his coffee. Drank a bit later on, went to the bar, drank some more and danced all night. :) Another thing I love doing. I think I overheard what he's getting me for my bday. Which is coming up soon! :D I can't wait! I wonder if anyone remembers my bday? :P Anyways time to go! Have a good day/night everyone! :)

June 20, 2005; Well some points this weekend were good, I went to play pool at Dooly's on saturday(sucked as usual, but still had fun) watched most of Races on sunday then went out to supper with my family(for Father's day) and then the bad stuff happened.. So as of right now, I don't know I'm single or not.

June 17, 2005; Wish me luck this weekend... I'm going to need it.

June 13, 2005; Well I imagine I'll be single soon. Apparently I'm not what he wants. Or what anyone wants for that matter. He called me a goodie, goodie, and that I don't do anything bad. What the fuck am I supposed to be? Someone consistantly on America's Most Wanted, or in trouble with the RCMP? I am NOT changing who I am, for him or anyone, anymore!

June 9, 2005; One of my best friends just sent me one of those friendship emails and at the end there was a phrase that I really liked. I hope you all like it too;

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

June 7, 2005; Well, weekend was as expected, 'lovely' things were sad.. Please note the sarcasm that. But I did get to sit around a campfire and roast mellows (marshmellows) and cook hot dogs. So it wasn't a total bust. I didn't get to go to the races though. :( We went to the Show and Shine instead for a bit so we wouldn't have been able to make it in time for the races. But they happen every two weeks and I believe the Show and Shine only happens once a year? I was hoping I could buy some leather chaps there, but they didn't have any. :( Ah well I might go to the leather place in town and see if I can get some there. Least some leather pants. heh
Well I don't really have anything else to say so I think I'll just paste my answers to one of those question/answer's thing your friends send you via email.

Full name: Catherine(Katie) E. Harris
Sex: Female

Name three bad habits that you have:
1) sleeping in
2) trusting too easily and not being able to trust
3) shopping

Name three animals you like:
1) Puppies
2) Gecko (I might be getting one next month! :D)
3) Horses

Name four television shows you love:
1) CSI
2) Survivor (Yeah I still watch it :P)
3) Extreme Makeover - Home Edition
4) A Makeover Story

bands/groups you like:
1) Metallica
2) Disturbed
3) Evanescence
4) Finger Eleven
5) and many many more! (there wasn't really a 5 but I have alot of favorite bands/groups) -

Name four drinks you regularly drink:
1) water
2) tea
3) Smirnoff Ice
4) Bacardi Strawberry Smooties

Have you:
1. Been rejected? Yes
2. Been in love? Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it.
3. Used someone? I really hope I haven't, but if I did I'm Really sorry.
4. Ever been used? Yes
5. Cheated on someone? No, but I've wanted to once.(long story)
6. Been cheated on? Yes, a couple times... bastards
7. Done something you regret? Ofcourse..

The last person you..
1. touched? Probably my bf
2. You talked to? In person, my co-worker.
3. hugged? bf
4. You instant messaged? Talking to my Mom right now.
5. You yelled at? my bf heh
6. You laughed with? My co-worker :)

DO YOU:
1. Colour your hair? I put a lil' bit of blonde on the baby hair around my face.
2. Have tattoos? I'm thinking about getting one
3. Have Piercing(s)? just my ears. I want to get my belly button pierced but alot of people I know who have one, it got all infected and yucky. :P
5. Floss daily? I try to, but I'm usually too tired when I get home. :P
7. Think you are cultured? Not really
8. Like to drive fast? Yeah, I try not to but... it's so fun. :(
10. Believe in The Closet Monster? I used to. Don't watch the movie 'they' if you do believe in closet monsters! :P
11. What should you be doing right now? Nothing, I'm on break
12. What are you listening to? call center sounds
13. Can you do anything freakish with your body? Wouldn't you like to know ;) heh nothing that I know of.
14. Chicken or fish? Chicken
15. Favorite Season? Summer
16. Is ice cream the best thing in the world? It would be if I could have it... bastards...
17. What would you do on your dream date? Only a couple people know and I think I'm going to leave it like that. :P
18. Single flower or a dozen? Single flower is just great, could be a dandilion for all I care. As long as it's to let me know they care. :) Or those huge fake flower(s), those are cool, and they'll last forever! Just like love's supposed to. :)
19. Silver, gold or platinum? What about Sterling Silver? :P heh I don't need no fancy stuff. :P
20. Candle lit dinner in a restaurant or at home? At home for those times you want to be alone, and at a restaurant when I can afford to. My treat!
21. Roses or wild flowers? Doesn't matter, I love black roses but wild flowers are just as pretty and just as meaningful.
22. Silly or serious romantic? Little bit of both but I'm a big time romantic. Which gets me hurt too often. :P
23. Do you consider yourself a romantic? Like I said, i'm a big time romantic
24. Watch a sunrise or sunset? I don't like getting up early. But staying up to watch both the sunset and sunrise sounds really good to me. :)
25. What CD is in your CD player right now? Disturbed - Believe. It was Gwen's new cd yesturday. :P but I only liked a couple songs and got annoyed. :P
26. Favorite Disney Character? Ariel - she found her prince.
27. Favorite fast food? BK - Burger King
28. Favorite book? I like all kinds. :P
29. Favorite Loony Toons Character? Nothing comes to mind. :P
30. What room is your computer in? Mine is in my bedroom.
31. What is your shoe size? Anything from 5-6 and a half(but I need the W/wide shoes because my feet are kinda wide)
32. What will you be when you grow up? No idea.. haven't figured that out yet and I don't think I ever will.

* Starsign: Cancer

* School: Stopped after a year and a half of university, too much money!

* Location: Work. :P

* Colour of eyes: Dark brown

* Hair colour: Brown with a couple blond streaks I'm trying to grow out.

* You live with: Weeknights - My parents and my lil' sister. Weekends - with my bf.

* Pets: None anymore... :( I might get a gecko next month. Maybe, if I have enough money. :P

------------------HAVE YOU EVER---------------

* Missed school b/c it was raining: Umm no.. I'm not made of sugar. :P

* Put a body part on fire for amusement: Yeah, I'm such a pyro. heh

* Thrown someone in a bonfire: uh... who would actually do this..?

* Been hurt emotionally: well yeah

* Kept a secret from everyone: yeap

* Cried during a Movie: Yes, several

* If so what film: The last one was The Notebook

* Ever thought an animated character was hot? Heh yeah :P I'm so lame.

* Been on stage?: a couple times.

* Been sarcastic?: no... never! :P

------------------FAVORITES------------------

* Shampoo: Dove

* Soap: Dove

* Fav colour/shade:? Black or blue

* Cartoon Characters: Mighty Max/Norman, or the Biker Mice from Mars gang.. heh :P

* Drink: Water, tea, vodka

*Food: Spaghetti! :) And chocolate. :)

* Movies: I like alot of movies.

*Ice Cream: Soy.... because it's all I can have.. no real ice cream for me...

* Animal: Puppy :) They're so cute and loveable and loyal. :) (I have a shirt that says "I traded my boyfriend in for a Puppy" heh)

* Person: I have lots of favourite persons.:)

* Wearing: Work clothes. 'coze I'm a working girl! And don't think like that you weirdos! :P

* What color underwear/boxers: Blue/see through.

* Eating: Nuttin', I had chocolate and Party Mix for breakfast though... :P

*Drinking: Water

* Thinking: That it might be time to build an Ark.. it's been raining how many days now?

---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------

* Cried: Not really, cried a bit watching Star Wars Ep III on saturday night. If he would have just been good she wouldn't have died! :(

* Met someone new: Probably, always new people here.

* Cleaned your room: No *hides* I've actually made it worse. :P

* Drove a car: Yeap, my baby! :) (Echo Hatchback)

* Been MAD: Mad, not really.

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------

* Santa: I am Santa! heh

* Angels: Yeap, who else would be watching over me?

* Elves: Nah, but I read lots of fantasy books with them in it. :)

*Intelligent life in space: Yup, I do. If we were created there's got to be more life in the Universe, just think of all the many different planets out there. At least one more out there has the possibility that they have a planet like our Earth. Even in the bible it says something along the lines on "I've created many other places like yours, so don't think yourselfs too special."(or something. I forget the verse I forgot to write it down. but basically we were being bad and He sure told us!:P)

*Ghosts: Yes, I've seen a couple... bad ones

--------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------

*Do you have a soul mate? I hope so.. I hope I've found him. If not, I think I'd rather have the one I've found. :)

*Who have you known the longest of your friends: S H. because we lived a hop-skip and a jump away from each other.

*The loudest: I've seen all my friends be loud at one time or another. :P

*The shyest: That'd be me. :P Unfortunately. :( I wish I was a bit more talkative and outgoing sometimes.

*Who's the weirdest: ME! :D Even my bf says I'm weird heh

*Who has seen you cry: Alot of them.

*When have u cried the most: I cry alot all the time.

*What is the best feeling in the world?: Feeling of accomplishment and my bf. :) ahhh.. So nice.. *sigh* heh

ABOUT GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT /

*Boxers or briefs? boxers :) Leaves more to the imagination.

*Long or short hair? Doesn't matter really.

*Six pack or muscular arms? Doesn't matter, more so arms, but I have an arm/shoulder fetish thing. :P

*Good or bad guy? Lil' bit of both.

*Hat or No Hat? Don't matter, as long as he will take it off every once in a while.

*Tan or fair? Either way, still looks nice. :)

*Rugged or sporty? Probably more so on the rugged side.

*Accent or not? Doesn't matter, but accents can be hot. :P

*Funny or not funny? Gotta be able to make me laugh. :)

*Cute or sexy? Hey, there is such thing as cute and sexy.:)

*Intelligent or average? As long as we can have intelligent conversations, it's all good. :P

ABOUT GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT. -(n/a I'm a chick :P)
*Thong or Granny panties?
*Curly or straight hair?
*Favorite hair colour?
*Six pack or flat stomach?
*Good or bad girl?
*Tan lines or none?
*Sporty or preppy?
*Accent or not?
*Funny or not?
*Cute or sexy?
*Intelligent or average?
*T or A?
Shaven or Trimmed?

Hey everyone who actually reads this crap could always fill this out and send it to me, maybe in my guest book or something. You can always email it to me at [email protected]. Well breaks about over, ttyl everyone. Have a great day!

June 3, 2005; It's almost time for the weekend. I'm kinda scared of what'll happen this weekend. What more bad things will come up..? I'm pretty sure that I'm suppose to be a hermit. I'm insecure, I get jealous easy, and I'm just plain crazy. I'm going to end up being the old lady who has a ton of cats and talks to herself.. only change the cats to puppies. Maybe someday I'll figure everything out. Maybe.

June 2, 2005; So I was watching this show last night.. Quite sure it was "everybody loves raymond." I wasn't paying attention to it, I was thinking about other things, and then the chick on the show said she "didn't weigh anywhere near 140 pounds!" Now me... being 140 pounds I thought hey, I'm 140 pounds and I'm not fat! I'm not a tooth pick no, but I am definately not fat! :P Bastards. I'm only 5 feet tall(well 5 feet 3 cm! :) heh) and I weigh 140 pounds. If you check the BMI(Body Mass Index) it will say that that means I'm fat(or "overweight"). But ya know what, I'm not fat. So there! You bums! :P Anyway, time to get back to work.;p

May 31, 2005; Operation Physical Activity has begun heh I walked for a total of 100 minutes this weekend! I'm really proud of myself. :) I even did a few exercises yesturday on my day off(I didn't feel like going for a walk yesturday I wanted to stay inside and watch a movie, so I exercised and watched the movie, go me! :P). And thank heavens for the sun!! I seen it for a little while this weekend, which was really great! The long range weather forcast shows no rain all the way into next weekend! I know forcasts change, but it still brightens my mood a bit. :)
And one of my friends will be happy to know that I finally developed those pictures from last year at 3 Pools/Hells Gates. Can't really see anyone though. I think I found the picture of him diving off the cliff. Crazy people! I would never jump off of something that high, to dangerous for me. anyways breaks over, time for work! ttyl!

May 27, 2005; *sings* Friday, friday, friday! :) What a yucky, rainy week! We had flooding everywhere, the basement had at least an inch of water and the pump that drains it out down there, was continuously running 30 minutes straight(normally it clicks on for 20 seconds and shuts off. Water gets into the cellar quite often.) at one point. I hope it's at least a little sunny soon, I'm going to end up dying of S.A.D. heh
I need to start exercising more. Sitting down all day at work is not good for me. I'm already up to 140 pounds.. I don't really care about the numbers though. What I care about is how I feel about myself. I'm feeling a lil' yucky(chubby) and my clothes don't fit so I'm going to have to start exercising alot more then I have been.
I usually just do a lil' bit of Yoga, some crunches and that'd be about it. So I'm going for long walks this weekend rain or shine!
Well my break is just about over, so have a great weekend everyone! :)

May 25, 2005; Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I got to drive a truck friday night! :D That's partly why my weekend was 10 times better. heh I love trucks, I haven't driven one in a long time. It was only a Ford Ranger, but it had some power to it. It was nice driving one, instead of my lil' car. I think I've come up with a name for my car - Finally! :) I might get a plate for the front that says it too. :) We'll see. Anyways! Have a great day everyone!

May 23, 2005; This weekend was 10 times better and I got to go to my God Daughter's Baptism. :) She's so cute. :) Really the only bad thing this weekend was the rain... I'm seriously considering building an Ark. :P If it rains monday-friday I won't care, as long as we actually have a nice, sunny, warm weekend. :)*crosses fingers*

May 17, 2005; What a terrible, terrible, terrible weekend... That terrible dream I had about two months ago almost came true... I told you my dreams come true... but they're the bad dreams, *pouts*, why can't my good dreams come true? :P

May 13, 2005; Happy friday the 13th. heh I hope this weekend is a good weekend. :) I need a good weekend. :P
I had to have a shower yesturday when I got home (I felt so yucky from my doctor's appointment). Felt a bit better after my shower, because I scrubbed and scrubbed until I was red. :) heh bleh I'm glad that's only once a year. ;p

May 12, 2005;....I want to get out of here.... I hate my doctor's appointments... they make me feel yucky the rest of the day...

Updated May 9, 2005 9:39 pm; Here's a picture of my Baby/car! :D
May 9, 2005; Drove my car alll weekend! :D Except when my bf complained and I let him drive it. I think I'm going to take back the key I gave him. He's always having doubts and if he's having doubts I can't afford to let him keep a key. It was fine all weekend. Hardly any doubts at all, it was so great! And then JUST before I go home he tells me I'm messy.. and he's not sure if we should stick together(he's thinking long term). All because my room is a mess. Whooppie shit.. I'm not home long enough to f-ing clean it! AARRRGH! I wash his dishes(because he cooks for me, although sometimes I wash them even when I don't eat there), make his bed, and clean up a bit around his apt... Why can't everything be fine, ya know? For more then a couple days, why not always? I guess that's life...
I don't want to leave my car out in the parking lot, there's some crazy drivers out there... my poor baby! *fights urge to go check on car*

May 4, 2005; Well my car comes in tomorrow. :) I'm all excited!! I can't drive it until saturday because saturday is the only time I can go in and sign the papers. I'm going to check out the car tomorrow after work though. Gonna see my baby heh. :)
On another note... I can't stand the opposition(conservatives) for the government. Why hold an election BEFORE results are given. Well really it's that I can't stand the opposition leader. I mean he seems like such a kid over-reacting like this. He seems really angry and quick to judge. He doesn't seem like a leader to me. He's not calm at all, doesn't seem very wise either... I don't understand why he has to do everything the Prime Minister does either. Just because the Prime Minister is going to the Netherlands with the veterans doesn't mean the opposition leader goes as well. He sticks his way into whatever the Prime Minister is doing and goes along too. Face it buddy, YOU'RE NOT THE PRIME MINISTER! Go cry me a river and take a deep breath and think about what you say/do before you say/do it!
So if he forces an election before results are shown.. I'm going to vote Liberal out of spite of the opposition leader. Plus I REALLY don't want someone like him to be Prime Minister. I happen to like the Prime Minister we have now. He seems to be genuine and if the results from the inquiry prove otherwise then so be it. Until then I'm voting Liberal. *Steps down from soap box*(Sorry about that everyone, but I just can't stand the opposition leader, he drives me nuts! :P)

May 3, 2005; That dream just won't go away.. the end of the month (Explained on March 23rd, 2005) is coming up soon... I keep dreaming terrible dreams. They're so vivid, just terrible dreams.

May 1, 2005; Poor Bunny.... :( I'm so sorry little bunny.. :( I ran over a lil' bunny friday night when we went to go get munchies for the movie we rented. The lil' bunny ran out in front of me and I slammed on my breaks and I though he/she was going to make it... but... then I heard the dreaded thud. I was so upset I started crying. I know.. you're all thinking it's just a rabbit! Well that bunny has/had... a family, and is/was... a living being.
(updated May 3, 2005) Why should I live and the bunny die? I'm no better, I'm not any better then anyone else, animal or human.

April 27, 2005; Well, I know I thought I did terrible on my interview, but I definately know I am terrible with relationships. No one seems to want to be around for longer then a couple months.. Everyone wants to change who I am.. I'm shy okay, I can't help it. I've gotten better but don't fucking push me so much. It takes time! Grr! Sorry, I had to get that out of my system... ;p It takes a long time for me to feel comfortable talking to someone new.
And man do I need to have a hair cut. Everyone still thinks I look like jail bait. I'm going to be 22 years old soon, I need to look a little older. I know I'll be glad when I'm 45+ years old and I still look young but right now it's annoying. ;p I don't really look like I'm 15... do I?

April 26, 2005; I thought I did terrible on my interview, but I guess I did okay, because I'm now hired for my new job! :) I didn't want to leave the position I was in but it was ending so I had to. So, I've got a bit longer to work here, and I might buy my car and not be afraid to drive to work anymore. :P

April 25, 2005; I don't know what to do anymore or what I'm doing. Maybe I should just give up... in relationships...I don't know what I'm doing or what I want. I somewhat know what I want. But what I want and what I can have are two completely different things.

April 21, 2005; Hawaiian day!(I'm wearing an my hawaiian type sun dress I wore last year on my 21st birthday(it's pink with dark pink flowers on it). :) Also, it's friday! :D So my best friend FINALLY had her baby(Girl) and now I'm a GodMommie. :) I'm really excited, I didn't hold her lastnight because I'm around alot of people all day during the week, so I didn't want to give her immune system a shock. :P heh

April 20, 2005; There's a fire close by to my house, there's quite a few people out there and well fire trucks too. Doesn't look like they can reach the fire though. Well I gotta get to bed I've got an interview tomorrow! Wish me luck!

April 18, 2005; I don't feel well... :( I wanna go home..
Must not look sick... must not look pale..

April 15, 2005; FRIDAY! :D heh only another.... 7 hours until work's done for the weekend. :) I'm going to a party sometime tonight. I don't know the people, but I live next door to them (on the weekends heh). Hopefully it'll be a good time. :)
I think I'd rather play pool this weekend then go to the bar. Maybe there will be less smoke! :)
Well have a great weekend everyone! :)

April 14, 2005; Tomorrow's friday! :D So glad, I need some sleep. ;p And I need to start really working on my garden. I keep saying I'm going to but I never end up having time. So hopefully this weekend I won't just sun tan and actually work on it.
I'm applying for another job. I'm really excited, but who knows if I'll get it. I really, really, really, REALLY hope I do, and I hope another team member of mine gets the position as well. It would end alot of stress I've been having about what I am going to do once the position I'm in is finished(which is pretty soon). Well breaks over, time to get back to work! Ttyl!

April 12, 2005; The LifeStyle's show was cool, I really wanted to sit in the trucks, but there was always someone in one. :( Ah well, someday I'll buy my truck... someday, ya know when I win the lottery. :P I know I'll never get one, but I'll always want one. :D I don't need a truck, I don't really have any use for one. I don't haul stuff around all the time or anything.(But it'd be so fun! heh)
The bar was okay, I got to dance(I definately need the exercise I've got to loose my winter weight - which I'm still gaining because it's still fricking snowing out...-well trace amounts but still snow! ;p). :) Wore one of my corsets and had fun. :) (No one grabbed him this time, at least he didn't say anyone did and I kept an eye out for chicks even thinking about doing it so I think they stayed away heh) I think I might actually buy some more corsets, I found a store that has some nice ones. I'll have to go check them out again to see how much $$$ they are.

April 8, 2005; FRIIIIDAY! :D YAHOO! heh Time is going soooo slooow this afternoon, this morning went by really fast. Now it's just dragging on.. and on... I really want to get out of here today. I've got another headache and I want some spaghetti! heh Or maybe Subway. I'm not sure what I want, but then again, when do I ever? ;p
I'm going to the LifeStyle's show tomorrow, which will be awesome! I love going there. :) Then Saturday night I think I'm off to the bar to dance all night again. I hope it'll be fun!

April 7, 2005; Not too much going on today, probably going to the bar this weekend though. I want to go out and dance but I don't want to be breathing in a ton of smoke. ;p Ah well hopefully it'll be fun anyways and I won't get sick again. ;p
The weather has been really nice I haven't even worn my jacket and I haven't been cold! :D But I guess it's supposed to snow next week or at least get that cold again.. ;/ *Hopes and wishes for summer* :)

April 6, 2005; Paintball was a blast! I even shot someone this time! :D heh I felt right bad after but I shot them! :P I think I'm getting a better shot now. :) I'm half tempted to buy a paintball gun instead of a game console. :P I've got plenty of woods in back of my house so I could even just play there. :) (save some money and practice at the same time ;) heh) Going to a paintball field is expensive but it's so much more fun and you have ref's to make sure you don't have people cheating and they know all the rules. :)
I was only shot once in the finger and man am I glad I wore gloves heh :P if I didn't I think my finger would be really swelled up right now. I got my bf hooked on paintball now. He was so excited afterwards he was telling everyone he knew about it and he's trying to get people to to play paintball with us heh So we'll see maybe I'll get a paintball gun and play all summer. :)

April 4, 2005; Paintball tomorrow!! I'm excited. I can't wait to go! I just hope it's going to be nice out, I don't want to get even more sick. ;p I kinda hope there isn't too many people, because then I'll have to worry about a billion paintballs flying at me instead of maybe 10-15 coming at me heh. I have a terrible shot and I can't really see where the people are hiding. So I end up finding a good hiding spot and watching all the people who have been playing for a long time. They amazing! They just know exactly what to do and where to go and have these hand signals and everything heh. :P Hopefully I'll be less shy and just get right into it. Like last time I wanted to be the one to take the flag but I didn't get the guts to just say "I'll do it!" before someone else did. So hopefully, this time I'll have that kind of courage and less shyness. :)

April 1, 2005; Everyone is staring at my forehead. :( It's really embarressing. ;p I'm just glad no one has asked what happened. I'll explain what happened later, probably after this weekend.

March 30, 2005; Holy fuck, is there ever going to be a time when I'm not either sick or have a cold? ;p I've had one for the past couple months. It's just plain crazy. I'm getting one all over again when I was just getting over the last few weeks of a cold. bleh. Sucks to be me I guess, ah well, hopefully I'll be better soon and hopefully I don't spread my cold to anyone else.

March 29, 2005; I'm so excited! My Godchild will be born within the next few weeks! Could be as close as 10 days away. Someday I hope I can have kids, start a family, maybe one or two kids. Have a little home out in the middle of the woods. I don't want kids for a while but someday, before I'm too old. heh ;p I was hoping before I turned 30, but that might not ever happen.

Updated March 29, 2005 4:02pm; What would you do if you were a guy at the bar hanging out with your gf and some other friends, and some chick you don't know came up behind you in the crowd and grabs you(your bum or 'other places' that shouldn't be touched by complete strangers)? I'd sure like to know, because this happened just this weekend to my bf and he did nothing. Would you do nothing? Would you tell them to mess off(fuck off, go away, etc.)? Or would you push them back? Something different? If it was me I would have grabbed their hands and pushed them away. But that's just me I guess?

March 28, 2005; Okay, so I didn't really give him a ton of space this weekend. ;p I tried, I was just going to go visit and not stay over night. But, he gave that sad puppy face and asked why I wasn't going to stay the night. So I stayed the night. But the good news is we kinda patched things up a bit somehow.
I really don't know what to do though, one minute he's asking when I'm going to move in with him and the next he's saying I'm getting too attached. Sometimes I wish I had a manual that would explain guys and the different types and how to understand them.
I wonder if guys feel this way about women..?

March 24, 2005; Well... I fucked things up, surprise surpise. He's always teasing me about girls. For example he's always saying well I can't see you too often my other girlfriends won't like it. Shit like that. It drives me nuts and he knows it does, so he does it alot more now. Every day quite a few times a day... so I snapped. I told him about my dream and I started crying. And now he's scared of me. That I'm getting "too attached."
I was the one afraid of him because he wanted me to move in with him, and basically just saying things that people in a long term relationship say.
I think I'll just back off for now. Not go over for a while. Spend time with my family and my friends. If he wants space, I'll give him plenty of space. Maybe I should go back to thinking of becoming a nun. Would make life so much easier!

March 23, 2005; I had that dream... :( I'm going to have to countdown one month from now.. :( I don't remember if I wrote about the dreams I have (on here) one month before a bf breaks up with me. So I'll explain along with the dream.. Last night I had a terrible dream where my bf was saying he was tired of me, that he didn't want me anymore and was making out with this chick in between talking to me. I was crying and pleading with him to stop kissing this chick.. but he wouldn't. He wouldn't stop. I tried pulling him away but I couldn't and I fell to the ground crying. Not long after that I woke up.
I have a dream, like the one I had last night, one month before a bf breaks up with me. Sometimes they're recurring dreams. Sometimes it's just once. But they're always nightmares... They're so real, I just wake up crying. I know they're just dreams.. but there's a 90% chance my bf will break up with me about a month from now... I

March 21, 2005; I'm all shopped and road tripped out. It was so much fun, I really needed to get away from work, family, and Yarmouth. I feel really energized to be at work and so happy to be back. :)
I bought even more baby stuff in Halifax, I know I shouldn't have I can't really afford it. But I am really thinking that it's going to be twins.:)
I got my BK fix, ahhhh Burger King. So Yummy! :) Fattening, but Yummy! heh, I'm going to start walking alot more to get rid of the fat I gained from all the fast food I've been eating.
Well time to get back to work, break's over. I'll write more later!
(updated) So vaca details... Ummm.. well we drove to Kentville dropped the bf's brother off. And man I couldn't wait for Kentville. :P We took the truck(Ford Ranger extended cab) and I was stuck in the back, on this seat that was way too small for my ass. (As we all know it's huge. ;p) My ribs would hurt everytime a bump hit though, that kind sucked. But I had the whole back to myself except for some luggage.
Then afterwards we started driving towards Amherst. I saw the truck I want once on the way up! I was like *drool, drool* "MY TRUCK!" If you know me, then you know the truck I want. :p It was even the blue one, the same colour as the car I may get this summer if I still have a job. Got to meet his Mom and step Dad and a bunch of other people. His Mom is pretty cool, really nice. I had fun shopping with her heh.
We went and looked at alot of bikes on thursday. Went to a few dealerships. I saw I niiice bike which I want and I'll never get because I'd never be able to lift it if I ever fell over. :P The "bandit", it was a pretty blue colour. I love black but when you have the colour black on vehicles it shows dirt and smugdes/fingerprints really easy.
We went to Moncton and went to the Champlain mall. I bought two nice pairs of jeans for $45(for both! Crazy huh?!)! I can't wait to wear the second pair. I've already worn one pair at the 'bar' on friday. Oh yeah speaking of the bar..
They have a Dooly's in Amherst where they took out the lounge and put a dance floor. It's the place to be friday and saturday nights apparently. We went and played pool friday evening then came back later that night. The music was terrible and it was really boring. :P They started playing better tunes but they kept throwing in really crappy old tunes so we left there by 12:30am. :P
On saturday morning we went to hlfx and I got to see my older sister and her bf. It was cool, (went to BK, Mmmmmm BK heh) went shopping, ate at Pizza Delight (I always get the same meal, Spaghetti! :D). Then we looked at old yearbooks and watched Finding Nemo before we all went to sleep.
On sunday we drove back to Kentville to pick up his little brother but this time, I got to sit in the front. ;) 'Cause I'm special! heh
Anyways, so that was my vaca, it was a nice vacation and I hope I can do a longer Road Trip this summer! :) Have a great day everyone!

March 15, 2005; Just today to get through and then some traveling. I might actually be going to New Brunswick and Halifax as well on the trip. Should be fun, I haven't been to either of those places for a long time. Well I haven't been to NB since I was in high school and I haven't been to hlfx since the summer I believe. Ah man, I shouldn't have said summer, I miss summer so much. I like not having to bundle up to go outside and just sit outside in the sun or looking up at the stars on the porch and not freezing to death. :P I miss being outside, way out in the middle of nowhere with no one around for a ways..
Well that was completely off topic, anyways. I'm nervous about this trip. I'm meeting his parents, and family and more friends. It's alot of people to meet in such a short time, not to mention the ackward silences and stuff. :P
Well this should be the last posting until monday. So I hope you all have a great week and a great weekend.

March 14, 2005; Holy flippin' my ribs hurt. ;/ Not as bad as this weekend but still hard to move around. I only work today and tomorrow though so I'll be able to rest up a bit. Well sorta, I'm going on vacation up the line so I'll be doing alot of traveling. Hopefully I'll be able to stop and get out and walk around a bit so I won't be all cramped up in the same position the whole 6+ hours of driving. :P Anyways have a good day everyone.

March 11, 2005; FRIDAY!! I'm kinda not so excited about friday this week. I am, but I'm not. I'm having a few second thoughts about things. I was fine and then poof I wasn't.. gr.. I can't stand that. I should just make up my mind and actually stick to it.

March 10, 2005; My heart goes out to the families and friends(and other RCMP members). :( But if you look at the bright side, the RCMP officers are up in heaven protecting us from there.

March 9, 2005; I hate being sick. :( I was getting way better and now I'm full out sick again... dammit.. too much stress bleh.. well breaks over, ttfn.

March 7, 2005; The weekend was great! Went out to the bar, got really drunk, danced, had lots of fun! I don't think i'll be drinking for a little while though, need to cut that down a bit. Just a tiny bit, need all the brain cells I can get! heh Had alot to think about too. Tried my hardest not to think about "the end" (of my job)too heh but it's kinda hard not to when I don't qualify for any other jobs around. Plus there are pretty much no jobs in Yarmouth. 'Specially ones that pay more then minimum wage, have 40 hour work weeks(mon-fri), and benefits. I'm going to miss my benefits. *pouts* ah well. Can't think about the future when it hasn't even come yet, still the present after all. I hope everyone else had a great weekend! ttfn

March 4, 2005; FRIDAY!! :D FiNaLlY! Hopefully I'll be able to forget the job issue this weekend and just have fun. I'm probably going to the Bar on saturday. I wish it was non-smoking. I'd be so much more fun if I didn't have to deal with all the stupid smoke. I can hardly breath as is darnit! :P Anyways have a great weekend everyone!

February 28, 2005; Casino night was a blast, I loved playing black jack heh. I'd so lose all my money if it was real and the dealers were actually playing by the rules heh. But ah well it was fun. I even won a baby swing with the "money" I won. :P I had a good time, but the weekend kinda sucked because me and my bf were talking about how different we are and how we should really give some thought to if we should be together. Well I spose I should get back to work, ttfn.

February 25, 2005; Does anyone know of any jobs that don't deal with customers, and that pays more then minimum wage? ;p
Man, I really don't want my job to end. I really like it. Hopefully something will come up really soon.. :/
I fell down the stairs yesturday morning and I'm only now feeling it. ;p I'm kinda sore. ;p I think I might be walking funny. heh Okay I know I'm clumsy, but I've been sick, tired and stressed out the past few weeks. So I'm not chaulking it up to clumsiness this time.

February 18, 2005; Well that sucks... Guess I'm going to have to start looking for a job. I knew it was going to happen, I liked my job, so that meant it wasn't going to last. ttfn

February 17, 2005; So tired.... must go home... need sleep.... sleepies...

February 15, 2005; WoW! :D heh I had a really great weekend, and a really great Valentine's Day. I recommend watching "The Notebook," it's a really good movie. Made me cry alot, but it was really good. :) heh well ttfn!

February 10, 2005; SO close to FrIdAy! heh :) I hope it'll be a good weekend. It's one of my best friend's birthday this weekend. Plus I guess Valentine's Day will be celebrated tomorrow instead of Monday. :P I Dunno what I'm doing but I'm hoping it will be fun. :) I haven't had too many good Valentine's Day's heh. :P Ah well. I have a Valentine for a friend but I don't know if I'm going to give it to them. I'm not really sure if they'll want it, or if they'll just throw it away. That would suck. :P I saw it and thought of them, so I got it. :) Well I gotta get going, lunch break is almost over. ttyl everyone! :)

February 8, 2005; Our 20 year old 'Kitty' died on friday (we think it was over night thursday). It was her time, I feel really bad though. I wasn't being very nice to her a couple weeks before she died. I was ignoring her and yelling at her. She had done a few disgusting things right outside my door, I was certain she did it on purpose. (See she never goes upstairs, because well she couldn't really. Then all of a sudden she goes up there and... eww...) I hope she's happy where she is though and I hope she knows I do love her, I mean she was a part of the family.

February 4, 2005; One word.... "FRIIIIIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" heh :P

February 3, 2005; Tomorrow's friday! Tomorrow's friday! :D heh I guess I'm going to be outside playing in the snow this weekend.:P I'm going to freeze... ;p Ah well it should be fun. :)
I can't wait for April to come!(That was completely random... :P) :) I'm so excited! I'll have a Godchild to spoil and babysit and have fun and take everywhere with me. Well that is if I can tear him/her from my best friend. heh :) She's not going to want anyone to hold him/her for a while it think. Which is completely understandable since this will be her and her husband's first child. :)
I don't know if I have pre-natal class tonight or not. I kinda don't want to go. I like going because you can learn alot from the classes. It's just.. I feel kinda odd going there. I'm the only single chick there who doesn't have a big preggers belly or a guy(bf/husband/friend even:P) sitting next to me. :P I feel somewhat left out somehow. :P heh Well lunch is almost over, ttyl everyone! :)
P.S. *chants* It's almost friday! It's almost friday! :) *Does a little dance* :P yeah I'm so weird... I need a life heh

February 2, 2005; Happy Groundhog's day! :) heh Ya know this holiday is absolutely good for nothing. :P I mean either way whether the groundhog see's his/her shadow or not, there is still 6 more weeks until spring. Someone must have been bored making today "Groundhog's Day." Ah well, it'd be an even better if we got the day off. ;)
So me and him are talking about things, and I think we might work everything out. I explained to him that when you are interested in someone and getting to know them (to possibly move forward into a relationship) you don't sleep with someone else. He understood my point and promised that he wouldn't do it again. I'm not so sure I completely trust him after what he did. But we'll see, and if I find out he breaks that promise... he isn't going to want to see me again. Because I'll kick his ass so f-ing hard his great-grand kids will feel it. :D :P

February 1, 2005; February already, I hope spring/summer come quick. I don't like being cold. :P I want to be juuust nice and cool. :)
So yeah.. update with the guy...
We're not really 'together' we're kinda just ya know dating. It felt more then that(because we hang out almost every day, talk-not too much talking on my part because I'm too shy right now, kiss, hugs and cuddles) but apparently it wasn't more to him because he slept with someone this weekend... And no it wasn't me. So I really don't know what to do. I mean we aren't together, but we were getting to know each other(to see if we should/could get together). To me that hurt, I mean just because we're not officially together doesn't mean you can sleep with whoever you want.. We talked a bit about alot of things, and why he went to see her. I do understand why he went to see her, but I don't understand why he had to sleep with her... He doesn't see it as a big deal, but to me stuff like that is special. You don't just do that with anyone or every guy/girl you date.. We were brought up differently I guess.
So I guess I'm going to have to think about it.. I don't know if I can trust him now. You're thoughts would mean alot to me. Because my thoughts are all jumbled and mixed with all kinds of emotions.
Anyway, lunch is almost over. ttyl.

January 26, 2005; I won two games last night playing pool! :D heh one was a default win and the other I actually won(well I think he let me win but hey I still won heh:P). It was alot of fun, and I might be going out again tonight.
Oh yeah and he's trying to quit smoking. :) So brownie points for him. heh Minus points for kissing me on the first date, but he was sweet about, even kissed my hand. :P And he did hug me really cute(I didn't think he was gonna let go, I was thinking Awww! You're just the way I am. :P heh) before he did kiss me. So maybe I'll just leave it as a 'warning.' :P Yeah you're all wondering why it's such a bad thing that he did.. (and you know I probably shouldn't even talk about it because one of my friends said it was too much personal information written on here. But I don't write on here for anyone else or that I know someone else is going to read it. It's more for me. Except for my friends who live far away, they want updates in my life to know I'm still living. :P) I just.. really wasn't ready and I should have stopped him but I didn't want to give him the impression that I didn't like him at all.
My little sister decided she wanted to make me a new layout for this website while she had a day off from school.:P It's really awesome! :) She does a really good job making layouts. So that might come up this weekend if I'm not doing anything. Anyways lunch break is over yet again, so maybe I'll write later if something is on my mind. ;p

January 25, 2005; I was snowed in yesturday, and I couldn't get to work. So it was kind of a nice day off. But I'm starting to get used to 4 day weeks, and that's not good. :P Oh well. We have a huuuuuge snow drift that is about as tall as my shoulders. It was taller but the wind blew it further down the yard, so it's a really long snow drift.
So this weekend I went to the bar with some friends-I was sober driver because I had to go home before the snow from the storm started coming down. I had a pretty good time even though I was sober. :P But I love to dance, and my friends all dance when they drink so it's cool. :) A guy even asked me to dance! :) I was kinda in shock someone even asked me(because no one does :P). But yeah I ended up driving my friends(I drove him home too, although me and him drove around until 3am talking before I drove him home.:P) home and now he has my number. He's called me twice already. :) He seems really nice, so I'm kinda worried about that. Usually what happens is they're nice at first but then they turn all mean after like 6 months. So I'm trying to find out what's wrong with him. :P I know it sounds mean, but I'm not trying to be. He might actually be a genuine nice guy. Which would be nice. I wonder if he likes to cuddle. :P heh But there's one bad thing so far, he smokes. I have asthma and I can't really be around smoke too often, plus it's just plain yucky.heh(I only go to the bar like once a month usually because there is so much smoke. ;/ Not as much as smoke at the bar as there used to be though, which is nice.).
I might be going out with him to play some pool, I can't wait. I love playing pool! :) I dunno if he's considering it a "date" or not but it'll be my first real date since 2003. :P Yeah I know I'm pretty sad... :P Wish me lots of luck tonight! :) Ttyl!

January 21, 2005; Friday. TGIF! So I started writing again. I wanted to write my book but I don't know enough about the subject to be able to finish writing it. Sometime I'll finish it. But yeah, I started writing bits and pieces of things onto paper. I don't know what for yet, could be a song or two, or a poem or two.
I want to buy my new small guitar(since mine is broken:/ and it has to be small because well I'm lil' in size. :P), I need to do something to keep my mind off of things. Or one thing *cough* person *cough* in particular. I can't sleep because my mind doesn't stop thinking; what if? or all kinds of terrible things... I almost didn't want to make it home thursday during the storm. I was kinda hoping it would swallow me up whole. That scared me.. I don't want to be in that frame of mind again. Guys shouldn't be able to put me into that place. Dammit, it's not like they even care! Or pretty much all of them don't.
I should become a nun or something. Being a hermit is too close to guys. ;p I hate the person I become when I fall for a guy. I end up changing who I am to fit the guys' needs and not my own. Maybe it's time I start being me and not someone else. Anyways lunch break is over. ttyl everyone and have a great weekend!

January 14, 2005; IT'S FRIDAY! :D I can't wait to go home, I have to stop and get some scratch tickets so I can take a loooooong vacation. heh.;p And build my home! :) Someday, hopefully someday soon.

January 12, 2005; You ever get the feeling that there just isn't anyone in this world for you? ;p I'm getting real tired of waiting for that 'one' that's supposed to just come around when you least expect it. I really don't think there is such thing as a 'one.' Maybe it's just all made up. Maybe people just get lucky and find someone at the right time at the right place. Somehow I don't think there is anyone out there for me. Everytime I think I've found someone, the right one, Or just someone I care about and I think cares about me back, it all turns bad and never works out(they don't want to be with me after 6 months. :P). It's got to be me, I mean after all the guys I've dated.. it just has to be me. Am I so under every guy that I like's radar that it's just impossible for me to find someone? I dunno... I figure that by the time I'm 30 I'll adopt or something. Maybe get a mail order husband or something. :P That'd go real well. Can you even imagine, some stranger I don't even know. Might be better that way, never know! I'm still waiting for my Logan/Wolverine to come and elope with me but, somehow I don't think it's actually going to happen. Anyways my lunch break is almost over. I'll rant later or something..

January 4, 2005; New Years was pretty good. I hurt myself playing pool though. :P At Dooly's I can sit on the tables to shoot(I have to because I'm short) but at Kings the tables are higher up and when I tried to hop on the table I hurt my hip. :P
I even got a New Years kiss! :D heh It was funny. :P
Ummm this morning I ended up seesawing half in the ditch half on the road. :P I hit a slippery patch and I started fish tailing slowy. I tried turning into the slide to straighten the car out. But I didn't turn back the other way fast enough and I ended up starting to spin around. That's when I started freaking out and I hit the breaks.. which is a no-no when you're on snow/ice. Then I just kept spining all the way around until I was facing the road half in the ditch half not. My front tires were mostly on the gravel/sidewalk but there was no way I was going to pull myself out without help. A few people stopped to see if we were okay, but they couldn't do anything because they didn't have trucks or rope. I waited 20 minutes for someone with a truck AND a rope to come along and pull me out. Someone with a truck did come along and stop before that but they didn't have any rope. So he was like "Well, good luck!" and drove away.(I told them I called someone/my Mom to help so that's why they drove off.) I was like "thanks...? wtf?" :P They said I was lucky I didn't go completely in the ditch. All of my "awesome" winter driving skills I bet heh. Well complete luck and miracle more like it. :p My Dad is so gonna yell at me, that poor car has been through so much.;p I called my Mom to tell her we needed someone to come and pull us out, but she was no help. ;p She just kept complaining that I was driving too fast. I was like "MOM! Just call someone! Anyone! Someone with a truck AND rope!" When she finally did call someone, the first person who stopped came back with a truck AND rope to pull us out. :P My leg was kinda shaky and my foot hurt because I was pressing the break for the entire time I was in the ditch. I was afraid to put it into park because the car might have moved further into the ditch(the car moves a bit when you shift it into park or drive or reverse, etc.). Oh well, it's all good now, so far. Me and my lil' sister are out of the ditch and fine. No scratches or bumps nothing. I'm kinda worried that my sister is freaked out though. When we started sliding towards the ditch she was like "OH SHIT!!!" I'm a lil' shaken up but for me it was kinda fun sliding around.(yes I'm weird :P) Well until I started going in the ditch that is... then I was like don't you dare go in that ditch! :P I wouldn't have cared if it was just me in the car, but since it was me and my lil' sister I didn't want to end up in the ditch. There would have been a chance we could have flipped over if we went in. So I was like oh no you don't! Opps time to go back to work, ttyl. Drive safe everyone. :P

December 30, 2004; WOOHOO!! Pool tonight :) I think? :P I can't wait I'm all excited. I'm not feeling well at all right now but I really want to go tonight. I don't really even know who is going, but they said there is alot more people going this time. :) Hopefully there will be enough room for all of us. Well, if not I can let someone else play and I'll watch. I mean I'm not very good anyways. :P I'm just there to have fun. I know I suck at pool but I have fun playing so it's all good. :)
P.S. Pray for all the people and victims in the east. I can't even imagine seeing a huge tsunami coming towards me, everyone and everything I love. Or feeling the earth move beneath me and possibly swallow me whole. Although some days I wish the earth would swallow me up, but that's another story for another day.
Well I guess it's time to go back to work. I'll see some of you tonight! TTFN!

December 28, 2004; Back to work already.. yay. I so wanted more vacation time. :P Ah well maybe I'll be able to have some vacation time in oh... about 8 months from now. If not well at least I'll be able to take another Christmas vacation next year. Plus I did get yesturday off. I couldn't get to work. I broke the exhaust off the car trying to get out of the driveway. Then when I turned around to go back home(because I didn't want to risk my life trying to get to work.) I got stuck in the snow. :P It was kinda fun flooring it through all the snow drifts though. :P I so need to get my SUV(I'm thinking about getting the Escape Hybrid, gets the same MPG as the Echo Hatchback. However, it's got more room, and it's an SUV(which is almost like a truck, which is what I really want :( an can never afford) so I could put a plow on the front and not have to worry about getting stuck in the driveway. :D I wish trucks had hybrids. I'd so get one! But I'm going to have to save for 3 years just so I can pay for most of the Escape Hybrid(I could get it now, but I don't want to get it and then something happen-like me loosing my job or something. So I figure I'll save up for it and then get it. And then not have to worry about having to pay it off if something happens. Makes it easier stresswise for me:) ) I know it's not a Toyota vehicle, but I'm thinking maybe within 3 years they'll start making more SUV and maybe even Truck hybrids. So maybe it's better to save up for the 3 years and then buy it. :) Well anyways, time to go back to work!

December 24, 2004; It's Christmas Eve!! :) Merry Christmas everyone! :) I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas, and hopefully a restful/de-stressing vacation. :)

December 14, 2004; Things are getting better, slowly but surely.(I hope) I'm hoping this saturday will be fun-The Christmas staff party. I want to get a room afterwards so that I can drink away all the bad things that have been happening. ;p
I love the outfit I'm wearing saturday too, it's really pretty. I think it might be too formal for the occasion but oh well it's pretty. :P Maybe I'll take a picture of it or something. Although the whole outfit is black and black doesn't really come out in pictures very well. Ah well it's soft and pretty and I loves it! I hope someone else likes it too. :) We'll see! Man lotsa hoping in this entry. heh

December 6, 2004; Cancer: (Med.) An objective evidence of disease; that is, one appreciable by some one other than the patient.

Note: The terms symptom and and sign are often used synonymously; but they may be discriminated. A sign differs from a symptom in that the latter is perceived only by the patient himself. The term sign is often further restricted to the purely local evidences of disease afforded by direct examination of the organs involved, as distinguished from those evidence of general disturbance afforded by observation of the temperature, pulse, etc. In this sense it is often called physical sign.

December 5, 2004; So much to get done in so little time. I've got my closet half cleaned out. But all the stuff I brought out from my closet is now in my room. So basically, my room is 10x more messy then it normally is. :p I have to start my own "Clean Sweep." My problem is I'll find something from many moons ago and sit there for a while just remembering the memory that resurfaced. Plus I have a hard time letting things go. I have been alot better at that though. I've thrown away alot of old movie tickets, cards and all kinds of school work which I kept for no reason at all. :P I'm hoping I'll get my room and closet cleaned out by the time 2005 comes. Which is pretty darn soon I must say! :/ heh
I'm getting close to finishing my Christmas shopping. I've got my dad, my older sister and my friends' husband. :P Speaking of Christmas, I think I'm going to be too formally dressed for the Christmas party coming up in a couple weeks. :P But you know what? I don't care, because I love what I bought to wear. I saw it and I *pouted* and said I have to wear this! :P I feel like a sexy Cinderella in it. :)

December 2, 2004; I miss Jerry being here ;p I don't have anyone to make me laugh when I'm feeling down. :( The day goes by so much slower without him around. :P
Hummm.... maybe someday soon Logan will show up and take me away to his cabin in the 'North West' and everyone will be okay with me leaving work because he'll tell everyone to 'fuck off I'm taking her and she can work from home damnit.' heh such an overactive imagination I have.
I know it's weird to like Logan. ;p But, he's not real. That means he can never hurt me and he'll never leave. And he can be everything I need and want, I don't want him to be perfect though, because that would be really boring. heh
Well time to get back to work, day and a half more to get through and then I can try and get some sleep.

December 1, 2004; Wow, December already, I can't believe it came so fast. Today is kinda a bad day I guess. I'm just not feeling myself at all and I'm extremely tired. I can't wait for friday to come, I have a long weekend this weekend(I took monday off).
One of my friends wants to set me up with this guy she knows. I really don't know what to think of him. It just.. it doesn't feel right. I didn't have that butterfly feeling or anything.
I heard one of my other friends is working at Canadian Tire(which is also my favorite store, so many cool things in there! Paintball gear and all kinds of cool car stuff!), I'm glad to hear he's working again. My mom on the other hand isn't working anymore. She got kinda laid off. They said she might be called back, so I guess that's good news. Well I gotta go back to work, ttyl everybody

November 30, 2004; It's 'Dumping Day' for the Lobster fishermen in the area. I just wanted to say I hope this year is a good year and everyone comes home fine. "Dear Lord watch over me, for the sea is so wide and my boat so small" Well it goes somewhat like that anyways...

November 23, 2004; 3000 HITS! No way! When the heck did that happen? :P

November 17, 2004; Tomorrow's the last day. Tomorrow's the last day I'll have my best friend.
I found someone I felt like I could talk to and share all kinds of things. Someone I could trust(most of the time ;p because I don't trust people..) and someone to feel comfortable around.
It's hard for me to talk to people, trust anyone or feel comfortable around anyone. But you did it, (you've had a few slip ups and you're never doing that again dammit!), you got through my shell somehow and now you're leavin'.:P
I hope tomorrow won't be the last time I'll get to talk to you or hang out like now at work. It's for sure going to be so boring and lonely at work, without the occasional IM from you saying something silly. Which in turn make me laugh and makes my day seem so much better, especially on those bad days that I have. :)
Have a good time out there on the ocean fishing, and be safe and Warm! :) heh Oh yeah, and MARRY your girlfriend already! :P You guys have been together for years already, don't wait any more and have lots of munchkins(kids)! :) heh We'll all miss ya Jerry, you're a great guy, and a great friend. :) *hugs*

November 16, 2004; Well I'm going to be pretty bummed out soon. My best friend is leaving work thursday, November 18th to start a career as a fisherman:( It's going to be so boring after he leaves. :P

November 14, 2004; Evil evil snow... :P

November 7, 2004; Lookit! I've got a couple pictures of me in my Halloween costume at work! :) It's on the Polls and... stuff;p link. :)

October 31, 2004; HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!! :D Man last night was crazy, I've never drank that much before... So if anyone I know was at the bar and I didn't say hi or notice you, it's because I had too much to drink. ;p

October 29, 2004; CAMO!!!! I have Camo!!(camouflage) My Mom found Camo clothes for boys. We ordered the largest size and they FIT! :D:D:D So now I have Camo! :) I'm so excited! :P I can't wait to play paintball now. :) I'll have pictures up in a few moments. :) - I have the pictures up now. Just click on the Polls and... stuff;p link located at the top left.:)

October 24, 2004; One word, paintball!! heh Paintball was really fun. I brought my Dad with me this time and he had so much fun he's looking alot into paintball. :) He banged his knee up a bit ;/ but I know he had fun.:) He's been looking into paintball gear online, ever since yesturday. heh:P I'm kinda sore and I have this mysterious bump on my forehead, I don't remember where I got it from... which well, would make sense... :P heh But I think it's from my mask because it was reallly tight and I couldn't get it to loosen at all. It was alot of fun though, so being sore and having the mystery bump is all worth it! :)
Halloween is coming up and I'm so excited about it! :) I can't wait to wear my costume! :) Halloween is my Favourite Holiday, I love dressing up and decorating! :) I'm going to put a picture of me in my costume on my website again. :) On Wednesday/thursday I think I'll put my costume from last year up on my website. :) Anyways I need to get some sleepies.. so night night! :) - sorry for the long time updating.. I just haven't really felt like it. ;p

October 11, 2004; Happy Turkey Day everyone(in Canada heh)! :) I didn't have turkey today, I had chicken yesturday heh. :P My mom took out chicken by accident. :P ah well I don't really like either of them so it doesn't really matter. ;p
Guess what everyone? :) I'm permanent in my job now! :) I'm so excited to be officially a part of the team.:) I don't deal with people too often so I love it! heh :)
In other news, someone wrote in my guestbook! YAY! :) It made me smile. Thanks Monticello. :)

October 2, 2004; You ever feel like you totally messed up your life? All from the choices and decisions you made along the way. Not realizing what you did until it happened. With no way of taking it all back... I suppose if we didn't make bad choices/decisions we also wouldn't have good ones. Or we wouldn't learn from the bad ones we made and then make good ones.
In video games we have the restart button. Or in a game you'd play with other people, you can have 'do overs.' Why can't life be that way? I suppose there are times when we do make the same mistakes over and over again. I find that usually happens when friends get involved. You make your decision and then your friends say no, that's not a good decision. But then they also help you make the decisions you should make but are too afraid to...
Sometimes I feel like life should have a book to help you get through, and make all the right decisions. I don't know if I'd want to know my own future.... but what about all the hurts that are too painful to even want to think about... would I want to know my future then so I won't make the decision that would hurt me..? Would you?

September 27, 2004; YAY we have hot water again. It's about time... I don't like baths, they take too long. :P I love my nice waaarm showers... ahhh heh
I made a house in The Sims. It's supposed to represent my Hermit Home.:P It's got a chicky who's supposed to be Me, and the a guy who is supposed to be Wolverine. heh They seem really content with each other too. :) They even Heart each other. :):):) The only thing wrong with it is there is always some neighbours(usually the chicky next door, without her husband I might add!!) trying to come over but I ignore the door bell, I wouldn't want anyone stealing my Wolverine. He's all I have! Even if he is just make believe... :(
The chicky representing me and the guy representing Wolverine don't have jobs yet, they're kinda on their honeymoon for the time being. :) They are just getting used to living together and sharing responsibilities. Plus they *cough* came into some money *cough* from all the cage fighting Wolverine did. So they can hold out for a while before they have to find jobs and work.:P hehe
Yeah, yeah I know I'm weird but I gotta get my kicks in somewhere. :P It's helped me figure out the type of things I want/need in my Hermit Home though. So far I've figured it out that I'd have to have at Least 20G's in order to furnish my Hermit Home(that's with EvErYtHiNg I need, all appliances, couches, bed, etc), that isn't counting building the home itself. :P So that kinda scares me. It might be a many, many, many, many, many years before I can actually get my Hermit Home.... :( I want to have my own home. I know I'll probably live all alone in it, which is why I call it my Hermit Home.;p But it would be my home. Well maybe someday I'll have my own home and maybe some guy(my knight in shining armor) out there wants to live in it with me... maybe, you never know... right? *crickets can be heard chirping loudly* Well, I guess not ;p heh

September 26, 2004; Yeah the exercising thing was pretty much a one day thing. ;p I do want to exercise and keep my broken heart/body healthy but I don't want to go crazy and try to loose weight. Some of my friends tell me I'm getting 'fat', but I know I'm not fat. No, I'm not anorexic thin like alot of girls around here. But I like being that way, I like having a figure. I like having curves, without them I'd look like a little girl. Being short already makes me look like a little girl, I don't need to be curvless too to make me look even more younger then I am. ;p *sigh* There's too much pressure on girls to be thin as is, people shouldn't make things harder.

September 20, 2004; I went on an exercise craze tonight. I went for a walk and then did a whole bunch of exercises for about an hour. This all started when I noticed I'm starting to get pudgy from sitting down all day at work. I gotta start going for walks or something during my breaks to get rid of some pudgyness. heh :) Plus whenever I have to get up from my desk(sending a fax, or to go pee :P) I should take the longest route to get there so that I can walk a little bit during the day as well. It's not good for you to sit down all day anyways. And maybe I'll get a little bit more firmer and less pudgy doing so. :) I hope so! :) I wish they had like kick boxing or something like that around here, that'd be really great. :) September 18, 2004; YAY Saturday, finally. ;p I had a really weird dream lastnight. First it started out as me and my entire family playing paintball in the back yard. and I never got hit once! ;) WooHoo! :D Then I was with my older sister and some friends and people I didn't know and I saw a couple ex's and Wolverine.. :P And we were running away from Dinosaurs! Raptors to be exact. ;P I didn't get eaten but I came close and then after running around through the woods I woke up. :P

September 15, 2004; Getting close to friday! Man I wanna have a nice bottle of vodka.. but last time I felt like I was going to be sick for days, that wasn't cool :P Although I was drinking it like water... and really fast heh :P Well we'll see if anyone wants to have a drink with me. :)

September 8, 2004; Went to see AVP in the movies tonight at the late show... seen the movie already(it was pretty good, I've never seen any of the Aliens or Predator movies). But my friends lil' brother wanted to go so I brought him. I don't like being touched by people I don't know very well or I don't trust.... that's all I have to say.

September 7, 2004; Well today was hard... some of you might know why. My life is so messed up. The one good thing I have going now is that my loan is almost gone. Oh well, least I do have one good thing going for me. I don't wanna depress you guys too much ;p heh well it is dress/skirt day tomorrow so maybe that will cheer me up. :) Well have a good night everyone out there. I need hugs...
P.S. I wish we could still be friends... I know we probably couldn't be right away but I would really like to be friends again.

September 4, 2004; wow that's so weird writting september... it feels like it just became summer. I'm not looking forward to winter. ;p It's cold and I don't like being stuck inside for... way too many months at a time. ;p And no one to cuddle with to stay warm. *sigh* Guess I should just get used to that, since I am on my way to becoming a hermit. If someone really wanted to be with me, they'd be with me now. Not wait forever first. I mean today could be the very last day I'll ever live. No one knows what will happen, who's to say I'm going to live well past retirement. I don't want to waste my life waiting. Especially for something that might never happen...

August 26, 2004; Well I'm updating my website so i can put older entries on other pages. So it'll make things alot easier to load and stuff and look cool. :P My sister designed the page and I'm just filling in the rest. :) She did an awesome job! :D anyways back to updating! bbl!

UpDaTeD August 19, 2004; HOLY SUGAR FUDGE POPSICAL STICKS!(Instead of swearing heh :P Ya I know I'm weird :P) :D I just figured out that I could pay off the ENTIRE amount I owe from my student loans!! :D:D:D(give or take a few hundred) All I have to do is figure out how to make a Lump Sum Payment.. ;P Oh well! I'm goin' shopping tomorrow.. heh :D
August 19, 2004; Well my family is going to Hlfx tomorrow, and it's only for one night so I'm going to go too. I kinda wanted to be home alone... but have friends over. But I doubt anyone would come over anyways ;p Last time I was home alone no one came over. So I'll go to Halifax and I'll go shopping! :D
Oh! Great news and somewhat bad news.. :P Bad news is i couldn't consolidate my three loans together and I have to call them or something... i hate phones... ;p GOOD news is I have my first loan almost totally paid off :D there's only like a few dollars left of it. :D so that's two loans to go! :D

August 18, 2004; VACATION! :D I'm so excited!! it feels like i should be in bed right now :P(it's 1:00am right now:P)

August 16, 2004; My vacation is coming soon! :) It starts wednesday at 5:30pm:D I can't wait I'm excited! :) I've gotta get some bank/loan stuff done during my vacation but meh I can sleep in before I go. :) I might even be home alone this weekend :) MAYBE. They were talking about going to hlfx and someone has to stay home to feed the cat. So I'll probably stay home. :) So far no new news on that though.;/ Last time I was pretty scared being home alone though :P I'm hoping that if I am home alone people will actually visit me this time heh :)

August 9, 2004; Here's a little advertisement for my friend Craig it's a good deal check it out! :) Don't forget you can contact him to make orders with his email address, [email protected]

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Extra DVDs past the 50 DVD mark can be added for an additional $15 per DVD (shipping and taxes also included). All DVDs must be shipped to a single destination.
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July 28, 2004: Paintball was so Awesome!!! :D I can't wait to go again! :) I wish we could play again, that'd be so much fun. :) I got shot twice, once in he leg(my first hit), and then my collar bone. I got shot in the leg holding off two people in this lil' corner I was sitting in. :P I had no idea I was the only person left on my team. :P Then I got shot at my collar bone because I was getting kinda cocky, because ya know I held off two people for a while. :P It was only a couple minutes into the game heh
I loved sitting way in the back and watching everyone play. They were amazing! :D They knew exactly what to do, where to go, how to do it. WoW! heh :) I wasn't sure what I should be doing or where I should be. :P I just kinda hung back and tried to shot someone.(which never happened :( heh:P) Well Hopefully next time! :)

July 20, 2004; I'm so psyched for Saturday!! Paintball here I come! :D I'm kinda scared though, I've never played before. I'm afraid it's going to hurt, or I'll hurt someone. :( Although I doubt I could even hit anyone considering I've never shot a paintball gun before. :P I think I'll wear alot of padding heh :P YAY I can't wait!:)

July 16, 2004; I never got to see the fireworks.... I really wanted to see them:( No one would go see them with me. ;/ Well maybe I'll catch the Argyle ones or next years fireworks in town. :)
And who knows, maybe I'll have something fun to do today/tonight to make up for not being able to go see the fireworks. :) *hopes!*

July 15, 2004; Tomorrow is FRIDAY! :D The fireworks in town for Seafest are tomorrow too!! I reallly reallly reallly want to see them! :D I loove fireworks :) I was born on the forth of July... I can't help but love them ;p I have to settle for watching them on tv for my bday :( So I try to always go see the fireworks in town! :D I don't really want to go with my parents.. that can be... well lame :P Hopefully I'll be able to see the fireworks with friends or something, gotta find someone to go with me.:) *hopes!*

July 14, 2004; I forgot to put this link in here to my friends website. She asked me a long time ago but I kept forgeting ;/ so here it is the link to Moving Closets(web comic)! :)

July 13, 2004; :( Bad day today, I had a bad call.. very bad. ;/ And I cried. I'm just trying to relax now. Hopefully everything will be all good tomorrow. ;p

July 11, 2004; I went swimming today! :) Well sorta :P Me and my friend Joel went to Ellenwood, it was kinda windy and the clouds kept covering the sun so I waited and waited for it to get sunny and warm. Eventually I gave up and just went in the water anyways! :) The water was niiice and warm up to a point(then it got really cold :P) so I stayed where it was nice and warm. :) I didn't stay too long because I could feel my shoulders burning(I didn't have sun screen 'coze I thought well I won't be there long... :P It's only pink so it's all good :)) plus it was cold out of the water.;p
Then I came home and checked my garden(well what's left of it :P most of everything is in plant pots because the bugs will eat them if I don't :() and there were a couple strawberries ripe to eat! :) YuMmY! :) And my tomatoe and corn plants I'm just starting to grow are getting bigger and bigger!:) I'm so proud of my plants, they're like my kids. :) Well anyways, I hope everyone had a great weekend :)

July 9, 2004; It's FRIDAY!! :D heh Happy friday everyone! :)

July 6, 2004;Happy Birthday JR! I hope you have a great birthday too! heh Man there is alot of birthdays in July! :P July 5, 2004; Well I got a lil' sun burnt yesturday. ;p I fell asleep in the sun heh It was so nice and warm! :) I'm hoping it will be tan by the weekend. :)
Happy Birthday Matthew! I hope you had the bestest birthday ever!

July 4, 2004; :D IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!:D 21... I'm old... ;p BUT! I'm legal in all provinces and states! heh :) I hope it will be all sunny and nice outside, all day!:D I hope everyone has a great day today! :D

July 1, 2004; HAPPY CANADA DAY!!! :D Yes I know ;p I forgot to write it in on July 1st. :P I thought I did write something but oh well it's here now. :) I hope everyone had a great day :) and hopefully a day off. :) I had to work but meh, holiday pay! :D It'll make up for all the shopping I've been doing. ;p

June 28, 2004; Voting day: So did everyone go out and use their right to vote for whomever party they wanted to vote for? :P I did after I went shopping and bought some impulse buys. *Impulse buy, impulse buy!* Ah but it felt so good to go shopping after everything that's been going on lately..
but anyways, enough with moping! :) I voted today well tonight. :) And I didn't have much of an approach this year. I didn't even look much into the election. What's the point? Because as soon as they get into government they don't do what they say anyways. I mean they may have legitimate reasons but don't make a promise you won't keep. That drives me crazy! If you promise me something, you better go through with it. dammit! :P heh But yeah a lil' off topic. :P
So I decided today that I didn't want to vote Liberal, or PC. So that brought it down to NDP or the Green Party. And then I thought well we need someone completely new in the government so I leaned towards the Green Party.
Then I thought well Green = good environment. Good environment = good place for our future to grow up in. :) Even though I'll probably never be able to have kids.. :'(
So I decided on the Green Party. :) There you have it. My voting strategy this year. :P heh Not much but oh well. ;P I wonder who will win this year.:) Happy voting! :P

June 23, 2004; A couple songs I liked;
Holding Out For A Hero - JENNIFER SAUNDERS

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
Larger then life

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear that there's someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

Seether - Broken(I like the version featuring Amy Lee the best)

I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

June 21, 2004; And so begins my life, as a Hermit...
I've made up the layout of my Hermit home, the different kinds of decor I want. And the type of location I want. I just need to find the location and the money. Next year I should be able to start saving for it.
You know, I really don't understand. Do I have some sort of sign that is on my forehead that reads, "HURT ME!"?

June 18, 2004; Tomorrow's friday... For once in, I think, my entire life I don't want it to come..

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I just deleted everything..... good thing I backed up the text at least. ;p...... well that was a close one, I saved all my pictures in the nick of time;p
June 15, 2004; 2000 hits!! I can tell you I'm pretty shocked! ;p Well I guess I should start by giving the poll numbers out. Here they are:

1.How would you rate my site?

Answers Votes Percent
1. Excellent 12 55%
2. Good 6 27%
3. Poor 2 9%
4. Terrible 0 0%
5. No Opinion 2 9%

Total Votes: 22

2.What disease, viral infection, sickness or what not, will I get this summer?

Answers Votes Percent
1. Strept Throat 2 9%
2. Phenonia(sp?:P) 0 0%
3. Osteoperosis 0 0%
4. Depression 1 5%
5. Your just fucked up anyways ;p 11 50%
6. Asthma 0 0%
7. Bronchitus 0 0%
8. Other? (please feel free to explain your answer in the guestbook) 8 36%

Total Votes: 22

3.It's my Birthday!(July 4) :) How old am I? :P

Answers Votes Percent
1. 15 0 0%
2. 16 0 0%
3. 17 0 0%
4. 18 0 0%
5. 19 0 0%
6. 20 9 82%
7. 21 0 0%
8. 22 1 9%
9. 23 0 0%
10. Who the frig cares?:p 1 9%

Total Votes: 11

4.How old do I look?:p

Answers Votes Percent
1. 50 0 0%
2. 30 1 8%
3. 100 1 8%
4. 20 4 31%
5. 15 3 23%
6. 13 1 8%
7. YOu LoOk OnE BiLlIoN yEaRs OlD YoU oLd HaG! ;p heh 1 8%
8. as old as dirt! 0 0%
9. 3 0 0%
10. Who gives a %@*&!? 2 15%

Total Votes: 13

5.Today was the Nova Scotia elections, how did you vote?

Answers Votes Percent
1. Liberal 0 0%
2. PC 2 17%
3. NDP 0 0%
4. I cannot vote yet... 3 25%
5. I'm not fucking voting for ANY of thoooose parties! 3 25%
6. There was an election today? o.O 1 8%
7. Why do you make me keep voting on your dumbass polls? 1 8%
8. I hate politics........ gr.... 2 17%

Total Votes: 12

Commentary on the polls:

Question #1: YAY 55% think my website is "Excellent." Although I don't blame those 2 people who voted "Poor" because well it is poor. :P I don't like my website it takes forever to load and the layout is terrible.

Question #2: A bunch of you think I'm fucked up(50%!). Well you're definately right there.. heh :P But the funny thing is I NEVER got sick! Imagine that! :P I got a job(YAY!), met really awesome people. Made friends with even more people. Even got a new nickname heh :P "Quiet Storm" Don't ask... it's a long story... ;p heh And some people even tried to 'bug me'(even though it didn't bother me :P It just made me smile more:) ) so that I would talk about it on my website. heh Here's to you! ;) You know who you are. :)

Question #3: Well almost everyone knew I was 20(almost 21 now! YAY! :D) Except one voter actually thought I was 22. Maybe they tripped and they're mouse moved? :P Because as we see in the next poll it's hard to believe anyone would see me as 22. ;p

Question #4: For a long while this poll was dominated by the dreaded "you look 15 years old" answer. ;p Which ya know... with my Little Mermaid purse, the little kid candy, and the way I walk...(I was told it's not sexy enough.:P Apparently I 'waddle!' ;p) it does make sense. :p But I have wrinkles!:P Damn you wrinkles! So I guess that's why some people think I look 30 or 100. ;p heh

Question #5: Apparently not many people voted that year. :P

Thanks for voting everyone. You guys made my day when I'd see more votes. :) And for all of you who absolutely HATED the polls, good news! I just deleted them! :D Bad news(or good news;p) is there are going to be more.... heh ;) But I want more feedback no one ever explained what "Other" meant for question #2. Aw well, least ya voted! :D
I guess this is all for now but if I think of anything cool I'll update again later tonight. :) Thanks again everyone for 2000 hits!:)

June 14, 2004; WOW! I'm almost at 2000 hits! I can't believe it! I really didn't think people would actually go here. ;p It's not like there's anything to this site that makes it interesting. For me it's mostly to get my emotions out and for my friends who are living outside of Yarmouth to find out how I'm doing. Ya know make sure I didn't die or fall off the face of the planet. heh ;p Maybe I should do something special for 2000 hits? I'll have to think about it.:P I have to figure out what I want to do soon though because as of right now there is 1998 hits. :) Well have a great night everyone! *hugs*

June 10, 2004; *sings* "And the cat came back the very next day!" Sorry for the bad singing :P heh But YAY she came back! :)

June 9, 2004; Has anyone seen our 19 year old kitty? :( She went missing after someone let her outside last night..
Her mom left that way, we let her out one day and then she just never came back. Like she knew it was time.... As much as I complain about my cat(she leaves her hair and kitty litter everywhere it's so gross...;/), I love her. Right now I don't want to lose another person in my family. I still miss Sandy, our puppy we had to put to sleep(he was blind and I think he had cancer tumors on his legs:(.......).
Her name is Precious, we call her Presshy for short. She's black and white, and on her nose she's got a black smudge. So if you see her, bring her home..

June 6, 2004; Oowwie :P heh I got a lil' sun burn this weekend when I went out to sun tan :) It's not too bad though. :) Hopefully it'll be a nice sun tan by the end of the week. :) That'd be nice, instead of my deathly pale features I usually have heh. This weekend was nice, it was a little scary at first. I've never really been home alone for an entire weekend before. I went through the entire house to make sure no one was there and locked the doors and windows. :P I don't think I've been home alone for an entire night heh. But it felt nice to actually be by myself and think a few things through, with some help of my awesome friends. You know I love you guys. :) I was hoping to get myself good and drunk and maybe go out to the bar and dance(but that would mean I'd have to have a ride there and back 'coze I can't drink and drive. :P) but I didn't want to take the care to town again to go to the liqour store to get my vodka(The car isn't feeling all that well. ;p It needs a check up soon.:P). So instead, I remembered "HEY! We have two very large speakers sitting in the living room and I have chocolate!!!"(chocolate affects me alot better then alcohol ever will :P Alcohol is a depressent, chocolate... well lets just say I can get pretty giggly and way hyper heh :P) SO, I danced to very loud music at home! :D Much to the distaste of my neighbours I assume. :p I even did a bit of house work while I danced(vaccuming and sweeping). :) I was going to invite some people over but I thought hey I don't have a chance to do this at home all by myself. :) I kinda wanted to go to the Red Knight before they closed it but meh I've never really had the best time there and my friends weren't available to go. :P So it wouldn't have been fun without them. :P Although it kinda would have been fun to go and act all mysterious. heh ;p oh well another time! :)

June 5, 2004; I'm HOME ALONE!!! :D You'd think sommeone would come and visit ;p Well maybe soon!! :D I realllly hope! :D

May 30, 2004; One more day until it'll be June.... it's almost like it took forever to get here but now that it's here, it honestly doesn't feel that it took that long. I just tried to keep myself really busy and wrapped up in work to not think about what day it was and how much longer until the end of May. I just wish that I knew more of what was happening now that it's pretty much June now.
My parents want to go to Halifax this weekend coming. I kinda want to go, ya know get out of Yarmouth and back to Halifax for a weekend. But I'm afraid I'd buy too much stuff in Halifax. :P I loooove shopping there... so many stores.. so much neat stuff.. But I don't have the money yet and I'd be so tempted to go on a shopping spree there... plus I'd really like to have the house to myself for a weekend, that'd be really cool. :) Blast tunes, go hang out with friends and not come back until extremely late, or even not come back until the next day. :) Have all kinds of fun without having parents ask a billion questions and sometimes they don't even let me go.. I mean geez I'm going to be 21 in about a month, I know I'm still a child in their eyes.. but let me have some fun... at least once in a while! :P
Anyways it's late and it's time for bed.. :P Have a good night everyone, lots of sweet dreams. Cross your fingers for me, now that it's the end of May. :) *hugs!* :)

May 23, 2004; 8 more days until June. :) Sorry about that last entry everyone, it's wednesday week, I get upset easy for a couple days out of the month. ;p I should be okay now... :p heh I wish there was a way to make that go away. :P because it just plain sucks ass. Someday :P well I'll write later if anything exciting happens. Not likely though.:P ttyl :)
P.S. I edited the last entry. I just deleted most of it out of there. ;p I should have just written it down and deleted it to begin with just to get out some hormones.:P During wednesday week I get really upset over things I shouldn't. And even with the things I should get upset with I shouldn't take them to an extreme level. When I was younger I used to grab a piece of paper and just start writing all of my emotions out. Most times I'd just rip up the paper afterwards or hide them away in my diarys. But sometimes I keep them. It really helps to write them all down. It's as if all of it just flows right from my body into my fingers and out onto the paper/screen. I feel so much better afterwards. Once after a break up with a boyfriend I was so upset I wrote down what the perfect guy would be for me. After I wrote it I said I wasn't going to date any guy unless he fell under the list of ten things. Because if he had all ten checks on him, he'd never hurt me. I'll have to see if I can find it again and put it on here.:P I found it once last year sometime. It was kinda cute because when I wrote it I didn't really know much about guys at all. Well I still don't but that's not the point! :P Well anyways I should start getting ready for bed. I hope you all had a great weekend. I didn't really care for the weekend, yeah it was a break from work but I just want May to get over already... ;p heh That's what I want sooo bad and it's what I've been looking forward to for what feels like an enternity.. Well night night everyone. :)

May 20, 2004; Be warned: Wednesday Week, read at your own risk. The views written here are not necessarily shared in my own mind but they are the concerns of the dreaded fucking Wednesday Week.
Edited May 23, 2004
You know what? Wednesday Week sucks.. why do women have to go through this shit month after month? It's not fair that we have to deal with so many extreme emotions/pain and guys don't... bah ;p
On a great note though... I LOVE my job. :) I just wish it was permanent.

May 19, 2004; WAY TO GO CALGARY!!! :) I'm so happy we've got a Canadian team advancing! :)

May 17, 2004; We have really bad luck with cars. :p ours broke again. ;p I'm trying to convince my dad that we should get an Echo Hatchback. :P I'm going to get one myself next year when my loan is paid off. :) It's really good on gas and well with the gas prices so high right now... we sure as heck need good gas mileage.. I haven't looked recently(too scared to:P) at the gas prices but it's pretty much $1 a litre now. :( And it's supposed to get even higher over the summer months.. great huh? ;p
I really don't understand how gas prices can go up so high. It's not like they're not making a ton of money already off of the billions of people who have vehicles. Anyways I should get to bed. ;p Have a good night and a good day tomorrow everyone. :)

May 13, 2004; Oh yeah if anyone was wondering that last entry was a song. :P It was Evanescence - Missing
17 more days until June!!!!!!!!!! :)

May 6, 2004;
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
'Isn't something missing?'

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
'Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?'

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

April 24, 2004; Poem I started to write while I was upset tonight crying:

How do I know if you're lying or being true
How do I know how your feeling
It's all happening again
Just when I thought I was healing
Who's lying, who's not
Or am I lying to myself
My tiny torn up heart won't let me see
And all I wanted was to be
With you

I don't want to believe the bad feelings I have inside
I thought maybe you'd be different
Why all of the excuses
I'm now just as before in the same predicament
Feeling hurt, feeling lost
I don't want to cry anymore
Curled up in a comforting little ball
But maybe I should just let it all
Slide

You are the only one I want to see
I want to know from you
You said it's up to me to believe
I want to hear from you what is true
Your voice, your heart
I need to know how you feel
I will trust your words with ease
All I ask is that you please
Don't hurt me

April 23, 2004; Only another..... 4 and a half hours to go until I'm FREEEEE to go home from work. ;p heh Man I can't wait, it has been a long day so far. ;/ I hope the rest of today/this evening goes by faster(and less people calling in;p). I dunno where I'm gonna treat myself to eat tonight for supper. :) I treat myself to usually subway every friday. Just as a gift to myself for getting through the week. ;p Maybe I'll get some wendy's or something.. well I dunno i'll decide once I'm finally out of here for the weekend. :P Well I should go punch back in. yay... ;p I'll update later maybe, if I remember. ;p

April 21, 2004; Go Toronto! :)

April 18, 2004; It's been a really long weekend.. not a relaxing weekend either. Friday night I went and drank at a friends house for a lil' while because I really needed it. Well I was only supposed to be there until around 10:30pm but I got stuck at his house because his toilet over flowed(with all the drunk people there.;p) and I couldn't get into the kitchen to get my shoes. So I was there until about 12:00am and I finally was able to walk home. Then saturday I was emotionally upset all day and then I got sick verrry late that night(and this afternoon)...
My mom thinks it could be stress because one I didn't drink that much on friday night(only 5 sips of my Smirnoff Vanilla) plus I would have gotten sick friday if that was the case, and two my doctors appointment I had on thursday(mom figures it just kinda hit me last night)... and three I'm back on the phone again for a while... plus there's other stuff that I don't want to get into right now.... so I guess it's just all the stress.
I really don't want to go to work tomorrow if I'm going to be feeling like this. Anyways I'm going to go lay down or something... I might rant later or something..

April 11, 2004; HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!! :)

April 1, 2004; Okay so I'm kinda scared... I'm currently downloading a tune by.. none other then the hoe-y chick herself, Britney Spears. For some reason I found this tune kinda catchy and I don't know why. I'm usually listening to ya know heavy stuff like Disturbed. My all time favorite band is and always will be Metallica. :) I'm still trying to learn how to play "Nothing Else Matters" but I'm slowly getting it. :) YAY! Go me! :) heh
Now I'll admit it yes I'm jealous of Britney, she's pretty, she's fit, guys like her. Why wouldn't I be jealous? But the point is I don't listen to stuff like this... so something is going on. :P I dunno what it is yet but I'm gonna have to look into it.
So yeah my week back on the phone is going just as expected so far... scared to heck and shakin' like a leaf in Autumn unwillingly getting ready to fall to the cold hard ground. ;p I swear if my doctor takes a look at me and says "I'm taking you off your pills because blah blah blah too stressed blah blah."(my nice almost no pain during 'wednesday week' pills ;p). I'm going to slap him... and tell him there is no way my pills did it, it's the damn fucking phone.... I absolutely hate it..
If I have to work on the phone for the rest of my life.. Forget it. I canNot handle that and I'll have to quit because it's alot of stress on me.. I mean people don't understand how stressed out I am on the phone. All I hear is 'oh but you're so good on the phone' and 'it'll get better as time goes on.' Well guess what I Don't feel so good on the phone... half the time my stomach hurts like you wouldn't believe and I can't eat anything because I'm so nervous... and it's been way over 6 months now. Bah it's crazy...
But I absolutley positively LOVE my Oracle work. It is Awesome!! :) But so far I don't think I've been two straight weeks happily doing my work and being off the phone. There's just not enough work for me to do. :(
While on the phone so far I've come accross a couple billing errors I would have had to fix in Oracle.. and I thought hey.. more work for me in Oracle if I leave it.. but then I fixed them because couldn't leave them there, darn conscious...
hey....*has a brain storm* maybe.. just maybe if my doctor sees that I'm so stressed out my body has taken the after effects he'll write me a note to get them to keep me off the phone!:) I wish... I'm such a dreamer.;p I need hugs:(

March 22, 2004; FINALLY! :) Off the phone again, man that was crazy I swear my stress levels went up a few points just over the week I was on the phone again... ;p Hopefully my doctor won't notice when I go see him sometime soon.. yay i hate going to the doctor. They just push meds on you when you don't need them ;p anyways i don't want to get into that. :P
IT'S SPRING!! :) Although you couldn't tell.. it was snowing today and was pretty cold when i went home after work. But still! :) Almost warmer times! :) I can't wait to go out side and just lay out in the sun, soooo nice and waaarm. :)
I still haven't really done anything with this site, any suggestions?:P

March 7, 2004; Sunday already... ;p I'm really not looking forward to going back to the phone again. :P I've been off and on the phone all last week. Mostly off though YAY! :) I've been in another department and I looove it! :) I still am in the department but the work hasn't come yet and no work = back to the phone.. I dunno what I'm gonna do tomorrow on the phone because my throat is so sore. ;/ I've had a sore throat since I woke up on saturday. Hopefully I'll get to go to the store and get alot of soup tomorrow after work heh :) Well anyways I don't really have anything else to update. :P Wish me luck tomorrow! :) Luv yas!:)

February 26, 2004; I decided to not use my camera. ;P I never turn it on anyways so... :P I'll leave the links there but I'm only keeping them there for when msn stops working. :p ttfn

February 22, 2004; I decided to add my webcam on here, yeah I'm scared too.. :p I don't like not knowing who's watching me though. :P It always says anonymous. So that sucks. :P For all I know it could be some stalker or something. ;p So my webcam might not be up for long. It's just me sitting there anyways not like it's all exciting or anything. ;p Well that's it for now. :P Oh yeah if ya wanna view the cam it's in the 'Polls and... stuff;p' link.

February 19, 2004; I'm snowed in. ;p I'll have to put some pictures on here of my car out in the snow. It's pretty much covered all the way now. My dad tried to shovel out some of it but by the time he got one part done and started the next part it was full of snow again, so he gave up. :P I didn't want to miss work I knew they'd be short staffed for sure.. :( But everyone is supposed to stay off the roads and I can't even move my car so i can't really help it. I tried to help by working from home but I've got dialup and by the time the page loaded everyone had finished working on them ;/ Then the main computer died so i didn't have internet. :( We had to set up the network all over again and set up the modem to another computer. So it's working fine now *crosses fingers* but I don't think I'll be going into work tomorrow. I'll do my best to work from home but dialup kinda doesn't help me out much to be able to do my best ;/
I hope everyone's okay out there, I'm really worried with all this snow and wind... :(

February 15, 2004; Yesturday was February 14th and as we all know(or most of us anyways:P heh) is Valentines Day. Now for everyone who is single out there knows that it's a day dreaded every year.(well for most single people;p) Everyone makes it so important that you HAVE to be with someone and you have to celebrate that day with them. Honestly I used to think that way on the many Valentine Day's I spent alone. But ya know when you think about it why do we make such a big deal over one day? I mean why can't we spend everyday thinking the same way we do on Valentines day? :) That's what I'm going to do from now on! :) Spending everyday with love for life and others.
We can't really give flowers and chocolate out to our loved ones everyday(as much as I looove chocolate heh:P) but ya know just have the same way of thinking everyday as you do on this famous day. :) Ya know... I love flowers but for me I'd rather have flowers that will last a long time and not just die after a week. Maybe something like fake flowers that will last forever or flowers I can plant and watch them grow and bloom just like love does. :) (Yeah I'm a hopeless romantic... :P) And black roses... those are soooooo pretty!! :) They're so dark red they look almost black. :) I'm gonna try growing them, maybe this summer! :)
And another thing... you ever notice how chicks are always excited over how big the engagement ring is? What's up with that? Just because the diamond is huge doesn't mean he loves you a lot more then if the diamond was smaller. Hell I'd prefer a smaller diamond. :P I'd be afraid to lose the darn thing. ;p For me the actual wedding band holds more love then the engagement ring. On the wedding band you can enscribe how much you love your wife/husband. You can have something romantic written on it that no one else sees just you and your wife/husband knows.
Yeah I dunno what got into me today. ;p Anyways! For something completely different! "...I wanna be a super hero! I wanna fly so high! I wanna be a super hero, live forever and I'm never gonna die." It's my new favorite song for the moment. ;p
Oh yeah and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!! :)

February 1, 2004; Well I start a new shift tomorrow, 10-7pm. :) I'm a lil' worried. I was just getting used to my desk and everyone. I really liked being in 12-9pm but I just wanted to get home earlier and maybe be able to see my friends every once in a while. Plus with 12-9pm it was get up, go to work, come home, eat then pretty much go to bed(or stay up later then 12 because I needed to relax before I went to bed). ;p So hopefully now I'll have a chance to relax and calm down before I go to bed. :) Well I should get to bed it's getting a lil' late and I need to get up early tomorrow. Wish me lots of luck and love tomorrow. :)

December 31, 2003; HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :)

December 29, 2003; BK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heh sorry My sister brought me home Burger King!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... It was sooooo good hehe :)THANKS Melissa! :)
Update on my computer; it has the hard drive and graphics card in it now. It's running XP too. So now I'll I have to do is hook up my monitor when my sister doesn't need to use it. :) So this weekend sometime I'll be able to use my computer upstairs and blast my tunes... well I'll be able to listen to them without headphones anyways. ;p Until next time! :) TTFN! :)

December 27, 2003; Holy moly!! :) I'm getting a whole new tower! :) So I'm gonna have USB! YAY! :) I'll be able to use my own webcam on my own computer! :) I'll update later my dad's gone to go get my computer! :) *dances around!* :)

December 25, 2003; MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! :) I hope you all had a great Christmas spent with loved ones! :)

December 14, 2003; The weekend's over already, did a little bit of decorating for Christmas, went shopping, bought some scratch tickets, in hopes that I'd win and be able to pay off my loan in one day. And possibly if I had enough money start my own clothing store. :) Because there isn't enough clothing that fits everyone. I mean I was trying to help my mom pick out a dress for the Christmas party but everything that would fit her looked like old people clothes... or really ugly. :P Most stores these days are for tall skinny people. Not to put down tall skinny people but I mean give us a break! Please?:P I don't like to have to cut off a couple inches of my pants, especially when they have a really neat design on the bottom of the pants. :P I found an awesome store in NJ that had clothes for me! I didn't even have to hem them! :) Maybe if I win the lottery I'll own my own clothing store and EVERYONE will be able to wear them. :) But we all know how the chances are at winning anything over $2. :P Not that I'm not happy with winning that much because hey it's something! :)
Well I've got work tomorrow so I better get to bed. Night night everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend. :) Hopefully you'll have a great week too! :) (*Biiig hugs for someone* :) You know who you are!)

December 6, 2003; The weekend! :) I was shopping all afternoon. :P Last night was great! hehe :) I had alot of fun talking until ummm... after curfew. heh ;p

November 27, 2003;I'm really dreading going to work tomorrow.. I don't know how they're gonna take me wanting to go back to my old department for a week or two.. probably not well.. and I really don't want to have to explain because I'll end up crying or almost and I won't be able to say anything or much because I'll be trying not to cry the whole time. I really really really wanna try and be a CSR, it's just really hard to deal with all of the people who call in. A couple days ago I had this women call in and she was yelling at me... I mean I answered the call and she was so angry I was startled/upset and I ended up making mistakes and she got even more angry because I was making mistakes. I cried after that call, I was shaking so much I had to take a few minutes before i could take my next call and when I answered the next call my voice was shaky and i'm sure they knew. After that call I knew right then I wasn't going to be able to handle any more calls like that. They told me I'd get better after a while and it did. I wasn't shaking for every call I took but I'm still nervous, I still take things way to personally and I'm trying so hard but I guess it's because of the type of person I am, I'm really shy, I don't say much, heck I've never really been in any social situations until I started working at RCOM.;p
I hope they don't get mad. I just thought maybe if I had a week or two to calm down in ccTLD I'd be better. Well wish me lots of luck and love tomorrow...

November 23, 2003;Well the weekend is over now. :( What a weekend though! I had sooooo much fun!! :) I can't wait for another weekend like this one! :) YAY! :) hehe
On another note, 'Dumping Day' starts in just hours... I pray every fishermen is safe tomorrow and for the rest of the season! :( Every year gets harder and harder to see my Dad go out there and work so hard and be in so much pain, coming home late at night... :( I keep telling him he should find another job, go back to school and do computer stuff, because he loves computers! But fishing is what he knows and what he's always known.. I hope maybe I'll win the lottery and he won't ever have to work again. I better start buying some tickets again! :) Well it's time for bed, I need some sleepies! Night night!

November 21, 2003;IT'S FRIDAY!!!!! I get to go Christmas Shopping this weekend! :) And I get to sleep over to a friends! :) Get to get all drunk off of one Rev... mmmmmmm Smurf pee :P Well that's all I'm going to update for now... oh yeah and I took my pictures down because apparently some people thought they were 'dirty'... Get you're mind off the gutter people! ;p

November 11, 2003;Well apparently it wasn't the shocks that went on the car it was 'just' a piece of metal hanging by a thread on the car hitting the tires/car everytime we hit a bump. So my dad seeing this hunk of metal just hanging there decided to just take it off. You'd figure if the part was put there to begin with it should have an importance to the car... and you know shouldn't be taken off. So if by any chance you see me on the side of the road kicking my tires... that's why.
By the way! My lil' tiny site made it to 1000 hits today!! :) WOOHOO! :) I never thought that would happen... ;p It feels weird to actually have people going to my site now. It also feels weird because now you know I'm crazy and stuff. ;p But yeah, hi to everyone coming to my lil' site! :)
I still don't really know what I'm gonna do with my site yet right now it's just kind of here taking up space. I was going to write my story but then i decided against it. So now I don't know what to do with it. Ah well I"ll think of something. Until next time I can update! :)
P.S. IT's ALMOST THE WEEKEND! I bet'cha the next two days are going to be realllllllllly slow and then this weekend is going to go reallllly fast. ;p oh well least it's a break from work. night night! :)

November 10, 2003;Monday's aren't fun... ;p BUT! If I don't count tomorrow there's only THREE more days until Friday!!! *chants and jumps around happily* "I can't wait for this weekend, I can't wait for this weekend! I can't wait for this weekend!!!" *inside joke* :P I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle my job for long. I"m soooo glad I have it and so grateful but I was tricked into taking the promotion, see I didn't want it but the person who offered me the job said(after I said I liked my job and i wanted to stay where I was) that department is ending in two weeks... So me needing to keep my job because of student loan crap... i said okay i'll try it. So here I am a while later and I'm stressed to hell I don't want to go to work and I don't even want to be there. There's only one reason I get up and go to work everyday and that's so I can see and talk people I care about, specially one of them...:)
So that's where I'm at now, confused, frustrated, upset, STRESSED out, sad, happy, a believer that pretty much everyone who calls is really mean, tired, excited. Pretty much anything you can think of.. that's the way I'm feeling. It's kind of like the way I felt when I knew I had to leave SMU or be in debt for the rest of my life. Well enough ranting for tonight.. gotta get up early for work tomorrow....
oh yeah! And it's Rememberance Day tomorrow so remember all of the veterans who risked their lifes to make our lives free and happy. I want to thank you so much and I just hope that no one ever has to go through what you had to go through again. We shouldn't be having wars, we should all be together living in a wonderful society where no one hates, no one judges. Just where everyone loves one aother. You know "Make love not war"... if only we could make the world see that smiling is contagious, you smile to someone, and they in turn smile to someone else and the next thing you know the whole world is smiling! :) I wonder why we can't just all get along?
Also, Tomorrow's my sister's Bday!! :) So HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!! :) Have a grreat birthday! :) I got her the 'Spirited Away' DVD! :) :P It's a cute movie. :)
Well night night everyone, time for sleepies... Night night, sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite! :)

November 6, 2003;Well I made it through the day today. Somewhat. ;p I take things so personally, I try not to but I just can't help it. When someone's yelling at me on the phone about their domain name or e-mail or something well yeah I'm gonna get upset because they're yelling at me(It's not focused at me but still). They would have yelled on the phone to anyone else but I mean they're still on the phone yelling at me... And blah you mean people suck! You hear me? Don't swear at/yell at/be mean to the customer service representative who WANTS to help you... oh yeah and don't ask for my supervisor he's frigging busy! Duh he's a supervisor, he's on the phone, he's helping people, he's doing supervisor stuff... leave him alone and me alone too while you're at it. ;p
I can't wait for next weekend! I can't wait for next weekend! :) hehe Inside joke. ;p

November 4, 2003;Mean people suck.... :( I had a really bad call for my second to last call tonight... fun way to end a day of work. ;/ He was yelling at me and everything all because supposedly he e-mailed the appropriate department and it was over 24-48 hours and he hasn't received anything back...
Well then....WAIT LONGER DAMMIT!
There is alot of people e-mailing this 'certain department' (which will remain nameless because it's not their fault either) and they do e-mail back the customers. Usually there's only 60 e-mails left to get back to out of hundreds that were made by customers each day. So dammit people don't yell at me because I can't do anything when you're not in my damn system... I was pretty much crying after he hung up on me saying he was going to tell everyone in the Universe to not do business with Register.com. I don't want to go back to work tomorrow, all because of this caller and all of the callers just like the caller. So yeah I need a big hug... :( *pouts*

October 31, 2003;HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! One of the best holidays during the year! :) You get to dress up, act all crazy and get candy! :) Well not for me.. I have to buy my own candy now... ;p Oh well.. maybe we won't get any trick or treaters and I'll get to keep all the yummy, yummy candy! :) Mmmmmmmmm... choc-ooOOOoo-late.... :)(Edited;november 19)

October 25, 2003; I finallly got my own pair of boots! :) I was so excited when I saw them there in the store... at first I saw the ones I actually went on to buy and didn't like them but then when I was looking at the ones I did like they didn't have my size(Size 5-6 as usual...;p). I was determined to get a pair of boots that day at my lunch hour so I tried on the boots I didn't really like and when I put them on I absolutely looved them! :) They're nice and soft on the outside, they were a lil' big being a size 6 the smallest size they had but I didn't care! I was going to buy them! :) I wore them today and ahhhhh so nice, they hurt my ankles but! It's not like I'll be wearing them walking around much heh ;p (Edited;november 19, 2003)

October 16, 2003; Well I only had one bad call today but it ruined the rest of the day. Okay now people out there who have registered domain names pleeease listen to me for a moment... :P OKay JUST because you pay for the domain name DOES NOT mean you OWN it. It just means you're paying for it and that's it. If you want to 'own' (actually what you do is lease the domain name for as long as it's paid for but that's besides the point..;p) the domain name you have to be the registrant and the admin. :P And to make it even easier update your freakin' contact info and billing info EVERY time you change it... it is against ICANN to have the wrong contact info. If you have an invalid phone number and we try and call you back, BANG you're domain name is seized. So make my job easier and don't tell us we're stupid when it's you who's being an idiot. I don't feel like crying over something that shouldn't bother me!
okay I'm okay now I'm better. :P ttfn :P

October 11, 2003; I did a bad bad thing tonight...;p I went to town and... and I spent money. ;p *slaps hand* bad Katie! I'm not allowed to spend money.. I'm paying off my loan in 17 months and that's that. I'm not going back on my word. I'm down to 15 months now! :)
After that 15 months then I'll be able to spend money! I'll be able to take my friends out for supper and pay them back for all the times they've taken me out to eat or bought me clothes. It will be great.:)
Ahhhhh.... but it felt sooo good to be able to go shopping again. :) I didn't buy too much just some things I needed. :) Shop Therapy is good for you! :) I love to shop soo much. :)

October 7, 2003; Well it's getting better at work. :) I have at least one person who hangs up on me everyday though. :P Most times I figure they must press the wrong button or they get another call. ;p Oh well, gives me less to do. ;p
I'm not used to my new shedule yet. ;p I come home and eat supper at around 8pm depending on if I have to make it or if there's leftovers from when my family ate. ;p so I've pretty much lost 5 pounds now :P Which sucks ass because I just gained back the pounds I lost! :P Dammit;p I wish i could munch on food while on the phone. :P When i was in ccTLD I gained weight pretty fast because I was always eating. :p I love food! :) But food doesn't seem to love me! hehe :) Oh well I still love food! :) Mmmmmm Choc-oooo-late! ;)
P.S. Special note; Matthew I hope you feel better! :( *hugs!* :)

October 2, 2003;It's my parents wedding anniversary today! :) So happy anniversary mom and dad! :) Don't ask me how long the've been together all i know is that it's over 23 years because that's how old my sister is right now since her bday is next month. :)
well i've been on the phones for almost a week now and my stress level has risen reallly high. The first day I started working on the phones I couldn't eat because my stomach was so upset, I lost 4 pounds that day. And when i tried to go to bed that night my heart was racing and I just could not sleep. I have yet to gain all that weight back because I can't regain the weight when my stomach is all in knots. I'm not sure if I can handle the work. Lots of nasty customers have called and sometimes I just wanna cry. They just take everything out on you because they don't have anyone else to take it out on.
Everynight before I fall asleep I'm wishing I don't have to go to work tomorrow. And I've always told myself I'd never get a job I hate because I hated high school and I don't want to go through that all over again. Basically when i get up in the morning i go there because I know I've either got e-mail or I'm going to get an e-mail that will make my day. That's what keeps me going to work. :)

September 28, 2003; Well I'm done training now. I even got a crash course in another service we're going to be offering soon. I start taking calls tomorrow all by myself 9-6. I'm reallllllllly nervous about it... I can still get help i just have to put the caller on hold and raise my hand up. I'll probably have to stand on my chair for anyone to see me... darn shortness! :(
After my first call on friday i was shaking for a good 3 hours afterward. I passed up the opportunity to get drunk(i needed it too):( because I still wasn't doing very well. ;p i would have gone out if it was only for an hour but they weren't sure so I said nah. Plus I've never drank with only guys before and even though I could trust them it probably wasn't a good idea. ;p Well anyways I should go have a shower!

Okay I guess I'm sicker then i thought... or it's just the Junior Strength BubbleGum Flavoured Tylenol messing me up. ;p I was typing along on here updating and then all of a sudden nothing was there.. ;p I figure i either haloucinated or I clicked onto my friends' IM and then clicked back here and it reset. ;p Anyways yeah i take my first call tomorrow, we were strongly advised to take it tomorrow instead of monday because we'd have someone to shadow us and help us during the call friday. On monday we're on our own. ;p Anyways enough about work! I'm finally going out drinking tomorrow! Gettin' all drunk, I'm gonna really need it though.... well I'm out ttfn.

YAY! Check out what my lil' sis drew for me! :D *Dances around happily* Hopefully this time it will save ;/ it hasn't been saving the last couple times I tried it. *pouts* :p Oh by the way my lil' sister mispelled register.com, but she's sick so it's not her fault.(she's in her blue pj's in the picture);p

September 21, 2003; Second update for today. ;p Well apparently the 19th was Talk like a pirate day. :P From this site you can learn such things as what Ahoy! and Avast! means. There's even some international pickup lines that pirate guys can use such as..
"Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you." Or if that doesn't work,
"Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?"
And for the pirate women out there, here's some pickup lines some manly pirate couldn't resist! ;)
"Mind If I climb your rigging?"
and if that doesn't work try,
"Care to dock into Port?"
You'll have to read the rest for youself, they're great! :) http://talklikeapirate.com/translator.html ttfn! :)

September 21, 2003; I had a terrible dream last night, well it wasn't mindnumbingly scary but ewwwwwwwie! I was sleeping in my bed and then all of a sudden out of no where spiders start crawling all over my bed! So me, being terrified of spiders I started using a shoe that I for some reason had in my right hand and started smashing them up to pieces. But they just kept coming and coming and then I knew I had to get rid of the 'queen' spider, it was huge, with loong legs. It's body was coloured brightly with pinks, purples, oranges and blues. I tried to smush the queen spider but I couldn't it was too fast. I was so terrified of the larger spider I just couldn't bring myself to go near it to get a better shot. When it started defending itself I woke up to my mom yelling at me to get up because it's past time to get up and get ready for church... I guess I was saved by church? ;p Anyways, I should go study or something. Today's been a blah day. ttfn

Septemeber 19, 2003; YAY! It's FRIDAY! :) This morning went by soooo fast! But then this afternoon dragged on so much I was practically falling asleep during my training, I felt bad for my instructor/trainer person but I couldn't help it. ;p It was pretty stuffy in that lil' room. ;p I'm a lil' nervous about starting on the phones 2 mondays from now. I've got this week starting monday or tuesday(not sure yet) where we shadow some people while they work for a few hours. And then the monday after I start alll by myself.. ;p I'm a lil' nervous that I'll do the wrong thing, and tell the customer wrong info and ake them loose their domain names and ahh it's a lil' stressful but I'm not gonna worry about it. If I make a mistake I make a mistake, they told us it'll be about 3 months before we're comfortable with doing everything. ;p
I'm getting the hang of it a little more everyday which is good. :) Ya know I'm pretty much home alone! cooOooOooOool, *blasts my tunes* I bet after a few minutes of deafeningly loud music my parents will come home. ;p I'm really trying not to go shopping tomorrow.. if I go fix my guitar(see if it is fixable:/*pouts*) I"m going to have to fight the urge times 10 to not shop. ;p I'll be in a store with alot of guitar stuff and then I'll be in town so I"ll want to go buy clothes and cd's I've been wanting to get for years.. ;p Op my parents are back home, well that home-aloneness didn't last long.*pouts* ;p Well I don't really know what else to update about so yeah maybe if i think of somethign else to ramble about I'll rant later. ;p luv ya guys! :)

September 18, 2003; I wanted to update the past few days and tonight but seeing as it's reallllly late I'm gonna say just a couple things. ;p My brain is mush from all the tests and studying but the people at RCOM are the best. And e-mailing is fun! hehe :) I think that's all I'll say for now, I must go get sleepies! ;p Tomorrow I'll try and update alot more. :) Luv ya guys! :) *hugs!* Ttfn! Night night and sweet dreams everyone! :)

September 13, 2003; Well I was gonna update my site yesturday but I didn't think it would be very coherent because I was pretty tired and excited and nervous and uh stuff. ;p But anyways! Guess what!? :)
No that's not it. ;P
Nope not even close.;p
Wait! I heard someone waaay far away say something! What was that? ;p Yup! That's right! I was offered a Full Time position at RCOM! :) I get paid a whole dollar more(which doesn't really interest me I was damn happy with the money was making with my other job. ;P) and I'm dealing with people now I guess. When I find out on monday my shedule and all the information about my job I'll let you guys know. :) Anyways I'm out, I gotta study. ;p

September 11, 2003; :) HaPpY bIrThDaY BaRb! :)Wow! My lil' sis is 18 years old already! *hugs!* Well I suppose you're not really lil' amymore. ;p You're also taller then me but still. ;p Have the bestest day ever! :) Hopefully I'll get that pic I drew for you uploaded on geocities since it's being a big mean poo head.... ;p Well Happy Birthday Barb! And since it's september llth and all.... may all souls rest in peace..

September 8, 2003; Well I have absolutely nothing to say today. ;p Besides that I'm still working... prolly for about another week and that'll be it because we're almost done our last project. yay. :( *pouts* I just hope they'll hire me for sooomething after this. Oh! I think I got a tan now! :) It's kinda full of tan lines but it's still a tan! ;p I"ve got a lil' tiny pinkish burn mostly on one side of me(because the sun was kinda on one side of me but I didn't think it would matter but meh. ;p). I smell like summer now! :) Figures now that it's september and summer is almost gone. ;p I miss being able to talk to Noel on the phone. I haven't talked to him since the last thursday in August. Which really isn't a long time ago but as I'm sure most of you all know out there know.. it's harder when you don't even get to talk to your bf's (or gf's) on the phone. ;p I'm not gonna get to talk to him very much or at all until he comes back home. He said he's really busy. You'd think he'd have a few minutes to call at least once a week.... ;p BUt i dunno. I'll let him get kinda "settled in" back to school life and give him a chance to call me at least once a week. :) I want to know where the me and him are headed though. I mean he said he wants to go move out to Alberta after he goes to school in PEI.. so I don't know. But hopefully when he calls or when I call him(he's gonna give me the number... sometime apparently.) and we'll get some things figured out. 'Coze it's kinda hard to figure things out on your own. ;p anyways.. Oh! heh I guess I had alot more to say then I thought. ;p Yesturday I started to try and win the new 2004 F-150. ;p I decided that if I won it(which won't ever happen, but I'll never win if I don't even try. ;p) I wouldn't keep it. Much to my disapointment. ;/ But at 19MPG I figured I wouldn't be able to afford the gas it'll take to go to town let alot back home again. ;p But yeah anyways I'll sell it and then pay off my frigging student loan, *glares flames* ;p, and then save some away and possible if I can afford it buy a new Ford Ranger. Or a Toyota truck, I'm not really sure just yet. ;p I'm gonna try and test drive pretty much every company that has a line of trucks. ;p Except for Dodge because well I'd never in a million years be able to afford the gas for a dodge truck. But yeah I'm gonna look at Chev's, GMC's, Ford's(Yes I'm sorry Steve! But I'm gonna at least look into them ;p) and Toyota's. :) I kinda want a Tacoma they're cute. :) Anyways, I think that I've wrote enough about nothing. ;p So hopefully next time I'll find something to say that's good. Like a permanent job... *hopes and hopes!* okay everyone maybe if you pray allll at the same time until I get a permanent job maybe I'll actually get one. :) Don't forget me in your prayers! hehe :) Anyways I'm out. :)

September 3, 2003; Aaaaahhhhhh I had a day off to relax on monday... *Sigh* You ever notice how days off go alot faster then days you have to work(or go to school)? ;p Does that ever suck or what? :p Oh well, I'd rather be working and getting paid then sitting home on my ass doing shit all. So it's all good. :)
I've been playing my guitar alot lately.(To the unhappiness to my fingers.. ;p) :) I haven't learned how to play "my" song yet but someday I'll learn it! :) I learned alot of lil' songs though, feels good to actually learn something on my own without having anyone to teach me. :) The only bad thing about it is that it's taking time away from me writing my book. ;p I HAVE to finish that darn book I've re-written it way too many times and I don't care if it sucks I want at least a full rough copy done asap! I'm tired of writers block and never getting it done, I'm getting that sucker done like 5 mins ago! ;p Well uh yeah anyways, favorite quote of the day, "I'm a little source code short and stout this is my input this is my out." If you can guess where that's from I'll give you.... an uh honorable mention? ;p Anyways ta ta for now :)

August 30, 2003; Well it's official! :) I've had my lisence for exactly 2 years, this day!:) I have to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles sometime next week and try and get my lisence updated and get rid of that darn 'N' thing. :P
I think I'm getting and alsure again from worrying so much at work. ;p My boss came over a few times and I froze and thought... Nooooooooooooooooooooo! and then she went past me to help someone and I let out the breath I was holding. ;p I realized that I don't want to go back to school. I love working and getting paid to do it. ;p Plus I have a plan to pay off my student loan in exactly 17 months.(If I'm still working at register.com that is. ;p) I won't have any money at all during the next 17 months but hey when have I ever had money? ;p Anyways I guess that's all for now, I'll update later maybe. ;pOh PS Alright people vote on those damn polls! ;p That is all... ;p

August 28, 2003; Well doesn't look like I'll be working for long. They laid off 3 people yesturday. I've been a nervous wreck ever since. ;p I know I should be thankful I got the job for as long as I did but I reallllly love it there. Well anyways I'm off to go wait for Metallica to come on so I can watch them live and cheer them on. :) Go Metallica!!!:) August 22, 2003; No one seems to want to vote on my two 'new' polls. ;p Ya big meanies! ;p oh well. ;p 8 people visited my site today and they were every hour on the hour. It was kinda creepy, and kinda cool. It's like I've got some fans/stalkers out there! Muahahaahaa! :) Although there isn't really anything of my site to be a fan about... hummmm... maybe best rants?;p anyways...
I was thinking today, maybe I shouldn't put my book I'm writing on this site? ;p Maybe I could just write some small stories or something. Maybe fanfiction ? ;p Mighty Max! Or... MmmMmmMmmMmm Logan... *Blushes* I absolutely had to watch X-Men tonight after I came home from work, I had withdrawals from watching my favorite movie of all time! (Aside from Pirates of the Carribean ofcourse! Go Pirates! :);p)*contented sigh* Logan... nice chest... nice muscly arms......Mmmmmmmmm...... er sorry started drooling there for a minute. :P Anyways I'm gonna go dream up some stories and start working on them! :)
Oh! I forgot to mention, today was supposed to be everyone's last day at work but everyone's contracts are going to be just umm... kept going until they don't need us any longer. ;p So I won't really know how long I'll be working or if I'll be working past monday, which kinda sucks because I'm going on a shopping spree tomorrow! I need some work clothes that actually fit me and aren't waay too small.. ;p But yeah I think my boss said I had really good quality work!(along with my mom and a couple other coworkers) :) I was glowing! I was so excited and happy that I was actually doing good enough for her to say something about it. :) I really hope I'm doing good work, I guess what were doing right now is really important stuff and has to be done right otherwise ahhhhhhh bad stuff will happen. :( Er yeah. ;p Well I'm off to bed.. I hope I have a really good dream like last night *blushes & smiles happily* it was such a cute dream! :) I was on the phone and talking and some stuff was said and it was so sweet. I woke up all smilin' and wishing I could go back to sleep.:) Speaking of sleep... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. :)

August 16, 2003; Well PMS sucks ;p you can get really annoyed of things that aren't really that bad you just kinda make them out to being a whole hell of alot worse then things really are. I can't wait to get my uterus out...;p It'll be a few years down the road but boy oh boy am I not gonna miss this... heh;p OP well I gotta go get ready 'coze I'm gonna go hang out with Steve and maybe his bro too. :) I might go play pool I might just cruise around, I don't really know yet.:P SO anyway I'm out for now. ;p

August 14, 2003; urgh... ya wanna know what one of my biggest pet peeves is? When you call your bf and he pretty much ignores you completely and just watches tv... It's especially annoying when a telephone call is your only means of communication between you and him for very long periods of time... as in months apart... and they still do it.:( I don't want to be treated this way and I won't be anymore... I mean yeah I can see sometimes not knowing anything to say but when I call, you don't leave the tv on it gets very distracting and everyone knows that. I'm not going to waste my money calling very long distance to hear myself talk to him.
Sorry everyone, I've already started ranting about relationship stuff... and as Bob says, "This is bad, this is very bad."

August 12, 2003; Well apparently there's a rumor(sp?:P) going around that the department I'm working in doesn't have as much work as they thought.:( Which means I'll be out of a job soon... "yay" I'd love to keep working there doing something, anything! It's really fun there. :) But at least it is experience. :)

August 10, 2003; I miss him already.... :( hehe It always seems to happen that way, you're so excited and so happy to see them and be with them that once you have to go back it seems way too soon. Even though you're extremely happy you got to see them you also have that feeling of sadness and wish you could stay just a while longer. But then after you've gotten over being sad you start planning the next time you meet with them, and hope against hope that it'll be sooner then last time. :) Well I have to go make a phone call. :) *goes off dreamily thinking of plans*

August 5, 2003; Today was the Nova Scotia elections. It seems as though not many people used their right to vote today. ;p And although I agree with them I figured what the heck! Why not vote, it was my first time voting afterall. Now I agree with the people who did not vote today because they do have some very good arguments on why not to vote. The BIG one being that they don't actually do all the things they have in they're little agenda and which they'll promise oh we'll bring down taxes! And help the working family and so forth. ;p What they actually do is get in the government and stash as much cash into their own pockets before their time is up. ;p Now I understand maybe a couple things they can't get done in time before their term is up, but if you make a promise you sure as hell better keep it. Promises are NOT meant to be broken.
Now you might be wondering how I voted today. Well I actually used two very strategic and well thought out plans. :)
NUMBER ONE VERY STRATEGIC WELL THOUGHT OUT PLAN: Apparently one of the governments actually paid register.com (The place I go to everday of the work week and make money from ;p) to stay here for so many years and gave them money as incentives to stay here. :) So ofcourse I'm going to vote for that government. ;p I call this approach the "Pleeeeeeeease let me keep my job for longer so I won't be in debt for the rest of my life working at McDonalds approach."
NUMBER TWO VERY STRATEGIC WELL THOUGHT OUT PLAN: This second approach was, I think, the best plan to use. As it gives all 3 governments(Liberal, PC, and NDP) an equal chance to win my vote. It also takes time to decide which party I will vote for. There is also a downside to this voting plan. The other voters waiting in line after you may be annoyed at you for taking a few minutes. Their wish is that you hurry up and get done already. But! You have to take time to make a decision. Especially when you have to remember an age old Rhyme. I call this approach the "Eenie, meenie, minee, moe approach."
And as fate had it both approaches to voting turned out to be the same party. So I voted PC(Progessive Conservative). And as fate would have it again our Nova Scotia government as of an hour or two ago turned out to be PC but with a minority government.

August 1, 2003; Well today was a good and bad day. ;p Bad because I was going to go up to se my boyfriend this weekend.. he had saturday and sunday off so I'd get to see him for most of that time. But the shuttle I was going to take from his place to hlfx doesn't run until sunday night. But the good news is I might go up to hlfx next weekend with my parents so they'll prolly bring me up to his place and I'll spend the weekend with him. :) Some more good news is I got PAID today :) My first paycheck! :) It was only work for two days but meh money is money! :P Well I"m out for now I"m going to work tomorrow for some overtime, extra caaash! :) Have a good night everyone.

July 26, 2003; Well I worked for 2 days so far at Register.com and I'm lovin' it! :) I just wish I was working full time, and not temporary for a few weeks. I'd really like to keep working there. :) Alot of great people, very friendly. Great environment, it's just the best place to work. :) I hope they ask me to go work in the CSR department( the phone part of register.com ) that would be cool. It's shift work but I really like working there so it'd be fun. :)

July 22, 2003; Second update :) I HAVE A JOB AT REGISTER.COM!!! Holy moly! heheh I'm soooo excited! I just want to jump up and down screaming for a good 4 hours. ;p If my throat could handle that I would. :P but anyways! I'm off to make some supper! :) La la la! :)
July 22, 2003; HOLY MOLY!!! I have an interview at register.com today at 1:30! :) I hate interviews but I might get the job!!!!!!!! I reallllllly reallllly reallllllly hope so. :) I start paying my loan in a few days and working at register.com would be a sigh of relief. Even if it's only temporary for a month, because it might lead into more time working there or another job there. :)

July 20, 2003; Well Craig wanted me to update. Apparently it's because I haven't for 5 days. ;p I don't really have anything to say or rant or whatever about today. I haven't done anything with the site really, besides add two polls on my birthday which was July 4th. ;p I've pretty much just used this site for ranting, but hey it helps me. ;p I need to get stuff out otherwise I go crazy, I tend to just hold things in deep down inside. When they resurface after many moons of being repressed it's not good. ;p anyways I'm gone! see ya;p

July 15, 2003; Be warned, this update going to have alot of bad words....
Alright so today pretty much sucked ass. It's been over 7 months since I've been on a job search.. and guess fucking what? I STILL have no fucking job. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs so everyone in this fucking excuse for a town will hear me. This damn shithole of a town doesn't seem to be hireing ANYWHERE... listen you dumbass people, if you're business isn't doing well that means people don't have any money to spend. Which means people don't have jobs or good enough jobs, and that's right friends! If we don't have jobs we can't fucking buy anything to help your businesses! For fucks sakes... To top it off I won't be seeing my bf for a while, I have no money to take a shuttle to see him. I've got BOTH my loans to pay off starting this month sometime... I don't even wanna go there.. Over 16 fucking grand... there's no way in hell I'll evvvvvver be able to pay it back IF I even got a job in this shithole. Even when you do get a job around here no one pays you enough to take care of yourself. You end up having to live at home for the rest of your life and then go insane! There's no way in hell anyone can be getting by around here. I just don't see how! If they are they were either rich in the begining or they're doing something illegal! The only jobs I've ever seen around here are part time and the pay is hardly anything. Tomorrow I'm going with my friend Steve and going around distributing my resume wherever I can. Then even more businesses won't hire me and just throw out my resume and applications... This town makes me so angry at the world... I don't see how I'll ever be able to bring kids into this world, I don't see how I'll ever live out there in this world on my own... dammit I hate this...

July 13, 2003; Well I'm back from Halifax! :) I had a good time up there, sometimes it was a little boring but I got to spend time with my sisters and go shopping and eat Burger King.. Mmmmmmmmm ;) And I got to call Noel a few times. :) I never got to see him but I'm thinking about saving up some money and taking the shuttle there so I can visit him. :) That is if he wants me to, he does work all day so. I got rid of almost all the other updates except the last few. I think I wanted to start fresh begin my new life and think differently. :) I'm going to enjoy life now and not later. :)

July 7, 2003;I'm gone to hlfx for the weekend! :)

July 4, 2003; HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! hehe I'm so excited! It's my 20th birthday today. :) I woke up this morn-er- I mean afternoon... heh with a big smile and I said it's my birthday! hehe :) Wow, I've been living for 20 years... 2 decades. :P I no longer have that crappy -teen at the end of my name. ;p Feels gooooood ;) Although My friend Craig C. and then my friend Joel D. said I was 20-teen heh :P But anyways enough with my birthday and Happy Independence Day to all you U.S. citizens out there! :) Have those fireworks so I can watch them for my birthday! ;) Hehe my grandma used to call me her little firecracker. :) Well, I'm off to have a shower! My family is taking me out for supper! :) And then I'm going to Sarah and Marc's house for a lil' bit. :) TTFN! :)

rogue
You are Rogue! You are sexy and strong willed, and able to take on
just about anyone. You long for a serious
relationship, but whenever you begin to get
close to someone things always seem to take
turns for the worse. But you have dealt with
this lack of closeness with an almost constant
flirtacious behavior.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Updated July 2, 2003; HAPPY BELATED CANADA DAY! heh :P Sorry I wasn't home to write it on the official day(July 1st). My 20th birthday is this friday July 4th. :) I'm prolly going to go to a friends house for a party for me and my grandparents are taking me and everyone out for supper the next day. :) But anyways that's all for now. ;p Ttfn:) *hugs*

Updated June 29, 2003; Almost Canada day I can't wait. My friend is having a party at her and her husbands house. So that should be fun. :) I got to go swimming this afternoon! YAY! It's been so long since I've gone. It was my first time going swimming for this summer. :) I went with some friends to ellenwood. I had alot of fun, they're pretty cool. I didn't go over my head swiming for too long, I can't tread water but I can swim for a lil' while. ;p I was the only girl swimming though, was kind of weird. ;p Oh! and Joel taught me a little bit of how to drive a standard. (I can only drive an automatic). I didn't do very well to be honest with you. ;p I really want to learn how to drive a standard though, specially since my parents want to buy a standard car. Supposedly the transmitions are better then automatics and I can see why though. :) anyways I'm out for now ;p ttfn! *hugs!*

Updated June 24, 2003; My grandparents are coming up either tomorrow or the day after so I probably won't be writing in here much or at all for one or two week(s). But! I think I have a use for my site after all. ;p I think I'm going to use it for my book that I'm writing. :) I haven't decided yet if I am or not because I want to someday publish my book and I don't want anyone copying my book. ;/ It's taken me years to get this far in it. I've gone for about 2 years at a time with writers block so... ;p I've rewritten it several times, I just didn't like it. Now I have a few pages written of the new version. I want to finally get it done by the end of this summer since no one's hireing me, I'll have some time on my hands. ;p Well anyways I'm starved I haven't eaten yet. ;p I'll talk to you all later. :) ttfn! :)

Check out what nex made me! It Rocks! :) It's the same picture as the one at the top, but with 1's and 0's in it. :) *dance dance!* :)

my lil' sis found a layout which was designed by Breeze Graphics.

So basically I didn't really have much to do with it except for picking the layout that I liked and changing, colours, pictures and stuff.

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